The Sochi Olympics is the Motel 6 of Sporting Events

The Sochi Winter Olympics has been steeped in controversy, seemingly from the start. When Vladimir Putin enacted those draconian laws against the LGBT community, criminalizing homosexuality, it set the tone for what was looking like the FuckShit Games. Then there’s been the terror threats. Folks have insisted that Russia was the wrong country to host, and they could not be more right because it’s not even Opening Ceremonies yet and foolishment abounds in Sochi.


Mind you, these Olympics are the most expensive ever, costing $51 billion. They went over budget by a cool $39 billy. That’s a whole lotta guap so you’d think all would be well. Nay, friend. NAY.

First there’s the issue of the killing of dogs. Sochi has thousands of strays roaming the streets so officials contracted a pest control company to poison them to fix the “problem” (the AP got that story). Deadspin was talmbout a dog that press fell in love with and ended up calling “Sausage.” Well, Sausage ain’t been seen for 3 days. :-/ Sausage gone, their canine dead.

They couldn’t find any other solution than to mass kill these dogs, doe? Russia, WHAT IS YOUR LIFE ABOUT RIGHT NOW?!?

What the Fuck are you doing Cat

Journalists are arriving at Sochi to get settled before the games kick off on February 7, and what they’ve found is chaos. The Washington Post did a piece on how journalists are live-tweeting the horrors and it all reads like a bad skit.

* About that lobby…

So it’s possible for you to show up to a hotel you booked and find that there’s no lobby. Marc MacKinnon, a correspondent for The Globe arrived at his lodging and there wasn’t a lobby so he had to check in through the room of the owner of the hotel.

WOWWWWWWWW!!! That’s 5 points past a mess. Why isn’t the lobby done?? Did they hire Tommy from Martin as the contractor? Y’all had HOW MUCH time to get ready for this?

* What rooms?

Many journalists showed up to their hotels to check in to find that their rooms weren’t ready. CNN booked 11 rooms at a hotel and when they arrived, only one was ready.

OMG! I hope CNN folks know how to pitch a tent. That is foolishness.

* Doorknobs are overrated

Some lucky ducks got rooms when they arrived at Sochi, only to end up with a doorknob in their hands. Because who needs to ENTER?


* But there’s pee water

And then, there’s Stacy St. Clair of the Chicago Tribune, who was told to avoid the water in her room because it might be “dangerous.”

When her water did start running, it came out looking like the pee of someone who hasn’t hydrated in days. I rebuke every parts of this, lawd!

It’s like Mountain Dew tap water. I’m unable to deal with this.

* Beware of falling into the Earth

One journalist tweeted a warning to folks to watch where they step because it’d totally suck for them to fall into THE GROUND through open manholes.

That’s just reckless.

* Who needs curtains?

Remember Harry from CNN? Well, when he did enter a room, this is what he found.

* Toilet Twinsies

Everyone should wanna release their bodily fluids next to someone else. It builds community!

I can’t even deal with how ridiculous this is. This is the definition of awkward. Was there no money in the budget for stalls? Will people be expected to have conversation with the toilet occupant who is one foot away from them? “Hey, we met earlier when you were trying to clean out your colon. How’re you doing, bro?” O___O

* Welcome to Motel 6 Village

And on top of all of that, the Olympians themselves are showing up to rooms that make my college dorm look like a luxury apartment.

THREE athletes to a room with beds that 5-year olds would tumble out of.

Seriously. This is all a complete and absolute utter FAIL. These Olympics are the WalMart of sporting events. SO bootleg. There’s a Twitter account for it too: @SochiProblems (and I’m following it because the tragedy is pure comedy).

Russia didn’t just drop the ball. It cuntpunted it into the street and ran it over with a dump truck. If I was a journo in Sochi (or an athlete), I’d be fighting the air like Sarah Palin when asked to identify Russia on a map. I’d be more upset than a member of the Tea Party at a Cheerios commercial.

I just hope all the folks over there get back home safe cuz something just ain’t curling all the way over about this. The fact that it’s already this much of a mess does not bode well for the rest of the time. Where did $51 billion go? I NEED SOME RECEIPTS, SOCHI!


Will you be watching the Sochi Olympics? Whatcha think of the shenanigans?

Alsom fill in the blank. Sochi Olympics is the ______ of Sporting Events. I say WalMart. Or the Source Awards. What say you?


By the way, hackers are taking over folks’ electronic devices“As [people] arrive in Sochi, if they fire up their phones at baggage claim, it’s probably too late to save…their electronics and everything inside them.” WELL DAMB!

Also, they’re running out of pillows in Olympic Village. So. Um. How did they… was math busy? Did they miscount the number of Olympians coming? I don’t even understand where the logistics don’t match up.

Let me also not forget that fact that a gold medalist, Shaun White, has quit one of the events he was supposed to compete in because people have gotten injured in practice and he thinks the slopes are too dangerous. This is officially a skit for FunnyOrDie. Sochi is officially synonymous with FAIL.

fail like this gif

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  1. pup
    February 5, 2014 at 3:19 pm

    Russia was not ready for this. On the other hand, somebody got quite rich for doing nothing.

    • adnamA
      February 6, 2014 at 10:34 pm

      Countries find out well in advance – say YEARS to get prepared for this. They went over the budget by a disgusting amount and still couldn’t manage? I agree with this – complete and utter FAIL.

  2. Kim
    February 5, 2014 at 3:26 pm

    Dear Sochi:

    Get your collective LIFE. Abort the nonsense. Do better.


    The Remainder of the World

  3. HollaBlackGirl
    February 5, 2014 at 3:27 pm

    Somebody is walking around with $50,999,999,999 in their pockets and I wanna know who.

    • milaxx
      February 5, 2014 at 3:28 pm


    • Kim
      February 5, 2014 at 3:32 pm

      What Happen?
      Why it Happen?
      Da Hell????

      • Anna Renee
        February 5, 2014 at 4:03 pm

        HAAA HAAA! But seriously, aint Russia real gangsta with it tho?

      • Christy
        February 6, 2014 at 11:24 am

        Perfection! I was waiting to see when it’d be used.

      • Carleen
        February 6, 2014 at 12:45 pm

        And no it won’t happen again. Russia ain’t never hosting another Olympics. Because pee water.

      • i'm sleep tho...
        February 12, 2014 at 11:32 am

        lolol russia outchea like that dude in top gun…”i vill break you”

    • Leo the Yardie Chick
      February 6, 2014 at 5:00 pm

      “Russia didn’t just drop the ball. It cuntpunted it into the street and ran it over with a dump truck.”

      I live in a country where just about every project the Govt. spends money on ends up several times over-budget, and I’m downright appalled. Serious ting, Russia makes us look good. O_O

      Saschrise, I can just imagine when the bobsled team will have to say when this is all over.

      • Blue Ivy's Baby Hair
        February 6, 2014 at 5:41 pm

        Sounds like u livin in Trinidad?

        • Leo the Yardie Chick
          February 6, 2014 at 8:16 pm

          Nah, Jamaica. I guess being politically screwed is something else Caribbean nations have in common. Joy. -_-

        • February 7, 2014 at 1:19 am

          Was about to guess Kenya. Our new railway ended up being, say it with me, KES. 120 billion in “hidden costs”. That’s about a straight billion USDollars.

  4. milaxx
    February 5, 2014 at 3:28 pm

    I’m an Olympics fan. I think I’ll check out the opening ceremonies, but I may pass this time around. There’s also the fact that they have to create an artificial winter environment and according to some athletes they hills and such are deadly. Shaun White just dropped out of the slopestyle event because the athletes that have tested the track have seriously injured themselves. According to one article it’s like flying off a building.

    So bootleg accommodations, homophobic laws, death threats and unsafe track/course conditions. I know there’s plenty of corruption in the IOC, but this is beyond ridiculous.

  5. Kwan
    February 5, 2014 at 3:33 pm

    Where did it go… into folks pockets them kickback mmhmm. I will watch the opening ceremony I just gotta see these alphets. I might watch ice skating, I’m not into the winter Olympics to be honest.

    …About Sausage, he gone. Then a lost dog sign was put up supposedly with a dog similar to Sausage named Crackers. Ion know bout eating the food over there just saying. Poor dogs I heard people just abandon their feral dogs then it turns into a Maury situation w/ puppies everywhere. So instead of teach folks how to properly care for or neuter their dogs, Russia waits until it gets this bad and just sens out a task force to kill them all smdh.

    • Randomly Jazzy
      February 5, 2014 at 4:33 pm

      I has the sads now….:-( Didn’t even think about them using them for food.

  6. Merica
    February 5, 2014 at 3:48 pm

    And did I hear correctly you can’t flush tolit paper you must place it in the receptacle?

    • milaxx
      February 5, 2014 at 3:54 pm

      That because stuff is literally slapped together. I saw another picture where the toilet seat was put on upside down looking like a post for You Had One Job. The part with the was up top and the lid was covering the toilet bit. Now how you going to just leave that. It’s literally 2 screws! How on earth do you just leave it like that? Hot mess!

    • February 5, 2014 at 4:03 pm

      The toilet paper in the trash is common for really old and poor countries with crappy (no pun intended) pipes and plumbing. I wouldn’t bat an eyelash at that

    • islandchica
      February 7, 2014 at 5:56 am

      This is actually a common thing in Latin America. The plumbing systems don’t allow for toilet paper to be flushed without causing a serious blockage.

  7. February 5, 2014 at 3:53 pm

    I’m pretty sure people who covered the Dakar Rally in the South American desert had better facilities than these poor kids.

  8. February 5, 2014 at 3:58 pm

    There was an article I read that said it was common knowledge that the majority of the money had been embezzled.

  9. February 5, 2014 at 4:05 pm

    This is an insult to Walmart.

    Sochi is the Big Lots of Olympics. It’s the “Longest Yard Sale” in the world of Athletic Events. It’s the “Cow Pie Bingo” of Sports.

    Even WalMart has stall doors.

    • Nicole
      February 5, 2014 at 5:28 pm

      Not Big Lots…Ollie’s.

  10. February 5, 2014 at 4:14 pm

    Here’s how the money was spent:

    1. The original budget was allocated to top builders (read: friends of Putin and his administration) to get Sochi ready for the Olympics.

    2. They had more than enough money to pull off this Olympics but they demanded more because they saved most of what they got, then needed more to finish the jobs.

    3. Whatever money wasn’t left over was given to smaller “outside” contractors for crap stuff like selling fruit to tourists miles away.

    I don’t plan on watching much of these Olympics. Russia is corrupt and this is on blatant display. Everyone knows how the money was spent and it’s no surprise that the hotels aren’t ready.

  11. Gracie
    February 5, 2014 at 4:28 pm

    That pee/Mountain Dew water though? It had me gagging and I’m just looking at it on a computer screen! I wonder what it smells like? Wait, don’t answer that. And another thing, I’ve visited family in Nigeria not that long ago and when I went I’m pretty sure the toilet tissue went down the toilet. We had to pour water for it to go down but it all went down. So . . . yea.

    This is suspect and I am suspicious!

    • Aron
      February 7, 2014 at 4:09 am

      I hope they are not doing these stuff to humiliate others,the Pee water and the Paper flushing are really too much of Hygienic issues , Above this sew a picture of 2 Closets in a single room !!
      What on earth where they thinking building something like that ??

  12. Randomly Jazzy
    February 5, 2014 at 4:32 pm

    “Sochi Olympics is the Bootleg Hood Dollar store of Sporting Events.” I couldn’t even shame Dollar Tree for this because even they’ve stepped up their quality in products. Seriously where did the money go? Putin petting jaguars photo opps and ish, but not even giving one dambs about how this looks to the foreign community. I feel bad for the people who were shelling out hard earned money to not even go somewhere on Budget Inn level. This is like that bedbug ridden rent by the hour hotel that hookers and druggies use.

  13. janelfelice
    February 5, 2014 at 4:57 pm

    I’m mad that my beloved Scandal is on hiatus partly because of Olympic coverage and this is what they have to offer. If you are going to pre-empt Scandal, you better come hard!

  14. Kenya
    February 5, 2014 at 5:04 pm

    These here Olympics are the beauty supply store in the hood of the world!

    They don’t e’em sell the Wendy Williams hair collection.

  15. Shakira
    February 5, 2014 at 5:11 pm

    51 billion dollars though. Fifty. One. BILLION!!! And the put this shit together like it cost $2000 and a few buckets of KFC for all parties involved. And the journalist who 5 MONTHS IN ADVANCE reserved 11 rooms only to get there and have one ready??!?! Fuckery and foolishness I tell you. In the highest form.

    • Aron
      February 7, 2014 at 4:12 am

      Even GOD doesn’t know what these people are thinking making a mess like this , that too for OLYMPICS !!
      Really made the name of the Country go down ….

  16. shenise
    February 5, 2014 at 5:16 pm

    The Hunger Games of Olympics.

  17. Annette
    February 5, 2014 at 5:35 pm

    Looks like the 51 billion went into someone’s pocket they didn’t prepare a damn thing. Probably went to weapons of mass destruction. Who are you going to complain to? Of course their athletics are use to this kinda of treatment. I predict it will be gold all the way around. I am wondering how will NBC cover the ghetto Olympics. Unbelievable so they just raised the price to as a scam to get people’s money. Thank God it’s not my money. This better be the last time Russia is doing the Olympics. I hope CNN and other have security just don’t trust what is going on.

    51 billion? They didn’t prepare a damn thing. The Olympic committee will get an earful. This must be the biggest con of all time.

  18. Canadian Watcher
    February 5, 2014 at 5:46 pm

    One look at that duel toilet situations, I would say “Screw this!” and get right back on the plane

  19. KayMac
    February 5, 2014 at 5:48 pm

    Sochi Olympics is the Hoodie Awards of sporting events…smdh..just an all around wreck..

  20. CJay
    February 5, 2014 at 6:41 pm

    Sochi is the Denny’s of Sporting Events.

  21. Denise
    February 5, 2014 at 7:46 pm

    Sochi Olympis is the Fox News of Sportin Events.

    • Denise
      February 5, 2014 at 7:47 pm

      *Olympics* and *Sporting*

  22. Chelly
    February 5, 2014 at 8:36 pm

    The Sochi Olympics are the Urban Expressions of sporting events: No one really cares until there isn’t anything else on TV to watch and no one can really say where the money to fund it goes…

    In other news… Um. If you’re in Russia, I need you not to be on Luvvie’s site. Ain’t nobody got time for hackers:


  23. Serenity
    February 5, 2014 at 8:38 pm

    God bless America! Where even the poorest of the poor can flush the toilet paper!

  24. msvonn
    February 5, 2014 at 8:41 pm

    Sochi is the lace front of the Olympics.

    Sochi is the chitterlings of the Olympics.

    Sochi is the Sarah Palin of the Olympics.

  25. Kell
    February 5, 2014 at 10:42 pm

    Sochi olympics is the toyokalon weave of sporting events.

    Sochi olympics is the pam oliver styling guide of sporting events.

    Sochi olympics is the chyna blac butt implant of sporting events.

    Sochi olympics is the wooooooooorst.

    • Niki
      February 6, 2014 at 5:30 pm

      The “Pam Oliver styling guide of sporting events”?!?!


  26. catvoncat
    February 6, 2014 at 12:06 am

    Sochi Olympics is the Quail Hunting with Dick Cheney of Sporting Events.

  27. Silk!
    February 6, 2014 at 12:32 am

    Sochi = the Hydrox of Olympics

  28. Silk!
    February 6, 2014 at 12:44 am

    Also Re: horrific competition conditions: my cousin’s bobsled (USA2) wiped out on the 50-50 turn during the Vancouver Olympics, so named because 50% of the sleds didn’t make it past one turn. He didn’t make the Olympic team this year (big sad) and while it’s one helluva honor and achievement to make it, somehow this year seems like a punishment.

  29. February 6, 2014 at 1:12 am

    I’m concerned for what else can/will happen to these people as this mess continues. To quote Whoopi Goldberg in Ghost: “Molly. You in danger, girl.”

  30. February 6, 2014 at 1:23 am

    Who did not KNOW this first??? I’ll never understand.

  31. TawannaS
    February 6, 2014 at 5:01 am

    To all who are wondering WHY and HOW Sochi won the rights to “host” the Olympics here ya go. I watched this last week (I think) on ABC. Very interesting.

  32. February 6, 2014 at 5:07 am

    I bet that hotel owner was wearing drawls, a torn wife beater, and a stained bathrobe that smelled like urine, vodka, and failure when he let folks register for their rooms.

    Sochi is the Rainbow and Catos of the Olympics.
    Sochi is the Dollar General of the Olympics.
    Sochi is the Chey B of the Olympics.
    Sochi is the Naomi Campbell edges of the Olympics.

  33. Denise
    February 6, 2014 at 6:02 am

    I just skimmed that @SochiProblems Twiiter page and OH EM GEEEE!!!!

    They could’ve had the Winter Olympics literally ANYWHERE else and I don’t think it would’ve been this bad!!

    WTH did they do with all of that money?!?!?!? Buy vodka?? If the bars are fully stocked I’d be side-eyeing the entire hell outta SOME-damn-body!

  34. February 6, 2014 at 8:43 am

    Definitely gagging over the pee water…

    But the dogs?! That really tears at my heart 🙁 I just don’t understand. They were going to make a makeshift shelter for them. That surely wouldn’t have been so expensive, and would have at least given the pups a chance at survival 🙁 I just… ooof.

    EPIC fail. I heard about Shawn White this morning. I’m glad he passed on the event. I’m kind of scared to watch any of the events (though I do love me some figure skating…)

    • Randomly Jazzy
      February 6, 2014 at 1:16 pm

      foolishness…I seriously think they’re now playing games of effing with anybody who was vocally against Putin and his draconian laws.

  35. MarvyMds
    February 6, 2014 at 10:44 am

    Sochi is the Conway of the Olympics. ( the store with the pink bags)

    This is really a disgrace, and I feel bad for all the athletes who worked so hard to qualify for their respective teams only to wind up in a place that is unprepared and dangerous.

    News agencies need to give their reporters hazard pay and more paid vacation time when they return to make up for this craziment.

    This is a massive fail for the IOC, and someone has some ‘splaining to do.

  36. Sierra
    February 6, 2014 at 12:21 pm

    Sochi is the DOTS of the Olympics.
    Sochi is the Payless of the Olympics.

    Can I just say that you’re my best friend in my head? I love your blog!

  37. Carleen
    February 6, 2014 at 12:49 pm

    Sochi Olympics is the Michele Bachman of Sporting Events.

  38. Natasha
    February 6, 2014 at 6:31 pm

    Sochi is the DMV of the Olympics. This is just a mess! SMH!

  39. Absurdist
    February 6, 2014 at 7:32 pm

    Just for reference’s sake: The law that was passed doesn’t criminalize homosexuality by itself, that’s UGANDA. The Russian law criminalizes propagandizing homosexuality to children. Not to say that there aren’t factions in Russia pushing to re-criminalize homosexuality in Russia (the Russian Orthodox Church and all manner of ultra-right-wing thugs/neo-Nazis)…

    What the law is intended to do is keep people from making Russian children believe that homosexuality is a “normal, viable lifestyle.”

    That doesn’t make the law any less onerous or tacky, though.

  40. February 6, 2014 at 9:18 pm

    All I can say is wow! That is crazy as hell yo.

  41. adnamA
    February 6, 2014 at 10:42 pm

    I would really like to see the faces of the Olympics officials when they roll in a experience this? What will they say when confronted? I’m embarrassed for all of this. Russia was given the chance to perhaps brighten the reputation and impress the world with warm hospitality *Snort* they couldn’t be any further from that opportunity. They took it and Shat on it. Such a disgrace.

  42. mizzpicklezz
    February 7, 2014 at 1:33 pm

    WhY IT HappeN????!!! LMAO!!

    Sochi Olympics is the Fingerhut of Sporting Events.

  43. February 7, 2014 at 6:05 pm

    This is the Oklahoma-trailer-park meth lab of sporting events.

  44. Calvin
    February 7, 2014 at 9:45 pm

    Sochi: Olympics:: Tyler Perry: entertainment.

    • MarvyMds
      February 9, 2014 at 6:35 pm

      Shade! lol

  45. Faith
    February 7, 2014 at 11:58 pm

    The Sochi Olympic was planned by the Homeboy Shopping Network. “I said homeboy… I said homeboy, how can we get the olympics for 1 million and pocket the other 50?”

  46. Yolanda
    February 9, 2014 at 7:53 pm

    Sochi is the Rio hair relaxer ( you know the one you could supposedly eat) of the Olympics.

  47. February 9, 2014 at 11:33 pm

    They need to just go ahead and cancel the olympics lol…this whole ordeal is a HOT ASS mess. Sochi is the ramen noodles of the olympics.

  48. mz.niecy
    February 11, 2014 at 5:12 pm

    Sochi Olympics is the off brand cheese of Sporting Events.

  49. mz.niecy
    February 11, 2014 at 5:13 pm

    Sochi Olympics is the RC Cola of Sporting Events.