So I Got a Love Note on Facebook
Facebook is the place where people get to try out their best efforts in flirting. Folks’ Nigerians uncles are forever trying out their best lines too. Last week, I received a message on my Awesomely Luvvie Facebook fan page and I didn’t know whether I was being trolled or if there’s someone who actually believes that this is how you woo a lady you’ve never met or spoken to or had any exchanges with.
Let’s read, shall we?
Brother Osei went IN! I didn’t have the words so I posted it on my personal page and below is what folks had to say.
“Girl you better get yo Prince! Lmao.” – WNW
“Libra Scales? Now I’m imagining some dude posing like that awful Ne-Yo album cover while yelling this from the roof of a building.” – M
“Is someone learning English?” – LY
“What kinda Illuminati sorcery love spell is he tryna put on you?!?” – CR
“He unleashed his inner poetress on this good day” – PGY
“Girl, you better jump on that palm wine!” – BD
“In my best Liz Lemon voice: “I want to go to this place of golden mysteries and polka dotted forests.” – ADM
“LMAO!! This is everything I needed and more on today. Sir, what?! *pours out some palm wine for his blessed little heart*” – AE
“His word is bond! Holla back at that man!” – TSK
“Look, he out here trying to get chosen. You berra shine your eyes well well” – OO
“Luvvie, he chooses YOU. Read between all these flowery lines, know you just got chose by a spoken word poet and sip your calabash of palm wine.” – PGY
“Teach me how to light a heart chakra. TEACH ME THINE WAYS, LUVVIE!” – NJS
“I don die!!!! See interweb love in full blown splendor” – FS
“Apparently those “calabashes of palm wine” done took him somewhere none of us have ever been..where the forests have polka dots and where there are underwater castles in the sky. What is this palm wine?? Do they sell that at the lika sto’?” – CCA
“Musta got that Groupon on “calabashes of palm wine”. – WJ
“That’s real fake deep. *applauds and snaps*” – CD
“Yeah he had me “calabashes of palm wine.” Osei you’ve been on one too many acid trips talkin bout “world of golden mysteries in underwater castles is d sky.” On THIS DAY we all weren’t ready.” – JO
“*jealous* nobody loves me enough to make up words and speak contradictions. hmmph!” – SL
“Yes gawd!! If he through in Lupita, unicorn tears and goats milk I would have died! #leyomidrops I’m here for this fan cypher” – CG
“I can’t stop reading this! I get something new out of it every TAHM. “My pen writes ink drops on rainbows” iLive!!!” – CCA
“I’m greeting people like this for the rest of the day:
Hello/hiiiiiiii, hello/hiiiiiiii, helloHIIIIIIIIIIIIIII” – KKH
“all this, no picture. Maybe that is why the palm wine features so prominently.” – RIJ
“That brother is smooth, like coarse sand paper topped with gravel.” – SFR
“If he plays guitar while reciting this you betta POUNCE ON HIM LUVVIE!” – DM
“LMAOOOOOO, Girl he’s tryna align yo chakras!!!! Go head and getchu a based god bf!!” – BJ
HA! Please refer to me as Goddess Awesomely Luvvie henceforth. I will respond to nothing less. Also, all other love notes I receive from now on better measure up to this or they are null and void!
Whatcha’ll think of Brother Osei and his Love Jonesing? Are you taking notes for your profile on BlackPeopleMeet.com?” You just picked up some tips for OKCupid, didn’t you? Admit it. You’re welcome!
I couldn’t even get thru it… it gave me a headache trying to decipher it
That’s because you didn’t drink your palm wine first. Lol!!
I’m done. I can’t read another comment.
He said his word is bond, so you can trust him. Especially since he brought not just one, but multiple calabashes of palm wine. That is love, foolish love, but love nonetheless.
Tears are rolling down my face. There is just too much going with brother O. But those comments…. woo lawd!
In tears!! The comments have me rolling!! I’m sure somebody’s “likasto”sells Palm wine lol
I lost it at “calabashes of palm wine”
Not a glass or even a flute, but a CALABASH chile!!! He is on a whole different level out here!
So this is how OSh!t on Black Ink Cree be getting his women! Wow! He even fancys up his name and e’rthang. Luvvie you better snatch up this man before Kenya Moore does. Lol
Yoooooo not before Kenya Moore though! lmao Luvvie you betta get’chu some.
But do he have a job #doe? I’m asking for a friend…
YOOOOOOO, I cannot! So DONE!
I love what your friends on your personal page said as much as his “love” poem! You have some Awesomely creative friends.
Girl, Imma need you to open your class of “Wooing The Single Girl”, so I can get me sum a dat; flash, seen by only the THIRD eye!
Hunty, THAT is some drunk, and in love! Weeeeerk.
Is that the All-Seeing Eye as his profile pic? Because if so, this makes a lot of sense.
Lmao @ the groupon comment!
LMAO bless your heart Luvvie…
This sounds like jailhouse prose lol…don’t ask me how I know…LMAO!!
So nobody’s gonna mention how he sent this to you at 6:39 am? He clearly didn’t come up with that on the fly. Brother Osei had been thinking about putting that pen that writes ink drops on rainbows to paper all night long. You, Goddess Awesomely Luvvie, were dreamt about. O_____O Mmmm hmmmm.
YAASS!! My sister got an email from some random guy in Nigeria, talking about how he loves her and such, all from a picture that one of our cousins showed him. I love my people, but seriously tho?
All I know is, the standard has been set. Brothas, if yo heart chakras ain’t flaring lights and you don’t got no libra scales, keep steppin cuz I don’t know how else to weigh your intentions.
I started reading it and thought “This palm wine poet sounds Ghanaian.” HA! i know my people. Luvvie, Osei is a Ghanaian name. We’re trying to broker a West African marriage with your Royal Goddessness. I’M HERE FOR ITTTTTTT. I mean, you already look like an Ashanti queen. 😉 😉 Akwaaba!
HA! yes now. the second i saw the man’s name i cringed a bit. our cousin osei has given you a scholarship oooo!
Go on, Luvvie! Take a chance!!!
HAAAAAA!! “If you’re really a prince, I’ll marry you…”
All the Coming to America?? I’m dying laughing…
His supposed prose 😉 reminds me of an old romance book I read years ago where the guy referred to his lady love’s eyes as “limpid pools of moonlight”, after all these years I still wonder how moonlight pools become limpid.
Bro O wanted to be all biblical and romantical in his description of Luvvie but instead of reading ‘Songs of Solomon’ he read Songs of Salmon, and got all confused about his muse.
P.s. see what I did there? hehe
Did he just put a spell on us? I’m feeling like he did. I’m dizzy after reading that.
Also, I’m really upset that he’s making me question my own English. I’m like, am I supposed to know these words???
Yaassszz! So confident with it that I must be the one who’s wrong.
I LIVE for these heah comments!!! ROFLOL!!!
This reader had me in multiple cackles: “Apparently those “calabashes of palm wine” done took him somewhere none of us have ever been..where the forests have polka dots and where there are underwater castles in the sky. What is this palm wine?? Do they sell that at the lika sto’?” – CCA
Good day ma’am or sir! Good day!
Now…..lmao……I really need to know….how the hell are your castles underwater AND in the sky? Brotha O done had one too many calabashes of palm wine if you ask me! He done drunk facebooked you and now he got us clownin him! Lol FIX IT JESUS!
Tell Tyrese brother to saddown!! Ain’t nobody want no palm wine!! BUT I might want to see those underwater castles in the sky. Gon’ Luvvie and #lettuce live through you.
He’s on some Strawberry Letter 23 foolishness.
:: wanders off singing Purple shower bells and tea…::
“I Self, Lord And Master”.
Luvvie you got dude straight out of Game of Thrones jonesin for you?!?!”
Osei, of the house Calabashas. First of his name. Ruler of the Polka dotted forests. Flarer of Chakras!!
Luvvie you better go become that mans Khaleesi!
LMAOOO at become his Khaleesi. I rebuke you, Streetz!
Tyrese is that you!
Pardon my ignorance, but what measurement is a calabash?? Is that equivalent to a fifth? Also, is Palm a flavor of Boone Farm or Mad Dog? I’m trying to find some in the state store…..
A calabash is a bowl made of wood.
Girl, you’re being catfished by Columbus Short. Kicked off Scandal, love life’s a mess, he ain’t got sh*t else to do.
Don’t accept that friend request.
In 6 months you’ll be rocking a gingham dress and a black eye.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
“underwater castles in the sky” YAAAAASSSS MA’AM!!!! #fixitjesus