About the Heartbreak of America’s Choice
I forced myself to go to sleep around 1am. I wanted to keep hope, even for 5 more hours. I can usually find bright spots in situations. There are none for me here. I feel doomed.
I wanted to wake up this morning celebrating the first woman president. Instead, I wake up with strong confirmation that the country I pledge allegiance to doesn’t care about me, or anyone who isn’t a straight white man. And that America would do anything to protect white supremacy, including electing a man who the KKK endorsed.
I am heartbroken for where we just found ourselves. 8 years of having a Black president and the U.S. lost its complete mind and the racists got fresh air and here they are. Repping hard. I am heartbroken because I don’t know what to do next. So I’ll just write.
And cuss a lot. Because: FUCK EVERYTHING.
And honestly, I’m heartbroken for Hillary Clinton. Because you can spend 30 years working in public service, you can change your stances and say you’ve made mistakes you want to atone for. And you can be the picture of grace even as an Orangutan in a wig yells at you. AND YOU CAN WIN THE POPULAR VOTE (she won by 200,000 votes). But you can still lose the race you have spent your life preparing for. It happens to be to a troll who will be the first EVER president of the U.S. who has no government or military experience and who was a reality TV star. I feel for her. I feel deeply for her.
That Hillary Clinton lost this election is a stunning loss. But we learned of the demographics of those who voted against her, and I am even more shocked. 53% of white women voted for Donald Trump. Now sit here and point fingers at Black people for this result. Beauty and the Beast face asses. Stockholm Syndrome having gallivanting goats.
Nothing is as determined as a desperate white man who feels like he’s losing his position in the web of oppression he created. But nothing is sadder than the woman who has bought in to her own subjugation.
This proved that white women are swimming so deep in the pool of internalized patriarchy that they’d rather vote for a rapist than another woman “they don’t trust.”
I mean. Wow. Who taught you to hate yourselves?? As folks rah-rahed about pantsuits, your friends and neighbors stepped into the voting booth and cast their vote for the opponent, who has constantly denigrated women and done all he could to disrespect us.
As folks put stickers on the grave of Susan B. Anthony, thanking her for their right to vote, their sisters and aunties marked their ballot in support of a man who gave Howard Stein permission to call his daughter Ivanka “a nice piece of ass.”
Self-hate is a bitch, ain’t it?
Black women? Well we showed the fuck up and did what was right. We always do. So this is not on us. The spirit of Ida B. Wells taught us better. We voted without the protection of the Voting Right Acts. We showed up.
I have very few kind things to say right now, and I am enraged and I AM in the space where I want to point fingers. This is a collective fail.
First, those who refused to vote because “my votes don’t matter.” DO BETTER. There were states where HRC lost by less than 1,000 votes.
To the 3rd party voters who insisted on “voting their conscience” in spite of what doing that could mean in a REAL way when their candidates had no chance to win. Like the folks in Florida, who knew that them voting for Gary Johnson or Jill Stein could be the decider of who the electoral college’s votes go to.
I resent these people because YOU have common sense and you are logical human beings. Yet you are “standing on principles.” All to prove what point?
To the COWARDS all around us who secretly supported a demagogue and came out in droves. 53% of white women voted for Donald Trump. 53%. These aren’t women who are uneducated either. And to the cowards who run the GOP who couldn’t know integrity if it slapped them in the face. This man has been spurred forward by people who had the power to stop him but didn’t find the courage.
And I know people are trying to find ways to be comforting but saying “we have lived through worse” isn’t helping either. Because the last time Republicans controlled the White House, Senate AND House was 1928. You know what happened the year after? The Great Depression. The moment Trump took a lead in the Electoral College, the Dow Jones dropped 800 points. The last time this trifling trifecta happened, Jim Crow was alive and well. WE haven’t lived through worse. Our ancestors did and TRUST they would not have wanted us to live through it again and they died fighting so we wouldn’t have to.
Everything President Barack Obama worked for will be reversed. A Republican president who is Hitler 2.0, backed by a Republican majority Congress who might have the power to appoint up to 3 Supreme Court justices.
That is A LOT of power that even George W. Bush did not have, in all his hapless glory. Do you understand how deep this ditch we just dug is? President Obama spent 8 years digging us out the 25 foot ditch that Bush left us in. And Bush was a better person than Trump could ever be. HOW DEEP IS THIS DITCH WE’RE ABOUT TO BE DUG INTO?
CHRIS CHRISTIE IS ABOUT TO BE IN THE CABINET. RUDY FUCKING GUILIANI MIGHT BE ATTORNEY GENERAL. FUCK. David Duke (who ran the KKK) is about to be an advisor to the President of the United States. I’ll be here, freaking the fuck out.
But that’s exactly what folks wanted. Let’s be CLEAR AS ICE. White people, this is YOUR embarrassment to shoulder. This loss? Those are your cousins, uncles, friends, who turned out in record numbers to make sure that their voice was heard in those booths. Those people you will see during the holidays in a few weeks.
I have NO LOVE for those who consider themselves “good people” but stand idly by as the world crumbles around them. It’s not enough to PERSONALLY not do damage. If you’re present as someone else destroys what’s around you and you do nothing, you helped them. And there’s a bunch of do-nothing ass white folks sitting around today stunned. Everyone lets themselves off the hook by saying “Well it wasn’t ME who did it.” BUT YOU WERE THERE. What did you do to stop it?!? You sleep better at night knowing it wasn’t YOU who made those racist/homophobic/islamophobic jokes. But you were there when they happened.
Donald Trump and his ascent to power is a direct result of white fragility, white male mediocrity flourishing (privilege) and desperation. He was elevated because y’all were in your feelings about a Black man running this country for 8 years. And he did a damb good job with it, even as Congress tried to obstruct each and every decision. You get a representative (Trump) who represents everything Obama doesn’t. You force a demagogue down our throats.
We all read our history books and marveled at HOW Hitler was allowed to do what he did in Germany. Still wondering?!? Right. The man has threatened to build a wall to keep Mexicans out, and ban Muslims AND SEXUALLY ASSAULT women. That man won the Presidency. 59 million people hailed his message as right.
So yeah. I’ll be over here heartbroken and at a true loss on what we can do to keep our country from crumbling into the Hunger Games. And those of you talmbout “well I’ll just move.” WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU GOING? Canada doesn’t want you and moving is expensive. IS YOUR PASSPORT EVEN VALID?!? Where are you going? Do you think anywhere will be safe for you? White supremacy’s grubby hands are all over the globe.
We will sit here and deal with the fallout TOGETHER. Because what happened on November 8, 2016, will have far-reaching consequences for all of us for decades to come. The world was scared for us, because the man with the nuclear codes is one who is a Twitter ho. 140-characters could have him starting a war. BUT HERE WE ARE.
The day I was petrified of is here. I was hoping none of us would ever have to volunteer as tribute.
P.S. Sooo y’all wanna start planning the BLAXIT or nah?
America, I’m Judging You. I didn’t think you’d be helping me write part 2 of my book so soon. But here we are. On the dawn of a new day.