Dear Angelina And Madonna (and Other African Kid Adopters)

This has been on my mind for a minute but I haven’t written about it. Then I found out that Madonna is going to Malawi to adopt yet another child.

Dear Madonna & Angelina (and other African Kid Adopters),

I would temper this with “No Offense” but I know it would have no point. But I will say it anyway. No offense. Are African children the new black? I mean, are they the newest “IT” item, right next to ruffled tops and Air Christs Gladiator Sandals? Kids should not be accessories. “Ooooh this African matches my Louboutins.” *side-eye* I mean, yeah, African kids are mad cute (see: me at 3 months).

Yes, some parts of Africa are struggling and you want to help. Yes, African kids increase your chiseled face household quota, with their sky high cheekbones. That shouldn’t make them equivalent to being this season’s Hermes bag. African kids are starting to be trendy and this makes me frown.

Call me critical (hears a chorus of “CRITICAL”) but something about all of this seems disingenuous. At first, it seemed like GREAT Goodwill for people so fortunate to go into a struggling country, and save one of the downtrodden orphans. However, it now screams unpure motives. I understand that you watched that Sally Struthers commercial with the crying little African kid (flies required). But all Sally asked for was for you to sponsor her financially, not to go get her and bring her to Hollywood.

Angelina, you seem to actually care (although I was side-eyeing your United Colors of Benetton clan for a minute. But you seem genuine). You’re a humanitarian and the United Nations made you an ambassador. So you got the benefit of the doubt from me. BUT others just seem to be loving the publicity it brings. Yes, I’m looking at YOU, Madonna. I don’t believe you. You need a plethora of more people (like Angelina’s troop, mayhaps).

First, you adopt a child who is technically not even an orphan. Of ALL the children up for adoption in Malawi, you pick the one with an actual biological parent. Shoot, I’m not even sure he was up for adoption. Methinks you just saw him strolling on the street of Malawi when you saw him and squeaked “AAAWWW he’s so cute. Let me have him!” and when no one was looking, you stole away to Jeebus back to England with the boy. In my head, thats what happened. Thereby, its fact.

Then you decide to go back and get a matching child. Oooo now they’re a set, like a camisole and a lace tank on a soccer mom. Please go sat down. iCant with you, Madonna. Or is it Esther? Iunno, but please get it together.

I can’t seem to dislike you, Angelina. No matter what you do. But, I do have one beef to pick with you. If you’re gonna adopt an African (or any Black) child, the least you could do is find a Black nanny that would be able to do her hair.


Why do you have this ADORABLE little girl in perpetual need of TCB (two combs and a brush)? Her hair is ALWAYS in disarray. I get that babies don’t like their hair touched but at least moisturize it.

Just get a sis to deal with that Angie. If you need referrals, I know some great ones (like my eSis PBG). Call me. Kthnx.

Anyway, Angie and Madonna. I do thank you for giving these kids a better home than they may have had if they were still in an orphanage (although I’m not sure David was, but don’t let me rehash my theory). But, please don’t let them forget their culture. Do your best to make sure that Zahara knows why there’s a lion on her flag, and make sure David knows why there’s a red sun on his. This goes for all the people who adopt children internationally (or of another background). Don’t let these kids forget where they come from, so they can take pride in something other than the materials they are now blessed with.I write. Why? Because I care.LuvCakes

P.S. It also wouldn’t hurt to adopt an American kid every now and then. I know they are SO 1998 and not as exotic but they need love too.

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  1. B
    April 3, 2009 at 6:48 am

    I def can’t get on Angelina….she does seem genuine. And baby Z’s hair….hmm, I like it sometimes. It’s curly and free. BUT Madonna can kick rocks…..barefooted, that is.

  2. JunePearl
    April 3, 2009 at 7:27 am

    My two favorite lines:

    “I won’t even say what Zahara’s hair makes her look like in this picture (rhymes with panini).”

    “I write. Why? Because I care.”

    LOL! Too much fuh meh gyal! I HEART THIS BLOG!!

    Everything you said resonates with me though. I am very strongly pro-adoption, and I look forward to adopting a child once I settle down. So, you know, good for y’all Hollywood for getting on the grind.

    And I’m glad little Black and Brown babies are getting some love, the Russian and Chinese babies are gonna have some chocolate and caramel friends who “get it” as far as being an adoptee.

    And I think both Angie and Donna (yes, my nicknames for ’em, we’re friends and e’err-y-thang. They call me The Future Professor Dr. Cee Hyphen To Be Announced) are actually genuine in their care.

    They just need to be serious about cultivating the cultural identities of their children. If you got a Black child….HIRE A BLACK NANNY!!!!!! There are some things they just don’t seem to get (and I believe they want to get it, they seem to really love their kids).

    Black women : Hair :: White women : weight.

    Yes it’s that serious. They may not get the seriousness of that. Jada P-Smith needs to sit them down and have a “Your Saturday mornings and afternoons should be spent waiting in line at the Beauty Shop” chat. Somebody needs to stand up for Baby Zed.

    However, I’m tired of folks ignoring people like Michelle Pfeiffer who adopted a Black girl and gets heated when folk don’t refer to her child as her daughter but instead her “adopted” daughter; or folks like (wait for it…did y’all but away your e-guns? You did? Ok…*deep breath*) Katt Williams. Yes, Mr. K-Dub has adopted several Black children from good ole USA and is a foster father as well. A single Black father. So, you know what Hollywood? Your bias is showing!!!

    *Drops mic*

    *Picks up mic once I realize I paid for it with my own money and I was planning to take it back to Best Buy for a refund…times are hard*

  3. amymay
    April 3, 2009 at 8:58 am

    Ok, adopting orphans is great. Y’all two helped A child. In Angie’s case 3 children….

    But here’s a thought…

    With all your dollars, can we get a couple wells dug? How bout some mosquito netting for a village or two (y’all know that is well within Madonna’s weekly shoe budget)?

    Or SNAP how bout funding a clinic or buying some HIV meds for a couple of the mamas so they will be around for long enough to raise their own childrens?

    Then there’s always Ms. Winfrey’s solution, build a damn school, and educate some ppl!

    It’s not that I don’t think that changing the life of one child is worthwhile, I just think that these two have money dripping outta several orifaces and they need to be thinking on a little larger scale!

    Luvvie, you know you got her with that hair biznes, tho! That’s why I’m so grateful the fruit of my loins is a boy! Keep it cut low, good to go!

  4. Luvvie
    April 3, 2009 at 11:34 am

    B – LMAO @ Madonna kicking boulders

    JunePearl – LMAO @ ur ENTIRE comment. iCackled

    Amy – Boys’ upkeep is easy. Haircut and voila. Lucky indeed

  5. Ms_Slim
    April 3, 2009 at 1:53 pm

    Congrats on the show this morning. I’m glad you guys are able to get the word out so well.

    As for this post, I wholeheartedly agree. Madonna is definitely up to some suspicious business.I can’t help but feel that way about it as well. Angelina and the comb? LOL. I firmly believe that NO ONE can do black hair like ahem…black folk!

    That is all 🙂

    Oh PS; I always wondered why no one wants to adopt in their own country anymore. Thanks for telling me it’s ‘sooo 1998’. haha

  6. The Pretty Brown Girl
    April 3, 2009 at 2:47 pm

    Luvvie Gal!

    I would have BabyZee’s (no relation to our ZeeBaby) hair combed and braided up so nice, she’d look like the little African princess that she is! I might even throw a shell up on it. That is a cute baby, but her hair is quite feather duster-esque. A follicular intervention is definitely in order.

    Madonna is up to no good. I’ve always been a fan of Madge, but her attempts at picking up random African babies like she’s picking up a boxes of Cream of Wheat from the Safeway got my side eye twitchin’. Something in the water ain’t right! Isn’t she from Detroit? Are there no little orphaned children in the great state of Michigan? She could easily climb the mountains of Appalachia for a child if abject poverty is one of her prerequisites! She’d save a grip on airfare and more than likely will find a child whose hair should could handle.

    Oh yeah Madonna…I’m looking @ you.

    PS-Angie, Brad…CALL ME!

  7. Ms_Slim
    April 3, 2009 at 2:52 pm

    C, did you say “feather duster-esque”

    LMAO!!! Done.

  8. ~Juanita~
    April 4, 2009 at 8:11 am

    Yeah, I was wondering the same thing about Angelina & Zahara's hair. She really should hire someone to take care of her hair. A black nanny would be good because then she'd at least have someone black around.

    That is what I think madonna is trying to do with adopting another child from Malawi. I think she wants her adopted son to have someone like him around. I don't know, but that's what I thought when i first heard about it.

  9. Luvvie
    April 10, 2009 at 7:29 pm

    Ms Slim – Thanks chica! We were definitely excited to be invited to be on Blog Talk Radio

    And CLEARLY adopting kids from your own country isnt “IN” *shaking head*

    PBG – LMAO @ feather duster-esque. You dumb. Madonna is a hot mess

    Slim – Yes she did. She stoopid I heart her for it

    Juanita – Madonna’s attempts are “good will” gets the side eye

  10. suga
    May 2, 2009 at 11:56 pm

    Brad Pitt actually said they use Carol’s Daughter for that childs hair? Do they know that you actually have to apply it to the hair and brush and comb it? Po’ baby Zahara.

  11. Booga
    May 28, 2009 at 8:03 pm

    Great blog, and I agree with you on almost every point. My point of departure is about Z’s hair. I think that it looks great, in my completely unbiased opinion (okay, okay, I often rock the same ‘do, or as you find it to be, “‘don’t”.)

    But seriously, Z’s hair looks moisturized and her curls are well formed. I give kudos to them for not pulling the shit out of her hair. Traction apolecia- it’s no joke. Severe hairstyles- constant braiding, ponytails, etc. can lead to balding. So I bet Z’s future hairline will be quite glad Brangelina didn’t over-style her hair.