Famous folks

Wyclef Jean is Oiled Up in a Speedo and I Don’t Know Why

I was minding my own business on Twitter when someone RTed Wyclef “Took ALL our monies” Jean. Apparently, today is his birthday, and to celebrate, he is blessing cursing us all with this picture of him:

Wyclef Jean speedo

I need someone to explain to me why the hell Wyclef is in a speedo, oiled up and sitting on a Ducati bike. I NEED EXPLANATIONS.

There are so many things I have a problem with in this picture. One of them is that I didn’t ask to ever see Wyclef naked. That was not on my list of “must sees” before the Lawd calls me home from this Earth. NO MA’AMS or SIRS!

Furthermore, why is he all greasy? Did he swan dive in a deep frier? Well, no. He couldn’t have. Because only his top half is greasy. He’s looking like ASH BE HERE from the waist down and I’m wondering why. Did he run out of crisco? Was his baby oil gel only enough for his top? His knees look like he’s been praying on a flour mat and I’m not pleased.

What is happening here and why is it happening?

AND THEN, the fact that he accompanied the pic with this tweet:

Wyclef Jean Tweet

Girl STAWP. The only way you look 26 is if 26 looks 45. That is the ONLIEST way. But happy birthday, doe. (-_-)

Someone tell Wyclef that ain’t nobody here for this at all. We’re still wondering where he put all the money we all donated to YELE Haiti after the earthquake. That’s ALL I need to hear and see from Wyclef are RECEIPTS. Not pictures of him looking like a WWF reject on an expensive bike. Outchea looking like mid-life crisis epitomized.

NAWL, WYCLEF JEAN. No damb country for you and this attempt at soul glo. Just greasy and aimless. (-__-)

Lauryn Hill is somewhere wearing ALL HER CLOTHES at once and Wyclef takes off all of his. Life ain’t fair sometimes.

So umm… what gift do y’all wanna give to Wyclef for his birthday? I wanna get him a clue. And some clothes to put on and leave on.

The internet has brought us the pics below and I. AM. CRYING.

Wyclef on random things

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  1. Firelox
    October 17, 2012 at 5:10 pm

    If there were ever a case for male muumuus, this would be it. And it should have a hood or something to cover his face. I mean….he would be walking around looking like a horror story, but right now this picture is a personal nightmare for many of us. So……yeah, that’s all I got

    • October 17, 2012 at 9:54 pm

      Wyclef needs to go cover himself w/ a fitted sheet and stop playing these bald-headed nekkid games.

      • CafeGirlsPress
        October 21, 2012 at 9:51 pm

        Chile! Required CPR after reading “His knees look like he’s been praying on a flour mat.”

        *Donating some money to Creflo Dollar now*

  2. Trina
    October 17, 2012 at 5:10 pm

    Real tears!!! And… and … plus im at work and I tried to cover my mouth with my hands but air laced with cackles kept seeping out the sides. You are no longer allowed to post 3 times in a day. I literately cant take the pressure. Oh lawd i just want to breeve.

    • Trina
      October 17, 2012 at 5:21 pm


    • Trina
      October 17, 2012 at 5:24 pm

      Now that I have composed myself enough to give the picture a second look can someone tell me where are his shoes.

      • October 17, 2012 at 9:48 pm

        Shoes woulda ruined the whole #alphet I guess. O_o

    • October 17, 2012 at 9:52 pm

      LOL I ain’t e’em do nuffin!

  3. nok
    October 17, 2012 at 5:10 pm

    “Lauryn Hill is somewhere wearing ALL HER CLOTHES at once and Wyclef takes off all of his. Life ain’t fair sometimes.” RIP me. LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO!

    • October 17, 2012 at 9:50 pm

      I’m just saying.

    • vanitaapplebum
      October 18, 2012 at 12:21 pm

      “Lauryn Hill is somewhere wearing ALL HER CLOTHES at once and Wyclef takes off all of his. Life ain’t fair sometimes.”

      You and your classic quotes gone get me fired, Luvvie. If I don’t die first from holding my breath so I dont scare folk with my loud cackles at work. Make sure you come to my funeral.

  4. KayMac
    October 17, 2012 at 5:11 pm

    Why does this pic remind me of those Eddie Long pics?? Did ‘Clef take some mirror pics wearing Under Armor, and just not post them to Twitter?? Just curious…#Enniweighs happy birfday ‘Clef!

    • October 17, 2012 at 9:49 pm

      At least Eddie Long has on clothes.

  5. October 17, 2012 at 5:11 pm

    I want to get him another bottle of baby oil gel for his birthday so he can finish what he started and get them ashy knees together. If you’re gon’ sit on a bike, oiled up in a speedo, AT LEAST have your ashy knees oiled up. That’s all I’m sayin’.

    • October 17, 2012 at 8:56 pm

      Yes!!! Why did he stop at the speedo, what about the legs, knees and ankles?!
      I don’t understand

      • October 17, 2012 at 9:25 pm

        That makes 2 of us.

    • October 17, 2012 at 9:49 pm

      He mighta used the rest of the oil to grease up the bike. Yes. Let’s go w/ that.

    • Stace
      October 18, 2012 at 12:58 pm

      WHO took this picture…WHO DID IT!!! Was someone Yele paycheck being held ransom until this was uploaded!

  6. October 17, 2012 at 5:18 pm

    “For colored, middle aged men, who use Baby Oil when olive oil isn’t enough”

    • Dinasty
      October 17, 2012 at 5:42 pm

      *church faints*

    • Krystlekleer
      October 17, 2012 at 5:43 pm

      Lyric-I hate you. And so does my laptop screen.
      Have a blessed day.

    • justlikehoney1
      October 17, 2012 at 5:49 pm

      I shant!

    • Shunte D.
      October 17, 2012 at 5:54 pm

      *Gone up to yonder*

    • Tonia
      October 17, 2012 at 5:56 pm

      LMFAO….I am through!!!!! Goodnight madam!!!

    • October 17, 2012 at 9:48 pm

      *flatline* Here lies Luvvie…

    • October 17, 2012 at 11:29 pm

      It’s the big one! I’m coming to meet ya Kang Michael! *flatline*

    • QUeenCityChick
      October 18, 2012 at 9:27 am

      OMG…I just cant not with that one…LOL LOL you folks keep me in stitches

    • IfYouEverComeBack
      October 19, 2012 at 2:23 pm

      I hatechu/love you for this *Cackles and faints dead*

  7. justlikehoney1
    October 17, 2012 at 5:45 pm

    Are those Spiderman under roos?

    So the top half is glazed ham & bottom half is Ashy Larry?

    Is he posing on the donations from Haiti?

    Is his lil’ thin ass leg ‘sposed to be the bike’s kickstand?

    • October 17, 2012 at 9:46 pm

      I see you have many questions and no answers. I understand your pain.

  8. donell
    October 17, 2012 at 5:48 pm

    aaaaaaand so grows the negro celeb suspect list should luvvie ever come up mysteriously disappeared… after they get through interrogating ricky rawse – they will be headed straight to ‘clef’s joint.

    #yoclef-keepsmilinhomie #hata’sgonehate! #teamol’dudesholdingontoyouth!

    • Trina
      October 17, 2012 at 6:01 pm

      My money is on Tyrese.

    • October 17, 2012 at 9:46 pm

      Yes. Keep the list tight for me. It might come in handy one day.

  9. October 17, 2012 at 5:56 pm

    You didn’t address why he felt the need to accentuate all of the “A’s” in his tweet. Is that supposed to help me accept this photo any better?

    • October 17, 2012 at 9:44 pm

      I didn’t e’em notice. Lawd.

  10. October 17, 2012 at 6:04 pm

    Luvvie, why must you make me cry?!?!?! You cannot unring a bell, nor can you unsee an ashy/oily hybrid ninja humping a bike in Speedos. After playing kickball with powdered donuts because those are some ashy-assed feet.

    Lauryn Hill is somewhere laughing to the point of dizziness. I know I am.

    • October 17, 2012 at 9:34 pm

      LMAO at kickball w/ powdered donuts.

    • Beth Meyers
      October 17, 2012 at 11:03 pm

      Kickball with powdered donuts. I’m through, I’m done, I’m off to bed!!!

  11. October 17, 2012 at 6:13 pm

    Quick question – how do you mix oil and slime at the same gahtdamb time? I wanna know…

    • October 17, 2012 at 9:32 pm

      LMAO!!! That is a gift!

  12. October 17, 2012 at 6:40 pm

    I am DONE. dead and gone.

  13. nichole
    October 17, 2012 at 9:06 pm

    My gift to him would be a better friend. Who was the fool taking that picture that didn’t tell him this was NOT RIGHT.

    And if he used a tripod? In none of the time to set up did he realize this was so wrong.

    • October 17, 2012 at 9:25 pm

      He must not have good friends. Maybe people he pays to hang w/ him b/c no friend woulda told him this was ok.

  14. Tierra
    October 17, 2012 at 9:21 pm

    He looks like he did the electric slide on his knees. On concrete.

    • October 17, 2012 at 9:24 pm

      LMAOOOO!!! I legit cackled at this.

  15. Themochapeah
    October 17, 2012 at 9:27 pm

    The top half of him looks like greased up deaf guy from Family Guy but the bottom half is giving me Ashy Larry realness. I’m not here for him at all.

  16. October 17, 2012 at 10:50 pm

    Never, EVER in my entire life have I ever wanted to see Wyclef topless. EVER. Have a seat sir! Why is he greasy and buff up top and ashy on the bottom with chicken legs? I’m so terribly confused by ALL of this.

  17. Janeegibbs
    October 18, 2012 at 9:23 am

    I feel the same way I did when I first saw that “Pumps and a Bump” video. Sad.

  18. bicthandinthatorder
    October 18, 2012 at 9:25 am

    He was ashy and he was greasy at da same damn time (in my future voice)

  19. Annette
    October 18, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    Has he ever answered anyone about the money issue?

    Why does he have to show off in a speedo for Gods sake he needs to leave it alone he look so pervie.

    Looks like he was advertising for a new side piece.

  20. KayMac
    October 18, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    Why did MediaTakeOut call this chile a “zest filled idiot”??? I just cannot!! LMMFAO!!!

  21. Shea
    October 18, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    So many questions….What i want to know is why his behind is tooted up like that? Did someone water the driveway for the effect?

  22. Natasha
    October 18, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    Ummm… is that somebody in the upstairs window looking down on this foolishness? Why didn’t they try to stop this?

  23. LB
    October 18, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    Yer Awesomelynessis,
    It looks like a 996/998 Ducati. They were produced from the late ‘90’s until the early ‘00’s. They had fairly stiff suspension and turn-in when ridden slow, since they were set up for higher speeds, meaning they were uncomfortable street bikes but a good racing platform. The 998 (which I think this bike is) had a very successful twin (pun intended … Ducati’s are V-twins … uh … nevamind) the 998R.
    Aussie Troy Bayliss raced the factory 998 Ducati to the World Superbike title in 2001 and lost the title in 2002 at the last race of the season by only a few points to American Colin Edwards (on a Honda RC 51).
    Was there something else in the photo? I didn’t see anything else important …

  24. Shamira
    October 18, 2012 at 4:42 pm

    All he needed was some buttermilk and eggs…deep fried chicken legs anyone?

  25. Lacie
    October 18, 2012 at 4:59 pm

    “Lauryn Hill is somewhere wearing ALL HER CLOTHES at once and Wyclef takes off all of his. Life ain’t fair sometimes.”

    I just got a good healthy laugh off this line! Real tears!

  26. Ndidi
    October 18, 2012 at 5:51 pm

    Luvvie you can’t post this kind of extreme photo without some kind of disclaimer. I almost had a heart attack and an epileptic fit. My people help a sister out – do y’all know of any way I can unsee this? I’m scarred for life and its all your fault!

  27. October 19, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    I never noticed the legs. I was too busy looking at the top all oiled up and wondering why. Just why?

  28. Dominique
    October 19, 2012 at 2:22 pm

    GIrl, all that oil wasn’t going to buy itself! Where do you THINK that money went????

  29. October 19, 2012 at 3:48 pm

    I need to STOP reading your postings at work! The laughter & tears are a TELLTALE sign that I’m probably NOT taking that long on the Excel spreadsheet I’m supposed to be updating!

    I was already laughing just looking at the pic–probly NOT Wyclef’s desired reaction–and reading some of your words! BUT when I read, “Lauryn Hill is somewhere wearing ALL HER CLOTHES at once…” the tears began! I tried to cover my mouth, but the laughter sept (yes, “sept”! Not SEEPED) through!!!

    I need to stop!
    But Luvvie…keep ’em coming! I mean, if I get fired for cackling too loud, at least I will still have something to read at home!

  30. ummzeez
    October 19, 2012 at 8:48 pm

    Why does it look like a sasquatch is lookin out the top window, as the ONLY one enjoying this view?

  31. October 22, 2012 at 7:58 am


    Neaux Heaux Meaux btw

    -slams coffin lid shut-

  32. October 22, 2012 at 5:45 pm

    I won’t lie this photo made my day! Wyclef in his underoos straddling a motorcycle! Haha!!1 Still Hilarious!!! Lol

  33. Morgan
    October 24, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    Why is he all oiled up…but his feet still ashy?

    • Morgan
      October 24, 2012 at 2:15 pm

      P.s. who ever took this photo ain’t shit