iCan’t With Tyrese’s Father’s Day Poem. Nawl.
Oh Tyrese. I gotta start this post like this because the man just makes me hit my facepalm often. I mean, first it’s because of his love-hate relationship with the English language. He loves to hate on rules of grammar and syntax. So much so that he has his own category on DumbestTweets.com. This is also why he’s blocked me on Twitter, but
I ain’t e’em do nothing we won’t get into that this time.
Ennehweighs, Black Ty takes himself very seriously, and he seems to also think he’s the deepest dude this side of the Equator. Why else would he paint a picture of Malcolm X baptizing Tupac, thinking he was really doing something dope? To his credit though, he seems to have stayed out the arts and crafts store this month so that’s good. Tyrese wants the world to know he has thoughts, so it should come as no surprise that he would write a poem.
See what happened was, last night I was minding my own business on Twitter (O_O) when @KaoriJoy tweeted me saying Tyrese had written a father’s day poem on his blog. I just KNEWED what was waiting for me was gonna be doing the most with the absolute least and I was not disappointed.
Here’s an excerpt:
My father taught me to read. Some words I couldn’t pronounce. My dad was strong and with his deep voice he would help me with new words. He had “My Back”.
As a little girl I loved Mommy’s advice about dating men.. But it’s nothing like hearing the raw truth from my daddy who is a real man who understands men.. I have avoided many heartaches because my dad had “My Back”.
Here I stand proudly with my chest poked out , throughout all of life’s unexpected challenges, I kept my determination and focus and earned this cap and gown. A powerful moment, not only am I graduating school, I’m graduating in life. I look to my left and I see my mother. I look to my right and see my father. They both stand proudly with their hands on “My Back”.
Here’s my sincere SALUTE to all of the real FATHERS around the world… Real fathers know that being a father is not just a day but it’s a year round effort to love, embrace and just be there.
To all of the single mothers playing the role of mother and father God bless you!! Salute!!
Girl… Ummm… ok. Ain’t nobody here for that so…
Aight fine. Let me be slightly nice. Before I start roasting, I’ma say bless his heart. Bless Tyrese Gibson’s heart for trying to feel his feelings and put them on paper (or screen). I give him props for not being afraid of being vulnerable. Also, kudos to him for understanding the value of being a good father. Now that I’ve gotten that nicety outta the way…
First of all, I thought the poem was from a boy (who I assumed was Tyrese as a young’un) to his daddy. Why in the middle of it, he talmbout “as a little girl?” I don’t THINK the poem is supposed to be from the perspective of a little girl since he started it with the introduction: “This is a spoken word from a child to his father…” So there’s that.
Or MAYBE it’s supposed to be poem from the collective voices of children. Heck, I’unno.
And of course, Tyrese would include single mothers in a Father’s Day poem. He is just that simple. I thought everyone got the memo that single mothers actually aren’t flattered by being told “Happy Father’s Day.” Maybe Ty’s memo got lost under a dictionary, which we all know is the last place he’d look for stuff.
What’s even more side-eye worthy than the terrible ode itself are the comments on it. People are in the comments talmbout how the poem has touched them deeply and some said it brought tears to their eyes. YES. I CRIED TOO WHEN I READ IT! Except I was crying for actual poets and the art of spoken word. Desecrated in such a fashion. I cried like Bruh Man from the FIF floor did when he had that nightmare that he saw a ‘fridgerator that was clear, full of sammiches but was locked. Oh yeah. Luvvie cried. I am offended on behalf of poetry everywhere. Nikki Giovanni needs to go find Tyrese and mollywhop him. Langston Hughes’ ghost should haunt him twice a week.
Every haiku, limerick, rhyme, sonnet and iambic pentameter ever written needs to come together and kick him in the shins with instructions telling him to quit it.
Back to the comments though. This one slayed me the most: “This poem has expanded my underanding on what Fathers are and need to be in America. Thank You Ty. Standing with ten toes down as always.” SIR WHAT?? He got ALL’AT from that basic ass poem? Oh ok. O___O And yes, “underanding.” I copied and pasted that verbatim. Figures that Tyrese’s admirers are fellow non-spellers. I don’t have time for him and his lowered expectations minions.
In fact, I blame all 88 people who commented on that poem with praises for his overestimation of writing talents. Folks are gassing this dude up like he REALLY slayed. NAWL. Y’all are the enablers to his bad content.
All I want is for Tyrese to pay his fare, sit on the back of that bus, sing about Coca-Cola and get off at his stop. THAT IS ALL I WANT FROM MR. GIBSON. All this art and writing he’s doing. I’m not here for that. Like he’s not here for spell check or good grammar and punctuation.
Tyrese gotta learn to stay in his lane. Being an intellect is so far out his lane that he’s on the highway median.
Now who got MY BACK after reading Tyrese’s ode? I ASK WHO??? Did you read the whole poem? Am I being too hard on Tyrese? Let a homie know.
I just.. Can’t…………. That was like a condensed version of that travesty that he called a book. I guess there is a market for it and all, what with these other nincompoops hypin his head, but really he is just failing… At it all. I want the 5 minutes of my life it took to experience that poem refunded(1 to read it, 1 to laugh, 1 to be angry at it, and 2 to figure out who the little girl was o_O).
@ Day, yes that book and his poem are atrocious!
The first step towards literary recovery is Hooked on Phonics. Tyrese needs to enroll in both the day and evening classes.
You threw so much shade. I died and then saw myself out!
lol aww girl please leave ty-rizzle ‘lone! it aint nice to make fun of the handicapped (*_*)
I had no eye deer that Tyrese avoided the f7 key at all costs until reading his tweets a year ago via your blog. He definitely needs to occupy this _/, stay as far away from the keyboard as possible, and keep reading them scripts (I do like him as an actor). Thank you for the early morning laugh.
I love how he put “My Back” in quotes every time for emphasis, just in case we were too slow to catch the recurring theme. He’s all “see what I did there? He got my proverbial back, and they’re standing with their hands on my literal back.” Sir…seats are available in the back.
Yesss….. I died
*dead* buried myself.
He’s so much more likable when other people are making his words for him. (._. )
That _______ was way too long. I am not here for his using a “template poem maker” by placing the title at the end of every “stanza”.
I’m confused. Why did his mother give him advice on dating men? Is he coming out? Who’s speaking in this poem? So many questions…and no, we don’t like being told “Happy Father’s Day”, we’re mothers, not fathers. We have a day. And contrary to popular belief, we aren’t all bitter, some of us WERE wives (its called divorce, or sometimes widowhood, and it happens a lot), and we don’t need a pity shout-out on someone else’s day.
I don’t even know what to say. Tyrese needs to have an everlasting seat in a library with a tutor. I didn’t sign up for this
This is hilarious…lmbo…smh
omg Luvvie, I’m with u suga…you’ve pretty much covered everything (as usual)!
You know what’s so funny–> I follow him on twitter and I saw when he released that poem which just destroyed a beloved literary genre. But the first thought I had was…should I forward this to Luvvie but then I was like naaaaah she’s probably over his buffoonery!
Let’s just say im glad you are not over it this post just became my Monday morning energizer!!
I say it wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t great either. It didn’t make my reproductive system cower in terror, but it certainly didn’t hit its Claude McKay or Countee Cullen. Maybe if he and his stans didn’t take him so seriously he wouldn’t get mocked so much. Then again, I enjoy it when you snatch his grammatically erroneous wig so carry on Ty *lol*.
You know at first I thought “Nah Luvvie, ease up on the man” then I went to his blog to read the poem and every line insulted my intelligence. If you muss be so simple at least use a thesaurus to feign intelligence. But nah, the brother should cease and desist wit the creative writing. And all dem basic folk lovin his work need to go to the naughty corner NOW. I can’t. I refuse.
I know Brother Ty is the focus of this post, but can we linger on this dummy follower of his that you highlighted. What in the everlasting hell does “Standing with ten toes down as always.” even mean?! Is there a new way to stand of which I am unaware? Folks out here standing with their toes flexed up in the air? I just…lawd.
My first mistake was opening this blog at work…my second mistake was re-reading the blog about the Malcom/Tupac picture, then reading this whole blog post… dead, done, and gone on to glory!
Bless Ty’s sensitive heart…
The fact that Brandy co-signed it on her timeline tho :/
The fact that Brandy co-signed it on her timeline tho :/ It makes you wonder about her.
Unfortunately some of Brandys tweets sound like they’re direct quotes from Tyrese.
Your GIF wit the lady closing the door looking all manner of annoyed and put upon, is giving me life and hope this morning…. even if you simply put that pic, the name “tyrese”, and “poem” up, and nothing more into this post…. you would have said MORE than enough.
Yours in ratchness, and a fan,
Girl, Lucille Bluth is the QUEEN of Shade! Didn’t know you were an Arrested Development fan, Luvvie! It is, of course, keeping in line with your coolness!
I definitely have your back on this because this ish right here tyrese?!!! why is he afraid of the red squiggly lines, they are your friends! they help avoid embarrassment such as this. I believe he failed English throughout his school years but sang his way to passing some how because I can’t understand how this crap he calls a poem can exist.I pray his daughters mother doesn’t rely on him to help their baby with English smh
The doors of the church are now open……..
Why does he want to rile up Khia? You know she is going to claim he stole “My Back” from her.
The comments? Whew lawd! “my mama played both rolls”, she did the Hawaiian AND the potato version?
“I thank you my favorite R&B artist…..my 18 yr old top 7 graduate of 2012 Oc’Teanna ICY Payne we had our weekend vist @ the jail house hes has been locked up all 18yrs of her life but i tell you this although she and him missed out on a lot together they have this beautiful love they share together once they are in each others face that i wish that i could capture so that they could never loose site of that s/o to Thomas Demont Payne#739261 happy farthers day we had a great vist”
Ummm. *unfolds 4 dozen metal chairs* Happy Farthers day indeed.
Those comments are sad, desperate cries for seats. If they wanted to have a seat they should have just asked. They didn’t have to embarrass themselves by getting slain in the spirit over this piffle because their need to occupy permanent seats would be clear.
You know what, Tyrese needs to never stand AGAIN!! Just STAY in your seat!! What is his beef with the English language? Lawd, I don’t understand, I don’t underSTAND!! This fool is about as deep as a sheet of paper! So many questions, not enough answers….
It was meant to be a thoughtful perspective that didn’t take much thought… I think? I’m gonna cut him some slack cause I think he meant well.
I have tears in my eyes; real tears of laughter. iCant with y’all!! *hollering*
oh miii gosh!! iDied and had to resurrect after reading his tweets in order to finish reading the rest of your post! DAMN!
Tyrese is tryna be on some “Who will cry for the little boy” ish. Sir, I won’t cry for you, but I will cry for each and every English teacher you’ve ever had. Mercy.
But this comment here:
Anonymous June 17, 2012 3:13 PM
Well Said Tyrese (CharleneMarie)
Tyrese’s poem was so basic. He ain’t about this life.
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Langston Hughes’ ghost should haunt him twice a week??? I am so done! Lol
I’m done with you. I just spent the last half hour reading Tyrese’s tweets. I’m sending you a bill for the half hour of work I just missed.
Incidentally, if someone could just point out to Tyrese that “rather” and “whether” are not interchangeable, I would be grateful.
You should be prosecuted for your poor treatment of poetry. Langston Hughes’ ghost should do more than haunt you, it should break your fingers. You should be required to wear an ankle bracelet that goes off anytime you come near a computer.
Ain’t nobody got time for enduring your feeble attempts at crafting “profound” poetic works of art. Please concentrate on doing what you know how to do. Constructing sentences that don’t make me want to beat you with a dictionary AND thesaurus isn’t one of them. Enjoy your day. 🙂
The only thing profound about Tyrese is his amazing lack of intelligence and common sense! It’s passed the pathetic mark to the point where you just want to put him out his–and our–misery…
I reFOOZE to read anymore than you’ve shown us. I don’t read Tyrese’s shit for the same reason I stopped watching Jerry Springer 10+ years ago. My IQ drops and my mind numbs. He is the OFFICIAL rep for dummy bears. His mind is gelatin…no flavor either.
I will say, Luvvie…I almost tinkled myself reading this. *ctfu @ you wanting him to pay his fare, sit down, sing about cola and get off at his stop*
In your illustrious words, “I am unable”
1. I see he had someone proofread it.
2. He might actually be sincere.
WITH THAT SAID……..
3. Ain’t a sentence, phrase, word or SYLLABLE in that entire passage–that’s the only word I could come up with–that reminds me in any way, shape or form of rhythmic ANYTHING. He might could go back in time to sixth grade and get a B+ on that ish but a college professor would fill that nonsense so full of red ink he’d have to send his pen to a clinic for a transfusion. I say we start a pool to buy him a solid gold dunce cap.
This comment hurt me: “This is trully a testement to how a black rose can grow through concrete.” What the fugg is you talkin bout, Suzy? You can’t try to be deep and end up sounding like a wading pool. They’re like supporters of Saddam, Putin, Castro, Pitbull(insert the idiot of your choice here)…too blind to know better!
I’m no poetry expert, but aren’t they supposed to rhyme?
The GIF of Lucille Bluth unraveled me.
Ty’s legions of stans should encourage him to hire a ghostwriter–one who knows that there is NO reason to use two periods. Was he attempting to include an ellipsis then decided against it? Smdh.
Did Miss Utah co-author this here pERm?
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