Candy Corn Tastes Like Plastic and Despair
Candy is meant to spike our blood sugar, bring a party into our mouths that no one else is invited to and pay for our dentists’ vacation homes. All great things, really. But sometimes, candy exists as a conspiracy to our taste buds. The main type of candy that does that is candy corn. THE WORST THING EVER. Well, besides black licorice. That is just the devil’s work.
Those little white, orange and yellow triangles of bad decisions make me want to fight the air. Candy Corn legit tastes like plastic and despair, and the fact that people give them away to kids on Halloween means there is a war on childhood. Those little pieces of hate might as well be rubber dipped in sucrose and painted. They are the absolute worst and if you disagree, you are wrong.
I don’t hate it as much as kale or Spirit Airlines but candy corn is in my top 10 list of things I want to abolish. So I saw a picture on my beloved ShoeBox’s Facebook page that shared my disdain and I shared it on my Awesomely Luvvie Facebook page. I’m an ambassador for Hallmark’s ShoeBox (@OfficialShoeBox) and part of the reason is because their shady ass cards really do get me.
Actual Factual
Below is what my peeps had to say. BTW, Peeps are another candy that should be banned in every country. They, like yellow starbursts, are despair chews.
* Candy corn taste like the mints in the waiting area of hell, where they serve peeps as your main course…..bluyuck – CW
* Candy corn tastes like that old man on the block who’s always yelling to get off his lawn! – AM
* It tastes like the tears of 1000 wasps being stung by 1000 hornets. – DGS
* I would rather step on 16 Legos in my bare feet than eat candy corn or peeps. – EMR
* Had a girlfriend years ago who loved candy corn. She turned out to be a freakin psychonut. I blame the candy corn. – CKS
* I HATE candy corn…Hate it with the fire of a million suns. It tastes like flavored plastic, and I don’t trust a single person who says they like it. Seriously, you’re totally suspect to me if you enjoy candy corn… LMAO! – ES
* Candy corn is the fruitcake of Halloween. Don’t give nobody that shit. That’s cruel. – SS
* Candy corn is neither candy nor corn. Tastes like sweetened earwax. Don’t ask me how I know this. – ME
And don’t pick Candy Corn when you do choose to eat that candy.
* Candy corn is the Halloween equivalent of a dried up Christmas fruit cake. Use for decoration only. – ST
* You know how when some kids pee the bed it smells sickly sweet? That’s the smell equivalent to what candy corn tastes like. *shudder* – AA
* Candy corn = Satan’s ear wax – MHM
* Candy corn tastes like kale, hell, dreams deferred, and diabetes. – TBA
* Candy Corn tastes like Cream Corn flavored Play Dough. – SC
* Candy corn is in a deep relationship with pumpkin spice latte. They both taste like tooth decay and hangover burp smell. – RN
* Candy corn tastes like crushed cigarette butts – ABG
* Candy corn is nothing but a bag of diabetes. – SC
* I can’t stand candy corn! It’s like Splenda flavored cheap plastic! – SDM
* Candles disguised as candy. How kids supposed to listen to us when we tell them they can’t eat a Yankee Candle buttercream icing scented candle, but we give them this? – ACA
* Candy corn is the kale of the candy world. – JPW
* Apparently my 3 year old feels the same as you about candy corn. He has a toy garbage truck and he put it all in the little trash can and dumped it. I asked “what’s that?” He looked up at me and said “trash!” – BTB
* Candy corn tastes like your bank account after bills cleaned out your paycheck. Bereft, disgusted and in need of an SOS. – CJ
* I totally agree. Don’t do this to the kids. I’d rather you give them toothbrushes and toothpastes instead of this crap. Hell unsalted stale pretzels would even be better. – JHA
* Back in my day as a trick-or-treater, anyone who handed out candy corn ended up with a smashed pumpkin. Just sayin’. – JCT
* Candy corn is like the last person you pick when you are picking for team sports. If the only option then you’ll take it lol – LWW
* I would rather eat kale and lemon starburst together than eat candy corn – AK
* I expect it’s what ashy tastes like. Never tried either. It’s the ashy of candies. – AKS
* It tastes like hopelessness wrapped in unrealized dreams and dipped in extra sugar to try to lift your depression for 10 seconds – EDW
* This taste like Trump’s toupee and Rick Santorum’s sweater vest. – CN
* Any candy shaped like a suppository is suspect at best! – ILH
* They’re made from discarded sugar and unanswered questions! – JMA
* In another life, it was soap. – AW
* Insanely accurate cartoon. Waxy, weird textured sadness selling false hope of sweetness. – MN
* Awwww . . . I like candy corn. It’s like the iceburg lettuce of candy. Or the tapioca of Halloween. Not exactly flavorful but inoffensive. – ED
* Back in my day as a trick-or-treater, anyone who handed out candy corn ended up with a smashed pumpkin. Just sayin’. – JCT
* You’re pretty much the Grinch of Halloween if you give out Candy Corn, Babe Ruths or anything involving marshmallows. – SS
* Hatred is the main ingredient. – DMM
* It tastes like hopelessness wrapped in unrealized dreams and dipped in extra sugar to try to lift your depression for 10 seconds – EDW
* Unfulfilled expectations and regret. – KNH
* Candy corn taste like candle wax and blue magic hair grease .. My son is not allowed – MW
HA! Ok so one of the people who commented on what candy corn tastes like will be winning a pack of ShoeBox cards! It is up to the folks who read this post to tell me which of these quotes is their favorite. The quote that gets the most thumbs up will win the pack! How do you vote? Just leave a comment here and tell me which of these made you nod your head or cackle the most. The winner will be notified on the original Facebook thread about candy corn.
I’ll pick a winner next Monday!
Shoutout to ShoeBox! Follow them on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.
Disclosure: Compensation was provided by ShoeBox but the opinions expressed are all mine (aka don’t get it twisted. This post was ALL ME, SON)!
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37 Comments
“Any candy shaped like a suppository is suspect at best! – ILH”
annnnnnnd I’m done lmfao
Yes… YES!!! This is also the comment that made me GUFFAW!!! Lol!
* Candy corn is the fruitcake of Halloween. Don’t give nobody that shit. That’s cruel. – SS
Winner fo sho lol!
This gets my vote LOL
Candy corn is neither candy nor corn. Tastes like sweetened earwax. Don’t ask me how I know this. – ME
My vote goes to:
* It tastes like hopelessness wrapped in unrealized dreams and dipped in extra sugar to try to lift your depression for 10 seconds – EDW
I was going to vote for this one as well…Although I always like the first piece of candy corn–then each successive piece is enough to keep me from eating it for more than a few years–I am currently at 4 years with out it…LMBO!
So–I guess I can say that Candy Corn is the equivalent of Satan of Candy for me—Sure the first piece is always tempting–but then the next thing you know it owns your soul and you are praying for freedom from that bondage…lol…
* Candy corn is in a deep relationship with pumpkin spice latte. They both taste like tooth decay and hangover burp smell. – RN
This was the best comment ever! IMO
It took me twice as long to read everything bc I couldn’t get past the visual of a drunk person passed out on the front porch in a disheveled Halloween costume with candy corn stuck in their hair only to wake and realize they’re at their ex’s house.
The beauty of my imagination is why I deem this the funniest comment ????????????????
It tastes like hopelessness wrapped in unrealized dreams and dipped in extra sugar to try to lift your depression for 10 seconds AND Candy corn is in a deep relationship with pumpkin spice latte. They both taste like tooth decay and hangover burp smell.
I am still in stiches over these two comments.
This right here: * Candy corn tastes like kale, hell, dreams deferred, and diabetes. – TBA
Never trust a candy where you can buy 5lbs for like a buck fiddy!
This is my favorite too! Lol-Ed for real!!!
My fave, I’m still cackling – “It tastes like hopelessness wrapped in unrealized dreams and dipped in extra sugar to try to lift your depression for 10 seconds” – EDW
So hard to choose, but there are many gems above! My vote is for:
“Candles disguised as candy. How kids supposed to listen to us when we tell them they can’t eat a Yankee Candle buttercream icing scented candle, but we give them this?”
” It’s the ashy of candies” love it!! Although, I do happen to be a candy corn eater.
This was my absolute favorite too and for the record I am also a proud, card carrying candy corn eater. All this hatred just means more candy for me!
My favorite…* Apparently my 3 year old feels the same as you about candy corn. He has a toy garbage truck and he put it all in the little trash can and dumped it. I asked “what’s that?” He looked up at me and said “trash!” – BTB
My favorite comment hands down was this gem:
“* Candy corn is in a deep relationship with pumpkin spice latte. They both taste like tooth decay and hangover burp smell. – RN”
For some reason, my mouth dropped open and there was a full 10 second delay before I laughed so hard I almost peed on myself (this TMI Moment brought to you by…Shoebox! lol!!). Seriously, I had a pumpkin spice latte Sunday and YES!!
My favorite:
* Candy corn tastes like kale, hell, dreams deferred, and diabetes. – TBA
They’re made from discarded sugar and unanswered questions! – JMA
Just left-overs looking to be redeemed.
They’re made from discarded sugar and unanswered questions! – JMA
^^^^most accurate
In another life, it was soap. – AW
^^^most eye opening
Candy corn taste like candle wax and blue magic hair grease .. My son is not allowed – MW
^^^^made water shoot out my nose lmao
The best one: * Candy corn is in a deep relationship with pumpkin spice latte. They both taste like tooth decay and hangover burp smell. – RN
I am laidt out on the office flo’!
Do not hate on the original energy pill. Pure sugar with a little crayon wax to bind it together. One of these and cup of water will have you doing the Energizer Bunny on 5000 rpm for 3 days. Great for jump-starting your diet because nothing will taste good after you have a couple of these.
BWAHHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!! Thank you for this!
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Yeah…I don’t feel so alone in my loathing of candy corn. Have thought it vomit-inducing since childhood.
I don’t get how so much of it gets sold every year.
My six year old daughter LOVES candy corn….and black licorice. I feel like the failure as a parent. The only upside to the horror that is her candy choices is that I get all the good candy while she is busy eating the candy of misery, and doom.
Discarded sugar and unanswered questions!
My feelings exactly: upon digesting those demons, I’m quickly reminded why I hate them and wonder how I could’ve ever forgetten. Butter, Candles and Powder Sugar = Tooth & Tummy ache combo
“Candles disguised as candy. How kids supposed to listen to us when we tell them they can’t eat a Yankee Candle buttercream icing scented candle, but we give them this?” I’m STILL cackling lol
Ah, what the hell is wrong with me. I actually really like candy corn. But you are right on black licorice. Sugar is my drug of choice. And candy corn is concentrated sugar. Don’t judge. Especially those of you who smile when you eat kale. And not even roasted with oil and salt. But in a damn salad. Hell no.
Screw all y’all! I LOVE candy corn and hoard it this time of year so I can enjoy it year round.
Love me some candy corn.
* Candy corn is in a deep relationship with pumpkin spice latte. They both taste like tooth decay and hangover burp smell. – RN
I hate candy corn and I despise all of this pumpkin flavored nonsense of the fall! This one definitely gets my vote
“It tastes like hopelessness wrapped in unrealized dreams and dipped in extra sugar to try to lift your depression for 10 seconds” – EDW
I absolutely enjoy Candy Corn!
Winner with a knock-out: * It tastes like hopelessness wrapped in unrealized dreams and dipped in extra sugar to try to lift your depression for 10 seconds – EDW
Second: * I HATE candy corn…Hate it with the fire of a million suns. It tastes like flavored plastic, and I don’t trust a single person who says they like it. Seriously, you’re totally suspect to me if you enjoy candy corn… LMAO! – ES
Eat them with those old school salty peanuts at kids parties and it tastes like a Payday candy bar. Now I only consider them if there are peanuts around.
My winners:
-Candy corn is the fruitcake of Halloween. Don’t give nobody that shit. That’s cruel. – SS
-Any candy shaped like a suppository is suspect at best! – ILH
Honorable Mentions:
-I would rather step on 16 Legos in my bare feet than eat candy corn or peeps. – EMR
– Apparently my 3 year old feels the same as you about candy corn. He has a toy garbage truck and he put it all in the little trash can and dumped it. I asked “what’s that?” He looked up at me and said “trash!” – BTB
Confessions of a closet candy corn eater: I read. I laughed. Then I cried…until I realized y’all weren’t talking about John Boehner’s spray tanned face. Nay! I say nay. It is not my beloved cone of sweet childhood memories that we should be uniting against as the WORST candy to ever revolt in our mouths. That disgrace belongs to wax candy. They shaped them like lips and fingers, mocked and horrified kool-aid lovers everywhere with that surprise gush of flavored spit that got us after a few chews…BUT we knew. We knew we had just eaten the broken, burnt sienna of crayolas.