Famous folksPolitics

Barack’s Moisturized Ankles Aren’t Playing Fair

While the world is crumbling and everything is a dumpster fire and I got more grey hairs in my edges than I can count, some people are flourishing. By some people, I mean President Barack Obama. You know, our ex. The One Who Got Away.

The fool who sits in the White House right now (Cheeto Satan) is starting World Wars on Twitter and putting kids in cages and we’re all stressed the hell out. But Uncle Barry was in Kuala Lumpur giving fist bumps while showing his shea butter ankles and taut glutes and it’s not fair! All the suffering we’re doing and he’s looking like his blood pressure is good and regulated at 100/70. I’m HATING, yo.

Uncle Barry out here looking like he has a home on Mars he can take his fam to when Earth successfully throws the rest of us off. CAN I COME?!? I hate it here!

Barack Obama Ankles

Look at this! He got a glow to him and he’s smiling like he means it. It’s like when you were bogus to your ex and they finally leave you and find someone who treats them way better. Meanwhile, you’ve just been on Tinder and each one has been worse than the last. And when you see them at a Black Party, they wave at you, with not one ounce of bitterness and you’re all “OMG I MISS YOU SO MUCH I COULD SOB” but you gotta keep it cool. Yeah. That.

WHO TOLD HIM HE COULD LOOK THIS GOOD??? He actually went and aged backwards. Just petty.

Here’s what LuvvNation had to say:

Sunshine: I feel like the left behind kid when your dad gets a new family and forgets you exist. Like dude…I’m still here…WAITING. Come back for me bro

Kimberly G: he left to get cigarettes and bread and never came back home!????

Sunshine: Swear! You cant just leave your family Barack! Ohana, which is SUPER close to Obama, means family so COME GET US

Michelle B: he used to call and leave messages ‘talmbout how we can come together as a nation. I was giving him money & errythang. Now, he acts like he doesn’t know me.

ugly cry dawson gif

Lisa P.: I have honestly reached a point where I don’t even want to see pictures like this. Not because I don’t love him deeply, because I DO. It just makes me so damn sad and depressed to see what we had compared to what we have now. When this nightmare is over, I’ll be pulling out my Pete Souza picture books and happily reminiscing, but until then? It just hurts too damn much. ????????

Kaye: I’m not one to gossip but look at that lovely little hump behind him too. He’s showing things I never noticed before

Chryst Elle: he is doing his squats ???????????? There’s a pic of him playing golf….Lawd…forgive me for I have sinned

Tasha P: I keep looking for this one pic of him giving a speech in these grey dress pants that were just the right amount of tight.

Adrienne B: I hear you but I’m not trying to get beat up by Michelle…

Lisa N.: Facts! Michelle looks like she got hands too ????

Amai: That’s a Kenyan Bantu booty. Yep! Yep! Straight Outta Africa

Maggie: This is seeing your favorite teacher you didn’t appreciate enough who finally leaves your shitty school to go write a successful novel and you see him giving interviews looking happy and healthy while you’re stuck with the WORST substitute teacher in the state who blackmailed the admin into letting him collect a check while thinking he’s actually qualified to teach. Just hurts, y’all.

cry beyonce gif

Ann Danielle: All the white presidents come outta there looking like they barely survived a Mad Max reality ???????? Obama comes out looking finer than wine.

Carolyn D: Because all the white ones sold their soul to the devil… Or Cheney. Whatever.

Angel M: He drinking water and minding his business that why his hair line still intact and he has a glow up????????????

Jazmyn: He’s so disrespectful. How dare he be living his best and very fashionable life after he left us all with this orange nightmare. COME BACK BARRY WE NEED YOU.

Stesha: See!! I don’t know what type of games he trying to play and who he’s trying to be fast for, BUT I need him to cover the ankles and wipe that smile off his face. Act like you miss me Barry!! ????????

Carolyn D: He looks like the guy who quit the company just before it went belly up and the rest of us are back here binge eating shitty cake from Janice’s birthday. No sir I will NOT invite you to the group happy hour because you’ll probably just buy a round and then I’ll have to cry in the bathroom. I may need therapy.

Kimberly M.: it’s the breakup that never ended or gave us closer …. sigh ???????? so until then, we stalk ????

A Cherie: I see uncle B, done picked up some healthy weight. That’s that happy carefree gettin some buss it baby on a regular, weight.

Denise Lanae: I miss him so much. Remember when we didn’t have to worry who our president would piss off? ????

Renee B: Uncle Barry is a mood that we all hope to have again someday.

Raven C.: **lowers head in shame** I’m slightly uncomfortable with how this look makes me feel. I’m so sorry Auntie Michelle for the thoughts I just had. I love you…I really do. I shall go purify myself (and my thoughts) in the waters of Lake Minnetonka.

Sabrina D.: He looks so damn relaxed. Meanwhile on the ranch, the rest of society is in the damn matrix literally pulling our hair out by the roots one strand at a time due to the heinous acts of his successor aka cheeto satan

Tasha: Note: There is NOT. ONE. BIT. OF. ASH. on either exposed ankle! Meanwhile we’re all over here fighting to get that last corner out the Dollar General vaseline container, that the only ingredient is Petroleum jelly.

LaCarsha: He looking good, living freely while he left us with the babysitter from hell…. come back! ???????? lol

crying windshield wipers gif

Latarsha: It’s like he broke up with the nation and then leveled up after his glow up! We stuck with Ike Turner while Obama out here being Idris Elba! ????????

Chanda: It’s very disrespectful for him to be flaunting his best life and his tapered cropped pants in our faces

Theresa: Starting to think it was all a dream. Look at that smart, brilliant, grown-ass man, husband, Dad, president. And then look at goddamn Cheetolini. How the fuck did we get here?

Kalimah: Oh you know they invested all that book money in a escape plan for when the Cheeto goes nuclear.  I bought all of your books Barack and Michelle. That should get me a seat…

Penelope: He plays too damn much. Out here showing ankles and wearing Stan Smiths. Who gave him permission to act up? He needs to bring himself back home where he belongs.

DeShawn: Okay, Sir. Looking like he smells all kinds of Unbothered by Calvin Klein!

Catherine: Y’all know if he flashed ankle as President, faux news would have run a story about it for a week like they did with his tan suit ????????‍♀️ I miss having a president who is smart and scandal free

Rhetta: But explain to me how some poor soul has not tossed her arms around those sweet ankles and cried out, “Come back! Make it better! Hold me til the bad man leaves!”

Skyy: BO, Hello? It’s me
I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet
To go over everything
They say that time’s supposed to heal ya
But I ain’t done much healing
Hello, can you hear me?
I’m in California dreaming about who we used to be

Kim R.: Looking like a whole five course meal from a four star restaurant ????

Lori: Those ankles have me in a Victorian swoon that I def never saw coming ????

Amanda R:  Gawd. His post-presidential hotness is too much. His advisors had him in bad pants for all those years so the nation could focus.

Betsy A.: truth! They downplayed him so as to keep the thirst at bay. He’s free to express himself now. ????

Shantel RM: Smiling, fist bumping, wearing casual clothes! Do we ever cross your mind?!

Nicole J.: He went from Yes He Can to “I bout did”

Aeisha B: I’m just so sad he escaped the sunken place and we keep sinking. I wonder if I drive by his house reeeeeealll slow he’ll see me see him see me and come save we?

Angela L: Someone on the original post said Obama was wearing a bougie thirst trap outfit. ????????????????????????

L Danielle: Why would he trigger us and arouse us like this at the same time? I don’t know whether to go cry or go take a cold shower.  Out here with this bougie thirst trap outfit. If he woulda went the other way with a beater and some gray sweatpants this would be a problem problem.  In the meantime we hiding under he bed because the babysitter stomping around drunk and trying to get us to play Russian Roulette with him.

Zuri: Michelle must have “forgot” to pack the mom jeans when they were moving out of the White House.

Takara: I’m having crazy zaddy issues over here and I am unashamed.

Juanita: O Beezy got on Stan Smiths and the babysitter don’t know how to lay edges. Jesus can you come get us please.

Jasmyn E.: Has Uncle Barry been doing squats? Cuz… ????????

Jazmyn W.: Right! He’s wearing joggers cause he knows too ???? you ain’t slick Barack!

Lashanna: My man… swag on a trilly! I see you with those classics on ya feet. Go on and show’em how it’s done den

Jessica H.: Just out here showing his ankle meat in broad daylight! Put some clothes on Barry!

Lisa N.: lmbo. All nekkid and delightfully indecent ????

Amai: this picture is doing nothing for our mental health but wonders for the rest of me.

Kate Elizabeth: Barack has literally transcended an alternate reality in which Cheetoh Dictatorius cannot follow… but neither can we. It is unfair/completely fair considering all he went through, just LOVE ME DAD.

Judith: them ankles, tho’. somebody get smelling salts!

Jenea L.: Nary a speck of ash on them ankles either…definitely other worldly…????

Erika T.:Are you saying that you’ve moved on? Bc you look like you’ve moved on. And I. Just. Can’t.

Jeni A.: Fuck this. I’m not ok right now and he’s flaunting his sexy ankles? Stop it

Anna S.: The fist bump?!? How is he getting cooler while we’re all crying??

Amai: Singing that old Aaron Hall song… “I’m talking to you Barry, I miss you…”

Irene: Whew! I’m bout to cry. I miss having a sane human being in the WH so much. And Barack out here looking like a 5 course meal plus dessert. It ain’t fair! ????

Kristina S.: Had he gone without socks they’d have tried impeachment.

May J: Well somebody has been going hard on arms day at the gym while the rest of us are out here DYING.

Jodi S.: He’s the Snickers we need because we’re not ourselves when we’re hungry. ????

Amai: I am just not equipped to deal with this level of swagger.

Diana O.: ankles out — completely stuntin’ on the game!

Sherita W.: Honey Barack is fine. He meant he wasn’t gonna let these Americans worry him and he did not.

Bekki: I miss him. And I love his bootie in skinny pants. Damn he’s fine.

Angie Lu: Oh so this his “started wearing less and going out more” look. Ankles all exposed. Smh. ????????‍♀️ Call us sometime B… can’t we still be friends? Damn.

Karissa M.: He looks so happy, chill, and laid back like he did his time and now he’s just here to bless us with his salt-and-pepper, fitted tee, ankle-showing, handsome self ???? #CoolAsACucumber

Esi: This is a good case of “Becoming….Unbothered”! He outchea….LIVING! ????????????

unbothered claire

Irene S: Bae out here living his best life while we’re in the 75th Hunger Games. I just wanna grab those moisturized ankles and not let go!

Veritas: So he just gonna live his best life with his fine ass and equally fine wife and beautiful daughters and shit while we gotta listen to that dumb mofo pronounce Ukraine as YEW KRAYNE and watch his sip water like he need a toddler cup…okay then…i aint bitter

Sherrice: But the big question is why am I sitting here feeling abandoned?????

Melissa S.: Uhm…pardon my impermanence but… uhh… that butt. How is Chelle, letting him run around like that unattended????!!!

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  1. Ann
    February 3, 2020 at 11:42 pm

    This article was so awesomely written. Love your writing style!

  2. Matticen
    February 4, 2020 at 10:58 am

    I’m with that person over on the far left. They know.

    • Stacy
      February 4, 2020 at 2:48 pm

      That’s exactly what I was thinking! They admiring the ankles too. Barack out here just glowing.