White Women Need to Get Their Shit Together
Yesterday was the much-anticipated (and dreaded) race for Alabama’s newest senator. One candidate was the run-of-the-mill Democrat. Nothing radical or life-altering about him. Doug Jones is the status quo in human form. And the other was a pedophile who stood boldly in his racist, confederacy values. Roy Moore would have slaves TODAY if allowed.
Those were the choices. At this point, I’ll take “status quo” over “hell on Earth” any day so Doug Jones was the one that folks (with sense) wanted to win. This is why everyone was nervous, because what we have learned in this last year is that sense is uncommon AF. We didn’t know what to expect, because in this topsy turvy country, we can still expect a pedophile to win. CLUSTERFUCK.
I didn’t wanna watch the results because I’m just tired of getting confirmation that America is the den of iniquity and the idiocracy that thrives is beyond repair and everything is trash. So I spent the time avoiding the news and social media.
And then the results came in, and we learned Doug Jones won. And we were shocked. SHOCKED, that the guy who wasn’t the pedophile won. And he won by like 1% point. Only 1%.
Why? Because white people voted for him in droves. BUT Doug Jones won. WHY? Because BLACK people showed up and showed out to participate in harm reduction, and save the state from itself. I see you, Noir-labama! BLACK WOMEN AND MEN SHOWED UP, in spite of attempts at voter suppression. We are always playing Captain-Save-A-Hoe.
Meanwhile, white women.
By Washington Post
White women. Wow. Nothing is as determined as a desperate white man who feels like he’s losing his position in the web of oppression he created. But nothing is sadder than the woman who has bought in to her own subjugation. White women have got to DO BETTER.
I expect nothing from white men but white women? Well, actually I expect nothing of them too, as they collectively show that they will be willing participants in bullshit CONSTANTLY. And we were supposed to wear pink pussy hats together? Girl bye.
White women actively vote against themselves, white men vote for themselves. I’m not even looking at white men sideways. Why? Because their vote is logical. It makes sense that they would vote for a Roy Moore. He is the mirror of straight, Christian, white men who are desperate for power. When white men vote for men like him and Cheeto Satan, they are voting for themselves. MAKES PERFECT SENSE. I can put that in a box. White men ain’t been shit since forever, and they have owned their Voldemort-ness.
But white women? They are actively voting AGAINST what is best for them. It’s like having the choice to jump in a 4-foot pool or into a 4-foot fire pit. They always vote for the fire pit, and then wonder why they come up with burns.
The girls that Roy Moore was accused of sleeping with were young, white girls, the daughters of these women who then turn around to vote for him. When these women are filling out their ballots, do they not think “I’m putting my daughter in jeopardy?” My mind is boggled. WHAT HAS TO HAPPEN FOR WHITE WOMEN TO WAKE UP???
We talk about fixing this country? Well, WHITE WOMEN have to get in formation. White men get blamed all the time but white women support them, vote for them, feed them, love on them. White women have been shielded from culpability all their lives and through history and have been able to move in the system of oppression without getting blame when they have been active participants. ACTIVE. They keep it going. In fact, they’ve benefited the most, because they’ve done none of the work, got all the perks, and none of the blame. It’s a good racket. All this Peak Caucasity and Darth Beckiness (word to VSB).
How can WOMEN fall under the same umbrella when white women continuously prove they cannot be trusted to do the right thing?
Meanwhile, I’m supposed to, as a Black woman, say we’re all a part of a sisterhood? How does that serve me? How has it served me? How are we all supposed to be under the same umbrella when white women undo the work we do constantly? How are we supposed to trust them when the work of our hands are undone by them constantly? Because white women want us to claim “FEMINISM” with them when they pick being white over being a woman more often than not. What sisterhood is that? A gahtdamb pedophile runs for office and the race had the nerve to be close. Because 63% of white women who voted chose whiteness over womanhood. That’s the bullshit. So yeah, when we go Mariah Carey on them, don’t ask why.
Two-Thirds. This is why all the comments I’m getting of #NotAllWhiteWomen annoy the hell outta me. If two-thirds of any other group did some thing that was this damaging, we would be getting annihilated for it. So. Sit in these hurt feelings and deal with accountability, for once. I don’t wanna hear that YOU voted correctly. You don’t get a cookie for doing that. We definitely don’t get cookies for saving folks’ asses constantly. The point is that as a group, white women are fucking up left and right.The women who voted for Roy Moore are the women you break bread with. They aren’t the exception but the rule. White women can’t sit on a high horse and think the women in Alabama aren’t them. THEY ARE YOU. Your moms, sisters, aunts. Folks out here playing oblivious, as if these women exist in a vacuum. They do not.
So for the white women who are disgusted by Alabama, and by the 53% of your sisters who voted for Trump. What are you gonna do? Are you still going to brunch with these women who vote against YOUR interests too? You’re still good with them in your lives? Black women hold folks (and each other) accountable. We SHUNNED Omarosa when she started supporting Voldemort. Do y’all do a good shunning of the traitorous assholes you know? You don’t. Because as a whole, those people don’t lose their sense of belonging when they do shit like this. And if there’s one thing humans needs, are their tribes. These errant white women don’t lose their friends over doing things that are damaging. It is time for getting comfortable with being uncomfortable (see: my TED talk related to this).
The amount of white women tears that have been in my mentions and comments tonight. This is why ain’t no sisterhood. White women are telling me I’m hurting their feelings and insulting them, as if I talked about them personally. But here’s the thing, if you aren’t a hit dog, don’t holler. And try not to be the cliché Damsel-in-Distress here. We gotta talk to you like we’re talking to 5 year olds or we’re accused of “bullying” or being angry. Cry me a river and build a bridge to get over it. White women will get this ire and I don’t care about their tenderness right now.
One woman told me she does “resistance work” and then turned around to try to police my words. But if she knew true allyship sometimes means knowing shutting the fuck up is free, she would have chosen different. I just realize that white women have a lot of work to do, and it’s time we start pointing fingers at them, for their role in the country’s issues. Again, welcome to accountability. It’s not gonna be cute.
All I know is that I am proud to be a Black woman. In spite of people insulting us, abusing us and taking us for granted, we do what we need to do. People are giving themselves too much credit, though. You haven’t done the things that have made you worthy of our grace, but we give it anyway. It ain’t about YOU, but about us upholding our end of being superheroes on Earth. We are the adults in the room.
You are welcome.
Us: sick of everyone’s shit.
Oh, and Omarosa getting walked out the White House should be a teaching moment. I hope she learned the lesson that proximity to whiteness is not a strategy for winning, especially when whiteness is only loyal to itself. She is proof that loyalty to white men gets you nothing. Now she’s shunned, and in tribe purgatory because she is no longer invited to the cookouts and her weave will forever be busted because that is the price you pay for being traitorous to Black women.
So. White women. Please get your shit together. Those of you with sense need to call your sisters, cousins, aunties and moms unto the carpet and have the tough conversations that are easy to avoid. Those of you who don’t have sense? Well, odds are, you aren’t reading this. And let me repeat: DO NOT SEND ME A MESSAGE OR COMMENT SAYING I’VE HURT YOUR FEELINGS. I. DON’T. CARE. Sit in your discomfort and commit yourself to doing better.
DO. BETTER.
And if you wanna hear me SAY THIS, watch the 5th episode of my weekly show Rants and Randomness.
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133 Comments
I can only think it’s the white women like my mom 🙁 who are Trump & party ride or die. She’s 75, so…
Unfortunately, no. White women (me) in MY age group (50’s) are the ones who voted for this craptastic man and the Cheeto Satan. I am thoroughly disgusted, believe me. And age doesn’t give anyone a pass to be ignorant.
Very well stated – thank you
White women of all ages are doing this. She’s talking to ALL OF Y’ALL!
So what? Wait till she goes to glory? If the women’s suffrage march waited…
No. It’s young white women as well: https://www.newstatesman.com/science-tech/internet/2017/08/we-need-talk-about-online-radicalisation-young-white-women
Who is really going to hold them accountable? I bet the ones that voted felt they did nothing wrong. We keep saying… just vote but get mad when people vote for idiots. We need to promote voter literacy!
I absolutely agree about voter literacy! In many cases, I think that will help a lot, especially during primaries, where turnout is so low and elections are often won.
When I lived in California, I was sent voter information – a sample ballot and a non-partisan voter guide from the League of Women Voters. It came to my mailbox without my requesting it. When I moved to Texas, I learned that we had to go FIND that stuff. We had to go to the post office, library, or other places to get a sample ballot or a voter guide. Later they became available online, but you still had to go looking for them – they didn’t just show up. Texas makes it very difficult to be an informed voter and it absolutely shows in both our election turnout numbers (the lowest in the nation) and in our election results (Louie Gohmert, Ted Cruz, a THIRD George Bush, etc.).
Yes, ChynnaBlue and Jessica, voter literacy is definitely the next conversation we need to be having. BOTH parties have cultivated an uninformed electorate and benefited from it. Uninformed voters are easier to manipulate. We have to take back the power of the vote by educating the populace.
This is how it is where I live. You have to work pretty damn HARD to find actual information, be it online or in print. Everything else is advertising and that’s sadly what most people I know base their vote on. So if you only watch Fox News, that’s the biased ads you get only.
Absolutely!!
I honestly have been waiting for you to post this all day since I HAVE GOT TO HAVE SOMEPLACE TO SCREAM OR ELSE I WILL EXPLODE.
For me, it started in 2008 when I saw women who were my friends, women I respected and who went out of their way to call themselves feminists, who suddenly needed boyfriends and decided the best way to get them was to scream at the top of their lungs in a cutesie-chipmunk voice “I’M NOT VOTING FOR THE WOMAN JUST BECAUSE SHE’S A WOMAN!” and then shooting their gaze to one side to see if the Cute Boy in the corner had overheard them. Over and over. Watching them all go “fuck-me feminist” about how empowrfulating porn was and basically being feminist only insofar as it reassured hipster loser single men that they would be reliable orgasm factories but wouldn’t do anything threatening like oh … support women.
They did the same damned thing in 2016 going all oogly-googly over some dumbass Bernie Bro. And went out of their way to go all “Heathers” on Hillary with, “I don’t like her hair, she reminds me of my ex-husband’s mother, I don’t like her shoes, why did she stay with Bill, she made money for a speech once,” and these were women with TONS of questionable shit in their past from screwing their ex-boyfriends after they had broken up to having hookups with fucked-up porn movie editors — with the shit I know about them, I could get them ejected from ANY political race for office, and there they were going junior-high-school just to make sure that Cute Boys would know they were a Fun Feminist™.
These were women who were in their 40s or pushing it. White women (with money, I hasten to add) who never matured emotionally past the age of about 13.
GOD IT SICKENED ME. I lost every friend I had at the time, and I have not gained many back since those days. Ten years of being an angry hermit who can’t believe what the hell is the fucking problem with white women who, when the chips are down, seriously do aspire to be nothing but some white dudebro’s Barbie Doll.
It’s pretty much convinced me that whatever someone says about themselves the loudest is always a lie. “I’M A FEMINIST!” means “I want equality for every woman except that bitch over there.” (And aren’t we all that bitch over there to someone?) “I’M A CHRISTIAN!” means “Hey, lookit the tits on that little girl over there!” “I’M COLORBLIND!” means “I won’t wink back at black guys on Match.com and I’m suppressing guilt about it.”
I always said that my major charity contributions would always go to the only two groups of human beings that I can stand to be around: little girls and old woman. Well today, that changes. It’s black women and lesbians. Everyone else can go hang.
Anyway, I don’t get it with white women either. I’m sickened, shocked, completely befuddled, and have been basically negotiating depression for almost ten years over this. Screw them. They’re hopeless. (And I mean that “them.” I always was so careful to do the Gloria-Steinem thing and say “us” and “we,” but you know what? I can’t anymore. It’s “them.” Just because I sit to pee doesn’t mean I understand how their screwed-up brains work any better.)
There’s a nice Google Doc going around where you can find the donation pages for various non-white women’s office campaigns where I plan on putting some fiscal muscle behind my rage at male-identified white women. Yes I think black women and lesbians can save the world, but you all aren’t our goddamned mules. That means we need to start shoveling MONEY AND POWER at you and then get ready to STFU and act in a supporting role. Yours is the ONLY tide that ever lifts all boats.
Here’s that Google doc, and I hope this doesn’t get me put into the spam folder:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1v-JR7b0435yW1PW34C6l07PfUfyk6mHvuOLx3d4enO8/edit
Sorry for the rage-rant, but this has been ten long, ugly, dark years in fermenting. While there are always some that are worthwhile, statistically speaking, straight white women are fucking useless.
Janis. You’re awesome.
“Yours is the only tide that ever lifts all boats.”
Damn. Did you come up with that yourself? It’s so beautiful and perfect, I got a little choked up. Thank you for that :).
I love your rant! Thanks for the Google information. I will contribute to candidates. I’m in the white woman minority who didn’t vote for trump and I have cut people off because of it. I remember a meme from the 2012 election showing a picture of a bunch of white women, all wearing Women for Romney t-shirts, with the caption, Because we hate ourselves. Not me. Not then not ever. Time to go put my money where my mouth is!
Beautiful, well stated rant!
Girl, you are the shiznit. I have been going through the exact same depression as you, but as a black woman having to endure this Tucker.
Janis,
Thanks for seeing through awakened eyes and acknowledging the onesided view of white women voters.
“Yours is the ONLY tide that ever lifts our boats” comment is so true. We definitely are independent thinkers and lean toward fairness and truth over party.
Love this, Janis. “FunFeminist” cracked me up.
For me, it was stumbling upon a huge cache of educated urban white women in their 40s and 50s (women like me) when I was unemployed. I rarely saw them at work, in court, in meetings, in suits, but lo and behold! There they are! They are all at yoga class, midday, dripping with leisure and their husbands’ gold.
Women in my demographic – educated liberals, mind you — admit they really want to lean out and just have a man take care of them. I’ve never heard a man say that.
It’s not stupidity or subjugation, it’s a short cut. Easy street. It’s a choice. As someone posted above- it’s all about insurance. And stainless steel fridges.
So if we all vacate the public realm of politics, law, science, business and finance, then we don’t get a say. Instead we get mugs that say “you go girl!” So we can tell ourselves that Yoga and gardening are self-care and choices of empowerment— not laziness and an abdication.
No need to apologize for that rant at all. In fact, I almost broke out into a church jog after I read it. Every bit of it on point.
Janis,
Please tell me that you blog! Your rant was 100 proof truth! I am here for it. I damn near fell out at your PERFECT characterization of white women and your concise articulation of what black women do (“lift all boats”). Post the link so that I can follow you.
What you say is totally correct. I am a white man married to a white woman. At first she wanted to vote for Hillary – first woman president and all that. But, then, I explained to her – mansplained if you will – why Trump was the better candidate “for us” and she ultimately agreed, and voted for him.
Janis, reading your comment restored my faith in the Comments section. It was life giving. Thank you.
This may be a 10 year buildup rant for you, but I feel your pain. I lost half my white friends during Trump’s campaign and the other half leading up to the Alabama election. What I don’t understand is why we all saw and read the same things but came out on opposite sides. A con man and a Pedophile and they really had to think about who to vote for. Now they are doing the “let’s just agree to disagree” dance. I’ve seen their true colors and I’m done. Sistas, Gays, Transgender’s and others who are able to see through the bull, I’m with you!
Janis, I know I’m late to this party but I want to give you a hug. ????
FYI – VSB moved over to the Root!
https://verysmartbrothas.theroot.com/
It’s all true and I’m sorry we have to get called out on this – again. It’s so disappointing how many times we have to get called out – and call each other out. The Trump election was disgusting, but this is even worse. Some of us chose a pedophile over a Democrat?? I’m sorry, no. That is insanity right there. We have no excuses. We must do better.
My petty is like… no I will not be going to the ‘women in ‘ meetings anymore. I am unable to can!
“In fact, they’ve benefited the most, because they’ve done none of the work, got all the perks, and none of the blame” THIS SUMS IT ALL UP!
Either way they will benefit one way or another.
We bear the brunt and they get the perks. Black women need to band together and look out for ourselves more than ever. Imagine what we can do when we focus we literally SAVED A DAMN HOE
if only i could drop gifs in the comment section.
this is me: applauding. all. of. this.
Accountability!!! Preach!
I’m a white woman and you are completely right. We need our asses kicked. It’s disgusting.
Both candidates were White men. White women in Alabama chose the party over morality… since the majority of White women in Alabama are Republicans. So nothing was surprising about that. Republicans vote republican or for no one at all. That’s why the turnout was so low for the Whites. As an Alabamian, I’m glad the other idiots just opted out or did write-ins.
Luvvie you are TOOOO AWESOME and I am humbled! You all saved our white asses for sure! I’ve been crying- not because my feelings are hurt-but because YOU delivered Alabama out of Hell and I’m so grateful! Thanks to the black women in Alabama I’m starting to have some hope-for the first time in 13 months!
More power to you and please, PLEASE can us white women get out shit together!!
This is all so true. I will keep calling out my fellow white women. Black women saved us from the filth of Roy Moore. I don’t know how to break thru the brainwashing that’s been done on these white women but I will keep trying to figure that shit out because we need to cut this shit out.
This white woman is committed to doing better. To opening my mouth. To shunning the ones who need it. Black women have had my back way more than white men. Time to return the damn favor. Way past time.
My apologies on behalf of my fellow melanin-challenged internal-Americans. I have no explanation for that foolishness.
And then they wonder why don’t want to play their reindeer games. They are so in love with patriarchy they will sell out their skinfolk in a minute. We don’t want any parts of what they’d do for us women of color. Why would they dismantle patriarchy when they are getting so much from it?
#notfooled
Thank you for this post, and thank you to the amazing, black women (and men) in Alabama that did the best thing and got Jones in. I am working to be better and I am taking those I know that disgrace themselves by supporting (either now or in the election) the Tangerine Twitmuppet and others to task – I am confronting and questioning and pushing and letting my voice be heard. Thank you for your voice, I am happy for you to take me and others to task for our failures!
As a white woman, I am appalled and disgusted and ashamed.
An interesting statistic pulled from the exit polls:https://twitter.com/matthewjdowd/status/941004081392480256
As an atheist, I assure you that none of these evangelical white women will give me the time of day, and I don’t speak their language either, so am not sure how we get through to them. THIS, I think, is the big challenge — white people, yes, but specifically the *white evangelicals*. A different beast altogether.
It’s tough. I want us to do better, but boy, it’s gonna be a tough nut to crack. Not an excuse, though, I know.
Sarah, yes! I just said the SAME thing yesterday–I don’t even speak the same damn language as these people. I live in the South and I **know** this is a huge part of the problem. The author is 100% correct, these are my neighbors and the other parents from my kids’ sports teams. I want to have the hard conversations with them, and in many instances I have. It isn’t that I am afraid to speak up. But when they pride themselves on being submissive to men and don’t actually GAF what happens in this world because, you know, the Rapture is coming…I just don’t even know how to get through that.
Agreed, too, it is not an excuse but rather an insight. Don’t get me wrong, Becky in the yoga pants needs a kick in the ass, too, but IMO these white evangelical women are the crux of the issue, especially in the South.
Yes, Sarah and smellyvegetarian, this was my insight as well.
Though an agnostic, I am connected to white evangelicals through my family. I discuss politics and religion with them until I’m blue in the face, but it barely phases them. My mom still thinks that Trump is wonderful and that any press that doesn’t agree with him is fake news. I also think it’s important to point out that my mother is educated and generally a good person. She helps anyone who asks even though she barely has any money herself. However, like many evangelicals, she is proud of being subservient to males. She told me that every day she prays for the “heart of a servant”. She is also far more critical of women than of men. She is a very good daughter of the Patriarchy.
Which brings me to my point. White Evangelicalism is the dominate white culture in the US (approximately 60% of all US whites). Those of us who don’t participate are basically outcasts. We cannot apply tribal pressure because we don’t belong to their tribe. Believe me, I’ve tried to the point of tears – and I speak their language and know the Bible inside and out. None of it matters because they are thoroughly embedded in their patriarchal hierarchy. Nothing is true for them until one of their male leaders says it’s true. No amount of data or logical argument can get through to them – they have given their authority figures all of their power.
Like others who have posted here, I too am not trying to get Liberal/Independent white women off the hook. I do think we have a role to play in trying to persuade our conservative sisters. I just don’t think that the tactic of tribal pressure will work with white evangelicals. It will, however, work on those vapid, lazy, yoga “fun feminists” – the “Heathers” if you will. They want the legitimacy that our approval brings them. We should not only withdraw said approval, but let them know, very vocally, that their uselessness offends us.
So what do we do about white evangelical women? They will never agree that abortion is OK, but we should be able to find common ground on other issues. We need to be methodical, persistent and patient. We need to listen to their concerns and empathize with the values we share (love of family, peaceful communities, etc.). Basically, we have to gain their trust if we are ever to influence them, because right now they think we are all hell-bound servants of Satan.
I’m a white woman and I am disgusted. You are 150% right. We must get our shit together. NOW. 2018 is coming right up.
There is so much terrible, amazing truth here, it hurts. As a white, liberal woman, I have had SO many, I want to call them “arguments,” with more conservative female members of my family, and they are so totally oblivious to the fact that they are voting their husband’s, or boyfriends, or father’s voice, not theirs. I wish there was an easy way to explain this to them. But the truth is, a lot of them vote for ONE reason…they are anti-abortion. No matter what. Which makes ZERO sense, if you are voting for a pedophile who will inevitably try to sexually assault that unborn baby.
Absolutely agree!! I so feel you on this – I have been accused of being “prejudice against white people” quite frequently. There is far more racism in this country than most other countries in the world, and I speak from experience on this!
But if they are so anti-abortion why were they so against Obama, whose policies pushed abortion rates to record lows? So it’s not really about abortion, is it?
It’s not. If it were about preventing abortion we’d be funding sex ed, making birth control available, and providing resources so that those women who did have an unplanned pregnancy would be able to take care of a baby once it’s born. So I call b.s. on people wringing their hands about the sanctity of life.
This is exactly what I run up against with my white family members (I’m white, but my family isn’t all white…I got that one side who is super conservative and all white though). It’s all about the abortion vote. Now, does it have anything to with with actual abortion rates and actual ways of reducing abortion. Hell no. It has 100% to do with the candidate who says the words, “I am pro-life.” That’s it. That’s the one who they vote for. They don’t even bother to look to see if that person does anything useful to prevent abortions or (ha ha sob) help actual children who are born. If a child isn’t getting what they need, well, that’s just their deadbeat parents’ faults. It’s so fucking difficult to keep at it but you do, you ruin every fucking birthday party, every get together, every time every where because come on, a PEDOPHILE nearly made it in office and they would have celebrated it.
uhm NAH. We’re still willing to believe it is ignorance that causes white women to uphold this toxic system and not Self interest? Two words. Inheritance and Insurance. White women are the secondary beneficiaries of wealth and opportunity hoarding via their fathers, husbands, uncles, cousins, etc,. There is no confusion. Wealth allows one to skirt policies that oppress the poor. Healthcare, abortion, taxes, not an issue for the wealthy, so they intend to stay wealthy.
You’re absolutely right. Self-interest is the reason. Keeping the wealth, keeping the status quo, keeping the whiteness.
The fact that we can’t fathom intent and calculated decisions from white women is astounding. “Rose, give me the keys.” ( from GetOut) . Rose aint giving you no damn Keys and she aint confused!
SCREAMING!!! Come through, Rachel. Preach that word. “Rose ain’t giving you no damn keys and she ain’t confused.” The doors of the church are now open.
Knowing white women as I do i must totally agree with you.
#Facts. ALL #Facts. This is the root of it right here. They are beneficiaries.
“Those of you with sense need to call your sisters, cousins, aunties and moms unto the carpet and have the tough conversations that are easy to avoid.”
So…if we’ve HAD those conversations and been ignored/scoffed at/excoriated, what next? Seriously. What do we do?
Keep having them. As has often been said about this process, it’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon. We have to keep having the tough conversations, and trying to introduce facts into them.
(Remember, many of these folks only get their news from fact-free sources.) Find local activists with whom you can work to amplify the voices of the marginalized. Don’t give up!
Thank you, Manxie! I was going to say something similar: what the hell do we DO if we’re white or white-identified and know this is a problem. So your words are welcome. I need to be reminded every now and then because I get so damned discouraged sometimes.
You cannot worry about hurting feelings or getting shunned when real-life issues come into play. Family is something you are born into but nothing says you cannot create your own community outside of those with whom you share DNA. What benefit do you get from dealing with such toxic people any way? Can Aunt Marble’s scalloped potatoes be all that good?
conlakappa,
I think you missed the point. You can’t influence people with whom you don’t interact. If we are to influence the white evangelicals that are in our family, we MUST continue to go after them, time and time again, in spite of hurt feelings, rage and all the other “wonderful” feelings that come with being at odds with the ones you love.
The hard part in all of this is that we have to keep swimming in the toxic pool to make a difference.
What I do is get out my wallet, among other things. I don’t care what state, what level of government, what office is being elected. Doug Jones got my two cents, so did Stacey Abrams. She has a ton of experience, is a more than decent human being, and will look out for her entire voting constituency. As a white woman, I will never be able to say with any credibility that we’re all in this together with if I don’t put my money (among other resources) where my hope lies.
Speaking as a white woman: you are COMPLETELY CORRECT. As Michael Harriet wrote last February, “sometimes white people just need to shut the **** up” … except when it comes to having these difficult conversations with other white people. Thanks for, as always, your perfect take on the matter.
“they’ve benefited the most, because they’ve done none of the work, got all the perks, and none of the blame…” And that’s the fairy tell white women have been told is their due and their legacy. That and “a man is your plan”. No so for me though, a white woman who is hanging on your every word. Thank you, Luvvie, for helping me rewrite my story.
So, 2/3 of white women in 1/50 states voted for Roy Moore, and you’re telling the entire population of white women that they are responsible and this reflects on that entire demographic. But at the same time, you also tell them not to generalize and think that all black people are a certain way because only a small percentage of them are, and don’t base your opinion on black people as a whole because of the actions of a small fraction of black people. Your hypocrisy lately is astounding, girl…
So, 2/3 of white women in 1/50 states voted for Roy Moore, and you’re telling the entire population of white women that they are responsible and this reflects on that entire demographic. But at the same time, you also tell them not to generalize and think that all black people are a certain way because only a small percentage of them are, and don’t base your opinion on black people as a whole because of the actions of a small fraction of black people. Your hypocrisy lately is astounding, girl…
You clearly skipped the part where she writes, “If you’re not a hit dog, don’t holler.” Protest too much, maybe? And, BTW, the same demographics in Alabama were present in the VA and NJ elections earlier this year. White women in those elections overwhelmingly voted for misogynist, racist men, and had it not been for the support of women of color, those vile men would have won. Your flying your victim flag is exactly the problem that’s being called out here. Do some soul searching, Jamie, because right now,, you’re part of the problem, not part of the solution.
Your chin-check is on point but just have to note that the GOP candidate in the NJ-GOV election was a woman, Kim Guadagno. Not that it mattered because she was trolling for KKK votes too, with TV ads saying if you didn’t vote for her that illegal brown folks were gonna invade your town to rape and kill everybody.
OMFG. 53% OF WHITE WOMEN GAVE US DONALD TRUMP. WAKE UP. It’s not about representing an entire demographic, it’s the fact that part of the demographic is hurting the rest of the demographic and we don’t seem to think it matters; we refuse to act like a tribe and do what’s good for us and choose to do what’s good for the “system”.
No hypocrisy. Am white woman, can confirm.
The stats are stupid. The people voting are worse. They make every excuse under the sun for these men and serve sweet tea at their events. Now how dumb do you think Moore’s spokeswoman, Janet Porter, is? To go on national TV and say there’s a group of “non-accusers”? I mean goddamn woman. She just threw her WHOLE reputation under the bus for that skunk.
I’m a white woman from upstate NY and I’m not offended by your comments. I want to listen and make space to hear all the thoughts, feelings, ideas, and rants. I also am curious as to what systems perpetuate collective white female blindness. I’m curious if black culture is matriarchal. (I know the white culture very definitely is not.) I am inspired by black women whose strength rises above systemic oppression. I am disgusted by the shallow, self centered, self protective stance of so-called white Christian women who vote for misogyny. And then I wonder, really wonder, what system is holding their minds in check that they believe their worth (and the worth of all POC) is nothing compared to a powerful white man. Yeah, they need to get their shit together. But how are they going to start doing that if they don’t even recognize the systemic mental death grip of patriarchy?
You should read the comments if you haven’t — white women are not trying to dismantle the patriarchy; it benefits them!!! They’ll SAY it…but that’s because it sounds good. They are most concerned with self. And that means maintaining the power structure.
Yes, black culture, especially in America, is matriarchal. Why you ask? THEY HAVE ALWAYS REMOVED OUR MEN. There has been movement after movement to remove black men from families and it has largely been successful. So we have never been able to sit back and chill. We DO.
I think some white women are trying to dismantle the patriarchy. We need more matriarchal, powerful voices, women who value their own dignity and worth, working to dismantle it.
The majority of white women (approximately 2/3) are Evangelical Christians. That is where the problem lies. White Evangelicalism is not even close to the same as Black Evangelicalism. It is patriarchal poison. As someone who was raised a White Evangelical, I know this culture well. This is where we can make a difference. This is where our battle lies.
Ok this white lady says YOU ARE ON POINT with every last delicious word you just dropped. Anyone who says otherwise is dealing with some uncomfortable home truths they don’t want to deal with. Sharing on my feed to shame every white lady who comes at me.
I don’t want to call it a sickness, but it’s certainly something when, as a woman, you push the button/pull the lever for someone who thinks you, as a woman, shouldn’t have the right to vote. I don’t think I’m necessarily a democrat as much as I am a “what you’re NOT gonna do is tell me what I’m going to do with my uterus/tell me who to love/state plans to institute policies to relegate me to a third class being”-ocrat. Unfortunately, so many white women are enslaved to the patriarchy. I was listening to the radio briefly where discussions were being had about Trump being Trump when it comes to women and Moore being a pedophile. If you could have heard the number of (what sounded to me like) white women blasting the accusers for “waiting so long”, saying “we have bigger issues in this country” and so forth. I don’t know what white women are going to do, but they’re gonna have to figure it out. Making sure Lena Dunham is never heard from again would be a start.
I am not good with memes. Can someone please post the Scooby Doo “Trying to find the lie” meme because I detect none in this post.
OK white ladies on this thread. Luvvie specifically said, “Get in formation, and “Get your shit together,” not, “Type your sentiments in the comment section below.” Right? So after dinner, or after your kid’s holiday band concert (in my case), click on this link with a bunch of great, concrete ways to commit to supporting black candidates for elected office. Then come back here and share which one you chose. You don’t have to say how much you donated or exactly what you signed up for, but you are not allowed to make any more comments on social media until you do this. https://www.thecut.com/2017/12/black-women-turnout-roy-moore-doug-jones.html
If the link doesn’t work then just Google it, dammit.
OK there’s time before the band concert, so I became a member of Higher Heights. I’m working on voter registration already, but I want everyone to have representatives they are as proud of as I am of Holly Mitchell and Karen Bass. Doug Jones is nice but let’s get behind black women.
Getting behind voter protection is what everyone could do. Eric Holder is behind an effort to strengthen that basic right. Doing it *now* versus in the waning days of registration State by State will go a long way.
Luvvie, you always have just the right words, I swear. I don’t think it could be explained any better than this, so thank you.
PS: My favorite phase is “it’s always ok to shut the fuck up” but now i think I’m in love with “shutting the fuck up is FREE” and I shall use it frequently. LOL
This article is everything that I’ve thought since last November. Miss me with the pussy hat marches and the safety pins…..
Seriously, can we stop blaming ALL white women? None of the white women I know would vote for someone like Roy Moore and are, in fact, very liberal. How about you say all white CONSERVATIVE women, and stop lumping us all together?
I got this! Got it!
BAD Tracy! Bad, bad, BAD! No no! SHHH! Listen. LISSENNNN.
The point was not that Luvvie and other mean black women are lumping us in with the Trumpettes. OK? She’s saying, DO something about them. Don’t accommodate them. Have hard conversations. Ruin the party. Get to work.
Maybe all the white women you know are very liberal, but are you ALL actively supporting candidates who are women of color, supporting voter registration in communities of color, fighting voter suppression efforts with phone calls and letters?
I didn’t think so. So zip it. Sign up, donate, show up, make 1000 calls, go door-to-door, drive people to the polls, hand out water bottles in the back, and stay late to clean up. Get your very liberal friends to join you, and make sure they each bring more. Come back after that and see if you still feel like complaining. You won’t because you will be too busy.
^^^^This right here. Bless you, Kelly!!!
Re-read the article. Please. Re-read. Just. Re-read. The. Article.
And until we figure out a way to change the hearts and minds of conservative women (such a nice, forgiving term for such vile people), use your liberal money and write out a liberal check to a few of these orgs…we need to help them not vice versa…
https://www.thecut.com/2017/12/black-women-turnout-roy-moore-doug-jones.html
I seriously doubt that any woman who voted for Moore would wear a pussy hat or even call themselves a feminist or consider themselves to be any part of any sisterhood. Yes, a lot of white women do need to get their act together, they do need start to open their eyes. But it’s like a battered woman who refuses to leave her abuser.
Good points, but still speaking in black and white. I’ve lived around this country North South East
and West. The women who vote for Trump and Moore have a mental illness called greed and domination, and they play their roles as obedient submissives, at least in public: The Good Ol Boys with their Good Gals. These women wield their power over others using fear, hate, and rage to control (usually under the umbrella of a religious brand, but just as often from a pulpit of privilege, just like their men.) Their social circles and their place within them is highly competitive and easily unhinged by any freethinking creativity thus this is prime territory for sociopaths, as the most manipulative wins. Popular power tactics are to discredit truth and rewrite history to serve their own asses. These women drive their lives and mow down anything in the way, including their own daughters. Don’t kid yourself – when measuring Alabama you’re talking about white women but the problem with women has nothing to do with race – I’ve seen this self-subjugation and highly groomed clawing for survival in every race and socioeconomic group. If you want to change the phenomena of inequality, grab hold of self-love, and stand up for your own wholeness – then watch Clarity and Love reveal itself. As we stand in our own wellness, the walls of division and hatred come tumbling down.
I’ve walked around all day staring at other white women in Alabama just wondering if they are them. The 63% who voted for a pedophile. At that rate you have to assume they are. I felt this way after Trump. My eyes were opened to the fact that “feminism” wasn’t what I thought it was. That women were not all together. I’m rambling. I’m sad. I’m going to keep having more hard conversations. Thank you for your post.
Maybe it will get real for them when their rights slowly are chipped away. Just maybe.
I’m afraid it may be too late by then. I know it’s an overused example, but there’s a reason Margaret Atwood created the “wife” class in The Handmaid’s Tale. Phyllis Schlafly didn’t exist in a vacuum. Yeah, their rights will be chipped away, but they’ll happily guide the rest of us to destruction as long as they get to sit beside the throne.
“If they belong to the bourgeoisie, they feel solidarity with men of that class, not with proletarian women; if they are white, their allegiance is to white men, not to Negro women…. The bond that unites her to her oppressors is not comparable to any other.” – Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex
You’re absolutely right. And as a white woman, I’m ashamed and mad. Disgusted and so angry. And deservedly uncomfortable. Thank you for all you have shared and done. I’ll be doing more – working to indeed, get our (white women) shit together.
[…] Luvvie Ajayi is furious about this system of oppression white women have got going; she called them out: […]
I disagree! You are attacking your allies in the white female world. People who are hurting too. I don’t have brunch with white women that would vote for Roy Moore. I don’t know any, and if I did, I probably wouldn’t have any meal with them. They don’t exist in my family either. I can’t do what you wants me too, because I don’t have those relationships. How do I? I don’t even have the slightest idea how to do that. I want very much for this administration and it’s allies to go away. I’ve tried all I know how to, to make it go away. The first thing that concerned me after realizing that the Earth’s life as we know it was likely to end, was the fear of seeing strange fruit, because that’s what came to my mind after this abomination of a presidential nominee was elected. But, it’s like this, I understand your rage to the degree that I can. I have my own from this predicament we are in. I know they are not the same, but I want to do all I can to get things better. To get us all out of this shit place. I don’t know what that means, but I still grasp for my straws, because I don’t really know how to accept what is. I hope that your rage finds it’s home somewhere that works for you and if it is in attacking some of your allies, I’m willing to let that be with a large enough breath to not allow it to hit me close up. Meanwhile, I won’t ask Muslims to control the extremest Muslims that are causing pain, nor the white men whose brothers are extremest right wing christians, nor the white sisters that have white brothers or sisters that believe some people are worthy of life and others are not, because I know that don’t work. I’d do it if I could. Blessings and I sure in hell am glad all the black sisters and brothers got out in Alabama and voted! I’m so fucking sorry that a mjority of white women didn’t! That enrages me too! I’m going to continue to do my best and when I learn something that works, I’ll do it, first thing. Tell me more. I’ll take your attack and let it fall wherever it needs too. I’m going to continue to do my best. Help me do better and I will.
when Trump won, I thought the same thing, BLACK women need to get their shit together. Trump won. Get over it. Why did so many BLACK women vote against their own interest? WHITE women saved their ass from Hillary!
Hi Bot!
Tell Vlad I asked about him.
Does it surprise anyone that white women in that state chose a pedophile, and largely participated in the shaming of the women who came forward to tell their story of being pursued as teenagers by Moore? It shouldn’t. We’re talking about women who are the daughters and granddaughters of those who jeered MLK and civil rights workers, the descendants and beneficiaries of the plantation system, the twisted righteous “Christians” who pray to a blue-eyed Jesus and defend the “rights of the unborn” till they are blue in the face, without ever squeezing out one drop of empathy or understanding for children who need care, social services and a shot in life. I listened to them on the radio spew the lies that they have been fed their entire brainwashed lives during this campaign, and it made me sick and angry hopeless, the same way I feel out here in Texas when I encounter the same sort of bullshit from white women who spew their nonsense to me because they think my whiteness means I will automatically agree. But the black women in Alabama weren’t having it. Unlike me, y’all don’t have the luxury of feeling hopeless. Thank you for showing up, for not giving up, for NOT HAVING IT. I was an idiot for not canvassing in 2016 like I did in 2008. I feel ashamed of that. I’m working for a winnable Democratic seat for Congress these midterms. White women do need to wake up, and not only vote for the decent candidates, but to work for them. To knock on doors in white neighborhoods and have conversations that plant seeds of information and thought in minds of women whose privilege affords them ignorance.
They aren’t going to do better. And even the ones who didn’t vote for Jones have little to no respect for Black women. Oh they love to congratulate themselves for how much they appreciate us for carrying their load, but they are quick to shut you down and get in their feelings (or block you on Twitter) when you let them know that for all their platitudes we ain’t feeling the love. To them I can only say, “We don’t believe you. You need more people.”
As a ww I want to say all you pink hat marchers why are you sitting on your hands all this past year? Marching don’t mean you get to sit on your pretty little rush and spend the next four years netflixing Every week you need to be phoning signing petitions and speaking up and out With Citizens United we all have to participate to protect our rights
Might I add that Christians need to get their shit together. The hypocrisy of people using their religious beliefs as a shield to justify supporting racist, sexist, anti-gay, anti-immigrant policies and candidates is breathtaking. The evangelical split divided white women in AL on party lines. I am a white latina and an atheist. I’m delighted to shun every moore-voting white evangelical woman and they are delighted to be shunned by me. But each and every one of us has people in our tribe, however we define it, who use their religion as an excuse to vote for very un-Christian people and policies. Why are we so scared to challenge their beliefs? We need to call them out, in all of our communities, and remind them what their professed faith actually tells them to do.
Christianity is just a proxy for race, but it’s safe from criticism because, you know, god and stuff. Republicans co-opt religion and then promote a conservative social agenda while screwing everyone from behind. If you tease the religion away from the GOP, what are you left with? Greed.
Thank you for writing this. I’ve been feeling the same way since November 8, 2016. I’m past caring about hurt feelings at this point.
My white parents in their 70’s voted for Obama (and would have voted for Jones had they lived in Alabama). Why? One key reason – they are not messed up in religion. Many of their elderly white friends who voted the other way are messed up in religion. Religion is an elephant in the room.
In that respect, I think some soul searching is needed across the board, in terms of any persons legitimizing a world where gods exist and desire for humans to do certain things. Because you open that can of worms and look where it can lead. I don’t think religious people get to sit back and watch the carnage they help facilitate by legitimizing a demon haunted world.
Alabama is a cesspool of religious fundamentalism. We all need to move on from that stuff.
Yes, we need to talk about this. Religion trumps race and gender in dividing loyalties, it even splits families. People with religious beliefs need to lead the dialogue in their own communities and call out hate and hypocrisy.
What issues do you want the Democrats to focus on, in campaigns and legislation?
I want to stand with you and boost *your* signal.
This happened in 2014 with Texas governor race too. https://rewire.news/article/2014/11/05/white-women-lets-get-shit-together/
I live in Alabama, and I’m white. I and my black sisters at the various places I visit during my work look around before we talk politics to see who is listening. We are allies in a sisterhood against a larger enemy, racism. Racism so pervasive that politics is a whispered, dangerous topic to bring up and you have to be careful who you sound out about it. You don’t know which people are safe. That includes black people. A black nurse overheard me make an exclamation of happiness on reading the Jones win on my phone and questioned me, and then sourly told me why he should have won. Including saying that there was a reason that racism existed and that it would just always be that way so there was no point in voting. My goggle eyes nearly fell out of my head. I mean, I meet plenty of people who confess to not voting, but never in that exact way. It’s a don’t ask, don’t tell situation in deep South Alabama, and one of the best things about this election has been the money that has poured in from out of state allowing Democrats to organize and discover there are more of us than we knew. The party here had been abandoned for at least a quarter of a century and in almost every race up and down ballot most Republicans run unopposed. This has taught most Democrats to be quiet and depressed the vote. It’s made black voters feel abandoned. As to the majority of white women who voted for Moore, many, many, were Evangelical or under the sway of Faux news. I cannot adequately convey to people in educated areas how bad the education level is here. You wonder why facts make no difference and how people can believe conspiracy theories, well, these people have a literacy level of a 5th grader and zero real understanding of Christianity, since they get most “preaching” from the “pastor” of a made up church. As someone on the ground here reading your piece, all I can think is that you are completely out of touch of what it is really like. First: White women and black women are joyful allies here against a common enemy, those freakin’ crazies we are all AFRAID of. Second: We don’t hold out much hope for peeling off any of those crazies. Third: The best hope is the get the “I don’t vote” crowd to register and to the polls. They are more likely to be on our side. They almost certainly don’t go to church. LOL. PS- Many white, rich, suburban women vote Doug Jones in this election. They all live in and around major cities which all went blue. Those aren’t the problem. It’s the ignorant, uneducated, Fox viewer. The very best thing this country could do is put Fox News out of business. Target sponsors people.
Hopefully there are more non-voters to sway than uneducated crazies because this is an uphill battle when you’re dealing with religion and racism and republicans – but I repeat myself.
offensive article
racism goes both ways. lets say a white woman wrote this ignorant article, you would be losing your shit too and calling it racist, well i want to point out the hypocrisy, this is a racist and offensive article.
also why we gotta break this down into race and only 2 races at that, back and white, like black and white are always in a competition with each other or something? the chart that shows the percentages is racist. what about asians, chinese, koreans, native americans, mixed race, mongolian, etc. why don’t those peoples votes matter and aren’t reflected in the chart? you got your chart from washington post, fucking racists, thinking black and white is the only 2 races that fucking matter. i hope you think your next articles out thoroughly because this one comes off as offensive and racist and ignorant.
this article is also showing and telling white women to hate themselves, apologize for other white women, take shame in themselves, and be better people, oh god i can go on forever and talk shit but you people are fucking stupid but yeah whatever
And yet it took 4 posts for your to get to the point. So you kinda did go on forever.
#shrug
It’s what happens whenever Melania tries to write for herself.
the hell are you talking about?
I need you to learn to read for meaning.
I am white. Nothing I do will change that, it ain’t my fault and it ain’t my gift. It’s just how I was born. Luvvie never shames me nor hates me for that fact, never asks me to apologize for other people, but she calls white women as a whole to Jesus here and that includes me thinking how I enable racism in my white friends and family.
I can’t just have warm feelings towards people who are in real pain and call it a day. You seem to have missed that black and white people in the US are in very different situations, as groups. That needs to stop. I have seen white folks keep other races down and I’m standing up to say racism is not a lie. If a white woman wrote this it would be ridiculous and out of line with reality, but Luvvie speaks the truth and not in hatred.
I am sharing this everywhere. Truth in every word. You are right. We own this. And since white men are never really going to get it, we white women need to step up and understand that our privilege is real, and that if we don’t use that privilege to bust down the systems of institutionalized racism and sexism, then we aren’t living up to our God-given – – and God-EXPECTED – – potential. And that means being accountable for more than our own votes. I accept this. I will do better. And I challenge the other white women reading this to do the same. With humility. And with the goal of achieving true sisterhood in our lifetimes.
As a white southern male, I just wanted to let you know I think you’re an amazing writer and am already a big fan 🙂 Hope you have a wonderful holiday season! Go Doug Jones (at least over Roy “Voldemort” Moore) and go African-American men and women!!!!! Thank you!
^All of this! Every freaking word! Every freaking syllable!
I’ve been saying this whenever I can to whoever will listen! I am tired of Black folks cleaning up everyone else’s messes and then being tossed aside and converted into scapegoats!
Thanks to Black Alabamians and thanks to you for this post!
[…] women” or “thanking black women.” There are plenty of articles already written (by black women) about why these ideas not only fall short but perpetuate the idea that black women are […]
I wanted to print out this article because I think it’s a very important editorial that should be shared. How can I go about doing so as I attempted to and realized the copyright?
This. post. is. everything. Thank you!
YES YES YES! I am a Big Ole Dyke and none of these white fools want anything to do with me. However, I *still* benefit from white privilege and, if I’m not careful, perpetuate white supremacy. It’s just true…no sense in shooting at Auntie Luvvy in her robe for simply being the messenger of Obvious Caucisity on this one. Sit down, Becky.
This is a thing that’s been in my mind, for a very long time. Since before Hillary, before Bernie, before that bastard those people elected to run our country. Is white women. We tear each other down. We discredit one another. We discredit ourselves. When a woman says a man did a bad thing to her, other women cry her foul and tear her apart. Why? Why do we do this?
My thoughts?
These men are our brothers, our fathers, our best friends, our husbands and our partners. We can’t believe that someone we love so hard is so capable of evil. What does it say about us? So we turn on the accusers of white, we turn on the victims of white men, we turn on the oppressed of white men.
We learn this behavior from our mothers, our grandmothers, our sisters, our aunts. We are so complicit we won’t even see the behavior happening and we don’t believe it when it’s presented to us. The white man just looks to his protector, we the white woman, who will always and forever see him as her savior, her love, her life.
Great post! I will also add that because many of these white women are in relationships with these wealthy and powerful white men, they benefit from their elevated financial status. Rather than support themselves, these women will co-sign all kinds of craziness to live in the lap of luxury and avoid getting a job. Equal pay means nothing to them. Roy Moore’s wife, Melania Trump, Donald Sterling’s wife and all of the white women who were married to bigots dating back to slavery times stood by watching and doing nothing while their partners wreaked havoc on humanity. Since the majority of white men date and marry white women (especially these racists), they are in a way voting for themselves by electing these clowns!
Exactly right. White women identify their interests with those of their husbands (and children), not with some stranger just because she shares the same gender.
Luvvie, I never comment but I’m commenting. Now you know you’re right but I’m here to say MA’AM YOU ARE RIGHT.
Long time white woman, first time commenter. Lol. I am not hurt because I don’t support that shit! I don’t stan for racists. I don’t button my mouth when people mistake me for one of them. I do not stand for people who hate any women. If someone hates black women, they’re gonna end up hating my female self anyway, let’s get this over with.
But YEAH Blackabama saved our ass! Thank God! That Roy Moore fool had more problems than being into teens and we all know it. Problems he’d try to legislate on the rest on the country. Thank you, Black Alabama!
I just have one bone to pick with your article. White women do work- they do all the things for those entitled men that Black women do, although some “ladies” get excused on behalf of their fragility. But don’t be fooled, those assholes expect their underlings to put in. I doubt it’s quite the same, but having grown up in a white church… I had to defend the church ladies who made all the food, set out all the tables, handled all the children, laid out the spread, served, took the sexual harassment, and kept smiling and looking fresh as a daisy because it’s what Jesus wanted. They are the backbone of the racist, sexist support structure, so I can’t say too much good about them, but they do work hard. Imagine if we could un-brainwash these women. Some are a lost cause, but sometimes I think there’s hope for a few. On the other hand, I only have so many brain cells left.
Luvvie, I want to thank you for all the good you do in the world. You keep me sane!
[…] https://awesomeluvvie.wpengine.com/2017/12/white-women-shit-together-alabama.html […]
What if I told you that I already did all that? I already called my aunties and my sisters and my mom, and let me tell you, it did not go well. In fact my mom and I are finally patching things up after not talking for nearly a year after she voted for Trump. I didn’t need Moore. All I needed was Trump to draw a line and declare a moral line. As a single mom, my family is very important to me. But I completely ostracized myself from them in my adamant loyalty to my moral beliefs. It’s has been one of the hardest years of my life with my family. That’s what some of us are risking.
A good friend of mine is often in tears because she basically has no family anymore after her mother ripped the pictures of her and her children off her walls and threw them in the trash. That is what she risked.
In October, I visited my grandmother in Oklahoma who is dying of ALS. She made sure to bring up how I’ve caused a “break in the family” and how I’m the only person who’s not conservative so why can’t I let it go? Try having that conversation with your grandmother on her death bed and then hear that you’re not doing enough.
It’s easy to criticize people when you are not in their shoes. Black women are united on this. White women are not. We’re extremeky divided, just as our country is. And we’re trying. Hard. We’re at war with our own families. We need encouragement, not judgement.
With all of that said, I hear you. I agree with most of what you have said. I get it. But to tell me that no matter how hard I’m fighting, I still suck because I’m still white?.. That’s not fair. I wish you the best with your career, you are a great writer and now that I’ve discovered you, I will always be a fan.
Nichole, girl, I’m so sorry. That sounds rough.
My friend discovered last year that her mom was using her social security number to sign up for everything under the sun. Cable internet and TV, credit cards, electricity and gas, renting furniture. The mom was doing it to her older sister, too. Both young adults. My friend had moved overseas- she only checked her credit score for her visa. Her mom stole some $11,000 from her- then convinced the rest of her family that my friend and her sister had said it was okay, and they were ungrateful daughters, bullshit bullshit bullshit. She convinced my friend’s grandma to give her money to “pay it off” (she didn’t) and when my friend skyped with her grandma on her deathbed, her grandma was like, “I don’t understand why you can’t be a better daughter. You’ve always been so sweet to me. But I forgive you.”
The point is, when you have an abusive family who is only sweet when you shut up, they’re still abusive when you’re shutting up. That doesn’t make what you did not enough. Lord knows some people won’t hear it. Sounds like you need some support in your life- people who are there regardless of how mad you get. And your friend, too!
With all that so many Black women contend with in the world, with all of the pressure and the lack of recognition for our worth that often comes with simply being who we are, that so many of us continue to be so bold, so courageous, and so inspiring makes me feel emotional.
It would be easy to talk about the hurdles that are so often set higher for us than for others, and the many ways in which people often try to undermine Black women, but, in spite of it all, oh, the magnificence that so many of us make manifest.
That result in Alabama was like a soothing salve for my soul. Yes, many of us, overseas, are watching what is happening in the U.S. from overseas. Thanks for this. Luvvie. Now, I’m waiting to see whether the likes of Chimamanda, and Claudia Rankine will, in time, also offer an opinion on those who could do with boarding the good ship, Do Better….
This is also a 10-year buildup rant for me. I lost half my white friends during Obama’s campaign and another few with Trump’s campaign. A few more are gone now due to the Alabama election. What I don’t understand is why we all saw and read the same things but came out on opposite sides. A con man and a Pedophile and they really had to think about who to vote for. Now they are doing the “let’s just agree to disagree” dance. I’ve seen their true colors and I’m done. Sistas, Gays, Transgender’s and others who are able to see through the bull, I’m with you!
Ouch – Amen!!
Tell us like it is!! This white chick is going to do better!!
Love your words!!
Luvvie, love your post and your awesome Facebook rant on this topic. I think you actually answered your own question when you asked why white women actively vote against “their own interests.” It’s because it’s in white American women’s interests to have their husbands (usually white) succeed. And it has been ever since America was founded. You identified this yourself.
That is why they can’t see themselves (white women) as a tribe, the same way you and I (as women of color) see ourselves as tribes. In the US, they tend to live far away from their mothers, aunts, grown daughters, grandmas, etc. So they don’t have the benefit of trustworthy white sisterhood nearby, and instead, their tribes are their immediate families. With, traditionally, the husband ruling the household.
You and I are different. We’re united in wanting to be treated equally, fighting against a system that squashes us daily because of our race. But they don’t have a common goal like that, so instead they fight against each other. All the 40+ years I’ve grown up here, since grade school, white gals cat on each other, lie about each other, start drama queen wars against each other, usually because of some guy. They still feel that they need to fight for guys to ensure their survival. That was how it was for CENTURIES, but recently, the cage door has been opened (women can own property, have jobs, live on their own), and on the whole they still don’t see it.
It IS sad. Anyway, I’m glad you’re raising awareness. We women do need to unite. But we have to raise awareness to women who are still clueless that they need to vote to protect their bodies and their rights, not align with men who they think they can’t live without.
I absolutely believe for real change to come white women are gonna have to get loud and start calling EVERYONE on their bullshit. Meaning our Daddy’s, cousins, sisters, coworkers, etc. Time to call out other women on their responsibility to self and each other. And it isn’t always easy, or even kind, but it is necessary. Stop being sheep and realize the stupidity in the choices you make and help guide the lost.
Since the AL election, I have been telling every white person within the sound of my voice that we need to line the fuck up behind black women and follow their lead. (And I should have done it sooner.) Because y’all will save the world if we will only get the hell up out the way and start actually Doing the Right Thing, Not the White Thing.
I’ve had to get out of my feelings on this, and I encourage other white women trying to board the S.S. Do Better to do the same. If you’re voting well, raising your voice, and supporting POC for real, GOOD. Keep doing that. And try to do it without asking for a #NotAllWhiteWomen cookie, for once.