One Dumbass Man, One Dead Eel, and One Huge Fail
Sometimes, truth is stranger than fiction. And sometimes, you read some news and wonder how people are so stupid that they get themselves in the strangest situations.
I just read a story on Huffington Post about a man in China who stuck a 20-inch live eel up his yansh because he saw it being done in some porn he watched. And the eel tried to eat its way out of his body, chewing through his colon and getting stuck in his body cavity.
The dude finally goes to the hospital and it takes an all-night surgery to extract the eel from his body. And the eel died soon after.
What the hell??? Seriously. What in the hell would possess someone to do this? I have so many questions and below is just 5 of them.
1. What kinda pr0n is he watching where someone stuck an eel up their butt? I mean, what kinda kinky things are y’all into that it’s a turn on to watch an animal GO UP someone’s rectum??? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE???
b. Who watches a movie or anything, sees an eel being stuck up someone’s ass and thinks “I want to try that!”
iii. AND WHO ACTUALLY TRIES IT???
4a. How did the man figure this story was gonna end without a hospital visit? Did he think he would just shit the eel out? Like up you go, see you down here in 12 hours? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE???
e. WHAT. IS. WRONG. WITH. YOU. PEOPLE???
I really feel like humans are regressing into stupidity by the minute because this story and others like it are too common right now. Why are we this dumb? Who does this?
That poor eel. Who’da ever thunk that I could feel bad for an eel. That thing was tryna eat its way out. TRYNA MAKE A WAY OUT OF NO WAY! And it lost its life in the end. Bury that eel a G because it fought the good fight.
And here’s the part that does make me cackle. The man might be facing animal cruelty charges because of the EEL-icide caused by his destructive curiosity. And I hope he does. Just so he can learn a lesson in the art of not making stupid ass decisions. Because clearly he is the king of belligerent dummies. He is President, CEO, Chairman and Executive Director of Team Bad Decisions.
If you need the meaning of failing at life, it’s putting an animal up your ass, having it desperately try to get out, you have to have surgery to get it out and then it dies right after they do. And you might be getting charged for committing a crime. THIS IS FAIL EPITOMIZED.
Chile. I’m truly unable to deal, can or even. I am unable to even deal and my CANS are currently on layaway. Did y’all read this story and wanna fight the air too?