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On Double Standards, Dimming Self and Documentary in Style

We talked about this briefly last week, but I am so excited about the response to this new season of the Professional Troublemaker podcast. I dropped part one of the story of me firing my entire team mid-book launch on Tuesday, and part two drops next week, cuz I left you hanging on the cliff. If you haven’t listened, you need to grab some popcorn and settle in for the ride. 🍿

Even if you don’t own a business, it’s a good listen. There are so many takeaways that will make you a better leader and better employee. I love having the opportunity to share hard-won lessons and tell the truth about things we don’t talk about enough.

Let’s get into what is on my mind this week.


Never call women emotional again.

Kendrick Lamar and Drake spent a whole week writing angry poetry to each other. And I hung on to every word because sometimes I like mess. 🫣

People love saying women are catty, but what’s more catty than two grown men who dedicated TIME and WORDS and STUDIO TIME basically spilling each other’s intimate, legal and pearl clutch worthy business 😐. If that ain’t feline behavior, I don’t know what is! Just cuz it’s to a dope beat don’t make it any less petty.

But when women go back and forth, folks try to act like we’re being over-emotional and immature, and I need y’all to keep the same energy for these men 🙄🙄🙄. Like… they over there talmbout unclaimed children, domestic violence, and all sorts of unhinged behavior. In rhyme!

Whenever men engage in a heated exchange of words, spitting fire at each other, it’s considered artistry. It’s hailed as a display of lyrical prowess, a battle of wits. But the minute women express even a hint of emotion, suddenly we’re labeled as “overly emotional,” “irrational,” or worse, “hysterical.” 😒

The double standard is real and the narrative is tired. Folks wanna act like anger isn’t an emotion, simply because it’s what men are most used to showing. Meanwhile, we’re over here being considered delicate flowers, prone to wilting at the slightest provocation. When men engage in conflict, it’s seen as assertive, powerful, even sexy. But when women do the same, we’re labeled as “bitchy,” “shrill,” or “bossy.” 🤷🏾‍♀️

Chile, BYE.

P.S. Kendrick won. Drake needs to not show his face for a little bit because the way he’s been verbally chin-checked 😩. Whew. Hate to see it.


Your fear of not being liked is holding you back.

You might spend a lot of time bending your moods, habits and behaviors to the room you’re in, chameleoning your way through life because you don’t want people to disagree with you or not like you. And if this is so, I hope you know that you deserve more and better. 🙏🏾

Attached to it might be your need for community, or your fear of abandonment, which has you yearning to FIT INTO whatever space you find yourself. So you then change who you are, to the environment you’re in.

And I’m here to say, I hope you stop that. Because what happens when you change to the room, your persona and your personhood is fragile. And also, unpredictable. Which also makes you less vouchable than you should be, because it means people are never sure the version of “you” that they will get. 🤔💭

This came up for me as I was teaching a Personal Branding session to professionals a couple of weeks ago, and someone asked about adapting to the room they’re in. There’s a thin line between adapting and CHANGING yourself.

Lemme say this: your fear of repelling people and your fear of not being liked is holding you back from the people who will adore you because you align with their values. In order to attract the right people, you have to be willing to repel the wrong ones.

The community you want to build, who will be your soft place to land, is not built through you showing up as a representative of yourself. It’s not built through faking it, and certainly cannot be sustained that way.

The sooner you can let the need to be liked go, the freer you can be to build an intentional and REAL reputation that will benefit you and others. 🤲🏾

So YES, shoutout to the people who will not like you for who you are. They ain’t for you. And shoutout to the people who will fall in love with your swag, your aura, your humor, your personality, your style. THOSE are the ones who will comprise the village that shows up for you personally and professionally. Those are the ones to cultivate and connect with. 🙌🏾 But instead, we’re chasing after the affection of people who were never meant to be a part of our deep journey. It’s a futile exercise and a waste of time. 🙅🏾‍♀️

Let’s embrace the freedom that comes with unapologetically being ourselves and living in our values. It’s only when we let go of the need to please everyone that we can truly connect with those who will uplift and celebrate us for who we are. 🙏🏾

Let’s relinquish the fear of not being liked and focus on cultivating connections rooted in authenticity and mutual respect. That is what lets us rest and find the people who will stand in the gap of life for and with us.


Watch the BLACK TWITTER Documentary on Hulu.

This week, Black Twitter: A People’s History premiered on Hulu, and it is a GOOD WATCH. It’s a dope chronicling of the profound impact of Black voices on the Twitter platform, since 2008. The filmmakers so eloquently illustrate how Black folks have used Twitter to forge community, catalyze change, and cultivate significant moments over all these years. Actual movements were created on the platform. 💪🏾

Having been an active participant on Twitter since September 2008, I’ve witnessed first hand the evolution of the space—from live-tweeting Scandal and watching historic events unfold. I’ve seen people’s lives change on that platform, and it’s been so pivotal in my journey as a writer and creator.

Anddddd check this out: I’m in it! I had the honor of being THEE first interviewed for this documentary, spearheaded by the visionary efforts of Onyx Collective and Prentice Penny. Their dedication to showcasing the profound impact of Black Twitter is truly commendable. 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

Here’s a quick GIF of me from the docu-series. 🥰

Soooo add this to your watch list this weekend. It’s streaming on Hulu, and it’s so well done. I’m proud of have been a part of it. 🙏🏾

Check out Black Twitter on Hulu

Tell me. Are you on Twitter? How have you used it to amplify your voice and your community?

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1 Comment

  1. JaChri
    May 23, 2024 at 8:30 am

    very well articulated by Luvvie, as usual.

    TRUE re: the double standard on women who are “too emotional” while men who demonstrate the same are “just being men”..

    I am thankful that I have always found it unnecessary to want to please everyone or be liked by everyone because I understood (a long time ago) that this was never going to happen anyway. I appreciate being true to myself – as much as I can – & in that, know that some people would like/appreciate me for who I already am & those who don’t like me – oh well..
    there are plenty other people they can choose to like (or not like)