On Being Deserving, Disappointed and Deeply Rooted
When I tell you March Madness is in full swing? 😩 I’ve taken 6 flights in the last 2 weeks, and have flown coast to coast 2 times. I’m behind on even posting about most things I’ve done because as soon as I finish one, I’m off to the next. A couple highlights so far: getting the Black Enterprise Women of Power Luminary Award, alongside the illustrious Issa Rae AND participating in a moderated conversation with Diane von Furstenberg and Moira Forbes at Forbes’ 2023 Equal Pay Day Forum (you can watch the forum here).
In between all of that, I’m tryna get sleep, stay hydrated and remember to use sunscreen. I won’t talk about how I’m doing none of those adequately. 😂 Just… pray for me. And if you see me in these streets with dark circles, looking sleepy, just act like you didn’t. 👀
Anywho, let’s jump into what’s sitting on my spirit this week.
Angela Bassett not winning at the Oscars is disheartening.
I’ve already talked about how awards season is trash for consistently excluding Black actors. But I’m BACK at it and ready to fight somebody over the fact that Angela Evelyn Bassett the Great is walking around having never won an Academy Award.
ANGELA. BASSETT. HAS. NEVER. WON. AN. OSCAR. This year, when everyone thought she was a true frontrunner for the Best Supporting Actress award for her role as Queen Ramonda in Black Panther: Wakanda Forever, it still didn’t happen for her. 🤨 The award went, to Jamie Lee Curtis instead. Now let the record show I ain’t got no beef with JLC. Have always liked her as an actress, so this ain’t about her.
For Angela Bassett, whose career has spanned 30 years, to still be sitting here with no Oscar is pure disrespect. How many roles has she done that have warranted it? 🤔 Well, for starters, “What’s Love Got to Do With It.” ☝🏾 Let’s start and stop there. That alone is worthy. Her extensive body of work is spectacular and she is one of the preeminent actresses of this generation. But her accolades don’t reflect it and that’s disheartening.
I need Hollywood to stop playing in Auntie Angela’s face post-haste. Like Queen Ramonda said in the film “Haven’t I given EVERYTHING?” Like…what more do y’all want her to do to give her HER FLOWERS? 😑😒
With this Oscar nomination for Best Supporting Actress, Angela is the first actor to be nominated for their role in a Marvel film. And that history-making accomplishment is certainly something she should be proud of. But then she walks away from yet another historic moment, without the actual prize. BOOOOOOO!!! 🍅🍅🍅 *throws tomatoes*
If I’m feeling THIS disappointed when I don’t even know her in real life, I can’t even imagine how she feels. 🥺 Which brings me to…
It’s okay to be disappointed when you don’t get what you want.
When Jamie Lee Curtis’ name was announced as the winner for “Best Supporting Actress,” Angela Bassett looked crestfallen. 😞 Her disappointment showed all over her face. Thus began further insult to injury, as people began to vilify her for not hiding her emotions about the loss.
We live in a world that often feels like the headquarters of Mayhem Enterprises, breaking our hearts into pieces every single day with chaos and madness. A world that is too willing to disappoint us with tragedies, horrific news and loss. And if you’re a Black woman, the world tells you that you have to do so with irrational patience and grace. 🙄🙄🙄
People have some damb nerve. Because why shouldn’t she be disappointed about something she’s wanted for a long time, and was finally close to getting, just to see it slip through her fingers once again? Why shouldn’t she feel the natural emotion from not winning one of the top awards in her industry? Why should she have to hide the truth of her hurt at that moment?
For anyone to demand, or even expect, for her to be cheerful in the moment is yet again contributing to the act of policing Black women and our lives. Because even in the moment of defeat, we’re supposed to think of everyone else instead of ourselves. We’re supposed to care more about smiling (even through pain) than honoring ourselves. The unmitigated gall.
Every single one of us has experienced disappointment at some point in our lives. And we can all recall moments when we’ve felt gut punches. Imagine if millions of people watched your face at the freshest moment, and then lambasted you for not faking your way through it.
We live in a world that prioritizes fake ass harmony over genuine authenticity and it shows over and over again. Chimamanda Adichie has said “We have turned pretense into an art form.” And Angela didn’t want to or feel like participating in that moment’s pretense of joy. And that is perfectly fine.
To feel hurt or disappointment or embarrassed or however, is to be human. Those feelings are no less valid than the ones of celebration. Just because people don’t know how to make space for them doesn’t mean you relinquish your needs or feelings. 💁🏾♀️ Because you ain’t come on this Earth to people please. You came to pursue purpose. And that will come from minimizing self-betrayal.
We all deserve space to show the full spectrum of human emotion, without being ripped apart for it.
So to Queen Angela, just know we see you, sis. ✨
I wrote her an oriki, so she can feel celebrated, because WE ALL WE GOT.
Be Rooted in reflection.
Times like these, I gotta write. I love to put things on paper. That’s why I wanna make sure you know about Be Rooted, a stationery commerce brand founded by Jasmin Foster “to create a space for women of color to see themselves in a place they hadn’t been.”
Be Rooted’s products intentionally weave culture into every design and message, encouraging people to explore their inner muse and celebrate themselves. They want their customers to know, you are seen and you belong here. And I do too. That’s why I recommend writing down your disappointments as a reminder for when you finally log your wins in the future. ✍🏾 Be Rooted has dope stationery, office items, planner, or journals can help you do just that.
And you can purchase from them using my code LUVVIE15 for a 15% discount.
It’s important to remain centered even when things are going left. So how do you stay grounded when you feel like your world is falling apart? Comment below and let me know, because I’m always looking to try new practices and techniques that get me right!
Disclaimer: I receive commissions for purchases made through some of the links in this newsletter. All thoughts and vouching are mine. I keep it true and 💯.