Winning at SOTU: Miss Edith Childs. Losing: Kim Davis’ Mullet
The 2016 State of the Union Address (and last of the Obama Administration) was full of entertainment. Y’all know I watch some of these shows to be the lady on the stoop roasting everyone. This is why people miss me sometimes when I don’t live-tweet shows and events. You’re basically missing Miss Benita.
ANTYWAY, in the one hour that President Obama spoke, he commanded my attention fully. Unless he didn’t because certain people almost stole his shine. Let me take that back. Someone DID steal Barack’s shine and her name is Edith Childs, a councilmember from Greenwood, South Carolina.
Please get these eye riches and behold Miss Edith in her glory.
Now you know good and damb well you gotta call her Miss Edith. Don’t walk around calling her “Edith” like she’s your age mate. WHO RAISED YOU? WOLVES?
Please get into this woman and get your life. The moment I saw her on my screen looking like her outfit was sponsored by God’s favor, I HOLLERED. The sequins hat was what got my attention first, sitting on her scalp perched like a crown because she is a QUEEN. Miss Edith is my patronus. If dementors ever came around me, she’d just stop them with the shine of being saved, then the shine from her outfit. I know she got a glitter brooch that says “Jesus” like my Granny did.
She is everything I aspire to be. Cranky, bedazzled and judging everyone. She’s sitting there like she wants to take a switch to Paul Ryan’s non-clapping ass. You know he spent most of the speech looking like someone didn’t cut the crust off his peanut butter and jelly sammich like he asked. Miss Edith might have been staring him down, wondering why he can’t respect the office of the President by putting his palms together two good times.
Miss Edith will be my mentor, if it’s God’s will because she got things to teach me, like how to let people know how unbothered I am with one look. Is she looking for mentees? Where do I apply? Am I worthy? These are just a few questions I have for Miss Edith. I am but a humble millennial looking to get cantankerous before I even qualify for AARP. Can she lead me to the light?
I know she can, because she just seems like a good church mother. You know the one who’s been on the Usher Board for 25 years, and she is the one who calls the #alphet colors every Sunday. And you know if you do not own a lavender blouse, it is up to you to look up and down to find one. Pray about it, chile. The Lord will make a way. She won’t lead you astray. These color schemes were fasted on and she touched and agreed upon them with the co-Head Usher, therefore they must come to pass.
Mother Childs is the Matron Saint of Not Giving a Damb and she is my everything. Now, her scowl is not to be confused with another’s.
On the other end of the spectrum of life-giving resplendence is the human tofu, Kim Davis. She’s the woman who refused to give a marriage license to a safe sex couple. Somehow, she managed to be in the building, and I’m mad at whoever invited her. I know it wasn’t the Obamas. Was she there because of affirmative action? I think they needed to balance out the SLAY quotient of the night. Amidst all those bright suits and LAID hair, they needed to bring the level of FIERCE down so someone had Kim show up. In this alphet:
The Ghost of Prejudice Present and her Mullet of Malice. This woman here. Someone said she’s Monday, if Monday was a person. And I cackled for 15 minutes, because it’s true. You know how you feel when you just had an amazing vacation with bae and y’all reached new levels in your relationship and then you get back home and realize you gotta get ready for work that starts in the morning? That feeling is Kim Davis’ whole persona.
This mullet, though. It’s not even business in the front, party in the back. It’s camping in the front, bed head in the back. None of it makes sense. Why is it so high and slick then long and frizzy?
And you got invited to the State of the Union address but decided to wear an UGLASS sweater that looked like it was made of kitchen mittens. What part of the game is that? The sad part is that this is probably her special occasion sweater. You ain’t got the right to be this much of a bigot AND be unstylish. You gotta pick one. It’s the first that’s making me make fun of her for the 2nd. If she was a decent person, I might let her cook a little bit.
The folks on my Awesomely Luvvie FB page went in so bad, I had to quit them all.
* She had been saving her highest hairpiece, strongest bobby pins and finest Dress Barn patriotic sweater for such an event. – BKC
* The sweater is the Savior of all things Extreme Christian right. It smells like the scorn of unwed mothers, homophobia, burned PPH pamphlets and Donald Trump’s hairspray. – MR
Because: *dead*
* She stood on her faith, so she must go to church every Sunday. How in God’s name don’t she possess one Sunday outfit? Not a Christmas skirt, a mother’s day shirt, or an Easter hat to hide that hair. Shit she was dressed better when she went to court. I guess she said frak y’all. Y’all gonna put me in the last row like I showed up late for the new Tyler Perry movie I’m gonna dress like the hypocrite that I am. – SG
* Is she wearing a Bumpit of Bigotry in her hair?! – CH
* She looks like she just found out the President is Black. Like she got an invitation and had no idea what the State of the Union was and just came anyway and what like “what the hell?” – NR
* Seems like she and Paul Ryan were having a Resting Mad Face contest – CL
* So this is why the bible says we should not mix fabrics (Leviticus 19:19). Lord she is breaking the rules so badly. – NM
I’m done. None of y’all are any good. How am I supposed to get my VIP pass into the Golden Gates of Heaven from St. Peter when I’m howling so loudly at the roast of Kim Davis?
Whew, bless that mess. Lemme leave Kim Davis alone. Like style did.
Anyone else writing Mother Edith love letters, doe?
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116 Comments
If you follow the White House on snapchat you can get a view of Ms. Edith giving us a lil cheer but you’d have to go see it soon lol
Mama Edith (Mama seems fitting) reminds me of them Church mammys in Nigerian pentecostal churches who know everything bout everyone and who won’t hesitate to call the ‘small boy’ pastor to order if they think he’s over steppin’
Mama Edith (Mama seems fitting) reminds me of them Church mammys in Nigerian pentecostal churches who know everything bout everyone and who won’t hesitate to call the ‘small boy’ pastor to order if they think he’s over steppin’ or misbehavin’
Unfortunately, the Nigerian pentecostal churches, as well as all of the organized churches in Africa, are as homophobic as Kim Davis. But several mainline churches in the U.S. have evolved, so maybe it’s a matter of time. (except for Kim Davis)
Edith Childs is especially special because she is the woman who gave President Obama the “Fired up! Ready to go!” chant.
Ah! I didn’t remember that and looking at her? It makes sense.
Oh really, that was the bomb during that time…lol..I loved it!
I know Miss Edith’s purse is coordinated and set In her seat. She is everyone’s grandmomma who says “Chile don’t put your purse on the flo! You’ll be broke!” Can I get that headpiece, sharp as a tack!!!!
An that purse contains EVERYTHING you might need for a 24 hour stay: food, gum, mints, hair product, and combs, pictures of grandkids, lotion, aspirin and asst. meds, and – of course- a lady always has a handkerchief (probably with crocheted edges that she did herself).
She probably has her Bible with her too, she would have had a gun but it was probably confiscated.
Sister Edith is not amused by the Republicans antics. She is ready to lead out in that one shady prayer that puts all your business on blast while humbling you at the same time.
Amen amen. Them prayers have you looking at folks “Umhum you know you messed up right.”
Each time I look at Sister Edith, I automatically say “Come Onnnn In the Room”
Lmbo! You sho right! ???? You know she has a cane laid on the floor in front of her and the person next to her is gonna have to ‘retch down’ and pick it up for her!
I want to be mad at you, but I cant. Lol
I’m also trying to be mad at you. LOL
If you put a turtle shell in Kim Davis’ fivehead, she’d look like a Klingon. A rejected Klingon because racism and “fashion.”
You just know Miss Edith made it her business to track down Paul Ryan the minute the SOTU ended to escort him outside to pick out a switch.
And it better have been a good one, or Mother Edith will go cut one herself. And you DO NOT want that to happen.
The comments, though???????????? #DeadAndDeader #iCANNOT
Human. Tofu. Why Luvvie?!? Lmao!
When you have no other words to explain how much you can’t stand someone, imagine “Human Tofu”
Sustah Edith done brought out the Mother of ALL spangly hats and pearls. She came to slay all comers and I bet she smell like overheated iron and moth balls.
Nonsense. She smells like White Diamonds and Camay soap, or my name ain’t Radley.
YESSSS Boo Radley! ???????????????????????? Mother Edith is perched on her throne slaying every damn thing, from her color coordination to the gleaming crown adorned on her head, you better believe Mother is wearing her best ‘smell goods’! I love it!
LMAO! Wrong, you wrong… but so right!
Mother Edith tho! Yes she is the Mother of the Baptist AME Evangelical Jehovah Church of God and Latter Day Saints and I am here for it! When I saw that hat on my screen last night my brain went, “behold, a Woman.” I wanted to bow down and ask her to pray for my past sins and the ones I have yet to commit.
She slayed me.
DEADEST of DEAD! I may need to go home…work can’t hold me now…
BEST COMMENT EVER!!!!!! *bows down to pay ammage*
I need my inhaler.
You have won the internet – for the rest of the week!
YASSSSS!
P.S. I’m pretty sure Mother Edith was the one who was yelling, “Yes!” and “Take your time!” at the pulpit, er, stage. Because Pres O was PREACHING to souls last night!
Chile Mother Edith look like she has alllllllll the tea on everyone in the church! Sis Johnson’ after hours activities, the time she caught one of the deacons in the closet with the choir director and who sneaking coins from the offering plate. She waiting on that one Easter dinner to show out hunny
I want YOU to be my mentor.
I just want to quote this whole post! I think I have spit out more tea than I drank this morning!!!
Queen Edith is EVERYTHING!!!
I’m from Greenwood, SC and the badassery of Mother Edith is very real!!!
[…] quote Luvvie, “Cranky, bedazzled and judging everyone. She’s sitting there like she wants to take a […]
Madame Edith. She look like she would cut you with a glance at church for interrupting grown folks while they’re talking. Yep and we’d all watch her do it and just nod… cause you deserved it.
“So this is why the bible says we should not mix fabrics (Leviticus 19:19). Lord she is breaking the rules so badly.”
I AM SILENT CACKLING SO HARD I THINK I MAY HYPERVENTILATE!
I walked all over the house laughing over that comment.
You guys brighten my day with your humor and quick wit everyday!
Great Post!
SN: Luvvie can you look into this horrible water issue that is going on here in Flint Michigan and speak on it! It is not being talked about enough and the situation is inhumane. First they want to shut off our water in Detroit and then they poison the water in Flint. How is this happening and no one is held accountable! Sorry to mention this here on this post but I am not on social media.
Cherie — I just want you to know that you have my support from Virginia. What is happening in Flint is criminal! Governor Snyder should be going to jail for this. My friends and I have been sending emails and signing petitions for the cause of clean water for everyone in Flint. We are watching and paying attention. This wrong needs to be fixed immediately!
She looked over at that Kim woman with all of them colors and patterns that were clashing in her sweater and asked Michelle, “Who in the WORLD is that woman over there looking like she just walked out of Walmart’s end of the year sale? How did she get in here? She looks like somebody just scraped her up off the floor? Didn’t her mama teach her how to dress up?
All the members of the Walmart Church of Unwashed Thongs are demanding an apology. Even the stretched-out, tangy elastic of their buttfloss looks better than the yarns of that Beast that Shall Not Be Named sweater.
Many of us from KY are appalled at Kim Davis, and I just wanted to thank you for the best laughs I’ve had on the subject.
Please, let’s not make negative comments about a woman’s appearance. Women get enough of that. Criticize Kim Davis’ political views and her narrow-mindedness and her hypocrisy, but let’s leave her appearance out of it.
There’s a seat for you, as well. In fact, have several.
\_ \_ \_
I WILL criticize this slatternly trollop for showing up at a business formal event wearing Value Village fail and bigotry, and you will deal.
Her deliberately casual dress was intended with as much offence and disrespect as Paul Ryan’s passive aggressive face antics, and my corneas were collateral damage. I WILL JUDGE.
And when my sight comes back I’ll join you. Right now Mother Edith is praying on it. Not about it. On it.
preach!
Go ahead and judge – you speak the TRUTH!
She knew damn good and well that showing up in that sweater that looked like it was made with one of those metal potholder looms was not appropriate. She probably meant it as a big FU, but only succeeded in showing her own ass (speaking of corneal damage).
“Value Village fail and bigotry” – *DEAD*
What ya’ll serving at my funegro? I done died, resurrected, and died again cackling at this!
????????????????????????????
Slatternly.
Trollop.
Those words are rarely used these days, as if they’re reserved for special occasions. This was the perfect occasion.
Well played.
I enthusiastically join you in the judging, because you called it exactly as I see it. That mess was a message – she knew exactly what she was doing.
It looks like she whipped up that outfit from the bedspread and curtains at her cheap motel room. If she’s gonna show up at the SOTU lookin like I don’t know what, she’s got it comin!!! I dress better than that to do yard work!
You know Sister Edith doles out heavy helpings of side eye to all the girls coming to church with no stockings on or in last night’s club outfit.
You have bedazzled my morning with this post!!!!! <3 <3 <3
Ha ha ah ha h ah You are hysterical! And so spot on. The 70s trash can called Kim Davis. It wants its hair back,
You’re new here, right. There’s a seat for you right here: \-
*right?
Y’all I HOLLERED in a MEETRING reading this. The Bumpit of Bigotry. HAHAHAHAHA.
And you KNOW Miss Edith was all o_O at Kim Davis and gave her nary a “mmmmph”. Ain’t got NO TIME for that mess.
Kim Davis looks like she is auditioning for Mrs. Danvers in “Rebecca”.
Payback! Obama seated her amidst same sex couples! Watched her squirm.
I know that Mother Edith, head of the Mother’s Board, is grippin’ anointed oil in her right hand and her Bible in the left…ready at a moment’s notice to start slinging oil and speaking in tounges the second someone steps to the President!
carlowville707@mac.com
LOVE IT “Kim Davis is Monday!” I’m sure these publicity/power/money-hungry evangelicals fanagled an invitation for her. To say she’s “ugly” is to say her twisted soul is reflected in her face. I had a wonderful teacher who used to tell us “we earn our face by the sweat of our thought”. well, she has certainly earned “ugly,”
I loved this post! It was shared on FB by one of my friends, and when I saw Kim Davis’s photo, I knew I had to read it. BTW, Kim should change HER last name. I don’t personally know anybody quite like her, but if I did, it might be difficult not to punch her/him in the face.
I’ve seen bigotry everywhere in my 66 years, and, if truth be told, I have uttered a few bigoted things — back in my highly impressionable youth. But I was mostly mimicking other, older people, mostly people I was related to, and even some of my high-school teachers, not that that excuses anything. I look back and still feel guilty about some of the things I repeated.
So I just really want to slap the Kim Davises of the world upside the head enough times that they finally see the light. I like to think I’m usually a very reasonable human being, but reasoning does not work on bigots. Kim Davis and her ilk truly need to be make the laughingstocks of the world. Thank you for doing your part.
Lawd, OMG! This post just gave me life!! I soooo needed this chuckle today! I was laughing so hard at my desk I had to go to the bathroom and finish reading. I thoroughly enjoyed this! Please keep it up!
You know I understand that this was supposed to be satire, and silly, but it just came off as mean . It came off as judging and judgmental and cranky, so I guess you succeeded in becoming ” what you want to be when you grow up”
That just makes me sad.
You must be new here…..
Hahahahahahahahaha.
Dead
Her insistence on telling everybody what she thinks God wants for everybody makes me sad.
Ol’ Kim Davis spreading bigotry with pride yet we gotta be careful not to hurt her feelings? MA’AM.
You need to get yourself a skin and a sense of humour while you’re at it. Laughing at bigotry is sometimes the best thing to do. Kim Davis, at best, was bring flippant with her attire.
The beautiful suit and the amazing hat worn by Edith Childs is from great designer DONNA VINCI,
http://www.donnavinci.com
Ya gotta feel for the people sitting next to Kim Davis. And I know D.C. is a cold town but a white t-shirt, that ‘interesting’ blue lace blouse and that sweater? A little much with the layers, and I’m from the Northeast where layers are a way of life. I’m also thinking she’s color blind.
Luvvie..
BW AHA H AHA HA HA HA
Ms. Edith is every Church Mother that all she has to do is LOOK at you and you shut your mouth, and sat up straight. She didn’t even have to be YOUR Big Mama.
Ms. Edith was THAT woman in the church.
Couldn’t nobody tell her nothing.
I love the comments on Kim Davis.
I am with folks…how you gonna say you spend so much time up in church and not have ONE decent outfit.
I am from Greenwood, and she is known for her hats. She has a hat to go with every suit!
“she’s Monday, if Monday was a person.” – Holy shit, I’m snorting.
Read this and the recap of the SOTU: Cannot. Stop. Laughing!!!
Keep On…. You Know Ms Edith “Gotta Switch” Right Under Her Chair And Will “Tear Off & Beat Every Single Person In Here.”
“I must have that hat!”. Yes, that’s what I told my husband the moment the camera focused on Edith Childs. Your column and her entire outfit are brilliant.
I thought I was the only one with that thought, but Edith Childs is our collective hero. I’m more excited over Edith Childs than over who wins the lottery tonight.
As far as Kim, the evil in the back row & the no clapping Paul Ryan, y’all should be ashamed of yourselves. Have some respect!
She is known as the “Hat Lady” here in our town! Yes I am from Greenwood SC and know her and all her hats! ????
Thank you Pam!!!Enough said, they don’t know no’thn!!
I’m not quite sure how it is that I’m afraid of Miss Edith, and also in love with her. Ferocity and elegance all bundled up in a fabulous hat.
Between human tofu and Leviticus 19:19, I am slayed in the spirit!
This article has to be the funniest piece of prose I’ve ever read. So many brilliant metaphors I can’t begin to list my faves but here goes- sweaters made of oven mitts, human tofu, if Monday was a person. I could go on and on!
Thank you and PLEASE write more!!!
I am from Greenwood SC where the population is a mere 20,000ish and let me tell you Mrs. Edith is known for her hats! You do not mess with the “hat lady!”
Your article made my day! Thank you!
So, I’m in sc, and greenwood isn’t 2 far from me. I have officially confirmed that she is everything and more of what u thought!
Oh so.. True A.D.!!!
Miss Edith was spectacular! I wouldn’t want to cross her though! I can tell by her face and outfit that Miss Edith does not put up with foolishness!
[…] church mother is this next to Jill Biden in her Easter outfit? I need answers. #SOTU (Luvvie provided them. Thanks!) <She looks like her middle name is […]
I grew up in Greenwood and still live here and no u just don’t cross Ms. Edith, lol But……she can be sweet when she wants to!
I understand the whole no make-up thing may be against her religion… Ya know, the one that says gays won’t enter the pearly gates but three time divorcees do…anyway… I think God might understand there are just some occasions that make-up is warranted…I think God would understand .. Really …. It’s really okay to look classy!! Like Miss Edith…. One classy woman!
Kim Davis needs some gay men in her life to show her how to dress. Real friends do not let you leave the house in your Dollar Store special outfit.
Well, I will say the one and only Mrs.Edith Childs is a very well loved & respected person in the Greenwood S.C. area.She didn’t just start wearing hats & suits,and no she doesn’t do make-up.That’d just her hunnie## To know her is to love her, again I say “know her”.For those that don’t know her let me tell you what she does do.1)If You Need Her She’s There Within A Blink Of An Eye 2)Helps Feed The Needy ,Always! ! 3)Always Lending A Hand To Anyone That Needs Her Any Given Moment 4)Love You Til She Can’t Love Anymore (last but not least) 5) Put you in your place without saying a word, the eyes tell the story as you all seen the other night,Lol!! We love you Mrs.Edith Childs!!!Keep on doing what you do♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
I’m blessed to come from a family full of women like Ms. Edith. Every child needs to be raised by a village that’s at least 5% “Ms. Ediths.” Anyone who missed out on that growing up… ttruly missed out.
Go back from whence you came, you uncultured swine. Or at least read a few posts and get a damb clue about the author’s writing and thought style before spewing ignorance forth like a vomit volcano.
I am stealing the line “Cranky, bedazzled and judging everyone.” Just trying to decide if I want to put it on a tee shirt, a pillow, or embroider it on a sampler.
Obligatory gay vegan crying because you compared Kim Davis to tofu and tofu is amazingggg, but hilarious otherwise! Great work!
I sat here looking at the picture of Kim Davis for a good 20 seconds. She look like personification of being called into work, on your day off, which happens to be your birthday, while you are witnessing the birth of your first born. Why are her brows, eyes, nose and mouth sitting so far into the center of her head like that. She look like someone drew her in Times Square. Lawd!
OMG! This young lady is SO witty & smart in her blog. HILARIOUS! I got here from the pis of Miss Edith on Instagram my cousin shared. A lot of these comments are hilarious too! Here’s the only thing that bothers me (and it bothers me about the nation in general); I am AA, female, a Democrat, and Christian, but consider myself moderate in my views. I think Kim Davis was wrong about how she went about what she did. I believe homosexuality is wrong though, which does not put me in the same category with her. Disagreement w/something does not equal bigotry; it equals a difference of opinion. I completely believe God loves us all, but too much to leave us where we are when we submit our lives to Him. In the past I’ve enjoyed watching the traditional SOTU & the Black SOTU (Tavis, Cornel West, etc.) I love the political commentary about our community & more often than not, I disagree with Republican economic & some social policy. I am hot about what’s going on with police brutality lately, but still believe in showing grace (in some cases) to White folk. I think Donald Trump has been ridiculous during his campaign, but if I can stand to listen to him long enough, may find something I agree with. My point is, why do we as a country feel every view must be black & white, and lambaste anyone who feels differently? Why can’t we see there is a spectrum of beliefs? I don’t have to hate or want to hurt you just b/c I don’t have the same views. IJS. Now, in regard to fashion, Mama Edith was killing w/her COGIC inspired hat. Much respect – LOL & Kim Davis was a hot mess, but, I digress. Blessings!
Thank you for this post! I feel the same. I consider myself moderate, and I believe its perfectly OK, and POSSIBLE, to respect people as human beings even though you don’t share their point of view or agree with everything they do.
I’ve known some “Ms. Ediths” in my life and I am a much better person for it. We need more of them, and I hope to BE a “Ms. Edith” one day when I grow up. LOL!!!!
Edith Childs
Fired Up! Ready To Go!!
https://youtu.be/_ZHKZPMkx0A?t=32m57s
Thanks for that.
Was she there because of Affirmative Action??!?! LAAAWWWWDT!! ROTLFMAO!!!
Awesomely Luvvie for President! This post was HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!! Thank you SO much!
My hand to God, I thought Muva Edith was a foreign dignitary until the screen showed otherwise. The lady is saint-tih-FIIIIED.
Smh. The way people go in on Kim Davis is a hot mess. Because she didn’t believe in gay marriage, now her religion and the things that make her different are a mockery. Knowing good and darn well if you asked Mother or Sister… They wouldn’t agree either. I’m Pentecostal and although my style is different than hers, my views aren’t. Its a shame when anyone and everyone can stand up for how they believe and feel… UNLESS you are against the majority. Then and only then, you’re wrong. I love the good Mother, it cracked me up… But the bashing took it to another level. And it wasn’t funny.
Um, the point called and is sorry it missed you. The going in isn’t about Kim Davis’ religion (some commenters here have said they specifically share her beliefs). It’s about how she chose to appear at the SOTU deliberately dressed in a way that was disrespectful to both the occasion and the President. I disagree with her views, and believe she is a bigot. However, she is free to hold whatever views she likes in her private life. Her private life and beliefs, however, should not have prevented or excused her from carrying out her public duties. And, likewise, we are all free to express our views, even when doing so includes going in.
…And it’s not about “unless you are against the majority”. It’s about “unless your beliefs, or your actions based on those beliefs hurt other people”. You need to educate yourself.
In December 2016, you will be listing this as your best post of the year. I’ve been fanning myself all morning.
[…] fact, Awesomely Luvvie wrote an amazing post about the patron saint of black women of a certain age, Miss Edith Childs, who was a guest at […]
HUMAN TOFU. I am slain with laughter.
Mama Edith looks like my mom, grandmother, aunts and all the women in my church and some of my neighbors. I thought she was foreign dignitry too, you know how we Africans do. Anyways I want that hat for myself.