If Cheeto Satan is Healthy, Then I’m a Scandinavian Princess Who Can Dunk
A couple of days ago, White House physician Dr. Ronny Jackson addressed the nation to calm growing concerns that the Dunghole-in-Chief was in terrible shape health-wise. The doctor told us all that Mango Mussolini is in great health physically and mentally. He also claimed that the Fanta Fascist is 6’3″ …
White Women Need to Get Their Shit Together
Yesterday was the much-anticipated (and dreaded) race for Alabama’s newest senator. One candidate was the run-of-the-mill Democrat. Nothing radical or life-altering about him. Doug Jones is the status quo in human form. And the other was a pedophile who stood boldly in his racist, confederacy values. Roy Moore would have …
ThumbsUp Trumpledick and Disaster Barbie to the Hurricane Harvey Rescue!
With Hurricane Harvey wreaking havoc in Texas, the people of Houston and Beaumont have been in our thoughts and prayers. Even during such a serious time, Cheeto Satan and company couldn’t help but embarrass themselves and act the complete OPPOSITE of how a president and first lady should behave. On …
Steve Bannon’s Face is the Physical Embodiment of Soul Rot
Lemme start by saying HELL YES I will body and face shame every single member of the Cheeto Satan inner circle without guilt. None of them know how to act (remember Kellyanne Conway putting her feet on the couch). They go low and I go gutter. Anywho, one of the …
Scaramucci Got Fired from The White House, Which is Now a Temp Agency
It’s like the real-life Celebrity Apprentice in Washington, DC right now and it is just a clusterfuck over there. The Cheeto Satan White House got more turnover than a waffle maker. The latest casualty in Mango Mussolini’s administration is Anthony Scaramucci, who only lasted 10 DAYS before he got the ax. …
Is Melania Trump Getting Federally-Funded Side Peen?
Lemme tell you something. I haven’t started the new season of House of Cards yet because I honestly feel like we’re living in it. Double dose of it might be TEW MUCH. This Trump administration is like Primetime Fuckshit. On the bad part, everything is crumbling and the world is …
The NATO G7 Summit Group Texts We Won’t Get To See
In how many countries and at how many occasions can the Fanta Fascist thoroughly embarrass himself and therefore us American citizens? Because, so far this week we have at least 4. The NATO G7 Summit began yesterday and the idiot with our nuclear codes showed up and showed out in …
The Pope Meeting The Trumps is All Of Us
This international tour that Cantaloupe Caillou is on will not stop providing moments of memes. It will not stop reminding us that we (well, yall. I know who I voted for) have elected Sunburned Stalin to represent us all on the global stage and it is the biggest mistake ever …
Melania Trump is Still Wack But Her Hand Holding Block Game is Strong
In these times, we must find joy in the most unlikely places. Because half the time I’m just praying for the beast with no neck that the book of Revelations promised us to come down and end the misery of Donald Trump the Shitstain of Life running this place. In …
Because Those Who Voted for Trumpcare Deserve Petty Prayers
Last week, the hapless hoodlums who make up the House Republicans voted to pass the American Healthcare Act (AHCA) aka Trumpcare. If you have a pre-existing condition, insurance companies are not required to cover you, and if they cover you, they can charge you thousands of dollars for simple treatments. …