A Sex-Deficient Husband and the Salty Spreadsheet He Shouldn’t Have Sent

A woman took to Reddit to show folks that her husband sent her an email to her work address with a spreadsheet detailing how many times they’ve had sex when he initiated in the past 6 weeks. He also included the excuses she gave him when she said “NO” which was 25 times out of 28. Apparently, this was to let her know she’s neglecting her job as a wife. And after he sent this spreadsheet while she was on the way to a week long work trip, he refused to answer her calls. Yo. YOOOOOOO!!!

sex-spreadsheet 2

This man deserves a dropkick to the back of the kneecaps. iSweaterGAWD. WHO DOES THIS? WHERE IS THIS OK? WHY DID HE THINK IT WAS A GOOD IDEA?? This is why he can’t have nice things, like sex with his wife. THIS PETTINESS!

Sex is important in relationships. I am not going to argue that so I can understand him being frustrated that he’s only gotten some 3 times in one month from his wife. Yes, that could suck. But what made him figure out that his best avenue for resolution was by sending a passive aggressive, butthurt Microsoft Excel spreadsheet?

Maybe the reason she hasn’t given him any sex is because he’s an immature dickhead who makes her Love Pocket drier than early morning cotton mouth. Maybe if he spent more time figuring out an effective way to seduce his wife instead of all this time on a spreadsheet, he’d be getting laid. MAYBE if he spent all this time researching things that could cause your wife to not want your stick in her Love Pocket, maybe he could prosper. MAYBE if he decided not to be a childish brat who decided to log sexy time like it’s overtime hours and then send it to her business email, he could get his toes curled a little.

You send me a spreadsheet like this and you won’t even need to keep one anymore because you can just assume it’s gonna be nothing but NOOOOOOOOO in the near future. I’d save you any logging time and just let you know off the bat. I’d send him back a response that is a Google Calendar of the next month with every day blocked out and saying “BUSY NOT GETTING BUSY WITH YOU.”


Two can play at this petty ass game because CLEARLY he has lost his good mind and Google Maps didn’t help him find it.

Was the spreadsheet supposed to guilt her into sex? Was meaningful conversation on strike? This is straight foolishment. Is this what folks are resorting to now? He could have just shown her the spreadsheet AT HOME!

This marriage seems on shakier ground than a toddler’s legs. If he felt like the only way to get his wife to understand that he needs more sex is through some raggelly spreadsheet, then clearly they lack healthy communication skills. If she REALLY doesn’t want to have sex with him… well it could be any number of things. She mentioned that her workload doubled at work and she was working off excess weight. MAYBE he should have treated her to a massage and told her she was beautiful. That could be a good start.

The fact that he is so selfish that he isn’t even concerned about finding out WHY he’s sexless is proof that he doesn’t give many dambs about her feelings. His left and right hands better put themselves to work. He got all the gahtdamb nerve in the world. The unmitigated gall of this douchebag. This is just some punk shit. This dude is *Jean-Ralphio voice*  THE WORST!

Worst gif

I know marriage ain’t supposed to be a series of Excel spreadsheets of disapproved behavior. Folks are outchea hustling all the way backwards. Like human Kriss Kross jeans. Iyanla, fix their lives because this is a mess.

Bill Gates didn’t create spreadsheets for hapless husbands to send wack sex SOS with. Windows 98 didn’t perish for this. XP didn’t die so this pettiness could live. I don’t have time for it, Lawd! This is NOT the way or the light.

Yes, she’s also petty for posting this online and some of the reasons she gave are wack. Is there one GROWN person in this relationship?? Seems to me that they might have more issues than lack of sex. But it’s a chicken and egg thing. Is the lack of sex causing their issues or is it a result of other unhappiness? One thing I know is that he’s an asshole for this spreadsheet and she doesn’t wanna make le secks with her husband. There is trouble afoot.

Its True Though gif

What would you do if your spouse sent you something like this? What do you think homeboy should have done instead of this (see: anything else, for $500 Alex).

Adds: Him logging these details on Excel isn’t even the worst thing. He could have created this spreadsheet and then when she got home, he pulled it up and says “Let’s talk. We need to have more sex.” THAT would be a way to show receipts and not be a callous dustrag about it. He sent this spreadsheet to her WORK email as she’s leaving for a 10 day work trip with a note about how he is not going to miss her and then refused to pick up her calls. THAT is a punk ass move.

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  1. For These Reasons
    July 21, 2014 at 7:15 am

    Perhaps he could have helped with that sweaty gross-ness…offer to draw a bath…or wash some of that off in a shower-for-two…clearly he didn’t want it bad enough.

    • JoeyJones
      July 21, 2014 at 3:30 pm

      You are are missing the man’s point. He cares enough to say something, and do something administratively. Most women that are actually into what a man thinks would appreciate this. But when communication is only a buzz word when it comes to a woman’s argument, you gloss over this. There is nothing wrong with what he did. The timing of it was just so he doesn’tbecome overboard with the data. He should ask her if he can sleep with other people since she is clearly not interested. Wouldn’t take much for another woman to tend to a injured man, # she created #thatmoment #ofweakness

      • KWR
        July 21, 2014 at 5:04 pm

        I think you may be missing Luvvie’s, and many responding women’s, point. While it’s good that he decided to “voice” his concerns, this was absolutely a horrible way to do it. The spreadsheet was…. weird…. but not totally unacceptable. Document how you see fit. But to send this to get on her way out of town and tell his own wife that she won’t be missed was disrespectful and immature. Add to it his refusal to communicate when she tried and you have your recipe for disaster. There’s no problem with him speaking up. None. I mean, I’d be pissed myself if my husband rebuffed my advances. But he clearly meant to be mean and hurtful. That’s simply not okay.

      • deprogrammed
        July 21, 2014 at 6:12 pm

        This is the same kind of caring men claim after they beat a woman all in the face. See what you made me do? It’s only because I lubs you…

        No woman controls a man’s behavior. If he chooses to cheat (and he seems the self-absorbed, passive aggressive type) he will blame her for what he did. When you think there is a problem the first place to check is the mirror, not across the room. This was some childish bullshyt and he needs to be dropkicked to whatever curb he can land on. If he has time for this, she must be doing all the work.

      • anngel
        July 21, 2014 at 7:26 pm

        First off as a married woman, I am ALL the way offended. His nerve where be believes he is ENTITLED to sex and can aggressively shame her into an act of giving, vulnerability and soul communion is all out psychologically abusive. And to cut off communication so that she goes on a work trip (which are already stress filled enough) with greater anxiety is going to come back and bite him in the butt. Suppose she flubs that next big preso, thinking of his raggedy boots because she’s an emotional wreck at work and is downsized? I guess she MIGHT somehow see past her anger (but probably not) to enjoy unemployment enough (again probably not) that she can refocus on her relationship (but UM, yeah probably not) and having sex with him (but probably not).

        Chances are a person who is this selfish on first pass, is selfish as poo in life and the bedroom and it came out only after they got married when he started acting all entitled to her sex and her time. To him, apparently the job she has isnt crap next to what he wants, but I suspect when the bills need to get paid, she’s a major contributor – I mean, she’s the one who has to go on a 10 day work trip and is tired from work all the time…maybe if his butt had a job as challenging as hers, he’d have less energy himself.

        • Maurice
          July 23, 2014 at 8:23 pm

          1 Corinthians 7:5 (NCV) | In Context | Whole Chapter

          5 Do not refuse to give your bodies to each other, unless you both agree to stay away from sexual relations for a time so you can give your time to prayer. Then come together again so Satan cannot tempt you because of a lack of self-control.

        • Prettydarkskinnedgirl
          August 4, 2014 at 12:50 am

          That’s a very good point you raise: maybe she’s saying no allatime because his sex is wack! Maybe he’s just as selfish in the bedroom as he comes off with this Excel-for-sex stunt #Kanyeshrug

    • Man OverBored
      July 21, 2014 at 4:21 pm

      He went about it all wrong. I’m mean Excel!!!! FFS everyone knows that if you are trying to demonstrate a valid argument effectively, you have to user PowerPoint!

      • Mamasup
        July 21, 2014 at 8:11 pm

        Lol. No sir!

      • Cassandra
        July 22, 2014 at 2:42 am

        Yasssss! PowerPoint!!! What was he thinking?!?!lol lol

      • Jen Jen
        July 22, 2014 at 9:44 pm

        Man OverBored, corner.

      • Kim
        July 24, 2014 at 8:39 am

        a Prezi maybe? ROTF!

  2. Ashley V
    July 21, 2014 at 7:18 am

    “Love pocket drier than early morning cotton mouth” had me ROTFL! Thanks for giving me a great start to my day, Luvvie! As for that excel spreadsheet…that man clearly isn’t getting any for a reason. He must have NO game if he is resorting to this foolishness.

  3. Kathy Morrow
    July 21, 2014 at 7:21 am

    This is petty and embarassing as hell and he’d probably be logging in a lot more ‘no’ down the line.

    Maybe he should take a little time to see what it is about her that makes her not wanna have sex with him other than his anal retentive demeanor. Sit and have a conversation with her. Maybe there’s something going on with her, physically, that she doesn’t want to. Maybe she wants a little romance and some foreplay or perhaps some spontaneity. Maybe sex with him is just wack and she doesn’t feel like the chore. Try asking her what’s going on and if there’s something you can do to help (other than keeping yo ass off Microsoft Office).

  4. candigirlindmv
    July 21, 2014 at 7:23 am

    OBVIOUSLY, she doesn’t want to have sex with him. Instead of taking his Excel 101 training and turning it 500 notches, maybe he should be looking at himself and wondering why she doesn’t want you touching her. I woulda printed it out and gave his ass a paper cut right in the ****. You want some action right? Lemme see how long it takes you to want to have sex now. I’m cruel and I know it(which is probably why I’m happily unmarried lol).

    • July 21, 2014 at 7:07 pm

      He should find out why she doesn’t want to have sex with him?? are you serious, obviously she isn’t good at communication or this wouldn’t of even come to this point, its hilarious to me how much women ‘wanna talk’ BUT when it actually comes down to the business of actually communicating ideas, wants, needs and desires, most are far from adept. I’m in a relationship at the moment, but its this very type of thinking from women that i’m usually single, but will never get married, i much prefer being able to blame not having sexy on myself.

      • July 21, 2014 at 10:26 pm

        You are part of the problem. You assume that his wife is the one not communicating. There is nothing here showing that he said or did anything more than ask for sex.

        Keeping a written record and sending it to her WORK email is passive-aggressive Cold War shit. Three times a month is a good number for the typical married couple who are working parents.

        • Prettydarkskinnedgirl
          August 4, 2014 at 12:59 am

          And what you said highlights the fact that he’s “asking” for relations every other day or so. Assuming he also works, where the hell is he getting all this energy? I don’t know how long she’s been dealing with his eager beaver behavior but she & her Love Pocket are understandably tired & they both should go on strike!

  5. July 21, 2014 at 7:24 am

    He was mad petty/probably on the spectrum for writing that. But she was straight up wack to put it online. They deserve each other.

  6. natashia
    July 21, 2014 at 7:25 am

    Her ass needs to bathe after the gym. There is no excuse for getting in bed with your horny rude husband still smelling like 24 hour fitness. I demand that you take a shower maam.

    • Mace
      July 21, 2014 at 7:36 am

      This. Right. Here. I cackled the end!!!!! “There is no excuse for getting in bed with your horny rude husband still smelling like 24 hour fitness.” SLAYED!!!!

    • Serenity
      July 21, 2014 at 11:28 am

      She prolly doesn’t shower as repellant to keep him away from her. This dude is pretty horny….

    • Ms. Diva
      July 21, 2014 at 2:17 pm

      I said the same thing. Her ass is nasty to be going to the gym and then complaining about being all sweaty and not washing her nasty ass. Ewww

  7. Anne
    July 21, 2014 at 7:35 am

    he complains that they were 20 mins early for “dinner” and therefore actually had time for sex,..
    20 mins????? O.o
    and he wonders why she’s not hot-in-the-pants for him??!!
    sorry son-of-a-mug,..

    Sexy time skill level= amateur

    • saro
      July 21, 2014 at 7:42 am

      EXACTLY! AND he sent it to her WORK email AND refused to answer her multiple calls and emails to discuss the situation. Ugh.

      • Anne
        July 21, 2014 at 8:38 am

        I hope he’s better at getting a good lawyer than he is at getting laid,..:/

        • July 21, 2014 at 11:08 am


        • Annette
          July 22, 2014 at 5:51 am

          Hee Hee. Being married don’t entitle you to sex on the fly you still have to work for it. It’s never all about your needs.

      • milaxx
        July 21, 2014 at 9:10 am

        This is a married couple sending emails and spreadsheets to each other instead of I don’t know, having an actual conversation! Time to go see Judge Lynn in Divorce Court.

      • Veritas
        July 21, 2014 at 3:06 pm

        And maybe he sent it to her work email because he knows she probably wouldn’t have looked at it if he had sent it to her personal email. That might have been the only logic he applied to the situation given his emotional state at the time of sending it out which I can only imagine to have been angry, frustrated and possibly worried that she might be cheating on him especially since she was going away on a business trip.

        • shaleen
          July 21, 2014 at 3:38 pm

          Very true. I thought the same thing.

        • KWR
          July 21, 2014 at 5:09 pm

          I figured the same thing about it going to her work email. It’s likely notifying her on her work phone immediately. My problem is he could have at least answered when she attempted contact. I’m not necessarily a fan of how he opened this conversation, but the point should have been to actually HAVE a conversation. Ignoring her calls was petty.

          She does, though, need her tail beat for putting this boolsheet online. They both need help.

        • kdubs
          July 21, 2014 at 8:14 pm

          Eff that…he could have made a Google Doc and texted her the link. So not only is he lame at sex, he’s lame at simple tech and then runs like a pussy when she tries to call him.

        • July 21, 2014 at 8:16 pm

          LMAO! They coulda collaborated thru Google Drive. I feel you!

  8. KPneedsanap
    July 21, 2014 at 7:39 am

    1. real tears fell outta my face. Mr. Petty McPettiness III just got his face melted with one of the bst Google calendars thou hast ever seen.

  9. Jeff
    July 21, 2014 at 7:42 am

    We don’t really know everything here, just that he sent this to his wife. Maybe he’s tried talking to his wife a bunch of times, and it’s not working? Maybe she doesn’t believe they have a problem at all, so he documented it?

    One thing is for sure: If this had been the wife sending this to her husband, we’d be chuckling over it, and not attacking her.

    • Shoni
      July 21, 2014 at 8:04 am

      No, actually, we wouldn’t. It isn’t petty BS because he’s a man. It’s petty BS because it is.

      • ARiES.RAiNE
        July 21, 2014 at 11:54 am

        I definitely agree Jeff. Maybe he’d had tried to seduce her a million times & it didn’t work. Maybe he put it on paper to make her actually realize how often she was turning him down. There could be a million different maybe, many possibilities. This is a tiny bit of a larger story that we don’t know.

        This may/may not sound like something I may/may not do with my passive aggressive sarcastic ass.

        • dmcmillian72
          July 21, 2014 at 1:11 pm

          Here’s the problem (for me) though… Even if the husband had asked a million times and never gotten any answers, he’s still wrong as 2 left shoes for…

          1. Sending this to her WORK email. Why not her personal email if he just had to send it? So now this embarrassing document is part of her company’s records, and anyone in the IT department has access to this foolishness.

          2. Not answering the phone when she calls after he sends this document…to her WORK. At this point, he’s not trying to sold sh1t…he’s purposely trying to piss her off. How did he think this would end except for HORRIBLY?!

          There’s plenty of blame to go around in this sitch, but he’s the worst in my eyes for the 2 reason I listed above.

        • dmcmillian72
          July 21, 2014 at 1:12 pm

          Clarification… ” Even if the husband had asked jis wife to talk about their no-sex situation a million times to resolve it…”

        • dmcmillian72
          July 21, 2014 at 1:13 pm

          Second paragraph…

          At this point, he’s not trying to solve sh1t

    • E. Champagne
      July 21, 2014 at 8:15 am

      Definitely Jeff, the double standard is laughable.

    • milaxx
      July 21, 2014 at 9:11 am

      I think plenty of posters have pointed out that it’s petty on both their parts.

    • July 21, 2014 at 10:36 am

      You a lie and the truth ain’t in you. This is the height of pettiness and emotional manipulation, and if you think we would feel differently if the genders were different, that’s your opinion about us, and that’s kinda fucked up.

      • Abstracted
        July 21, 2014 at 12:32 pm

        Just like when a man “cat-calls” a woman it’s sexiest and disgraceful right? But when women do it to men it’s funny and he’s just supposed to suck it up? Nah, it’s true Jeff is 100% right ya’ll would be laughing at it.

      • Chan
        July 21, 2014 at 2:31 pm

        Very good point, I agree with Abstacted! I’m going to go out on a limb and say that a lot of women (especially feminists, because that how I found this in the first place) may be visiting this post. And if my memory serves me correctly you want EQUALITY among the sexes. Your response to this post is a double standard, and I’m saying this as a woman.
        Had I made this same spreadsheet and sent it to my husband, those ready to crucify this man would think nothing of my behavior and might even feel compelled to justify it. Yet with a MAN doing this, it’s an issue.
        Would you still be saying “she should’ve have been using her time to figure out what was going on” or “she should have ran him a bath and told him he was handsome” or “no wonder she isn’t having sex”? OF COURSE NOT. The majority would more than likely take my side pegging hubby as an asshole who is either 1. taking his wife for granted, 2. having an affair, 3. emotionally closed off from his marriage or all of the above.
        Why? because he is a HE. I doubt anyone against this man has questioned if maybe wifey has checked out of their marriage or is having an affair. You can’t put shit past anybody, man or woman.
        Now as far as this goes, they’re both wrong: he- for making such a petty (and actually kind of hurtful) spreadsheet and she- for constantly denying him sex instead of communicating to him whatever issues may be occurring. However, we really don’t have enough information to speak on anything outside of what we have read about the situation. More than likely, they are both wrong and justified (to some extent) in their actions. That is how marriage works, it takes TWO to keep it going or make it fall apart. Your actions, or LACK THERE OF, WILL make or break it.
        Don’t get me wrong, though. If my husband tried some shit like this, that’s his ass for sure. And vice versa. Then again, we communicate intentionally to avoid situations like this.

        • LegalEase
          July 21, 2014 at 3:05 pm

          I pretty much agree. I am also the type of person that had I gotten this spreadsheet and realized how it had been from my husband’s point of view I would take it as time to communicate something. Whether it be my own insecurities about my body or lack of attraction to him, this would be a way to opwn up dialogue. I don’t understand the offense. This is documentation of actions. Truth in statistics. If it was accompanied by “You need to get on the ball” or some other remark we would have a serious problem with respect. I don’t see that here.

        • deprogrammed
          July 21, 2014 at 6:16 pm

          What does equality have to do with this? It’s wonderful how some are going out on a limb and deciding most of us support a double standard. But as long as we’re going there, let’s figure out what the likelihood is that a woman would have done this to begin with?

        • Cassandra
          July 22, 2014 at 2:51 am

          Exactly deprogrammed…those who twist this into an equality thing are seriously reaching. This was irresponsible communication regardless of who sent the spreadsheet.

        • P A Virtue
          July 22, 2014 at 2:48 pm

          Nope. See, I was there. I did go through that, with a partner who didn’t want to have sex much. And I did try to help him out emotionally. I didn’t run him a bath (he hates baths) but I made him tea, I told him he’s sexy, we talked about it, and worked through issues. I did not just go “well, you’re a man, you’re supposed to get busy with me all the time, so whip it out now.” BECAUSE I’m a feminist.

          Not all of us are full of double standard foolishness.

        • Microsoft Office
          July 23, 2014 at 3:01 pm

          Chan, I could kiss you but you belong to another man and seem very happy with your choice so I’ll just “high five” you!

          All these other judgemental posters (which clearly majority are women) ARE choosing to see only one side of it, the woman’s side.

        • Microsoft Office
          July 23, 2014 at 3:21 pm

          See both sides of this women. Yea it’s kind of petty for this guy to result to ish like this but this woman could clearly be having an affair or hiding some shit and not communicating something which is a recipe for disaster within itself. It doesn’t always have to be our (men) fault, sometimes you guys (women) are dead wrong and do whatever you can to not accept it. This guy could’ve tried everything under the sun before this or anything else, you don’t know. So quit your premature judging. I’m not married but I think of marriage like a state of mind not simply bonded by law. One thing I had to realize from all of my past failed relationships, is people communicate in different ways and the more you don’t understand them when they are trying to communicate (right or wrong) the worst it gets. She could, MAYBE she could’ve tried to understand him and let him know, baby I hear you and I’m sorry if I made you feel you had to result to this to get my attention but I’m here now, let’s talk. And baby in the future, just sit me down and talk, no more spreadsheets to my work email. This isn’t the first or last problem they’ll have, I’m sure of it. KEEP YOUR DOMESTIC AFFAIRS WHERE THEY ARE BEST KEPT, AT HOME!

    • Prettydarkskinnedgirl
      August 4, 2014 at 1:15 am

      *raises hand sheepishly*
      I’d chuckle if a woman had done this & sent it to her husband.
      I chuckled at the husband sending it to his wife because I’m passive/aggressive & I have a dark sense of humor! The sh*t’s funny y’all! It’s no less petty but it’s funny & I’m gonna get my laughs because it’s not happening to me lol! I’m not gonna speculate on their marriage, chances of divorce, pre-existing problems or who’s right or wrong (they both are btw) but I AM going to cackle, kee kee & chortle while hoping the husband posts a reply to further entertain us.

  10. mochazina
    July 21, 2014 at 7:42 am

    yo, but he got turned down for Friends. a show that’s been OFF the air for 10 years. i’d be salty and petty, too. lol

    • July 21, 2014 at 11:10 am

      i was like.. if he asked during scandal.. she’s totes justified!
      that’s why i questioned the timing of his asks. like if he asked at the same time every night.. then MAYBE you should switch it up?

      • mochazina
        July 21, 2014 at 3:10 pm

        scandal? game of thrones? yeah, bruh, chill.

        friends? CMON! LOL

    • July 21, 2014 at 2:58 pm


  11. MrsBrown0526
    July 21, 2014 at 7:43 am

    You dirty, dry-dicked dawg, you! How dare you reduce your married sex life to a spreadsheet?!

    Why don’t you add a few more columns with your punk ass – perhaps the number of times you offered this tired broad a massage to relax after her long day; or how often you bothered to inquire about said said day before you threw your wang in her face and said “Ta da!”

    You assassin of romance! Did you think this compilation of data would be the thing your relationship was lacking to moisten up those panties?

    Boy, bye

    • July 21, 2014 at 11:10 am

      assassin of romance. i’m SO stealing this…

    • Stace
      July 21, 2014 at 1:45 pm

      “You dirty, dry-dicked dawg, you!” ….DEAD!!!!! Resuscitated and then….”how often you bothered to inquire about said said day before you threw your wang in her face and said “Ta da!” died again..


  12. pup
    July 21, 2014 at 7:48 am

    I just cannot with Spreadsheet Dude. Basically he gives no shits about her feelings or why his sexlife has gone on vacay. I would have sent him a reply listing all the reasons I’m divorcing him.

  13. Nichole
    July 21, 2014 at 8:08 am

    This is the epitome of childish. Even children think it’s childish.

    And he sent it to her AT WORK? Her JOB?!

    Maybe his 2nd wife will prefer Powerpoint.

  14. Shoni
    July 21, 2014 at 8:10 am

    I noticed she said he listed the reasons she didn’t want to have sex “right at that moment”. That spreadsheet also doesn’t list any times she initiated. I get the feeling he’s one of those “we’ll have sex when I want, or not at all” types.

    • JazzT
      July 21, 2014 at 8:33 am

      Funny, I get the opposite feeling. She shares responsibility in this. Yes, he’s petty for this but she’s petty squared for posting their business on the internet as well. There’s no telling what else he could’ve done before this stunt. She needs to analyze what is also going on with her to where she does not want to have sex with her husband. Posting this online to rally the troops is not the move.

      • Destiny
        July 21, 2014 at 9:15 am

        I absolutely agree. Obviously she’s more concerned about being right than the healthiness of her marriage.

      • Shoni
        July 21, 2014 at 3:06 pm

        I’m going by her mentioning that these are her responses to not wanting sex “right that moment.” A lot of people take that to mean “at all,” and it doesn’t.

  15. E. Champagne
    July 21, 2014 at 8:12 am

    The Blogger’s rant is amusing, but definitely indicative of someone who has not been married (as she mentions in the post). I just do not get her vent at all. There is a problem, he documented it and could have graphed it and mathematically proofed his rejection, but women say men do not express themselves…

    One of the common issues with marriage is a diminished sex life after the first few years. Believe it or not, sex is an essential part of human bonding. People do not stay together and close by virtue of a marriage certificate and good conversation alone, nope, part of the bond is found in chemicals we release when we are intimate (Oxytocin), closeness maintained over a long period of time (in a sexual relationship) depends on multiple forms of intimacy (intercourse being one important form).

    Ever been frustrated at life, pissed at your partner, or unmotivated, and then have mind blowing sex and find that life is great, the anger has subsided, and the motivation returned? Yes, sex is therapeutic and necessary to all of us in close relationships.

    The fact that he had a 28 day spreadsheet says that this is a problem that has been an issue longer than the data suggests. A lack of intimacy is part of why people sexually cheat, lack of good conversation is part of the reason why people emotionally cheat. Frustration often leads to finding a solution elsewhere.

    More work, weight loss, you have to always maintain time for intimacy. The fact that he kept trying tells her that he is sexually attracted to her. I feel his pain. Sometimes you have to see things quantitatively in order to recognize that there is a problem, the fact that it went viral suggests that the wife still does not get it. Nor do the responders.

    • MrsBrown0526
      July 21, 2014 at 8:22 am

      This blogger’s “rant” is a humorous take on a slice of marital strife that’s been shared with the masses to make light of what may or may not be one couple’s obstacle.

      For all we know, this wife took it as the joke that it is and didn’t think twice about it.

      The forum that’s been established here allows it’s participants to make fun of what’s become public property. While I’m sure the couple wouldn’t come here for tried & true advice on how to “fix” their union, neither should people that are looking to take these things too seriously.

      It’s funny, and when taken at face value, gives one a hell of a lot of fodder for why “married people sex” sucks. I’m happily married and I get the joke as much as anyone. I wouldn’t take this post too to heart so much if I were you.

    • Christina
      July 21, 2014 at 8:36 am

      Read the Reddit post. The reason why the wife posted it online is not because she “doesn’t get it” but because her husband did this the day she left for ten-day business trip and then cut off all communication with her. Wouldn’t answer calls, texts, nothing. This man wasn’t trying to express his feelings and communicate with his wife about their marital issues, he was just being petty and butthurt.

      • July 21, 2014 at 10:36 pm

        Details matter! This is a spreadsheet of an insecure manipulator.

    • Anne
      July 21, 2014 at 8:48 am

      I’ve been married for 22 years, and apart from times when I was nursing babies and sleepless, we’ve always had regular (at least twice a week) sex.
      My hubby puts in some serious effort though,..It’s not “drive by” sex, if you know what I mean,lol

      BUT,..as the cliche’ goes, “the woman’s main sex organ is her brain”, if she’s not feeling respected and appreciated and “partnered”, she won’t want sex, if she feels like his servant/mum, she won’t be responsive, it’s a labido killer..

      We are wired differently to men,..if he’s smart, he’ll put some effort into what makes her “tick”,..the they’ll both be getting what they need.

    • Jojo
      July 21, 2014 at 9:08 am

      I couldn’t agree more with you. Sex is a very important part of romantic relationships period, especially a marriage. I’m a woman, I work a full time job, a part time job, I go to the gym, and I run a small startup. If my husband asks me for sex…he gets it. Among the many roles of a wide, making sure he’s physically satisfied is one of them. In the years we’ve been married I’ve declined twice.

      There’s obviously more than what the wife chooses to share, and maybe even some medical issues affecting her lowered sex drive. It’s just always easier to blame the evil man for being insensitive and not grateful for getting sex 3 times that month, especially with such solid excuses like “I’m sweaty”.

    • Ms. Key
      July 21, 2014 at 10:57 am

      I agree with you, how is it petty for a man to say I need you?
      people express themselves the best way they know how not how we want them to.. I feel the wife is petty, for starving her husband sexually and emotionally, sometimes its not about the intercourse if a mate is tired or doesn’t feel like having sex maybe you can cuddle with your mate instead, lay with them & make love in other ways. it is NEVER a good idea to use sex as a weapon. The wife does GET IT and she is wrong she is childish and not acting on a grown woman’s level.

    • Gina
      July 21, 2014 at 11:23 am

      I agree w E. Champagne and Jojo here. Luvvie, can’t rock with you. And the bandwagoning of the comments indicates that a lot of women are OK with this issue.

      When someone feels there is a serious imbalance in the relationship, documenting it is one way to prove that it’s not “all in your head” as people are dismissive of marital problems, especially when it’s the husband talking.

      If he stopped putting in his share of the finances, EVERYONE would cry foul and NO ONE would say “well she needs to take a look at herself and figure out why he doesn’t want to contribute financially anymore.” Maybe she should DO MORE to get him to contribute financially.

      Watching a friends rerun? Come on. Do they NOT have DVR? I don’t even think you can get cable/satellite without a DVR now days. Come on.

      They are likely headed for divorce, and for good reason. Some of her excuses are stupid. She doesn’t want to have sex w her husband AND she doesn’t want to deal with the issue AND she expects HIM to remain sexless (i.e. just DEAL)? GOH.

      I hope reddit ripped her a new one because she deserves it.

    • Donna
      July 21, 2014 at 12:20 pm

      “Ever been frustrated at life, pissed at your partner, or unmotivated, and then have mind blowing sex and find that life is great, the anger has subsided, and the motivation returned? Yes, sex is therapeutic and necessary to all of us in close relationships.”

      While I agree with you that sex is an important part of bonding in a marriage, it is not a panacea. Don’t get me wrong, it can be a very pleasant distraction, but won’t suddenly motivate partners to make lasting positive changes by itself. We can’t know what other issues this particular couple is having, but one thing is for sure, they need to find a way of communicating that doesn’t focus shame and blame.

    • Sista
      July 21, 2014 at 4:20 pm

      Well I have been married, was in a marriage for dang near 20 years, and I am completely on board with the suggestion that this man needed to be drop-kicked in the kneecaps. This is petty, mean-spiritied, immature, emotionally abusive, and cruel. Send me a spreadsheet like this and I GUAR-ON-TEE you ain’t never gon see me naked again. The only view of my posterior he would ever see is the glimpse of it walking out the door. The end.

    • Marilyn
      July 21, 2014 at 5:30 pm

      I agree with you wholeheartedly. I don’t see him as the only culprit here

    • P A Virtue
      July 22, 2014 at 2:51 pm

      As a married person, I think this rant was spot on. And I don’t think it’s fair to say only marrieds can understand and get to comment on married strife. We can understand things that we haven’t personally gone through.

  16. Poetrystruth
    July 21, 2014 at 8:23 am

    This is a “wet my coochie fail”. What Luvvie didn’t write about is the fact he sent a message with this spreadsheet saying he wouldn’t miss her while she was gone cuz he wasn’t getting poononnie on the regular. THEN he refused to answer her calls. She’s failing as a partner as well ’cause she ain’t telling him the REAL reason she ain’t want the pipe laid. AND she’s a nasty trollop if she truly went to the gym AND laid her sweaty clam all up in the bed with no shower. BUT it would seem that’s her out so she ain’t got to give him none. Both these fools failing at love AND marriage!

    • Serenity
      July 21, 2014 at 11:33 am

      So all she brings to the game is her love pocket??? And without that he doesn’t need her???? Yeah… This marriage is through.

      I wish my man would say he didn’t miss me because he wasn’t getting any…. I’d beat his ass with a pipe before turning him back to the rest of the world.

  17. July 21, 2014 at 8:30 am

    LMAOOOO I can always ALWAYS get a good laugh when I need it! Bless your genetic pool Luvvie. I am so happy you exist!

  18. blackberry molasses
    July 21, 2014 at 8:31 am

    as a married person i can say this shit had me chortling. real talk. homeskillet is petty as fidduck. that’s for damn sure. pettiness is a one way ticket to dry dick. but, i’m fairly sure that his wife is clueless as well. I read the thread on reddit “why is he doing this to me?” because blueballs makes people f**king crazy, baby girl. clearly they are not communicating well… at all. truly, they need at least one session of counseling. their communication style is the ultimate fail and if they don’t get it together, divorce is on the horizon.

    • renee
      July 21, 2014 at 11:00 am

      I a married woman of 6 years 3 kids I agree it was petty but the man has nothing but time since he isn’t haven’t an intimate relationship with his wife and he obviously wasn’t cheating on her because then he wouldn’t care to put together a spreadsheet. It seems they have communication issues and she works a lot and is not too concerned with sex. I am certain about how much effort he is putting in back rubs, run a bath etc but the fault falls on both of them. They need counseling and a vacation together.

  19. Marilyn
    July 21, 2014 at 8:32 am

    Ok I’m not entirely mad at the guy here. He did this to make a point albeit petty. They have some serious issues mostly that she feels gross a lot. What the FUKC does that mean. He made the spreadsheet to overtly make a point which and to shame her which was harsh enough. But then she shared it to shame him…Also petty as hell. These are 2 people who lack love and respect for one another. She feels gross, does not shower after gym workouts. She should be happy someone is still checking for her smelly ass. This is really just sad all around.

    • Destiny
      July 21, 2014 at 9:19 am

      CTHU @checking for her smelly a$$.

  20. Genesis
    July 21, 2014 at 8:49 am

    Both are petty. Him for the trifling ig-nah-rant spreadsheet and her for those lame a@@ excuses. Maybe my husband and I are gross but, he likes a little sweaty post gym lovin’ If you’re it right, your gonna be sweaty an-tee-ways … yes?

  21. Matador1015
    July 21, 2014 at 8:54 am

    Or maybe she’s a Mac person.

  22. July 21, 2014 at 8:54 am

    Jaysus, what is wrong with this dude?! Astonishing. As a man, I am disgusted by his approach.

    A Venn diagram would have been much more effective

  23. July 21, 2014 at 8:55 am

    I have to agree with Marilyn on some of these points. I think he made the excel spreadsheet to show her how much she turns him down. I love secks. And I would be put off by my significant other constantly telling me No especially with no legitimate reason. I do agree that communication must not be a strong point in there marriage. Or maybe the marriage has gone stale for her. It’s obvious that they need to talk a lot more and get down to the core of the problem. For some women, by the time they finish helping the kids with homework, cleaning the kitchen, preparing for the next day, they are exhausted. I was never that way, but I only had 1 child so maybe that did it. Whatever it is, they may have bigger issues than secks. (And yes I’m aware of my spelling of it). This could be a sign that she’s having secks with someone else and using her being sweaty as a reason not to have it with her spouse; it could be that she’s no longer in love with him or no longer finds him attractive; could be that he’s a true prick and she doesn’t desire him; could be that he’s lost some of his mojo and he just doesn’t put it down for her anymore. Whatever is it, they need to fix it quick because this is an SOS!!!

  24. LadyLarke
    July 21, 2014 at 9:45 am

    He could’ve sent that spreadsheet, yea, but he was dead ass wrong for cutting communication with her after he did. A two-year old is somewhere saying, “bitch stole my move!”

    Maybe if he would have done a bar graph then make it colorful and sprinkle glitter on it, she may have wanted to drop her panties??? I’m not married so I wouldn’t know…

  25. July 21, 2014 at 9:50 am

    I don’t feel bad fire the wife. She had some lame excuses fire bit wanting to have sex. For a month?! I that entire month, she couldn’t sit him down and say “Hey, this is how I’ve been feeling and why there is no sex.” Instead, she gave her HUSBAND a thousand wack excuses as to why she just didn’t want to. Looking at that spreadsheet, I can clearly see that she was just flipping him off. I would be Pissed, too!

    Now, if it was she who made a spreadsheet, she’d be considered empowering herself as a woman and demanding what she wants. People would be questioning whether HE was cheating on her. I think she’s a shirt excuse for a wife who only cares about work, tv, and herself.

    • July 21, 2014 at 9:51 am

      Nope! She’d be wack as HELL to send him a spreadsheet too. Dead ass wrong. Especially about a topic that is as sensitive about sex. If she sent him a spreadsheet for every time he CAME QUICK I’d be all “WTF?? You are terrible.” So nah. NAH!

      • Gina
        July 21, 2014 at 11:34 am

        You know what, tho, I don’t agree. I’ve been in a really LTR where things were happening (and it was not about sex) and I had to start keeping track. Because when you bring it up, it gets downplayed. Or you’re over-reacting, or it didn’t happen when you said or as frequently as you make it seem.

        So keeping track is sanity check. Because the other person WILL gaslight you, constantly. And you NEED to know that it’s not all in your head.

        Older, wiser and now I know that the moment I feel the need to do that in ANY situation (romantic or not, it could be at work), that is a sign to exit immediately. But they are married and kinda sorta stuck. So I get it.

        She’s not having sex and he has the receipts to prove it. Without those receipts, she would re-write that story “we have sex more than that, I never told you we couldn’t have sex because I was watching friends.” And trust me, people like that get SHOCKED, I tell you, when you have the receipts. They LIVE off changing the story.

        I don’t think he’s off base here. I do think they are headed for divorce.

        Besides, he is likely in a profession where he’s probably anal retentive about keeping track of things. After all, it IS a spreadsheet. His punctuation is on point, quotes and all. I know people like this and they aren’t being out of pocket when they do things like that.

        • July 21, 2014 at 11:40 am

          Did you miss the part where I said sex is important? Did you miss the parts where I said yes, lack of getting any sucks? THIS approach is what sucks the most, though. This isn’t how you do conflict resolution. I don’t care how mad he is. Keeping track is fine. He could have pulled up the spreadsheet when he got home and was like “let’s talk.” But to send this via email is classless and insensitive and a straight douchebag move.

        • Gina
          July 21, 2014 at 1:42 pm

          I didn’t miss ANY of what you wrote. When people are in a really messed up situation, holding one person to an expectation of “proper behavior” is unrealistic. It was already off the rails. IMO, he’s not a douchebag for this move. Could he have handled it better, yeah, But when your situation is THAT screwed up…

          She’s out of pocket. You’re expecting him to stay in-pocket with his response. That’s just not how people commonly handle it because they’re people with emotions, feelings and tons of other stuff going on.

          Let me just put it this way: as black women, we ALWAYS, ALWAYS get this whenever we speak up about what we feel are wrongs inflicted upon us. We get it from all angles, almost all the time. IT AMAZES me how we easily will lack empathy for others in bad situations by holding them to an expectation of “proper behavior”.

        • July 21, 2014 at 1:03 pm

          I totally agree with you. I’ve been married and have been there. I had to start keeping track of petty fights and sexual encounters via spreadsheet as well. This was, as you so eloquently put, a sanity check because my husband was determined to make me feel like I was crazy.

          According to him we never had sex and I was purposefully and malicously denying him sex. This “denying” could simply be my failure to initiate sex after a huge fight which he would initiate over nothing to begin with (I had the documentation to prove it). Needless to say, that marriage failed.

          I’m not so quick to jump on the “he’s petty” train because I would bet money that is has been a long running issue between them with arguments and the whole nine. We have no idea what kind of disscusions took place before the spreadsheet. All we know is that he’s had it. Maybe he is petty or maybe she put her career before him and the best way to get her to pay attention was to email her at her beloved work. We have no idea. Too little info here to pass out blame.

    • July 21, 2014 at 10:13 am

      Fire = for
      Bit = not
      Shirt = …well, revive the ‘r’

  26. Londa
    July 21, 2014 at 10:00 am

    Look, I know about as much about this couple as they know about me – nil, nada, ne rien pas. But, to me both of them are full of some bull-shiggity.

    No one just “happens” to get to this place all of a sudden. Heck yeah, I 100% agree the spreadsheet was trifling. But, from reading the back and forth exchange between the original poster and the commenters or reddit, homeboy was at his wit’s end.

    They need Dr. Phil and Iyanla to tag team on this. A spreadsheet does not woo one into feeling emotionally and physically ready to be intimate. However, **constantly** being denied by your significant other is a big fat no-no, too.

    They need to get to the root of the problem; sex (or lack thereof) is just a symptom. Is she no longer physically and/or emotionally attracted to him? Is she emotionally or physically attracted to someone else? And, has she acted on that? Has the husband done something that makes it a chore to be intimate with him?

    From my vantage point of not being involved and not knowing these people, it takes two to get here. She isn’t all innocent. His passive/aggressive behavior isn’t going to help this. What kills me is that she hasn’t denied anything that he wrote in the spreadsheet. Not one time did she say he lied or exaggerated.

    If my husband were to give me those excuses as reasons why he couldn’t lay it down to me right, I’d be hot (in this case angry, not sexually). I like “Friends” re-runs just as much as the next person, but I already know that Rachel got off the plane, Joey got a nice gig, Monica and Chandler moved to the ‘burbs with their babies, and Phoebe and Mike…well, they’re just cooky and freaky – my favorite combination.

    Being turned down that frequently would have me thinking that my honey was cheating on me; I’m not gonna lie.

    All of this to say: they both have issues. It takes two to make a thing go right.

  27. Jsimp
    July 21, 2014 at 10:10 am

    Perhaps, if she was doing her job as a wife, he wouldn’t have to resort to such methods. Or better yet maybe he should just go get a woman that understands a mans needs. Then everyone can be happy. He’ll get what he wants/needs and she can continue being a lousy wife. Problem solved!

    • July 21, 2014 at 11:14 am

      Job as a wife?

      Sorry, I didn’t realize we had time traveled back into the ’50s.

      • Caesar
        July 21, 2014 at 11:45 am

        Marriage is a job hunny. For men and women. I assume you aren’t married?

      • Rampage
        July 21, 2014 at 11:51 am

        Job might sound harsh but there is at least a responsibility here. Those same vows that say he is supposed to keep it at home ALSO say she is to love honor and cherish. You cannot expect one without the other and it is (or should be) an entitlement.

      • Caesar
        July 21, 2014 at 12:17 pm

        Sorry, I wont use “Job”. But let there be no doubt, marriage requires work. Or guess what? It wont work.

  28. July 21, 2014 at 10:32 am

    HE is gonna have desert D*ck and dry places for MONTHS to come……….

    • Kevin
      July 21, 2014 at 11:22 am

      Not necessarily. He could just cheat on her. He didn’t (I presume) which is commendable given the circumstances because a lot of men would have.

      Abstaining from sex with your husband is not what one signs up for when they get married. At least he’s taking the first step to address the situation which is sending the spreadsheet. To me, this means he wants to fix the issue. Sure, he ignored her calls/texts while she was gone, but she’s gotta come home eventually at which point they have to engage in the conversation face to face.

      Regardless, continued abstinence is not the answer. In the words of Kelly Rowland, “I know whatever I’m not fullfilling, another woman is willing…” Maybe he’s petty but, if wife wants to stay his wife, she’d ought to get it together.

      • Gina
        July 21, 2014 at 11:37 am

        EXACTLY! One person does not get to unilaterally make the other person celibate. I don’t like the phrase “what you won’t do, someone else will” but at the end of the day, you can’t make another person be celibate (or almost celibate).

      • Donna
        July 21, 2014 at 3:16 pm

        Bottom line, if she is avoiding intimacy and he is not getting intimacy neither of these 2 people are getting their needs met within their marriage. They keep it up and there will be no marriage.

        As far as the husband wanting to fix the issue, I see no credible evidence of this. A reasonable person (presumably blue balls does not render a man insane) might suspect that sending the spreadsheet and then cutting off communications was not a step towards fixing the issue — the only result he could reasonably have expected was defensiveness and anger on her part.

        • Kevin
          July 23, 2014 at 11:42 am

          I feel where he’s coming from. Not from personal experience, but I do get why he did what he did. If he didn’t want to fix it then he’d leave it be and either cheat on her or leave her. Yes, he cut off communication but at the end of the day, that’s his wife and she ain’t gon be on her trip forever so him bringing up the issue in the first place makes it hard to avoid resolution regardless of its right then and there or when she gets back. When someone is so fired up about something with their mate, they may not want to talk about it immediately. This isn’t a conversation to have over the phone or via text, it needs to happen face to face. If she’s on a trip her undivided attention can’t be focused on him and their issues because she’s distracted with work. I would hope she would not be wanting to discuss while on business with colleagues. I don’t blame him for ignoring her while she was gone because there wouldn’t have been a resolution. If anything it would have made matters worse.

  29. July 21, 2014 at 11:11 am

    This is so dysfunctional on multiple levels. Like she’s going to want to have sex with him after he sends this passive-aggressive/borderline psycho spreadsheet?? And WHY would she put this embarrassment online??

    Honestly, take it to your marriage counselor…or divorce lawyer.

    PS – That Jean Ralphio GIF is so applicable to so many situations!! I love it.

  30. July 21, 2014 at 11:13 am

    in 7 weeks – do we not also account for the monthly time of aunt flo?

  31. Serenity
    July 21, 2014 at 11:27 am

    When married, you in and out of feelings for folks. I don’t feel extra sexy for my man when he leaves dishes in the sink after I’ve closed the kitchen or when he walks across the floor after I, the only person, who mops the kitchen. Maybe he needs to check his own behavior. And I’m CERTAIN that his wife will be thinking about this spread sheet for the rest of their lives together. He should be happy that he’s getting it at least 1/week. Guilty sex might as well be a hole in the mattress…..

  32. klysha
    July 21, 2014 at 11:35 am

    Maybe I’m lame but it looks like he’s averaging about once per week minus the week when for many segsy time is a no go anyway. For busy working people that’s not all that terrible. If that’s not enough for him then they need to actually have a loving conversation where he tries to find out why she’d rather watch a Friends re-run than accept his advances.

  33. aleece
    July 21, 2014 at 12:08 pm

    Well if his skills in the bed are anything like his Excel skills to put it bluntly his Kung Fu is Weak! No pie charts, no drop down boxes, no color, no formulas detailing the quality and quantity of said sex.

    • July 21, 2014 at 1:21 pm

      Okay? If you are going to take the time to make a spreadsheet, at least make it a good one.

  34. Caesar
    July 21, 2014 at 12:13 pm

    I feel people who are not married should just shut up and read. Including the author of this article. These people have no clue how hard it is to communicate with your soul mate when you have different opinions. What most people dont understand is that married people already feel like they know each other inside and out. This assumption alone allows them to ignore each others’ problems indirectly. “I know he will be ok. I know she will be ok” I know em. Or the classic “He/she will get over it”. Complaining or conversations can take place but validation and action can easily go missing. “Why act when I got him/her already” or “its not that serious”. Its not that easy, simple folk who are not married. You all have to be silly to think this is his first time trying to communicate this to her.

    This spreadsheet was an extreme form of communication, but an effective one. She and the whole world finally got his point (Most stupid people thinks he wants sex in return. He just want to be heard). Most people do no react until things get extreme. Especially if you feel you know everything about the person. Its basic human nature. Think about your life, how many time have you had to get extreme with someone before action took place. And if you haven’t, then you probably get ran over all the time and get used by others on the daily. If you dont push people in general, things wont happen. Facts!

    I think there are issues on both sides, but to criticize this man for using a spreadsheet to communicate is wrong. Most people don’t understand things until its on paper. I do believe not answering her calls is childish but so is making bogus excuses to not have sex and posting the spreadsheet on the internet. If you are married, you will have issues. There is no way around it. Its 2 people trying to exist as 1. This case happens to be sex. So spare us with the “I cant believe this” or “I can’t believe that”. You can’t believe cause you don’t live it. Have a seat!

    • dmcmillian72
      July 21, 2014 at 1:44 pm

      Ya know… This “…people who are not married should just shut up and read…” opinion is highly insulting. I don’t have to be married to understand how detrimental poor communication can be to a marriage? I don’t have to be in a marriage to understand how important intimacy (physical and emotional) is to a loving relationship.

      I get communicating in the way you’re most comfortable with. You’re right that it was clear that the husband didn’t feel heard regarding his issues about their secks life. And, I don’t think he was wrong to keep track of the wife turning him down so he’d have proof when the conversation was finally had. And while I would hope that things wouldn’t come to sending the “proof” in an email to get a response/some validation for the concerns, I wouldn’t have faulted him for doing so…had he sent the document to her personal email. Sending it to her work email…as she was leaving for a 10-day business trip…then not answering her calls/texts after sending it…? He was trying to hurt her and piss her off. And he succeeded! THAT is the douche part of this equation on his part.

      The wife’s douche part of the equation (because there is plenty of blame to go around) would be the lame excuses she gave (and she had plenty) instead of talking to him and telling him what her issues were, not making sure her husband felt heard, AND THEN putting him on blast to the WORLD.

      Seriously, people really don’t have to be married to understand any of this.

      • Gina
        July 21, 2014 at 1:50 pm

        —Seriously, people really don’t have to be married to understand any of this.—

        People don’t need to be married to understand, but the comment thread reads like a lot of man-shaming. A lot of people are mocking dude in a way that wouldn’t mock a woman if the situation was flipped.

      • Ms. EM
        July 21, 2014 at 2:41 pm


    • Gina
      July 21, 2014 at 1:45 pm


  35. July 21, 2014 at 12:46 pm

    Dude us 100% justified and not petty at all.. He might have taken it a bit to far with sending it to her job email.. But you have to assume for him to resort to a spread sheet that he has tried plenty of things before like talking seducing, and trying to figure it all out.. But when your wife has bullshit excuses like she has then hell it’s clear she just don’t want his ass anymore and they need to break up/divorce.. So him sending that email right before the trip is brilliant kudos to him because now she want to call and talk about but all month and all before that I’m sure she wasent and didn’t have time so how she find time now to wanna talk.. Because she knew the whole time she was gone that he was gonna be hitting something!! And I think he deserves that

  36. Londa
    July 21, 2014 at 12:56 pm

    Ay…yo. What’s with the attacking of each other that’s going on here.

    First and foremost, we are a e-family of grown people. Even if we disagree with one another’s views, we don’t usually resort to such meanness towards each other. So, please refrain from doing so. Disagree all you want with someone’s views, even Luvvie’s views, if you so chose. But, don’t **attack*.

    I’m not saying everyone who is posting on this particular spreadsheet subject is being hateful or attacking. But, it’s happening enough where it’s getting uncomfortable. That’s just NOT the spirit of awesomelyluvvie.com.

    I, for one, happen to enjoy coming to this site on a near daily basis. But, the animosity that I’m seeing today is not cool. Come on, y’all. We’re better than that.

    • Londa
      July 21, 2014 at 12:57 pm

      Please forgive the grammar and other typographical errors.

    • Emily
      July 21, 2014 at 1:18 pm

      Hear, hear Londa! We loyal Luvvites come to her blog for some lighthearted, witty, satirical social media fun. It feels like some newcomers are taking themselves WAY too seriously. Its not that kind of party!

  37. July 21, 2014 at 1:14 pm

    Why do people feel the need to post all their personal business online? And it really doesn’t get much more personal than this craziment of your sex-starved husband sending you a spreadsheet detailing how much he is being denied.

    The man could not have expected a good result from this, so my guess is that he just wanted to let his wife know that he was keeping score. I had a petty azz man once who lived for keeping track of any and everything that I did that he felt was wrong, so I know the type.

    This marriage is probably over because things don’t just escalate like this for no reason, so the spreadsheet is just the tip of the iceberg.

    And I agree with Luvvie, Bill Gates did not create Excel to document marital sex droughts – have some respect. lol

  38. July 21, 2014 at 1:22 pm

    Several issues with this. Why would he have to get to the point that he felt the need to send this spreadsheet to her. And then why would she turn around and post it ONLINE. These are 2 immature individuals who probably shouldn’t have been married in the first place. She needs to wash her sweaty box after working out.

  39. Ms. Diva
    July 21, 2014 at 2:27 pm

    They sooo belong together because each is as wrong as 2 left shoes:

    He is ESPECIALLY wrong though and needs a good large foot up his ass and then turned sideways for sending this shyt to her work email. In this volatile job market and lousy economy, you don’t jeopardize folks’ coins and livelihood… PERIOD. It would be quite different if he kept this list and confronted her privately at home about it and attempted to have a conversation about why they are lacking in intimacy.

    He is dead wrong for being a punk ass and avoiding her calls after he sent her this crap.

    She is dead wrong for not washing her funky ass after going to the gym and then having the nerve to complain as one of her excuses that she was too ‘sweaty from the gym.’ And if she was always this dayum dirty, then he is an even bigger idiot for knowing that and still marrying her.

    She is also wrong after the initial embarrassment of him sending this mess to her job, taking it further and making the whole thing viral. Now everyone knows their sex life, nasty woman’s bad hygiene habits and all the other pettiness that needed to stay in their circle of marriage.

    *Does a COGIC praise dance and a tambourine tribute to give thanks for being single!*

    • July 21, 2014 at 3:05 pm

      In the words of my beloved Deacon Cannon, “I want to thank you.”

      I could understand sharing this craziment with your immediate circle, but she is so out of order for putting this on Reddit.

      I would bot want complete strangers all over the world to know that I wasn’t cleaning my bits (or the rest of me) after working out. That’s just nasty.

  40. Jbwilliams
    July 21, 2014 at 2:33 pm

    In All honesty, let’s be real people. If a man was not giving his woman sex and she did something like this, women would be all in support and waving the flag of sisterhood. A marriage is built on communication, trust and love, if she keep giving excuses about having sex with him why she didn’t just tell him what the problem was. A majority of you women have condemned this man because he kept a record of his denials of sex and sent it to his wife to let her know what she was doing. Now see if he was to cheat she would swear she don’t know and what happened to make him step out of the marriage. SENDING IT TO her WORK ADDRESS is a NO NO of course. what if the man was denying the woman sex, everybody would suspect him of cheating hands down. I think it was a good idea to keep a record to show that something is wrong in the relationship. He communicated with her what he wanted her to know granted in an unconventional way. Atleast he was trying to show her that there was a problem arising in case she didn’t realize it. He did not cheat on her or atleast we don’t know he cheated. Anyway they have a starting point to work with to find out what happened to make the wife not want sex. Let’s not be so quick to jump all over the guy for wanting to have sex with his wife and he get upset and frustrated with her for not giving it to him. I wasn’t going to go biblical but husbands and wives are not to deny each other sex (I Corinthians 7:5) in a christian marriage which is what they suppose to be in right. Hey and people can take it how they wanna take it but that is the main reason people cheat and that reason is that (They feel like they are not getting what they want at home). She setting the stage for him to step out on her…it is ot right but that is what will happen if they don’t figure out what they got going on in their marriage.

  41. April
    July 21, 2014 at 2:52 pm

    I’m going to play devil’s advocate here and side with the husband. I am a person who loves receipts so the fact that he gave her specific examples is hilarious to me, but it gets his point across. Now could he have been a bit more smooth in his approach? Sure, but what he is saying is Hey, honey I’m feeling neglected here.” And that’s perfectly okay.

    What is not okay is the wife sharing what was supposed to be “private” communication to Reddit. If she didn’t like his methods, fine, but to then go and broadcast it to the whole world speaks a lot about how she values their relationship—which might be the underlying cause of her decreased sex drive

  42. Tiffany
    July 21, 2014 at 2:56 pm

    Tyler Perry Presents: For Bitter Husbands Who Create Passive-Aggressive Spreadsheets When Watching Porn Ain’t Enuf.

    • Londa
      July 21, 2014 at 3:19 pm


    • ugk soldier
      July 21, 2014 at 10:39 pm

      That’s not even remotely funny. Had the roles been reversed there would so much finger snapping and mhm-ing going on in this post a man’s head would spin. I don’t see anything humorous about a man not getting sex from his wife for a full month. And anyone who does is really immature.

      • Londa
        July 22, 2014 at 8:52 am

        Sir (please forgive me for assuming), the imaginary play’s title itself was funny.

        If you read my comments about the spreadsheet, you would see that I am in agreement with you that the wife was wrong.

        Also, please see my other post about disagreeing respectfully without resorting to name calling.

  43. July 21, 2014 at 2:56 pm

    She can’t be mad. Clearly this was the only way he could get to her. Her employment isn’t the only responsibility she has. Italy have felt wrong to her, but he had his reasons.

  44. CaliGirlED
    July 21, 2014 at 2:57 pm

    “Bill Gates didn’t create spreadsheets for hapless husbands to send wack sex SOS with.”…DEAD!!!

    She’s either getting it somewhere else or has lost all interest. Sad situation either way!

  45. KayDub
    July 21, 2014 at 3:04 pm

    The “you’re too drunk” one caught my eye. Is lack of sex driving him to drink, or is he just a sloppy drunk mess that no one wants between their legs???

    …but I do have to say: if she went on a 10 day trip without getting/giving him any, she’s probably getting it elsewhere and doesn’t care if he does either.

    …and I don’t care if I duct taped his mama to the wheel well of a 747, if he sent this crap to MY JOB, a few felonies and light misdemeanors would follow!!!! SMH

  46. Bkbeauty
    July 21, 2014 at 3:15 pm

    Wow, this sounds exactly like something my husband would do but in a text instead of emailed in a spreadsheet (he ain’t that damb fancy). I love the reply calendar tho, might send him that just for gp. Smh

  47. Charlzetta Driver
    July 21, 2014 at 3:15 pm

    I’m not mad at him. She still has her day job so apparently she’s at least performing satisfactorily if not better. I think his point is, if she were to only complete her job duties 3 times in the entire month of June would they keep her on, promote her, or FIRE her? I think this spreadsheet was her pink slip. She’s the one that looks bad while she’s passing it around as if he’s the petty one. That was between her and him UNTIL she shared it.

  48. MrsABSdeux
    July 21, 2014 at 3:53 pm

    I can only imagine that convo when she returns from her trip. I think it should go like this:
    Him: Hey…
    Her: ‘Sup fool…
    Him: Sooo…. I know you got my email. You gon fix this problem and give me some?
    Her: What I will give you, is a 10 min head start before I WHOOP YO IGNANT AHH!!!!
    *that’s how I would handle it.

  49. Ryan
    July 21, 2014 at 3:56 pm

    WOOOOW! Somethings wrong with most of the women commenting on this topic. As a man, let me help y’all out. HEEEEELLLL NO, that much denying of sex for a married couple is NOT cool. He actually loved her enough to keep track of her lame excuses. Do you ladies think it’s ok to leave your husband with blue balls?!?! Are y’all crazy?! If I was him, I’d give her 2 options. Communicate with me what the REAL problem is & we fix it or those divorce papers will be coming in fast. All of this is the fault of the wife. If she didn’t like having sex with him, she shouldn’t have married him. Don’t marry a man & think you don’t have to perform your duties as a wife.

  50. Ames
    July 21, 2014 at 3:57 pm

    I am on the husband’s side. I feel bad for him that his wife gives weak excuses. If she is not attracted to him, she should express that and stop getting in the marital bed stinky.

  51. Val
    July 21, 2014 at 4:14 pm

    Hmmm so he sends this right before she leaves for a business trip and then he refuses to answer her calls? Seems like he wasn’t interested in talking things over AT ALL. Very mature. Not saying that it’s going to happen but I would not be surprised if he was just planning on cheating the week she left and this was just his way of letting her know she had it coming. Charming.

    1) You don’t negotiate sex. You don’t ask for sex. You seduce. You arouse. You make her want it. If you’re not doing any of those things it’s not going to happen. Get her in the mood. Don’t just ask her to bend over EVERY. DAMN. DAY. Needy, pushy muthafucka.

    2) Some people’s libidos are way lower. You can’t make her change that.

    3) Maybe she just doesn’t look forward to sex with you because it’s not good. Time to face the music and ask her what you’re doing wrong and why you put her off forever. Maybe you’re just a lousy lay. Can’t imagine a petty dude who doesn’t even want to ever hear his wife’s thoughts on a sad spreadsheet caring if she gets off or not.

    • MyTruthNotYours
      July 21, 2014 at 5:17 pm

      This right….I’m in total agreement with…..what’s could possibly
      make her want to go straight to bed sweaty & gross after the gym? What kind of skills doe he have, or lack there of? Nothing is EVER just one persons fault…..

  52. Arlie T
    July 21, 2014 at 5:11 pm


    Since my hub would send me a BLANK spread sheet, I’d probably draw a big ol’ smiley face on it and say…
    sorry not sorry.

  53. MyTruthNotYours
    July 21, 2014 at 5:11 pm

    in my very humble opinion, keep track however you wish, whomever you are, male or female, BUT DO NOT send such “proof” to anyone’s place of employment!!! I soooo do NOT agree that everyone is on dudes case simply to back his wife or be in her corner. IF the roles had been reversed she would’ve been viewed as immature and a douche as well.
    Lack of mature communication skills on BOTH parties part is the main concern, along with extreme pettiness.
    1) Learn to communicate like adults first off.
    2) DO NOT send such a personal document to anyone’s place of employment.
    3) DO NOT post said personal info ONLINE!!!!!
    4) Do send it then when the other party does attempt to reach out take it a petty step farther & ignore calls!!!

    Let me repeat ANYONE male OR female who would do such a thing is immature & extremely petty.

    Gender does give any one a pass on stupidity.

    …and that whole not taking a bath thing really has me grossed out – especially after the gym!

    All in all the verdict is extreme immaturity & pettiness on BOTH their parts.
    I agree with a couple of the previous posters, this on-line family is intelligent and respectful, generally quite fair in our assessments. Let’s try to keep it that way. We can agree to disagree all day, but let’s keep it in perspective.

    AIght – let’s all hug it out!!!!!

  54. MyTruthNotYours
    July 21, 2014 at 5:13 pm

    *4) Don’t send it then when the other party does attempt to reach out take it a petty step farther & ignore calls!!!

    Let me repeat ANYONE male OR female who would do such a thing is immature & extremely petty.

    Gender does not give any one a pass on stupidity.

  55. July 21, 2014 at 5:18 pm

    I’ve never been married (but i have lived with someone for 15 months or so) and we had sex 2+ times a week and we worked different schedules. (i worked days, he afternoons and on the weekends) but unless mother nature called, i had a ‘job’ to do. if i didn’t want to, i explained why. even if he didn’t want to understand, he knew that when it was open to boning, we were on and poppin.

    Now that being said, i don’t see this marriage lasting long. both parties are having poor communication issues. I would guess that he kept track of her excuses to make sure he wasn’t going crazy and just how long it was between encounters. and as a woman, some of those excuses were, in my opinion, weak as hell (FRIENDS? really???) he has been butthurt for some time (probably months) if not longer. This is where ‘equally yoked’ comes in. If you have little to no sex drive, you should marry someone similar. don’t marry a porn star if you could care less about sex. Marriage is ongoing, you can’t screw someone like a porn star before you get married and then on the honeymoon say “we married now, i don’t have to do that…”

    both of them were out of order. don’t post your sex biz on reddit and think you aren’t going to get clowned.

  56. PrincessPoetress
    July 21, 2014 at 5:52 pm

    Other than sickness she should be twerkin’ him.

    Other than stupidity he shouldn’t have made a spreadsheet.

    Other than any other prayer and supplication I don’t see this marriage lasting.


  57. July 21, 2014 at 5:56 pm

    Things like this should not be given the time of day, because it’s married people’s business. However, I applaud the, because women are usually the ones who are detailed. Who knows what grief he’s received in the past about chores, how he’s dressing, how in shape he is, or how his bedroom antics need improvement. My only criticism is that the work email was his only mistake: if she were to lose her job, the alimony payments would be more if divorce were to take place.

    • July 21, 2014 at 5:58 pm

      applaud the spreadsheet…

  58. Kate
    July 21, 2014 at 6:22 pm

    If his sex skills are on par with his Excel abilities, I would also be saying “Thanks no thanks”

  59. Sy
    July 21, 2014 at 6:24 pm

    Everyone knows that a thriving sexual relationship in a marriage is very important. It lets your spouse know that he’s wanted, that you’re still attracted, the spark is there, and helps to keep insecurities about faithfulness at bay. Ask dr. Phil. So I can’t blame the guy. And then she sends to everyone, something intimate. Wonder if he called her a b*tch lately

  60. Tech Man
    July 21, 2014 at 6:36 pm

    Hold on. Yes, he sent a spreadsheet, but she took their PRIVATE BUSINESS PUBLIC!!

    • nsp
      July 22, 2014 at 4:31 pm

      exactly. i’m married and female. if my husband did this to me, I wouldn’t tell the world that i’m denying my husband sex. maybe he is a horrible person, but what is she doing to make it better other than putting their business out on the internet and getting mad at him. if your husband sends you a spreadsheet or even a verbal note that he needs more sex, it’s time to take what he needs serious. and if you can’t give him more sex tell him the real reason, and it’s not cause you are watching tv, cause you can watch tv and sex at the same time. especially when you don’t won’t to do the first.

  61. July 21, 2014 at 6:38 pm

    All I can say: Get a good lawyer ’cause this marriage ain’t gonna last!

  62. Jud
    July 21, 2014 at 6:51 pm

    Rule of thumb: Nobody’s ever spread in the sheets as a result of a Spreadsheet.

  63. ugk soldier
    July 21, 2014 at 10:04 pm

    Honestly the response to his spreadsheet seems really biased. You can tell that a woman responded to it. Not a knock on her though. But the response was too over the top. The guy has a right to be angry that he was refused for sex 25 times by his wife in one month. Really it comes off as man bashing if you read between the lines.

  64. blackberry molasses
    July 21, 2014 at 10:19 pm

    folks are in their FEELINGS about this post. the whole “this is a humor blog” seems to be lost on them.

    • Ames
      July 22, 2014 at 3:08 pm

      On the bright side, lots of people still take marriage and its importance and value to society seriously. It can be hard to find humor in a sick and/or dying marriage or a family breaking.

  65. […] Comment from Amber on my FB fan page – ‘I wonder if Mrs. Spreadsheet has ever used this excuse. “I can’t have sex with you tonight. I died in a car […]

  66. Ema
    July 23, 2014 at 4:12 am

    As a woman who doesn’t get enough sex for equally flimsy excuses, I love the man’s sense of humour and sympathize with him.

  67. Traci
    July 23, 2014 at 6:52 pm

    Maybe she isn’t interested in having sex with him because he is the type of person who thinks its okay to send a detailed spreadsheet of him not getting any. I am going to state what seems very obvious to me. Any time a woman would rather go unwashed to avoid sex with you or watch TV when she could have recorded whatever re-run she is watching, it’s because you are CRAPPY in bed! He is also cruel for this which tells me he is cruel in other ways too which is also a BIG turn off. Maybe instead of spending time creating this spreadsheet he should have been researching a good family counselor and stop treating sex like it is on her list of chores!

  68. Marsha
    July 23, 2014 at 8:13 pm

    Speaking from my own experience. When a woman turns down sex its because 1) Something is wrong with her physically/mentally 2) The sex is wack. The whole extra weight thing does speak to both issues listed under my first point. In addition, if her husband was curling her toes she would be begging him for it. Aside from that it really sounds like he is building his case to cheat. There is always two sides to every story and we have only heard hers. Whose to say that those long “work” trips are really for work?! They are both messy and in need of serious help.

  69. […] Buffalo wasn’t under 8 feet of snow, the interwebs was abuzz with what was candidates for worst married couple ever. It started out as a hilarious conversation, and then, as expected eventually went left with people […]