My Life

So I Got a Love Note on Facebook

Facebook is the place where people get to try out their best efforts in flirting. Folks’ Nigerians uncles are forever trying out their best lines too. Last week, I received a message on my Awesomely Luvvie Facebook fan page and I didn’t know whether I was being trolled or if there’s someone who actually believes that this is how you woo a lady you’ve never met or spoken to or had any exchanges with.

Let’s read, shall we?

Creepy Love Note

Brother Osei went IN! I didn’t have the words so I posted it on my personal page and below is what folks had to say.

“Girl you better get yo Prince! Lmao.” – WNW

“Libra Scales? Now I’m imagining some dude posing like that awful Ne-Yo album cover while yelling this from the roof of a building.” – M

“Is someone learning English?” – LY

“What kinda Illuminati sorcery love spell is he tryna put on you?!?” – CR

“He unleashed his inner poetress on this good day” – PGY

“Girl, you better jump on that palm wine!” – BD

“In my best Liz Lemon voice: “I want to go to this place of golden mysteries and polka dotted forests.” – ADM

“LMAO!! This is everything I needed and more on today. Sir, what?! *pours out some palm wine for his blessed little heart*” – AE

“His word is bond! Holla back at that man!” – TSK

“Look, he out here trying to get chosen. You berra shine your eyes well well” – OO

Sheneneh Bio gif

“Luvvie, he chooses YOU. Read between all these flowery lines, know you just got chose by a spoken word poet and sip your calabash of palm wine.” – PGY

“Teach me how to light a heart chakra. TEACH ME THINE WAYS, LUVVIE!” – NJS

“I don die!!!! See interweb love in full blown splendor” – FS

“Apparently those “calabashes of palm wine” done took him somewhere none of us have ever been..where the forests have polka dots and where there are underwater castles in the sky. What is this palm wine?? Do they sell that at the lika sto’?” – CCA

“Musta got that Groupon on “calabashes of palm wine”. – WJ

“That’s real fake deep. *applauds and snaps*” – CD

“Yeah he had me “calabashes of palm wine.” Osei you’ve been on one too many acid trips talkin bout “world of golden mysteries in underwater castles is d sky.” On THIS DAY we all weren’t ready.” – JO

“*jealous* nobody loves me enough to make up words and speak contradictions. hmmph!” – SL

“Yes gawd!! If he through in Lupita, unicorn tears and goats milk I would have died! #leyomidrops I’m here for this fan cypher” – CG

“I can’t stop reading this! I get something new out of it every TAHM. “My pen writes ink drops on rainbows” iLive!!!” – CCA

“I’m greeting people like this for the rest of the day:
Hello/hiiiiiiii, hello/hiiiiiiii, helloHIIIIIIIIIIIIIII” – KKH

“all this, no picture. Maybe that is why the palm wine features so prominently.” – RIJ

“That brother is smooth, like coarse sand paper topped with gravel.” – SFR

“If he plays guitar while reciting this you betta POUNCE ON HIM LUVVIE!” – DM


“LMAOOOOOO, Girl he’s tryna align yo chakras!!!! Go head and getchu a based god bf!!” – BJ

HA! Please refer to me as Goddess Awesomely Luvvie henceforth. I will respond to nothing less. Also, all other love notes I receive from now on better measure up to this or they are null and void!

Whatcha’ll think of Brother Osei and his Love Jonesing? Are you taking notes for your profile on” You just picked up some tips for OKCupid, didn’t you? Admit it. You’re welcome!

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  1. Shani
    May 20, 2014 at 12:28 pm

    I couldn’t even get thru it… it gave me a headache trying to decipher it

    • Danielle
      May 20, 2014 at 12:33 pm

      That’s because you didn’t drink your palm wine first. Lol!!

      • KathyMo
        May 20, 2014 at 1:37 pm

        I’m done. I can’t read another comment.

  2. Danielle
    May 20, 2014 at 12:31 pm

    He said his word is bond, so you can trust him. Especially since he brought not just one, but multiple calabashes of palm wine. That is love, foolish love, but love nonetheless.

  3. SoundsLikeRamona
    May 20, 2014 at 12:46 pm

    Tears are rolling down my face. There is just too much going with brother O. But those comments…. woo lawd!

  4. Amber
    May 20, 2014 at 12:52 pm

    In tears!! The comments have me rolling!! I’m sure somebody’s “likasto”sells Palm wine lol

  5. Keesh
    May 20, 2014 at 12:55 pm

    I lost it at “calabashes of palm wine”

    • Shakira
      May 21, 2014 at 11:45 am

      Not a glass or even a flute, but a CALABASH chile!!! He is on a whole different level out here!

  6. SayWhatSayHuh?
    May 20, 2014 at 12:56 pm

    So this is how OSh!t on Black Ink Cree be getting his women! Wow! He even fancys up his name and e’rthang. Luvvie you better snatch up this man before Kenya Moore does. Lol

    • Randomly Jazzy
      May 20, 2014 at 1:06 pm

      Yoooooo not before Kenya Moore though! lmao Luvvie you betta get’chu some.

  7. vanitaapplebum
    May 20, 2014 at 1:03 pm

    But do he have a job #doe? I’m asking for a friend…

    • Stace
      May 30, 2014 at 1:41 pm

      YOOOOOOO, I cannot! So DONE!

  8. May 20, 2014 at 1:40 pm

    I love what your friends on your personal page said as much as his “love” poem! You have some Awesomely creative friends.

  9. Tracey
    May 20, 2014 at 2:12 pm

    Girl, Imma need you to open your class of “Wooing The Single Girl”, so I can get me sum a dat; flash, seen by only the THIRD eye!
    Hunty, THAT is some drunk, and in love! Weeeeerk.

  10. May 20, 2014 at 2:23 pm

    Is that the All-Seeing Eye as his profile pic? Because if so, this makes a lot of sense.

  11. May 20, 2014 at 2:35 pm

    Lmao @ the groupon comment!

  12. KMN
    May 20, 2014 at 2:56 pm

    LMAO bless your heart Luvvie…

    This sounds like jailhouse prose lol…don’t ask me how I know…LMAO!!


  13. Moni
    May 20, 2014 at 3:02 pm

    So nobody’s gonna mention how he sent this to you at 6:39 am? He clearly didn’t come up with that on the fly. Brother Osei had been thinking about putting that pen that writes ink drops on rainbows to paper all night long. You, Goddess Awesomely Luvvie, were dreamt about. O_____O Mmmm hmmmm.

  14. Rachael
    May 20, 2014 at 3:04 pm

    YAASS!! My sister got an email from some random guy in Nigeria, talking about how he loves her and such, all from a picture that one of our cousins showed him. I love my people, but seriously tho?

  15. minacakes
    May 20, 2014 at 4:04 pm

    All I know is, the standard has been set. Brothas, if yo heart chakras ain’t flaring lights and you don’t got no libra scales, keep steppin cuz I don’t know how else to weigh your intentions.

  16. Only in Ghana...
    May 20, 2014 at 4:35 pm

    I started reading it and thought “This palm wine poet sounds Ghanaian.” HA! i know my people. Luvvie, Osei is a Ghanaian name. We’re trying to broker a West African marriage with your Royal Goddessness. I’M HERE FOR ITTTTTTT. I mean, you already look like an Ashanti queen. 😉 😉 Akwaaba!

    • Adwoa
      May 26, 2014 at 2:53 pm

      HA! yes now. the second i saw the man’s name i cringed a bit. our cousin osei has given you a scholarship oooo!

  17. May 20, 2014 at 5:00 pm

    Go on, Luvvie! Take a chance!!!

    • Itsben1
      May 21, 2014 at 12:24 pm

      HAAAAAA!! “If you’re really a prince, I’ll marry you…”

      • KW
        May 22, 2014 at 8:53 am

        All the Coming to America?? I’m dying laughing…

  18. Carriecnh12
    May 20, 2014 at 5:24 pm

    His supposed prose 😉 reminds me of an old romance book I read years ago where the guy referred to his lady love’s eyes as “limpid pools of moonlight”, after all these years I still wonder how moonlight pools become limpid.
    Bro O wanted to be all biblical and romantical in his description of Luvvie but instead of reading ‘Songs of Solomon’ he read Songs of Salmon, and got all confused about his muse.

    P.s. see what I did there? hehe

  19. OtherWynnGirl
    May 20, 2014 at 5:26 pm

    Did he just put a spell on us? I’m feeling like he did. I’m dizzy after reading that.

    Also, I’m really upset that he’s making me question my own English. I’m like, am I supposed to know these words???

    • Angela
      May 20, 2014 at 7:49 pm

      Yaassszz! So confident with it that I must be the one who’s wrong.

      • lurker
        May 22, 2014 at 1:58 pm

        I LIVE for these heah comments!!! ROFLOL!!!

  20. Simone
    May 20, 2014 at 6:05 pm

    This reader had me in multiple cackles: “Apparently those “calabashes of palm wine” done took him somewhere none of us have ever been..where the forests have polka dots and where there are underwater castles in the sky. What is this palm wine?? Do they sell that at the lika sto’?” – CCA
    Good day ma’am or sir! Good day!

  21. Donnie
    May 20, 2014 at 6:05 pm

    Now…..lmao……I really need to know….how the hell are your castles underwater AND in the sky? Brotha O done had one too many calabashes of palm wine if you ask me! He done drunk facebooked you and now he got us clownin him! Lol FIX IT JESUS!

  22. ayana
    May 20, 2014 at 8:33 pm

    Tell Tyrese brother to saddown!! Ain’t nobody want no palm wine!! BUT I might want to see those underwater castles in the sky. Gon’ Luvvie and #lettuce live through you.

  23. Janedoh!
    May 21, 2014 at 3:52 am

    He’s on some Strawberry Letter 23 foolishness.
    :: wanders off singing Purple shower bells and tea…::

    • arma109
      May 22, 2014 at 4:10 pm


  24. May 21, 2014 at 9:49 am

    “I Self, Lord And Master”.

    Luvvie you got dude straight out of Game of Thrones jonesin for you?!?!”

    Osei, of the house Calabashas. First of his name. Ruler of the Polka dotted forests. Flarer of Chakras!!

    Luvvie you better go become that mans Khaleesi!

    • May 22, 2014 at 1:46 pm

      LMAOOO at become his Khaleesi. I rebuke you, Streetz!

  25. May 21, 2014 at 11:02 am

    Tyrese is that you!

    • Lana
      May 21, 2014 at 9:39 pm

      I’m DEAAAAD

  26. KW
    May 22, 2014 at 8:48 am

    Pardon my ignorance, but what measurement is a calabash?? Is that equivalent to a fifth? Also, is Palm a flavor of Boone Farm or Mad Dog? I’m trying to find some in the state store…..

    • May 22, 2014 at 1:45 pm

      A calabash is a bowl made of wood.

  27. T
    May 23, 2014 at 8:36 am

    Girl, you’re being catfished by Columbus Short. Kicked off Scandal, love life’s a mess, he ain’t got sh*t else to do.
    Don’t accept that friend request.
    In 6 months you’ll be rocking a gingham dress and a black eye.
    Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

  28. May 28, 2014 at 6:51 pm

    “underwater castles in the sky” YAAAAASSSS MA’AM!!!! #fixitjesus