Webiquette Grinds My Gears
“You know what grinds my gears? This Lindsay Lohan. Lindsay Lohan with all those little outfits, jumping around there on stage, half-naked with your little outfits. Ya know? You’re a… You’re out there jumping around and I’m just sitting here with my beer. So, what am I supposed to do? What you want? You know, are we gonna go out? Is that what you’re trying to – why why are you leaping around there, throwing those things all up in my, over there in my face? What do you want, Lindsay? Tell me what you want? Well, I’ll tell you what you want, you want nothing. You want nothing. All right? Because we all know that no woman anywhere wants to have sex with anyone, and to titillate us with any thoughts otherwise is – is just bogus.” – Peter Griffin
I’m with Peter. Lindsay Lohan makes me scowl. But that ain’t what grinds my gears right now. Spending as much time as I do online (probnably 14 hours a day), I get bombarded with an infinite amount of things that annoy me. Web etiquette is making us a population of less sociable people, although we are engaging in more social networking (go figure). So there’s some things that grind my gears.
*Forwards. Seriously, if you love me, you will not send me forwards. I’ve sent many a stern letter to my friends for sending me forwards that end with “if you don’t send this to 37 people, your favorite Naughty Monkey Stilettos will lean 69 degrees to the left.” *GASP* How dare you wish such ILL against me? You’re not friend of mine. No SAH! Then there are the guilt-ridden forwards that go “You always forward the funny emails you get, but the ones that are religious, you don’t. So If you don’t pass this on to everyone on your list, you don’t love Jesus.” WHAT?? But… but I don’t have the time to send it to 1500 people. *wall slide*. I LOVE JESUS. AND MY LOVE FOR HIM GROWS STRONGER DAY BY DAY! I start sanging and everything while being torn on whether I wanna risk being questioned about my love of the Lord. I want to let the little light of mine shine, but not like this. Please don’t torment me in this fashion. That is just mean.
If you do have a forward that you just MUST share with me, please delete that last line. YOU have the power to
prevent forest fires to break the evil chain!
*eHang ups. I’m guilty of this too, so I will do better. An eHang up is when you are in the middle of a chat conversation, and just leave without telling the person(s) that you’re chatting with that you’ll be gone for a minute. While the other person is telling you how awesome or bad their day is, expecting your eMmhmms and virtual head nods, they get nothing. Then 55 minutes later, you come back like “Yeah that sucks” or a “COOL!”, while the other person forgot what they were even telling you. I am SOOOO guilty of this, and I hate when it’s done to me. It’s the equivalent of pillow talk and your partner falls asleep. You mean, I was just talking to myself? HMPH! *crosses arms* *rolls over* YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT ME!!! *bed slide*
In 2009, I will get it together and make sure to send out a couple of “BRB”s when I’m chatting. And friends (yes, I’m calling y’all out cuz y’all do it too), please don’t eHang up on me. Lest you wanna get a sternly-worded lashing. Consider this a warning. *points lilliputian finger threateningly*
I am a fan of plagiarizing myself so I will say this again.
*P3OPl3 whO wr1T3 LiK3 ThI5. TypoCOP (my superhero English professor alter ego) weeps every time I see this. The blatant disregard for the rules of grammar, syntax and sentence structure is just unacceptable. I am not sure of its purpose but it is hella obnoxious. The tweens started this net speak, but I’ve seen grown people write whole paragraphs (or even emails) that look like this, and nothing grinds my gears more. Someone on my friend’s list on Facebook AlwAy5 wr1t3s h3r stAtu5e5 like that, and I am so tempted to defriend her. I just want her to pack her eSh*t and GO! She is bringing down my Facebook property value and I am thisclose to removing her from my eLife.
And THOSE, are some things that GRINDS MY GEARS! Back to you…