My Life

These Are My Petty Confessions (And Yours Too)

All my life, I’ve been petty. You might wonder what that means. It means I get mad and annoyed at many things, and a bulk of them are mundane as hell. I am basically your cantankerous grandma. So a few weeks back, I decided to confess one of my social media pet peeves, and that is memes with things misspelled and random capitalization. It doesn’t matter how funny a meme is. I will side-eye it til kingdom come because you spelled something wrong on it.

I also unfriended someone on Facebook for wearing blue colored contacts in their profile picture. Like, are we still doing this in 2015? Why won’t you embrace your beautiful browns? Praytell. Anddddd I hold grudges forever. You stole my favorite pen in 1992, and I bet I still remember it.

Petty Confessions

This is also why I’m the perfect ambassador for ShoeBox (@OfficialShoebox), Hallmark’s sarcastic arm. They’re celebrating their 29th birthday this year and thought that my side-eyes and their snarky cards would make perfect Trifling Twins. I’m headed to Hallmark’s headquarters tomorrow (Thursday, August 27, 2015, if you’re reading this from the future. HEY did we get flying car yet?) to spend a day with their team and their writers to find out what’s behind the magic. Those cards are funny as hell. I’ll be on my Instagram sharing my adventures there tomorrow, so follow me at @Luvvie. MAYBE THERE NEEDS TO BE AWESOMELY LUVVIE CARDS IN STORES! *hint hint cough cough*

Anywho, back to the petty, doe. Feel free to call me Petty White. or Petty Boop. Or Petty Pendergrass. I know I am. My audience is full of Tom Pettys too. I opened the floor up to the people on my Awesomely Luvvie FB page and these are their petty confessions.

* “I untag myself from pics that folks tag me in… and I’m not in them. Why are you tagging me??” – JD

* “When ppl are rude, I go like their old ass Facebook photos so they resurface and humble themselves. Brows ain’t always been on fleek boo.” – CR

Petty Crocker

* “I don’t share some memes because I’m told to like and/or share to prove my beliefs. Those posters are only interested in their own numbers. God takes care of my numbers & knows my heart.” – BP

* “I started a Tumblr for all those grammatically incorrect memes — it’s called memeoops” – AK

* “I will not like/share any posts or memes with the phrases Real Men or Real women ever because nothing good ever follows. Also I hate the Like this Post if you love Jesus. For what he don’t have a Facebook” – SB

* “This may be the reason I’ll have to plead my case to St. Peter, but I refuse to hold an ugly baby. If I don’t ask to hold it, don’t offer because it will only get awkward from there. My coworker kept trying to hand that lil pink alien to me until I finally got rude wit it..” – MM

* “On the first date, a man said “tex-tes” instead of texts, he said it a few times, so I knew that’s just how he pronounces it. I was already on the fence about him, so that made me decide I didn’t want to see him anymore. The third time he said it, I literally thought, ‘I can’t do this.’” – DW

* “Contractions that are not: Her’s … They give me hives.” – KA

* “When someone posts a terrible pic I save it, text it to my best friend, and then we laugh.” – VM

* “I don’t attend events where my name was misspelled on the invitation. Everyone is on Facebook, there’s just no excuse. Honorable mention goes to the dum dums who message you on FB to get your address and STILL spell your name wrong. You had one job!” – AP

Dumb people Shoebox

* “I clench my purse when I see a white man approach me on the street. If I don’t have a purse I dramatically and deliberately move or appear frightened by him. I’m six feet. But I don’t care. It makes me so happy to see the look of “but I’m white!” on their faces. I also obviously lock my car door at the grocery store if they pass by for whatever reason. I’m #pettyplustax” – ED

* “I don’t like a post if the poster “likes” their own post…#imPettyRuxpin.” – TM

* “I am in one fb group solely to steal memes. I don’t comment, I don’t post. I just steal the memes and bounce.” – AH

* “Every time someone posts a fake news story, I go out of my way to find a link refuting it. Then I post it to their comments, so they can look like a dumb ass….I don’t even say anything. I just post the link…And sometimes I’ll follow it up with the link to your “5 Things To Do To Avoid Passing On Fake News on Social Media” blog post…..for future references. LOL.” – XM

* “Petty confession: I replaced my ex boyfriend’s shampoo with a combo of mayo & spoilt milk. He ate my slice of Key Lime pie.” – AP

* “I deleted someone from my friend’s list because they would always post pictures of their feet, it would do something to my soul so eventually they had to go.” – TN

* “I delete everybody that I didn’t even realize had a facebook page until they see me out in public and say “girl, you be killin me on Facebook!” Get your page watchin ass out my face! I’m not your entertainment.” – AJ

* “When people post selfies every darn day…here’s me at church…here’s me eating hamburgers etc. I’ve decided you need a lot of attention and I don’t like it, so I won’t (like your selfies anymore) #pettylivesmatter” – TE

* “I unfollow people who don’t use proper punctuation in their posts. I kept reading some posts and thinking, “Damn, you stupid!” To keep our relations cordial in real life, I have to unfollow them on FB.” – KB

Delete Erase Unfollow

* “I won’t share memes with quotes by people I have zero respect for, no matter how much I may agree with them. And I will comment on the shared meme that said person is some varying degree of asshole.” – JB

* “When people say ‘sorry for your lost’ I get off Facebook. it’s not lost dammit !!! It’s loss!!!!!” – SH

* “if my bf and a mutual friend post the same article and i’m mad at my bf, i’ll fb-like the post by the mutual friend out of spite. sometimes, i’ll also unlike a previously-liked post. out of pure, unfiltered spite.” – VB

* “When you get back with bae (after ranting in 27 posts about how trifling he/she is), I like some of your salty posts so you know I remember. And it’s my public service reminder to keep all that ish off the interwebs!” – LFB

* “Everyday I “hide from newsfeed” those posts showing a stack of money #tombout “God is gonna send money your way, type Amen and share” Last I checked God didn’t need social media to bless somebody smh” – BW

* “I screenshot people’s post if they’re misspelled, and text them to my cousin. Then we talk ish about the person.” – SB

* “I untag myself in pics that I don’t look fly … Yup I do! When you scroll through my dayum pics, only the best of the best are viewable #pettybuttrue” – WR

* “If a status is grammatically incorrect, I’ll ‘like’ it…. then ‘unlike’ it…. just so they know I changed my mind. #PettyConfessions” – IJ

* “Petty Confession: I never like posts that say “like if you love Jesus” or “like and God will bless you” or anything like that. I love Jesus and He’s gonna bless me and fb has nothing to do with it! So dumb. I just side eye and keep scrolling.” – FC

* “I like ALLLLLL my homeboy pictures because his girl thinks I want him. Lmbo” – AK

Bad Judgment Shoebox

* “I use to not trust preachers with Jheri curls and Cadillacs.” – CJ

* “I temporarily stop breathing when I see people abuse commas like this,,,,,,,,,,I’ve seen people post entire paragraphs using commas like this,,,,,,,I don’t understand,,,,,,I don’t care how pertinent the content is,,,,,,,if you put 209585747 commas (or periods) in a post,,,,,,,,,,I’m giving you the special edition side-eye. Signing off, Petty Trease” – TS

* “I will ignore, possibly unfollow, damn near take you off the Christmas list, and FA’SHO not share my good likka with one who still doesn’t use the proper YOUR/YOU’RE/THERE/THEIR/THEY’RE. Their ass will drink some damn Ripple messing with me. #PeppermintPetty” – TO

* “I look at the Facebook pages of old classmates and grin…because most of them have aged terribly. I haven’t.” – DB

* “You are deleted from my life if you say “tooken”. I will erase you from my memory and throw your photos away.” – KH

* “Ok…sooooooo I’m going to #pettyhell for this…BUT…I just can’t like a post with kids that aren’t cute. The post may have one kid that’s adorbs….but the other…not so much. I just can’t co-sign. Now, if a person posts a bunch of pix of the kids & the cute one has a single pic…I’ll like that one…but them together…Nope. In my mind, I’m just like bless da chil’ren & hope not to dwell in #pettypurgatory…& then say that hopefully they will grown into their looks…but I’ll keep that “like” push button to myself. They call me: #pettyKelly” – KW

* “I judge you if your posts have caps at the beginning of every word. That Just Makes You Look Stupid.” – FNL

* “I’m sooooo glad Kermit and Miss Piggy broke up, I never liked her #Pettycoatjunction” – DS

* “I secretly turn my husband’s seat warmer on in the car if he pisses me off. He is very hot natured, and he never figures out why he’s sweating like hell with the a/c blaring. Always complaining about running errands. Tuh! I’LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT!” – ED

* “I’ve been known to accidentally on purpose purse slap people on trains and buses when they are being loud and stupid on the phone” – MS

* “I dated a guy who turned out to be a moron…. We were having a conversation one time and i made an educated guess about something and y’all, I swear to God he asked “Are you psychic?” and he was DEAD serious! I broke up with him on his birthday it wasn’t planned it just happened…” – AA

Fail Shoebox

* “I go back on posts on news pages and stir up mess after the thread has died down… I sometimes throw in a random “yo mama” to REALLY get em tizzied. Petty copter, LIVE AND ON THE SCENE!!!” – NJ

* “I troll my ex’s friends list periodically to see how ugly the new chick is, screenshot her profile pic and text it to my bff so we can laugh about how much he downgraded. #PettyWright” – NF

* “I don’t click like on most baby pictures. Some kids aren’t cute fresh out. #pettyruxspin” – CP

* “I always click “going” on Facebook invites (even if I’m not) if my ex shows up on the invite list. So far, him not wanting to risk running into me has turned him into a homebody…” – JB

* “I don’t click Like when the weave has eaten up the hairline and the person takes a gazillion selfies……”Are we supposed to act like you just have a big forehead?” #Impetty” – SS

* “I untagged myself in a very sweet national friendship post today cause this other broad was tagged before me. I am serious.” – EC

* “I unfriend people who type in all caps. What you are not gonna do, is yell at me.” – RW

* “If you wave me through an intersection when it’s your right of way, I will sit there and ignore you. I will hold up an entire line a cars until you move your ass along.” – CS

* “If we had a disagreement and you called me a name or got ignorant because I was right I will tag you in every piece of proof I need just long enough for you to see it. Delete it. Then either message or text you the screen shot as a reminder not to come for me. I know petty as hell. Lol” – NR

* “I’ve been known to “like” every comment on a post except the ones of the person I can’t stand. I also proofread and correct memes and repost them. I will also take your memes and put my own words on them and get more laughs and likes off of them.” – SF

Super Petty

* “I belong to a food group. When someone posts something that looks disgusting, I save the pic and share it with a group of friends. We laugh and laugh and laugh…” – DB

* “If I realize/find out someone’s “natural” curls are in fact a wig, crotchet braids, etc., I will unlike all of their posts and unfollow/unlike their page. Petty, but real.” – DW

* “I don’t allow people to post their party flyers on my page and I will remove my tag…..unless I’m getting in free..” – RW

* “I won’t be photographed with people with bad eyebrows, I just offer to take the picture. I won’t dine with people who drink moscato with their entree.” – BN

* “When internet dating, I will not message back anyone with dessert profile names: chocolate_____ cocoa_____, caramel____, vanilla_____, tasty_____. Like Ced said, “You a grown ass man, dog.”” – SG

Y’all are a mess and you enable my mess and that’s why I keep you around. Drop your own petty confessions in the comments. I wanna hear them!


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Disclosure: Compensation was provided by ShoeBox but the opinions expressed are all mine (aka don’t get it twisted. This post was ALL ME, SON)!

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  1. August 26, 2015 at 8:07 pm

    One of the rare times my sister cooked dinner she left me a measly portion that even the folks on the Oregon Trail would side eye (but she had seconds and thirds). So to make a point I just left it there and ate a peanut butter and jelly instead. #ImAGrownUpDammit #GiveMeGrownUpPortions

  2. DC
    August 26, 2015 at 8:09 pm

    I called the police on my downstairs neighbors because they were so loud one Saturday morning they woke me up at 8am. Their voices traveled through the air ducts and through my vent. No one wakes me up that early except maybe the good Lord.

  3. dmaclee
    August 26, 2015 at 8:11 pm

    I too will untag myself from photos that I’m not in. A friend tags me in her children’s photos and I untag myself. She called me a hankty heffa. Kanye shrug.

    I once shut down an entire table during dinner because somebody didn’t know proper table setting and kept drinking my water.

    My mother said that I’ve been petty all my life. I didn’t like people to touch my hands or hair as a child and would remove their hands with my own.

    I will not not donate to your GoFundMe if your request is grammatically incorrect.

  4. PC
    August 26, 2015 at 8:13 pm

    A co-worker insisted on giving me some food at work (roasted potatoes and spinach), which were leftovers she brought into the office. I smiled and politely took it, but shoved it in the back of the work fridge. Nope. Nope. Nope. Don’t eat other people’s cooking. Blame my mama, but nope.

    • notconvincedgranny
      August 27, 2015 at 11:09 pm

      Don’t feel bad about, Petty Mae don’t do that either. Got it from my dad. Whenever there was a pot luck at church I knew exactly whose pots to choose from, ’cause dad wasn’t having it. Almost made me give up Chinese food by looking at me wise and otherwise and saying “That don’t look like any chicken I ever say; you ever see any stray cats in China?”

  5. Glitterysocks
    August 26, 2015 at 8:21 pm

    Where was I for this Facebook post?

    I deleted a friend because she kept constantly posting pictures of her ugly kid. I couldn’t take it anymore ????. Then I had to turn around & delete her new boyfriend because he kept posting pictures & statuses about how “real” & how can’t no hoes touch her ????. Chile bye.

  6. Maureen
    August 26, 2015 at 8:21 pm

    When my teenager is on my nerves, I will post unfortunate-looking pictures of her from elementary school and tag her in them so that it will show up in allllllllll of her friends’ news feeds.

    • August 27, 2015 at 10:03 pm

      I am DEAD. I swear, my funeral is tomorrow! LOL!

    • Mobaygurl
      August 27, 2015 at 10:21 pm

      Crine! This is soooo excellent!

    • Jenn Farr
      May 3, 2016 at 10:52 am

      Classic!!! but so needed these kids be getting out of hand.

  7. Shamara
    August 26, 2015 at 8:24 pm

    I un-friend/unfollow people without warning for the most mundane reasons. My reasons range from over-sharing relationship drama to the person liking a cause that I’m against. I delete their numbers from my phone at the same time. #PettyCaine

  8. Nathaniel
    August 26, 2015 at 8:32 pm

    I blocked my best friend from texting me because she keeps sending me screenshots of someone I cannot stand. She does it to rile me up. She thought I was joking. I blocked her. My bday passed and she left a vm upset that I block her happy bday texts. I felt bad so I unblocked her…guess what, she sent me pics again. I’m pissed all over again. I lowkey don’t even want to be her friend anymore because of those uglass pics of an uglass chic that I can’t stand.

    • Madge
      September 18, 2015 at 4:58 pm

      I support you in real-life unfriending this troubled soul. Block completely and carry on.

  9. kenya
    August 26, 2015 at 8:33 pm

    I have a coworker who would call me Kendra and not Kenya (even after being corrected by other coworkers) and I would completely ignore her ass because she was talking to Kendra, not me. Even if she was standing right next to me. She finally got the point.

    • Kendra
      August 27, 2015 at 8:55 am

      I have a patient that calls me Kenya instead of Kendra. He was here on my second day of work and now, 5 years later, he still does it. EVEN when I have my name tag on. I give him a pass because he’s old, but still.

  10. Honeydipt
    August 26, 2015 at 8:38 pm

    I am so petty that I have acted like people weren’t sitting right in front of me because they offended me and carried on an entire conversation with the person next to them… I have also unfriendly people for using the words yolo, swagg, fleek and adding extra e to words like love

  11. ca
    August 26, 2015 at 8:38 pm

    My best friend likes to update me on how many people have liked his new profile picture when firsts posts it. As a result, I refuse to like his more popular photos. Sometimes, I’ll even like the photo for a second then immediately unlike it so the numbers don’t actually go up.

    He’s also confronted me about this multiple times so you know he’s just as petty as I am. And this is why we’re best friends.

  12. Chellevea
    August 26, 2015 at 8:39 pm

    I unfollow friends on a regular basis who post every article they read. Also, those who post everything without any punctuation whatsoever. How am I supposed to know when to pause or stop? I also read posts exactly as they are written, errors and all. I’m not wasting my intelligence trying to interpret what you might have meant because you didn’t take time to proof read. #PettyParty

  13. Kenyatta
    August 26, 2015 at 8:39 pm

    My jerk next door neighbor lied to my landlord about my dog barking all day disturbing his programs so on the weekends me and the hubby would blare gangsta rap until 1 minute before the noise ordinance (10pm) until his old crotchety ass moved out.

  14. Michelle
    August 26, 2015 at 8:42 pm

    I’m not wishing my spouse a happy birthday because he did not wish me a happy birthday. Line busy is not an excuse.

    Three out of the approximate 20 in laws are still on my friends list. Step daughters that I’ve helped raised, mil, bil, all were deleted and blocked. He knows not to ask why.

    If I loan money and you don’t pay me back, I will not give you money again. Stranded, starving with kids….I can’t help you.

    I have a niece and I’ve given a gift to her. My sister has yet to return the favor on my kids. She can send me all the bday invites she wants. We’re not going and I’m not buying. Love them dearly and to pieces though.

    When my spouse tells me what I can’t do or what I will do, I go out of my way to prove him wrong. Dude hasn’t learned yet. Po tink tink. Still debating on how late I want to be picking him up since he picked me up late before.

    • Keenya
      August 26, 2015 at 10:38 pm

      ????????????….I have died reading this! #toofunny

    • Nicole
      August 26, 2015 at 10:42 pm

      We should be best friends! You sound amazing! lol

      • Stacy Harris
        August 28, 2015 at 8:58 am

        Doesn’t she though. I already ‘booed’ her up!

    • Stacy Harris
      August 28, 2015 at 8:55 am

      THANK YOU! You have verified my petty and justified my slight with this :

      I’m not wishing my spouse a happy birthday because he did not wish me a happy birthday. Line busy is not an excuse.

      I am not the only one. I am not even buying him a present cause he tried it with me and failed EPICALLY! Wanna be fly you get what the the duck gets.

  15. Shania
    August 26, 2015 at 8:47 pm

    When my daughter was in Parochial school, the principal would stand and watch the children who came to school 5 minutes before the bell rang so she could throw shade at the parents. After telling her she was free to pick my kid up to get her there early, I began petty warfare. I would take a red pen and correct grammatical and spelling errors in the bulletins she sent home. I would send them back to her the next day. #pettyschoolteacher

    • ZB
      August 26, 2015 at 11:20 pm

      You are awesome for that! #pettyteachertwins

  16. KryssieJ
    August 26, 2015 at 8:51 pm

    When I get mad at someone, I delete them from my contacts, or change their name to something mean. I will also play dumb with people who lie to me just to catch them in their lie.
    If two people on my Facebook post the same thing, and I’m mad at one of them, I’ll like my other friend’s post instead. #PettyQuinn

  17. Crystal
    August 26, 2015 at 8:51 pm

    I’ve always been petty. I didn’t always have the platform to carry it out. In my mind I feel blessed that I can. I’m probably wrong but at least I’m giving back to the person who gave to me instead of a random Joe schmoe.

  18. Kingdean
    August 26, 2015 at 8:53 pm

    Whenever someone tries to argue with me on FB I like there arbitrary ass comments to make them mad. I especially do it to my mother when she comments on my status.

    • FM
      August 26, 2015 at 9:29 pm


      Sorry. I’m petty like that.

      • Keenya
        August 26, 2015 at 10:41 pm


      • MsZ
        August 27, 2015 at 9:46 am

        LMBO! Also petty. No shame.

  19. Choc
    August 26, 2015 at 8:57 pm

    My desk is located in a central area of the office. I got sick of people walking past using my trash & recycling bins, so I placed them under my desk. People were actually looking for them and one lady had the nerve to ask me about them like they were for everybody! I hate mixing my trash with others… Petty Murphy

    I got extremely upset because someone placed an ink pen that was not mine in the pen holder on my desk. I threw the pen away… Petty Duke

    I brought my Keurig and placed it in the office kitchen, even though the office has a coffee club & shared coffee machines in the main area of the office. I just like my own stuff… Petty Roosevelt

    Damn, I think I might be the office bitch or the office weirdo!

    • Kawanis
      September 9, 2015 at 10:23 am

      I thought I was the only one who did that. My desk is in a central area as well and I moved my trash can further inside my cubicle because I didn’t want everyone thinking they could use it.

    August 26, 2015 at 8:59 pm

    Whenever that friend of a friend that swears she knows everything stops talking, I say: End Scene or AND CUT!!! CHECK THE GATE! She always says: I don’t get it….but she shuts that mouth though!!! #PettyDirector

    • Kenya
      August 27, 2015 at 7:21 am

      Love this, lol

  21. Nikki Wilson Reid
    August 26, 2015 at 9:04 pm

    When someone I didn’t like from high school “LIKES” and/or replies to my comments on a mutual friend’s post, I will reply to everyone BUT them. #stillpetty

  22. Kryssie
    August 26, 2015 at 9:05 pm

    Ooh, I forgot one. My sister and I shared a room when we were younger. When our mom would get mad at how messy our room was, I’d only pick up my stuff and either throw hers on her bed, or leave it on the floor.

    My last roommates were the absolute worst about cleaning up their dishes. So I’d wash mine and not theirs. #NotCleaningUpAMessIDidNotMake

    • MsZ
      August 27, 2015 at 9:48 am

      I did the same thing with my sister!! #pettytwins

    • Madge
      September 18, 2015 at 5:11 pm

      Same! I had a roommate that was so dirty and nasty, she’d leave all her shit out in the common living space — I’m talking dirty socks, bras (?!), DVDs, old mail, school books, and whatever other bullshit just lyin’ on the gatdang floor.

      Finally I was tired of looking at her mess and decided to ‘clean’ while she was out. ‘Cleaning’ meant getting a Hefty bag, filling it with everything of hers left on the floor that wasn’t obviously important (even I’m not petty enough to throw out someone’s expensive textbook), and throwing it the fuck away. In the dumpster outside. The important stuff I put in her room. On the floor.

      When she came home she was so immediately ashamed of herself she didn’t even say a word, but from then on she didn’t leave the house with so much as a dirty dish left by the sink.


    • Aubyn
      September 11, 2016 at 7:21 am

      I had a roommate who never washed his dishes or cleaned out his rotten and moldy food from the fridge even after we asked him to many times, and we ctually did it for him a few times out of exasperation. One day my other roommate and I piled the old food and dirty dishes on his bed (we put Hefty bags on the bed first). He got the hint.

      He also had the worst breath (chain smoker) and we wondered why until my other roommate told me his toothbrush was always dry. That’s when we kept a tally sheet for how many days he went without brushing on the wall in the hall so he could see it. We didn’t say what it was for, and he didn’t ask. It had many check marks. #PettyandVeronica

      In his defense he might have been brushing his teeth elsewhere sometimes but he always came home to sleep and was always in that bathroom the next day, so….

  23. Shoesandshrimp
    August 26, 2015 at 9:05 pm

    I can’t stand it when people try to include me in their FB responses when I don’t feel like being engaged in the conversations, especially when it has nothing to do with me. I’ll disappear on you so fast and won’t say a word. Leave me alone with your thirsty behavior. #pettywap

  24. Shay DeShade
    August 26, 2015 at 9:06 pm

    Just call me Estelle PETTY!

  25. Miss Lady
    August 26, 2015 at 9:06 pm

    My ex wants to be facebook friends (why) and keeps sending me friend requests, I REFUSE to add him and if I don’t respond to the request he can’t resend it. BUT when I get around him I talk about facebook A LOT!

    one of my coworkers is 2 stupid comments from being the town idiot but LOVES to talk about all of her degrees. Every time she messes up in her writing or speaking (which is often, how much people are going to the event) I call her out or refuse to acknowledge her until she fixes her mistake because… English!

  26. Nene
    August 26, 2015 at 9:15 pm

    if you text/call me multiple times back to back, I will ignore and delete. Ion stalker why you stalkering? If I want to talk ill send an owl #pettyaswhat

    • Meisha
      October 4, 2015 at 10:00 pm

      This. Is. Me!!!!!! And if you come to my house unannounced, I will sit my ass on the couch and watch you ring the doorbell. And never answer the door LMAO. Also, points for the Potter reference. #InPettyWeTrust

  27. Quitha
    August 26, 2015 at 9:18 pm

    When folks get on FB and swear another person’s status is subliminal but instead of clapping back, they post a subliminal status in response. This is like a bad square dance. Say what the hell you need to say that you are too scared to say face to face.#pettyrubble

    • cori
      August 27, 2015 at 4:58 am

      Listen I just cursed a broad out that is…
      A. Not even my friend on fb
      B. Was an employee of mine and…
      C. Made a subliminally passive aggressive post on her public page

      Yeah I cursed her out and put up my own subliminal post on my private page but changed the setting to public for that post..because I am the pettiest of the petty!!

    • bert
      August 27, 2015 at 5:49 pm

      *bad square dance* i just hollered and knocked my taters on the floor, damn you

  28. Dayon
    August 26, 2015 at 9:21 pm

    If I know someone is mad at me I will continue to like their photos or statuses just to make them angry. #becauseimpetty

  29. S. Introvert
    August 26, 2015 at 9:26 pm

    On FB, I will block the feed of anyone who uses the words Hubby, Hubster or Hubs and recounts everything their spouse did or thought about doing that day. “Hubby made me breakfast”, “Hubby made the bomb chili”….shut it! And yes, I am married but would never trash up someone’s feed this way.

    Also, if you post every ten seconds on Twitter I have to unfollow. I don’t want to read that many of your thoughts.

    I’ve been known to hold my breath and rapidly turn my face when someone coughs/sneezes near me in public, or if they are eating a bag of funky chips (Doritos). I’m ChiaPetty.

    • MsZ
      August 27, 2015 at 10:21 am

      I hold my breath if someone in front of me coughs or sneezes in public too. Germs travel fast. I also refuse to touch the handrails on escalators and stairs. Not petty, health conscious!

  30. Funny Acting
    August 26, 2015 at 9:29 pm

    I unfriend funny-looking people who post selfies. It’s just that everyone shouldn’t. Some grins are scary.

    My sister said that I should let them live. But…no.

  31. Yvette McNally
    August 26, 2015 at 9:34 pm

    I own a stationery store in Los Angeles. I could totally see you having a line of snarky cards. Snark sales. Local/ small businesses buy from individual infrpendent dealers usually not hallmark. But Target and big box stores are starting to buy more from individual card dealers.

    I’ll be on the look out for Luvvie cards.

    • Quitha
      August 26, 2015 at 10:07 pm

      And Luvvie will have to start a new blog called “And that is how the fight started…” because her brand of petty will have folks drop kicking each other but I am here for it!

  32. lenore312
    August 26, 2015 at 9:34 pm

    I unfriend people on their birthday. If I forgot you existed until FB reminded me, we probably aren’t that close anyway.

    I don’t like posts with typos. The edit option exists on FB and on Instagram, use it.

    I’ll wait until someone else likes a pic or post before adding mine. No way I’m looking thirsty and stalkerish just cause I happen to be online when you post.
    I’ve hidden so many FB friends and have no clue how to un-hide them. I’m not really trying that hard though.

  33. Janelfelice
    August 26, 2015 at 9:41 pm

    I made a flow chat at work for ppl to figure out of they should ask me a question. It is my desktop picture. Do not approach me before I have my Dunkin.

    • Janelfelice
      August 26, 2015 at 9:43 pm

      Flow chart. I have to unfriend myself now.

      • JMO
        August 26, 2015 at 9:58 pm


      • Gingersnap
        August 29, 2015 at 12:29 am

        We should be for real for real friends

    • KayMac
      August 26, 2015 at 9:54 pm

      There was this girl at my old job who was ALWAYS on 20 at 7:00 in the damn morning…and every day, I’d tell her to chill until I had my coffee…every day she would get side-eyed to death because she didn’t heed my warnings…#PettyRuble

      • Gingersnap
        August 29, 2015 at 12:30 am

        Rubble is spelled with 2 Bs.

  34. KayMac
    August 26, 2015 at 9:42 pm

    My coworker is great at her job, but I can barely work with her because she says things like “conversate” and “flustrated”. And don’t EEEEEVVVVVENNNN get me started on her grammatically incorrect ass emails. I just….I can’t…#PettyGang

  35. August 26, 2015 at 9:44 pm

    When coworkers leave post it notes on my monitor, I initial them, crumble them up, and leave them on their chairs. Because that’s what email is for!! #PettyOfficer

  36. Tee
    August 26, 2015 at 9:47 pm

    I once refused to date this dude because I couldn’t imagine liking the way his name sounded if I yelled it loudly during sex. #PettyDavis

  37. KB
    August 26, 2015 at 9:58 pm

    The pettiness that grinds my gears is grammar related. It irks me when people drop the -ed off the end of words. I had a friend who was always telling people to “be bless”. SMH You will also get a serious side eye if you don’t know the difference between lose/loose and chose/choose. They are DIFFERENT words, people! *fights the air* #PettyGrable

    • notconvincedgranny
      August 27, 2015 at 11:16 pm

      At least she didn’t say “bless ded ded.” #PettyMae

    • howlingbanshee
      August 31, 2015 at 9:20 pm

      Whenever someone types “Be Bless,” I hear “Be B’leths”
      and I see Andrew “DELIVERT” Caldwell saying it.

      You’re welcome.

    • Jenn Farr
      May 3, 2016 at 11:05 am

      lmao!! I am fighting the air with you, only after I stop crying laughing!!

  38. Petty Riley
    August 26, 2015 at 9:58 pm

    I’m super petty with everyone in my life..

    I invite you to my kids bday party, but we don’t get and invitation to your kids party? You won’t be invited next year.

    I have an ex friend who won’t unfollow me on social media. I never like her posts. Instead I go out of my way to like all of our mutual friends posts whenever she posts something.

    When I lived with my mom a few years ago, she would just leave dishes in the sink. I would wash everything but her dishes. Even now she will come to my house and do something like fry chicken and leave the pan. I’ll wrap it in plastic bags or throw it away. Should have taken you mr dirty pan home ma’am.

  39. JMO
    August 26, 2015 at 10:03 pm

    I correct it every time I see the need.

    I answer (stupid) questions with questions. Think before you ask me anything.

    I have petty – prayed over almost all of my Co workers (I hope your freezer stops working and you go home to melted ice cream).

    I will intentionally misspell your name if you misspell mine. Especially if you are replying to a comment or an email that has my name RIGHT THERE.

  40. TRob
    August 26, 2015 at 10:04 pm

    True story. If someone falls asleep while I’m driving, after we’ve both had a long day, I make sure to stop extra hard over and over so their head flops back and forth. Petty, maybe, but there is a lesson to be learned. #pettyisaspettydoes

    • Jenn Farr
      May 3, 2016 at 11:07 am

      And I thought I was bad, my own kid bouncing around in the back of the van I say nicely, sit down and buckle up, she learned the hard way with that hard stop **rubs forehead** while buckling her seat. LMAO #pettyaf

  41. Petty Riley
    August 26, 2015 at 10:06 pm

    I forgot some…

    I have a super perky coworker. She knows I’m not a morning person and she used to come to my office every morning to say hi. I guess she got tired of me giving her nothing but blank stares. She doesn’t come over anymore.

    If you m ow I don’t like you and continue to call/text me, even when I never answer, I will block your number. Just blocked my aunt a few days ago.

    I have a little cousin that I have had to block on all social media as well as block her texts. 1.I don’t text, tweet or Facebook children. I’m a grown ass woman dawg. 2.She lies a lot. And I would hate to have to cuss my uncle out over her lying about my Instagram post.

  42. Brandihorse83
    August 26, 2015 at 10:10 pm

    I live the DMV area so when people say can I axe you a question I tell them no but you can ask me a question…….#PettyisasPettydoes

  43. Jaquay
    August 26, 2015 at 10:10 pm

    I’m so glad I’m not in the #pettygang by myself! I will not like a post if there is incorrect spelling, grammar or punctuation. I will not like a post, even if I agree 100%, based on who posted it (it’s usually family!). I love being petty!

  44. @joymh
    August 26, 2015 at 10:11 pm

    When people write in gang slang by using words like bacc for back and cracc for crack, so as not to use the “ck (for crip killa). YES. They are serious. Grown men and women in L.A. still do this. Help me Lord. #GTFOHWTBS

    • Jess
      August 26, 2015 at 11:21 pm

      I had to lay my head down for a minute when I read your explanation for why they spell those words like that. I never knew why, and now I’m just sad for those people.

      • @joymh
        August 27, 2015 at 12:34 am

        Yes! I was born and raised around some idiotic shit! Unbelievable isn’t it? It irks me to my SOUL.

        • Gingersnap
          August 29, 2015 at 12:34 am

          I’ve lived here 20 years and never knew that! That’s HELL petty and insanely STUPID.

  45. Brandihorse83
    August 26, 2015 at 10:18 pm

    I thought of some more…. A dude that was trying to talk to me asked me about his weekend and he said referring to himself mines was good… I stopped answering his texts…..

    A co-worker talks way too much and I will just walk off while she is in mid conversation

    When overweight people sit next to me on the train I get up and move… why do I have to be uncomfortable because you stay hungry?

  46. Z
    August 26, 2015 at 10:30 pm

    If you post memes or statuses (stati?) with superfluous emojis, especially those hood ones with a whole string of them every other word, I will never like, comment on, or respond to anything you do ever again.

    Also, I don’t respond if your comment to me is just a bunch of emojis. I don’t have time to be figuring out what your hieroglyphs are trying to convey to me.

  47. Z
    August 26, 2015 at 10:33 pm

    Also, I don’t like your gushing updates about your engagement, wedding, marriage or relationship if it seems like you’re happier than I am.

  48. Alecia
    August 26, 2015 at 10:50 pm

    I am here for all the pettiness. I don’t click “like” on many FB posts because I don’t want the notifications when others do the same.

    I will side-eye anyone that asks me obvious questions.


  49. TT
    August 26, 2015 at 10:51 pm

    One can have good manners even if they don’t have good sense. I’m petty because I refuse to deal with people who don’t send thank you notes for the gifts I send them. They are classless wonders and I want nothing to do with them.

    I also unfriended my brother on FB because his posts read like the Soul Train scramble board. I kept getting headaches.

    I’m petty because I don’t attend baby showers where there was an evite sent. USE THE DAMN POSTAL MAIL SYSTEM!

  50. Dear Yvette
    August 26, 2015 at 11:06 pm

    Now that FB has the ability to unfollow folks but stay friends . . . my grey hairs have gone back to black!!! My eyes have stopped twitching and everything!

  51. D
    August 26, 2015 at 11:09 pm

    A girl in high school spread rumors about me and did other crazy things. We graduated in 2000. She passed last year. My grudge remains firm. Still have nothing nice to say.

    • Pretty Petty, Pretty Ready
      September 11, 2016 at 12:13 pm

      That’s fair. My grudges go long and deep. My dad lives 8 blocks away and I’m still not talking to his trifling behind until I get an apology.

      I’m turning the corner on 50 man, I don’t owe any respect if your not returning it.

  52. Z
    August 26, 2015 at 11:14 pm

    Early in our marriage, my husband told everyone in our lives that I spend all my time on facebook and don’t take care of our son or home. Then he went and opened his own page on the sly, all hypocrite like. So, to this day I refuse to be his fb friend.

    Also, whenever I post something he doesn’t like, he claims that “people” are calling him telling him about the offending post and it’s always out of context. I ask him who; he refused to tell me. I ask him if he saw the post himself, he days he doesn’t have to. I purposefully leave my accounts unlocked on all our shared computers so I know he’s just logging on to my page and reading my posts but I unfriended all of his family members anyway just because he lied on them. Also, just in case one of them really did call and rat me out… Because that means they really are lying on me. No time for that.

  53. nicknack
    August 26, 2015 at 11:18 pm

    My sister in law is sneaky and I made it a mission to not like anything she happens to post on Facebook. She also does the same to me.

    When Im not feeling certain family members or get into disagreements I always post a Facebook tribute of a close friend with a caption that says “when friends become family” or “who says blood is thicker than water?”

    I use to rent out a room from this older filipino lady who used to get on my nerves about not cleaning the clothes dryer filter. One day I forgot to clean it and she sent me a text about it, I immediately replied to her text saying that it wasn’t me and I’m sick of her shit, so here’s my 30 day notice.

    My brother has been letting his kids and wife use my netflix account behind my back and as a lesson I change the passwords or have a bunch of pornographic-ish movies in queue. Leave my shit alone Brian!


  54. pamela
    August 26, 2015 at 11:41 pm

    We go on a group camping trip every year with 20ish other families and approximately a bajillion loud children. The idiots across the way were not “one of us” and stayed up until 3 doing a sing-a-long to Mariah’s Christmas album. They must have been super drunk, too, because they got up at six to vomit loudly.

    At 8:30 I gathered the children and promised them all the chocolate in my s’mores stash if they would ride their bikes or run back and forth in front of the poor hung-over people’s campsite, while shouting loudly or singing Barney songs. Those kids hollered for two hours. It was spectacular.

    • Pretty Petty, Pretty Ready
      September 11, 2016 at 12:14 pm

      Well played!

  55. Jess
    August 26, 2015 at 11:42 pm

    I can’t stand when people comment unrelated things on my Facebook posts. My husband’s grandmother does this to me all the time, and I’m so petty, I refuse to acknowledge any irrelevant comments.

    Some of my in-laws are fairly well-off financially, and my husband and I are so petty, we refuse to accept any of their old or used items, whether they’re free or not.

    One of the security guards on campus was super rude to me about the building closing and told me I had 30 seconds to get out because she doesn’t work overtime, so the next time I’m there at closing when she’s working, I’m going to make sure to have a “bathroom emergency” for at least 20 minutes 🙂

  56. Petty Petite
    August 27, 2015 at 12:08 am

    I’m more of a shade queen, but I can def be petty. I call it Petty Petite.

    Afrer i realizsd that my ex bf from freshman year of hs (who was super salty for YEARS after we broke up, and then moreso when I started talking to his lifelong bff/roommate when I started college. He ironically also began dating my ex-bff whom I stopped being friend’s with cuz she thought I was wrong for talking to my ex’s bff- even thought 2 mnths prior to dating her my ex confessed he still loved me…) was still lurking my social media pages (he kept accidentally liking old IG pics, then quickly unliking), I started liking and commenting on his social media posts. He never responds, but I do it anyway. His bff/roommate (who I still mess with cuz idgaf) refuses to follow me on social media because he promised he would leave me alone (even though he still uses FB messenger to contact me when he can’t reach by phone, and occasionally tags me in suggestive posts on IG), I comment and like the posts of our mutual friends so he sees them- which I know he does, cuz I’ll bring them up in conversation and he’ll confirm without realizing it.

    I also have a guy friend that randomly texted me calling me fake and wouldn’t tell me why when I prodded; I’d figure he’d give an explanation since he took the time to text me first, but I think he just wanted me to argue with him and I wouldn’t because shade queens don’t argue, they leave you to figure out they don’t care on your on. So now I make sure to like all of his IG posts when they come up on my TL.

    • Jenn Farr
      May 3, 2016 at 11:15 am

      I also don’t read long posts with letters to represent shortened words, I have no clue what people mean #pettymuch #very

  57. Maureen
    August 27, 2015 at 12:39 am

    I will also not share a meme with grammar errors. No. NOPE. Life is too short.
    And God won’t love me if I don’t share your pic, or a child will die of hunger because I didn’t like the pic? TRY ME.
    And I also disregard photos of couples talmbout how it’s us against the world, how some people are jealous or envious of them. Get over yourself. You will be deleted.

  58. tmd
    August 27, 2015 at 12:53 am

    I found my best friend from 8th grade on FB, happy to friend her. She was always selling something and that I could overlook. But when she didn’t remember a crucial event from 30 years ago involving a protest with the school over Michael Jackson vs Prince parephernalia, I dropped her ass like fire. She still sends me friend requests which I ignore. I also confront people on FB when my newsfeed shows they liked something I DON’T. #PettyForThe World

  59. PG
    August 27, 2015 at 1:47 am

    If you continue to mispronounce my name after I’ve pronounced it for you I’ll purposely address you by any name but yours but I’ll get like just the first letter right each time. #PettySetGo #YouGonLearnToday

    At the office, when my nerves are being worked or I don’t feel like entertaining bullsh*t, I’ll sit with my earphones in listening to nothing just to ignore your pleas for my attention. #whateverittakes #PettyWap

    I hate group texts so if you force my hand, I’ll put your text on DoNotDisturb quick-fast and ignore your whole conversation like “what text? I didn’t get it”

    A boyfriend cheated on me with someone close to home and I found out so I made it a point to get some get back with a friend (also close to home) whom he was both, envious and suspicious of. He never really knew for sure but my friend and I, we didn’t do a great job of hiding it but both denied that anything was going on for forever. #PettyBoop

  60. Andrea Todman
    August 27, 2015 at 5:24 am

    I refuse to “like” pics where everyone is throwing the dueces in every single pic. Do something ether with your hands. Peace in every pic? Stop it!

    If your post says “bless” but grammatically is supposed to say “blessed,” I’ll read it correctly in my head just so a can stay friends.

    I have a co-worker who always abuses capitalization, grammar, and spelling in his posts. Because of it, I never respond to his posts or his comments on my posts. When he asks me abt I say “I didn’t see that.”

  61. Jennifer
    August 27, 2015 at 8:33 am

    I ignored the hell out of a person once for asking me how to pronounce my daughter’s name. It’s Jade. Like what other pronunciation is there?

    I unfriend people with stupid middle names on facebook. Like…you’re too old to be Sasha Ilovethelordandhelovesme Jones

    When people ask for information on facebook I always tell them to google it. I mean…how else do you think I’m going to get Pizza Hut’s number?

    • SeySey
      September 1, 2015 at 11:22 pm

      Just to be fair, Jade could also be a Nigerian name, pronounced Jah-day. 🙂

      • Jenn Farr
        May 3, 2016 at 11:17 am

        #pettymuch #very

  62. Michele
    August 27, 2015 at 8:59 am

    Y’all done killed me dead with these posts.

    Here’s my petty confession. I go to the gym when they open at 5 a.m. I’m still half sleep and barely remembered to brush my teeth, so needless to say folks are lucky if they can get a “good morning” from me. But there’s this one lady member who’s always so extra perky and cheerful that even the roosters are like will you give it a rest already? She can never stop with just saying hello, wants to hold full-blown conversations. There are some days I can kinda deal, but then there’s others where I’m “Lord, give me the strength not to tell this woman to back the eff up.” I should feel bad because she really is a nice lady, but 5 a.m. is too damn early. Period.

    And then there’s folks that give a running real-time commentary on their vacations on Facebook. Why not just preface each post with, “Hey Friends of Friends, if you want to come over and rob my house now’s the perfect time to do it. You’ll especially like that 70-inch smart TV I just bought.”

    • Pretty Petty, Pretty Ready
      September 11, 2016 at 12:20 pm

      LAWD! The gym! I love my gym for this reason;

      I have a bunch of older Asian and White ladies taking Zumba classes with the Puerto Rican instructor who twerks better’n Beyonce. He’s all of 25-26 and is making these crusty women pat invisible weaves, twerk and go low. You know they barely got rhythm.

      I stay on the back of the class and just giggle my ass off. There’s all of 3-4 sisters in this very popular class. We can work it, they so can’t.

      I’m a smug heifer.

  63. PettyByNature
    August 27, 2015 at 9:12 am

    I refuse to like a pic if the person has on too much dayum makeup or if their weave is out of line. Friend or foe I just can’t cosign that ish!

  64. PettyByNature
    August 27, 2015 at 9:25 am

    I refuse to like a post if the person in the pic has on too much dayum makeup or if their weave is out of line. Friend or foe I just can’t cosign that ish!

  65. Elle
    August 27, 2015 at 9:37 am

    My coworker and I message each other memes all day for giggles. When she pisses me off, I slick message her with a slew of snarky ones about her. #PettyCity #shrug

  66. August 27, 2015 at 10:51 am

    There’s a comfort in knowing that there are people just as petty as I am. From ugly babies to you catching up on last year’s trends this year, these are the reasons why everyone can’t hang. It amazes me that people don’t use these as legit factors for curating their lives. If you’re ugly, you should be amazing in every other facet of your life. If you don’t have your looks together, I will not walk into a room with you, because I can’t afford for you to take away from my shine. With pettiness on this level, all I have is looks. I avoid most newborns for at least three months, because most of them look like aliens. If you want me to check out your baby, I need at least a thumbnail first. I can’t talk to people with no lips. When I meet your parents, I’m judging the future version of you. Love is not that blind. If your mom is not hot, you probably won’t be either, so you have to go. If real success means letting yourself go, I don’t want it. I’d rather be kept. If you don’t have at least a little bit of a butt, I don’t like you. You don’t have the meat to sit on the toilet for a long period of time, so you don’t have time to think about your life–so your life is a mess. If you don’t have wet wipes in your bathroom, I don’t like you. If you listen to Taylor Swift, I don’t like you. [It felt good to get this off of my chest.]

  67. August 27, 2015 at 11:07 am

    I refuse to like pictures of friends who have ratchet weaves, wigs, 27 pieces on…even if they have 1000 likes! –Petty Ford

  68. Ms Pettycode Officer
    August 27, 2015 at 11:12 am

    I shouldn’t have to tell a grown woman that coming to work shear tank top with your bra straps & side boob hanging out & flip flop is not cute or appropriate work attire. We have a dress code here at #PettyNational-Inc

  69. MommieDearest
    August 27, 2015 at 11:22 am

    About 10 years ago, I went to return an item to Dillard’s. Although I had kept the item for about a year, it had never been worn, the tags were still intact and I had the original receipt. I didn’t expect to get a refund (it had been a year, after all) but I did want to exchange it for something else or get a store credit. The salesperson said no because it had been over 90 days and the item was now “out of season.” I asked for the manager, but the manager was conveniently unavailable.

    I went home and wrote a letter to the corporate office. Corporate wrote me back and pretty much told me that I had had enough time to make up my mind about whether or not to keep the item and since I didn’t return it in a timely fashion I had to keep it. Sorry. Eff you.

    I haven’t shopped in Dillard’s since, and I will tell my story to anyone who will listen when I’m asked why I won’t step foot into that store (except to go to the bathroom) when I’m with them at the mall. #NursePetty

    • Isaynicethingstoo
      September 25, 2015 at 3:43 pm

      MommieDearest, uhm… even when you’re in the wrong, you’re petty. Who on earth returns a store purchase after a whole year??? Com’on now.

      I’ll make up for the ‘lost revenue’, Dillards!

  70. fb
    August 27, 2015 at 12:42 pm

    I won’t like a post where the person ends every sentence with an exclamation point. I will, however, comment to ask why they are so excited to be at the grocery store/walking the dog/going to work.

  71. Diane
    August 27, 2015 at 1:40 pm

    Once, my (darling) six year old did a cartwheel in the house and my downstairs neighbor sent her aggressive teenage daughter upstairs to talk to us.

    I opened the door apologetic, “I’m sorry” cause you know, I was. ROBOteenager (who is a full foot shorter than me) goes in about how much noise we were making, and actually looked like she wanted some. The entire universe came to a screeching halt in rotation. I aggressively straightened my spine (so now I’m a 10 foot dominatrix Mummah”) and said I’M SORRY in a way that proved otherwise.

    I spent the next hour writing her and her mother a letter about how I’m nice, my kid is nice, I got two masters degrees and y’all won’t be disrespecting my household ever again cause it wasn’t the culture of our community.

    When I see them now, they scamper. In my heart they are racist. #MummahSaysHellNawl

  72. Nana
    August 27, 2015 at 1:43 pm

    This girl that I can’t stand keeps messaging me on FB. I open the messages so she knows I’ve read them. I just don’t want to reply! #pettyforlife

  73. Les
    August 27, 2015 at 2:40 pm

    I have tears streaming down my face on account of- y’all so ooooooo petty!!! Lmao! I haven’t laughed this hard since ever. I am sending this link to everyone who has ever called me petty in life because I need lessons, clearly. Omg my stomach hurts…..

    • Jenn Farr
      May 3, 2016 at 11:27 am

      and this link is still relevant in May of 2016 I love it. #pettymuch #very

  74. Jill
    August 27, 2015 at 3:25 pm

    If you call my cell and I tell you that I’ll call you back and you call me back multiple times and then even start calling my office or home phone. You won’t hear from me for about a month, maybe even more. This even goes for my mama! I said I’ll call you back! #Petty2.0

  75. Kimiko
    August 27, 2015 at 4:12 pm

    You will get unfollowed for using too many hashtags in a post #annoying #effinunnecessary #cutthatshitout #pettyofficer

  76. Wingmanders
    August 27, 2015 at 5:15 pm

    I hate talking on the phone, so I get really annoyed when anyone calls “just to chat”. BETCH, that shit is textable and don’t let it happen again. Spelling/punctuation/grammar mistakes. People just showing up at my house unannounced and uninvited makes me homicidal. I have a family member who insists on using the word “funner”. It makes my eye twitch.

    • Brandie
      September 17, 2015 at 10:06 am

      Thank you so much for co-signing my hatred of talking on the phone! I mean really, there is very little that goes on in your self-inflated world that I need to sit on the phone and listen to. Text or even an email will suffice because I could usually care less. I don’t even answer the phone unless it’s my child, my man or my mama…maybe

    • Madge
      September 18, 2015 at 5:29 pm

      Our petty is aligned. I WILL pretend not to be home if you show up at my house unannounced. It’s okay if you know I’m there — I want you to know that I know that you know. And I still ain’t comin’ to the door.

    • Pretty Petty, Pretty Ready
      September 11, 2016 at 12:25 pm

      Oooooo! My husband gets hot if you try to show up at the house unannounced. No ma’am sir! Thank God most folks don’t know where we live and even fewer are stupid enough to try.

      He also prefers to text. It’s fine by me. As I’ve gotten older I only talk on the phone if I haven’t spoken to you in at 4 months. Other’n that – send me a text.

  77. Shaylynn
    August 27, 2015 at 6:32 pm

    I cannot deal with folks who confuse “pass”, “passed”, and “past”. It’s uncalled for. I am irked when people say “repass” when the word is “repast”. I detest folks using the wrong verb tense or adding/subtracting the letter ‘s’ unnecessarily. You’re going to your mama’s house, not you’re “mama house”.

    I silently curse people who tell me what I “should do” or to “relax” when I am in mid-debate. I post refuting progressive links on conservative FB friends’ comment threads. I let most calls go to voice mail; if it’s important, you’ll text me. #CeliesSisterPetty

  78. Ann Maria Beard
    August 27, 2015 at 6:49 pm

    When I was 4, my uncle got married. The bride didn’t ask me to be a flower girl. I sat at the end of the pew, collected the plastic (TACKY!) flower petals tossed by the second rate flower girl and THREW them at the bride when she came down the aisle. I got in trouble, but I didn’t care. And when that marriage ended in divorce a few years later, I was glad about it. Also, this happened forty-three years ago and I still remember it ALL. #PettyYoungThing

  79. MommieDearest
    August 27, 2015 at 7:10 pm

    I judge people who say “Happy New Year’S” “ValentiMes Day” and “IRregardless.” #PettyWright

    If I’m driving the speed limit or above and someone tailgates my bumper, I slow down until they back off. #PettyDavisEyes

    If I’m visiting a church, or if we have a guest speaker (because my pastor does NOT do this ish) and the preacher tells us to “Turn to your neighbor…” or “Tap your neighbor…” I sit stock still with my eyes straight ahead. If my neighbor tries to engage me, I flat-out ignore them. That “touch your neighbor” crap gets on my NERVES. #GoodNPetty

    • Shaylynn
      August 28, 2015 at 3:49 pm

      ValentiMes and Happy Sweeties Day are commonly used by my people. Smdh #pettyisaspettydoes

  80. Dziko
    August 27, 2015 at 7:35 pm

    Most of the time if I follow someone who says something stupid or rude for no reason i. e., #alllivesmatter, I report them as spam.

  81. notconvincedgranny
    August 27, 2015 at 11:05 pm

    Because I have southern roots, I often revert to them and become Petty Mae. Because Petty Mae will bless your heart while she snatches it out through your ass.

  82. Stace
    August 28, 2015 at 9:07 am

    This neighbor of mine likes to use my drive way to make U-turns, which was cool the first few times I saw her do it, because we have a narrow street. But then she started coming all the way up my driveway and sometimes would see me outside and not say hi, or wave or even give a damn head nod. Nothing, nada, zelch! So I wrote her a really extra polite letter and left it on her windshield and then mailed a copy (yes with stamps and everything, even though she live 2 houses down) asking her to cease and desist IMMEDIATELY for her U-turn practices. I’m happy to announce it worked beautifully! She aint gonna be just turning all up my driveway with her ‘not saying hi un-neighborly self ! Two can play that game boo! #PettyDavis

  83. Stace
    August 28, 2015 at 9:15 am

    Oh and when people use the word ‘pacific’ instead of ‘specific’ (ie. I pacifically told you I didnt want milk in my coffee). Like seriously!! One is a damn ocean how do they make the connection?!

  84. phatlips
    August 28, 2015 at 2:33 pm

    I have a guy friend who will call me and while in the middle of the conversation, if he sees someone he knows, he will start having a side conversation with them. I immediately hang up. You called me, boo.

    When the Pastor says find five people you don’t know and tell them “God loves you and so do I”, I go to the same two or three people I already know.

    • Madge
      September 18, 2015 at 5:34 pm

      CHILE. I answer a phone at work and even THERE – if I answer and the caller is in mid-sentence speaking to someone else? CLICK. Try again, ’cause what you not gon’ do? Is sit up here and waste my gatdang time like I don’t have anything better to do than wait for your precious self to get it together. Absolutely not.


  85. Shakira Harris
    August 28, 2015 at 10:23 pm

    I won’t follow you if ALL of your posts are pictures of horrible “hoodrat couture” or those damn It Works wraps. Nope, can’t do it.

    I refuse to accept/keep you on my friends list if you have one of those ridiculous made up “middle names”. Yeah, that means you Keisha Ilovemesomehim Jones. I REFUSE!

    I do keep a few religious zealots on my page for entertainment, as well as countering one of their posts with something from my demented brain. It’s fantastic ????

  86. Triple Cee
    August 29, 2015 at 8:19 pm

    In yoga class, with my eyes closed and hands in prayer, I side eye the person who has the loudest, longest OM. Show off just call me#yogiofpettyposes!

  87. Yvonne
    August 30, 2015 at 4:33 pm

    My name is Yvonne not Yvette! Why do people insist on calls me that? I just ignore them until the lightbulb comes on.

    If you type “I’m sorry for your lost”, I’m gonna correct you.

  88. Yvette
    August 30, 2015 at 8:36 pm

    If I put a status up about , and you leave a unrelated comment about Lil Quantavious, I will ignore it.
    If I put a status up, and leave me a link to your youtube video of you rapping, that you shot on your sidekick, I will delete it.
    If you post a picture of you wearing a hospital band, and refuse to answer previous commenters questions about what happened, I will ask if you finally had the abortion.
    If you send me a fb invite to your baby shower, and we don’t talk on a regular basis, I will ignore it, just like you ignored birth control

    • Jenn Farr
      May 3, 2016 at 11:34 am

      lmao #pettymuch #very

  89. Yvette
    August 30, 2015 at 8:56 pm

    And yes, I meant *an unrelated comment*

  90. Jules
    August 31, 2015 at 3:21 pm

    I will to this day and FOREVER correct people who still say “pacific” and not “specific” when they are in a conversation with me. Or anyone else around me. That really frosts my damn cookies. #PettytonBear

  91. FixItJesus
    August 31, 2015 at 4:22 pm

    I unfriended my boyfriend on facebook because he kept tagging me to pictures. We now have each other blocked because he always doing dumb stuff on there and I was tired of seeing it.

  92. candice
    August 31, 2015 at 10:08 pm

    Ya’ll are a bunch of petty a**holes,,,,so glad I’m not the only one & I love you for it lol. I kept reading comments, shaking my head in agreement and laughing. This link is saved in a folder called ‘When I need a laugh’

  93. September 1, 2015 at 2:58 pm

    Start reading These Are My Confessions on your Kindle in under a minute. Jul 2015 .

  94. jose
    September 2, 2015 at 12:17 pm

    I don’t like half my husband’s Facebook connections because they always are insincere when I meet them in person “I feel like I know you.” so I’ve blocked 2000 of his facebook friends so they can stop minding my damned business.


  95. Erin
    September 2, 2015 at 1:18 pm

    #PettyRuxpin??!! That just took me back to 1987 and simultaneously, I bit my tongue while eating, reading it & stifling laughter (at work), and now I am seriously injured. Note to self: DO NOT ready awesomelyluvvie’s blog and try to eat lunch at work at the same time.

  96. […] Petty Confessions […]

  97. Amanda Anderton
    September 4, 2015 at 4:48 pm

    When I have to mail court papers to my husband’s ex for their ongoing parenting time drama, I lick the envelope closed, tape it on top of that, and tape around the edges so she can’t fit a letter opener in, much less a finger.

  98. Caroline
    September 16, 2015 at 1:08 am

    My name is Caroline, not Carol, not Caro, not Carole, I hate it when people decide to shorten my name without asking me, like what you going to do with the time you saved not saying Caroline, where are you going to take the rest of the letters? Who raised you? I just be petty. I once send an office email asking people to NOT refer to me in any name other than Caroline. If you too lazy, just say C, don’t vandalize my name.

    • Madge
      September 18, 2015 at 5:38 pm

      Yes! I’m so petty that I will correct people who fuck with *other* people’s names.

      “Is Mike coming to the par-”
      *eyes narrow*


  99. Brandie
    September 17, 2015 at 9:47 am

    I have maybe 25 FB friends because friend is the operative word here. I figure if I haven’t seen or spoken to you since high school then we are not friends.

    I have a good friend who posts her life on FB and I proceed to scroll past any updates because they most certainly include pics of her girls, one of which looks just like her daddy. #notacompliment

    I’m divorced and ignore any and all people (and mailings) who refer to me by my married last name. If you don’t know I’ve gone back to my maiden name then again, we are not friends and/or I’m not paying you!

    I work with two women who hold conversations right by my desk. They’re always glancing my way trying to bring me into their convo but I proceed to stare at my computer screen like they’re not even there. I could give two f*@$! about your kids, husband, car, travel plans, whatever.

    The lady who gets to work first and makes the coffee likes to drink hers black. In turn, it’s weak as f*@$ and I refuse to drink it. Therefore, every morning I pour out her pot and make a new one! Hey I pay bi-weekly for the coffee club so…

  100. Reecee
    September 18, 2015 at 4:25 pm

    I’m so petty that my best friend pissed me off so bad when we’re where going to school, that I just stopped talking to her. The kicker is at the time she was my ride to and from school, I would get in her car say hi but nothing more. Carried this on for 2 weeks. Would ride with her but acted like she wasn’t even there. What can I say don’t piss me off. You can become invisible!

  101. Meisha
    October 4, 2015 at 10:28 pm

    If you come on my FB status and have a whole conversation with someone else on an unrelated topic I will let yall finish then delete just those comments.

    If you inbox me and I don’t answer and you proceed to call, text and email me back to back I will block you.

    I pray petty prayers over half my friends list daily.

    I purposely have my Twitter and FB connected so that I can piss off my friends in a different time zone when I live tweet Scandal and HTGAWM.

    When my husband pisses me off I purposely won’t do his laundry while doing mine.

    I have deleted and blocked my sister, sister in law and nieces on FB. They get on my nerves and nosey as hell.

    When I bake banana or pumpkin bread I always swirl Nutella in it so my husband won’t eat it. He hates chocolate.

    #InPettyWeTrust #PettyUniversity #PettyWhite

  102. Liz
    October 5, 2015 at 4:06 pm

    I found out about the “unfollow” button on Facebook recently (I know, I’m late as hell). Now practically everyone on my FB page is unfollowed except like 7 people. #PettyForTheWorld

  103. PettyBoop
    October 6, 2015 at 5:05 am

    I tell everyone I closed my Facebook account but really I have zero desire to follow any of their life events.I purged every like and post and vanished like a social media ghost. Only a faceless shadow remains on my page. I have exactly 0 FB friends (not even my husband). I use the platform to follow interesting blogs and websites and read articles. #PettyBoop

    • Mosa
      October 6, 2015 at 8:25 am

      I totally get you. I tell ppl I don’t have a twitter because i don’t want to follow them because I will tweet about them when they annoy me so i follow my fav tv shows and sports.

      I deleted my facebook and told ppl it’s cause I don’t want to see ppls posts anymore.

  104. Mosa
    October 6, 2015 at 8:22 am

    I broke up with a guy who questioned my fantasy football obsession but watched Love & Hip Hop.

    I told a guy to leave my house cause he didn’t find Office Space funny

    I quit talking to a dude who said my favorite classical piece, “The Swan” sucked like forreal you can not like my music but don’t you talk shit about The Swan.

    My girl fucks with a few rappers (side eye) so whenever I see a post about them I tag her, she gets mad cause she think somebody watching for her and don’t nobody know her, she asks me to remove the tag but I wait for like an hr then say I can’t find it no more

    Call me Dr. Petty

  105. November 9, 2015 at 8:34 pm

    […] Awesomely Luvvie should have her very own Book of Petty in the Bible, but if you’re still not sure if you’ve […]

  106. August 16, 2016 at 6:54 am

    […] I have to give credit to the amazing Awesomely Luvvie who is the genius behind all the “petty” names at the end. Pick up her petty T-shirt […]

  107. PettyHerownself
    September 10, 2016 at 11:40 pm

    One of the heartbreaks of growing older is that I often can’t recall the details of exactly why I’m hating on someone, although I do remember that there once was cause. And I now live in fear of accidentally being civil to someone because I’ve forgotten that time they showed their ass. #PettyHearst

  108. Marissa
    September 11, 2016 at 1:36 am

    I unfriend people on social media who send me invites to “girls night out” events that are actually home parties for things like Jamberry Nails, or Usborne books, or Pampered Chef, or whatever. If you’re hawking something, own up to it. Don’t try to bait and switch me into buying your crap! You must’ve left your integrity at your last Amway “business meeting.” Related: If you tell me to “just come have fun, no pressure to buy!”, you are a liar. The whole reason you’re putting on this fake fiesta is to meet you sales goal and get your hostess discount!

  109. Ta'Mar
    September 11, 2016 at 7:02 am

    Can anyone tell me when the phrase “New addition” became “New edition”? I refuse to like baby pictures that are posted with that caption. You didn’t start an R&B group, you had a baby. Please stop.

    Also, can we start a petition and require an application complete with an essay in MLA format before someone can go Live on Facebook? I won’t watch them because I know your regular ass is just doing regular shit that no one cares about.

    Struggle plates piss me off. Why are you posting photos of that boxed booshit like you was just Patty Labell-ing it up in the kitchen.

    When people don’t know how to spell the word they want to use so they just make something up. I won’t wven try to decipher that nonsense. I once had a friend who said she was sullivan. I just sat there with a *blank stare* and pursed my lips. Turns out she meant celibate. I went two years without saying another word to her after that.

    If someone asks me a question at work and I know the information they seek can be found on the intranet, I redirect them and then turn back to my computer and start typing (even if they are still talking). I didn’t show up today to think for the both of us. You may leave my work space now.

    The list goes on and on.

    *infinite face palm to it all*

    • Ta'Mar
      September 11, 2016 at 7:04 am

      And now I will go sit in the corner for misspelling Labelle…

  110. September 11, 2016 at 7:52 am

    When I post on Facebook and my friends or family won’t like or comment on that post but see me a month later and ask me about it, I will act like I have no idea what they are talking about. My trip to Aruba, what trip to Aruba? Never been..

    If someone leaves a sarcastic remark on one of my Facebook post and that person has never liked or commented on my other post I will delete the whole post, wait a couple minutes and repost again. Do it twice and I will unfriend you.

  111. Dena
    September 11, 2016 at 8:56 am

    When I send you an Evite to an event, WHY in da hell are you texting me asking me what time does the event begin? It’s in the Evite dumbass and I’m NOT texting you a response! #pettyisaspettydoes

  112. Dena
    September 11, 2016 at 9:00 am

    Iffin you post something to my timeline, just know that Imma hide it cuz I want my post to get more Likes than yours. #lifeislikeaboxofpettyyouneverknowwhatyoumightget

  113. September 11, 2016 at 9:17 am

    I block people who don’t actually actively participate on my page but hit ‘like’ on my every move. Either you have a conversation with me or I draw the conclusion that you’re snooping. Doubly so if my IP tracker on the blog backs me up. Have a VERY nice day.

  114. Pretty Petty, Pretty Ready
    September 11, 2016 at 12:07 pm

    I have siblings and other close family members that I don’t even want to see their newsfeed. Unfriending them will cause all kinds of family havoc but I make sure I don’t see them at all online.

    Ya’ll don’t call me for the good ish like the parties but ya’ll call me for ya problems? Post pictures about all the fun shit you did and didn’t call me? But I’m the first one you on the phone with when your lights about to get shut off?

    As they say in N.Y. – getdafukouttaheahwithdabullshit.

    So now, I rarely even bother to answer their call. Some don’t even have my number. They have to cry their tale of owe over FB messager. When the whining and wailing via texts start I’m all sympathetic but I offer no assistance.

    If you can afford to hang out you can figure out how to pay your damn bills.

    And every year their Xmas gifts get cheaper and cheaper. I’m down to $10 or less per person.

    – Pretty Petty, Pretty Ready

  115. DJ
    September 11, 2016 at 2:24 pm

    Ok, this is the height of pettiness. I could have gone full-scale crazy person, but chose the path of petty-resistance to exact some measure of revenge for being dumped and left homeless by my live-in BF. Or at least leave a trail of petty annoyances in my wake: He ditched me after 8 years …wait for it…for his new receptionist. I get that our time was coming to an end, but months of suspicion and asking if there was anything he wanted to tell me ’cause this could just be a clean break if there was. Ugly, painful, but clean. He chose…”nah..nothing to see here, nothing to see…” ennaways…He got two courtside seats to a Knicks game. Didn’t tell me till he got home LATE that night, and after he had taken HER. Fast forward though the major drama to the day I was moving out. I was so angry and hurt, but tired. I took his sharpest exacto-knife, and went into his closet (NO! I DIDNT cut up his shirts – that would have been too stank although he deserved it) but I cut the threads on one button of each shirt, leaving just enough for the button to stay attached. Not the bottom or top buttons that would still let him wear the shirt if those fell off. But the middle buttons. The important buttons that left exposed his midsection. So for a good period of time, when he was getting dressed to go to work, a button would randomly pop off. Years later, I told him that I had done this. He seriously thought he was losing his mind because it was random, it was frequent, and it went on for A. LONG. TIME. Call me #pettybynature

  116. Lisa
    September 11, 2016 at 10:05 pm

    OH, LAWD. The woman who turns on her husband’s seat heater is my spirit animal! I do the same damn thing if my husband has done something particularly heinous, then I sit over there laughing my ass off, watching him turn the AC on full blast and wondering why he’s STILL hot as hell. #itsthelittlethings