SECURITY!!! Rachel Dolezal is Back With Her Shenanigans in the Form of a Book
Your unfavorite undercover sista Rachel Dolezal is back to tap dance on our collective last nerves. Atticus’ mama (yes, y’all) is releasing a book next year titled In Full Color: Finding My Place in a Black and White World. Many of us saw the cover and thought it was a meme. But no, it’s a real thing.
This classless wonder is releasing a book in March 2017.
The description for the book says:
“With In Full Color, Rachael Doležal describes the path that led her from being a child of white evangelical parents to an NAACP chapter president and respected educator and activist who identified as black. Along the way, she’ll discuss the deep emotional bond she formed with her four adopted black siblings, the sense of belonging she felt while living in black communities in Jackson, Mississippi and Washington, D.C., and the discrimination she’s suffered while living as a black woman.”
SECURITY!!! Please come collect Rachel Dolezal and her delusions of grandeur. And remove this Valencia filter she’s using to make herself slightly browner on this book cover. Your girl made sure they dimmed all the lights in the room when they took this picture to minimize her brightness.
Lawd, what she NEEDS to find a clue.
And this necklace, though. The one that is very Africana in feel. In case you want to step to this child of the Motherland. The devil sho’ll is busy AF. If the phrase “try too hard” was in the dictionary, her face would be next to it. I can hear the “You go, girl” through this screen. And the “I too really enjoy the collards, my sister!”
Rachel wants to come to The Cookout so bad. She gon get invited and someone will put lotion in her tater salad for vengeance. Please tell her to relax, because she is doing the most with the absolute least. I haven’t seen anyone be this desperate to be Black since some of y’all who think “all the black kids get the college scholarships.” Even then… Rachel is in a league of her own.
Afterall, she did name her son Langston Atticus (yes, really. Again). Rachel is trying to get her Black card come hell or high water.
On one hand, I’m impressed at her 2Legit2Quit stance on this. Everyone says she ain’t Black. Her lineage and parents ain’t Black. Her hair ain’t got no volume in it. That doesn’t stop her, though. She says she’s Black, therefore y’all can’t tell her shit. She stopped talking to her parents since they probably told her one too many times “But Rachel. WE ARE WHITE.” And then she got an ultra perm so her hair can have some life. Bless her heart, y’all. I bet she sleeps in a mud mask, willing melanin to seep through and touch her just a little.
On the other hand, I marvel and how crazy this woman is. She’s legit convinced herself about this and no one can tell her different. Like, she’s the only one who took the blue pill and the rest of us are still unaware of the transformative matrix that turned this woman Black from sheer will. Rachel don turned herself into an optical illusion. YOU ARE WHITE AND GOLD, not BLUE AND BLACK. She’s that dress from last year in reverse. Just peak ridiculous!
This woman must be surrounded by nothing but enablers. The fact that a publisher decided to invest in this book full of delusions throws me. What editor is like “yes, I will proudly work on this book?” Just plum dumbassness all around.
Ennehweighs, I took it to my Awesomely Luvvie Facebook fam and they had more than a few words for her.
Katherine: She picked the exact wrong time (not that there was a right one) to release this book. Our nerves are shot from this election, we have NO tolerance left for bullshit, malarkey or shenanigans. NONE. I want to put this woman in a space capsule and shoot her to the moon.
Skye: She’s already in Spokane sooooo…
Jennifer: I’m so sorry, I don’t know what has gotten into that woman. We really need to get that Ancestry DNA test done for her and get it over with.
Kimberly: I so low key want to read this but I ain’t paying $24 for this. Let me see if my library has this . Would this be in fiction or nonfiction
Darryl: fiction for sure. Or maybe self help, because people who read this would need to be in that section.
Chelsea: Magical realism – where a real white person things she has magically transformed into an oppressed Black woman.
Lakesha: Try the “U Can’t Make this Shit Up” literary section. ????
Tanya: I’m mad at the publisher, who didn’t tell her to stop. I’m mad at Amazon for carrying the book, they too could have told her to stop as well. I’m mad at her so called “friends”, who also could have told her to stop. I’m mad at all the enablers in her life, who should have told her to sit down and exist only in her head!
Jennifer: I just want to know why I can’t get my curls to look like that?! Lol
Jajuana: I am deep conditioning right now and it would take the father, son, the holy ghost, coconut & argan oil to get my 4c curls to bounce like that. #JesusBeACurlPattern
Paola: I clicked on “report incorrect product information.” I reported that she is not Black.
Imani: I totally understand her. I feel like I’m an Ivory gal in an Ebony shell. I’m a pack of Ring Dings. I’m the original Oreo. I’m a black marble notebook filled with empty white pages. Do I get a book deal now? Is that how this works?
Laura: I had SO MUCH TO SAY when this BS first came out last year. Who the fuck said “sure we’ll publish your mental diarreah poorly disguised as social anthropology”. She should seriously be fired and committed. Or committed then fired. Either way.
Elizabeth: Oh Lord. You’re going to leave her here when you Blaxit aren’t you? You just know she’s doing to be at the door, watching you tie your laces, with that look on her face that the dog sometimes gets. All “I’d like to go places too”. And then what are we suppose to do with her while she’s whining and pawing the window? Look, could we maybe set up some sort of island colony for people who blackface? Y’know, like they did for lepers?
Luvvie: Yeah her raggelly ass stays with yall.
Elizabeth: Whhyyyyyuhhh?!? What did we ever do t…. oh. Yeah. Ahem. Yeah we’ll take her then
Amy: She gets her own island when #Blaxit happens. We white folks aren’t claiming her.
Patrick: The only thing she needs to find in this world is a row of seats for her to sit her ass down. Permanently.
LeVanna: Can’t wait to see it in the dollar bin at the gas station. Woe betide this editor & publishing house.
Rizzo: Girl. Put down that cheap, muddy bronzer and stop embarrassing us. Just nah.
Jessica: Just in time for Halloween. The biggest costume wearer of them all!
Stefan: Rachel, just be you, girl. I have a Kenny G. wig too, but it doesn’t make me Jewish or a saxophonist!
Megan: Omg no please let her just go away! For those of us of mixed race with fucked up hair, this is starting to get personal. I can’t tell if she’s making fun of me or trying to assume my identity like a pod person. I know this shit is going to slow me down in the Blaxit line. #imnotracheldozealipromise
Tessie: A whole book explaining how she tanned herself into thinking she was black. She and the publisher need a time out. #nodessert
Whitlie: This is not why I learned to read.
Mocha: I’m about to write a book called white like me and use the black and white filter for my pic. #2canplaythisgame
Maura: “In Full Drag: a How-To Guide on Cultural Appropriation, Spray Tans, and Straight up Sociopathy” by, Some bitch named Rachel.
Kelly: She’s got the same crochet braids as I do.
LMAOOOO! I love LuvvNation’s foolery. They are truly unable to chill ever. But Rachel has earned it. She’s just fraudulent AF.
Someone somewhere is gonna buy this book too. I just knowed it. If you wanna buy a book written by an actual Black woman and endorsed by other Black women, might I suggest mine? I’m Judging You: The Do-Better Manual is available. KTHX.