On Blazing Blazers, Better Bonds and Bold Books
I’ve been in California for this last week and lemme tell you. Being in PST (Pacific Standard Time) has me feeling behind the world. Cuz it’s 2 hours behind Chicago, so every morning that I’ve been waking up, it feels like I’ve overslept. 😴
And this last week has been so action packed because I was at one of my fave conferences of the year (Leading Women Defined) that I haven’t been able to recap because I just don’t know where to start. So I’ve done nothing. I will say this, doe: the iconic Bethann Hardison told me “Luvvie, you’ve always been my cup of tea.” And then 2 days later, I made Angela Bassett cry (for an amazing reason). Whew. My cup runneth over. I’ll recap that soon. 🤞🏾
I may have done four different outfit changes in one day this week, which has me thinking about clothes, which brings me to this week’s rant…
RANT
Why do clothing companies stop making their most perfect pieces?!?
One thing about me, I’m going to rock a blazer. It’s the perfect addition to any outfit. It instantly elevates whatever you’re wearing and my closet is full of amazing blazers. ❤️
One of my favorite places to get my blazers is J.Crew. I’ve been rocking their stuff for like a decade, and my FAVORITE blazer to get from there is a Regent. It’s a single-breasted blazer with a naturally popped collar. It falls beautifully on me and I don’t even have to get them tailored.
I own like 10 of them, in all colors and textures. They are my jam. This week, I go on their site to check if they got new colors and what do I find? Only 2 options left. And I know what that means: they’re about to discontinue them. 😭😭😭
Do I hope I’m wrong? Desperately. But I know the vibes. I know how they do and I don’t like it. 😐
I know as a human race we are wired for growth and change and all of that, but there are some things that just don’t need to be changed or improved. And the J.Crew Regent blazer is one of those things. Just keep rotating colors every season and let me live my best blazered life! 😩
WHO you ask for help makes a world of difference.
Last week, I talked about how we need to unlearn our hyper-independence and learn to ask for help, because we weren’t meant to do life alone (if you missed that LuvvLetter, see HERE). And I asked when was the last time you asked for help. 🤔 That reflection really hit folks differently, and I got hundreds of responses. Some of them were people who were proud of themselves, and they said they JUST asked for help. And others said they had never asked. Many of you replied and shared that you’ve asked for help in the past and you’ve been burned, so you don’t want to ask for help with anything going forward. Some of you didn’t know where to start asking for help.
I FEEL you. I am you. We are all working on something hard. So I wanted to follow up this week on that and say HOW and WHO we ask for help is critical. So let’s talk about it. 🗣️💬
Here’s the truth – Asking for help can sometimes lead to disappointment. We’ve all been let down. Or folks dropped balls on our behalf. But who we ask for help matters just as much as the act of seeking help. This holds true whether it’s in our personal lives or in the professional sphere. It’s like putting together a team – each member needs to play their part well for things to work smoothly.
I’ve experienced major ball drops in building my own team for my business. I’ve been pretty open about sharing how last year was one of the hardest I’ve had in business and I had to let the entire team go. But does that mean I shouldn’t have a team? No! It just means I need to be more thoughtful and careful about who I bring on the team.
In my personal life, I’ve had “friends” (in quotes because they are no longer considered such) weaponize my asking for help, throwing it back in my face in ways that had me heartbroken. 💔 All while OTHER friends have shown up for me in ways I was too scared to even admit I needed. ❤️🩹
WHO we ask for help is key. 🔑
It’s about discerning who has the capacity to provide us the insight, encouragement, or resources we need at that moment. You might have been let down because you asked someone for something, and they made you feel bad or feel like a nuisance. The problem in that case wasn’t that you asked; it was that you asked the wrong person. 🙅🏾♀️
Sometimes, we’re asking for help for someone who just doesn’t have the thing we need. Or someone we aren’t in close enough community with. Or someone who is drowning themselves. Or simply, someone who doesn’t care enough. Either way, one person’s response shouldn’t shut us down, otherwise, we will end up in a continuous loop of overwhelm and disdain.
So think about who your helpmates are. Think about who makes you feel safe and seen. They are the ones who have already shown that they are willing and able to stand in the gap for you. Let them be the ones you go to as your soft landing. And remember that you deserve to be helped, cuz life was not meant for us to do it alone. 🤝🏾
RECOMMENDATION
Grab a copy of PROFESSIONAL TROUBLEMAKER: The Fear-Fighter Manual
There is so much in this topsy turvy world to be afraid of. Whether it’s our fear of being let down, or maybe we’re afraid of being too much. Or maybe the idea of speaking up in a room of people brings our anxiety to the forefront. There’s so many reasons for us to shrink and question ourselves. But here’s the thing: to live lives that are of note and of impact, we will need to do the things that scare us over and over again.
So HOW do we do that? We commit to choosing courage over and over again. That’s an ever-present thing for me and it’s why I wrote PROFESSIONAL TROUBLEMAKER: The Fear-Fighter Manual. My 2nd NYT bestselling book. 📕
Exactly 3 years ago (on March 2, 2021), it dropped into the world. It’s the book I need when I feel afraid of God’s assignment for me. A book I wrote as the world shut down for a once in a lifetime pandemic. A book I started writing when Toni Morrison died and I felt convicted cuz she told us “in times of crisis, artists go to work.” 💪🏾
And this book has changed my life over and over again.
If you love my work, then you will LOVE this book. ❤️
If you have been touched by anything I’ve said in this newsletter, I’m asking for your help, to help reignite this book. I’m going to make the BOLD ASK (cuz audacity) that if you have the means, you buy 3 more copies of Professional Troublemaker, in honor of the 3rd anniversary. 📕 📕 📕
Keep 1 and give the others to friends you KNOW would benefit from the perspective I share.
So tell me: WHO makes you feel SAFE enough that you can ask them for help? Comment below and let me know!
Talk Soon,
P.S. Before you go, I’d love to hear from you – when was the last time you asked for help from someone else? Comment below and lemme know.
Disclaimer: I receive commissions for purchases made through some of the links in this newsletter. All thoughts and vouching are mine. I keep it true.
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