Someone Come Get Juanita Bynum And Her Speaking in Tongues on Facebook
Some of you may have heard of Evangelist Juanita Bynum. She of the scandal where her husband beat her down in the church parking lot or something wretched and unacceptable like that. AOL Black Voices even wrote a story called “Beat Up From the Feet Up.” And please don’t judge me for laughing at that title. That’s just ratchet as hell. They’re hilarious wrong for that. And no, I don’t think what happened to her was remotely funny. Just that title. SHARRAP ALREADY!
Wells, Juanita wants folks to know she loves the LORDT! And on her Facebook fan page, where 62,000 people are following her, she makes it a point to get this across.
But…
SOMEONE COME GET HER!!! Auntie Deaconess Prophetess REVERENTTT Head of Usher Board Juanita Bynum is on the Book of Face acting out and speaking in tongues. HOW IS YOU GON SPEAK IN TONGUES ON YOUR STATUS???
This holy negress actually typed “BFBXFC BVRVBVBBRX” and was ok placing this on Facebook. Honestly, I’d like to think that the Holy Ghost can spell. I don’t know what that’s ‘posed to be but ummm… when I type something similar, it’s cuz I’m cackling too hard for life.
Does she fall out after she presses “enter” on these? Do people have to come pick her up off the floor to place her back on her computer chair? How does this work?
Questions. I haz them.
Furthermore, Juanita needs to know that Jesus doesn’t like anger. And all’em CAPS is telling me that she’s upset. Either that or her CAPS LOCK key broke. Or the SHIFT key malfunctioned. Juanita’s hollering for Jesus like He ain’t heard her cry in a long time. And I ain’t got time!
Lemme find out I missed the passage in the Bible where the Holy Ghost Facebooked. Must be in the lost book of SocialMediastes.
I understand fervent prayer but Auntie Juanita Bynum needs to ease off her keyboard. Someone go get her back together so she can stop showing out in these ePews.
I’m just saying…
But bless her heart.
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124 Comments
LMMFAO Luvvie iHate you!
I knew good and doggone well I shouldn’t have read beyond this post’s title!
My co-workers are looking at me trynna figure out if they should call for emergency assistance!
I ain’t e’em DO nuffin, Ramona! But getcho auntie, doe. GET. HER. OUT. THEM. ePEWS!
@Luvvie not “Them ePEWS” #doe
I’m saying…
ePews…see that’s why I love/hate you!!!
cacklefits all over again!
ePEWS??? *dies a thousand deaths*
………flat line on ePhews…..where is my inhaler? ???
I CAN NOT.
And I will not! NO, LAWDT!
#HESCOMINGINAHONDA
#SHOULDABOUGHTCHEVY
Yes Lort, I need Aunt Nita to visit us at Hold My Mule While I Tweet Ecclesiastical Tabernacle of Latter Day Saints and Aints.
LOL!!!!
Shuddabottahonda Buttabottachevy, indanameagisos, Amem!
Cole, you stoopid. LMAO!
#MINUSWELLHAVEGOTATOYOTA!!!
NO! NO! I REBUKE THEE IN THE NAME OF ZUCKERBERG!
*throws holy water*
Not in the name of Zuckerberg!!!! *faints*
If I laugh any harder at this, someone is going to need to call me an ambulance!! DEAD!!!
ROFL
iCANT!!! LMAO at you!!! Funny Funny Funny! Luvvie you went and done it again. Got my co-workers looking at me all kinds of crazy.
LOL tell yo coworkers not to judge your life decisions.
LOL!! ALL COMPUTERIZED COCKROACHES SHALL FAIL AT THE TRICKERY YOU TYPED! I am NOT gonna get FIREDT for your foolishness, doe! #damnnearwetmyselflaughing #shouldaboughtmyinhaler
She’s got a cat that likes to help her praise Jesus by walking across her keyboard.
LMAOOO!!! Her cat will not trot across her keys while she ePraises HER Jesus!
I fell ALL THE WAY out when I saw this bullshit this morning!! How you typing in tongues, though??? And did you read the comments??? Lawd, they are giving her ass the sanctified business!! LOL LOL
Them
foolspeople following her also need to saddown for encouraging her foolishness.. SMH.Oooowe…. after reading this… (((SCREAMING & CRYIN’))) LMBBBO… DKNFDANOCINEWAL… Hay, hay, hay!!! ____^________^____ beep______________________ (flatline) Luvvie, go take a nap!
I AINT SLEEPY! *lays down on my bed*
That brought tears to my eyes. Too funny! You’re a mess for that one…but she knows that ain’t right lol
I’m just saying. Juanita is doing too murch!
YES, LAWD! *co-signs with you*
I can just picture her shouting in tongues at her computer screen while she’s typing and once she clicks *enter*, she probably falls out and has to have people come over and fan her with them church fans with the picture of MLK on them and then cover her with that white sheet that they use in church.
LMAOOOOOO!!! Why did I picture this and fall out myself??? Lawdt, you know Juanita also gets sprayed with holy water after she falls out. And she spritzes her computer with it too.
I … uh … wh … iHateu.
As you LAH!!! You luh me, guhl!
I swear to Jesus I almost got fired bussin out laughing like that! My coworkers know good and full well I don’t like my job that much SMH
Now you know I can’t pay no unemployment insurance!
I simply cannot. Not after a day with 125 7th graders. But I simply can’t get past “Juanita Bynum II”. Ma’am, who/where is Juanita Bynum I? Help me?
RIght!!! Juanita Bynum II. But ma’am… O_O
Yes, I definitely fell out when I saw Juanita and her iTongues. I mean, next thing you know folks gone be like:
Within The Holy Spirit (w/ 574957497 others) http://4sq.com/PrAisEHiM
SMH…
*escorts Cheekie off my blog* The corner has a chair waiting for your ratchetness, Cheeks! lol
THIS! O_O WHY?!!!! *dead*
Cheekie when Luvvie is escorting you off her blog you know you have gone too far!
Cheekie don’t know how to ack! lol
LOL, right… I’m honored as I kick this pebble over here in this corner. Hmph.
Cheeks. http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_li86l1gzI81qarja8.gif.
THIS. GIF. IS. EVERYTHING.
*DEAD*
Juanita Bynum has officially lost her ever lovin’ mind!!!
I might can understand a man like Damian Marley driving a woman out her mind for a minute, but Thomas Weeks, the 3rd??? Seriously? She ain’t been the same since she left him, but she was a little teched in the head back then too!
She’s even self redeemed herself and reborn herself as Juanita Bynum II, but judging by her newfound ability to WRITE IN TONGUES, (BTW, I aint never heard of this “spiritual gift” before)
she gonna have to reborn herself again because the deck she playin with ain’t full! Plus her tongues spelling check wasn’t on! 😉
Soon and very soon, we all gonna see Juanita Bynum III floating through walls and shape shifting up in here!
Lemme find out I missed the passage in the Bible where the Holy Ghost Facebooked. Must be in the lost book of SocialMediastes.
You need to go back and add that to the version you wrote.
SMH. Luvbug , did you hear about the gospel pole dancer?
YOU A LAH!! What gospel pole dancer??? Chile… drop me a link! ASAPTUALLY! lol
proof that I cant make this foolishness up : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DvP_IilztnM
LOLOL!!!
I don’t know how much more of this I can take! But I keep coming back!
Gospel pole dancing! Lawd Gawd Awmightee, your people need you, right about soon!! Hep us Jesus!
He’s so graceful on that pole, tho! 😉
graceful is a good way to describe it … heck he is WORKING that pole
Reading the comments to Profitess Bynum’s ‘typing in tongues’ makes me crack up laughing. Someone called her ‘our mother in the lord’…um, I reject that with the heat of 100 erupting volcanos.
I agree…I, too, think the holy ghost can spell.
I hope she’s not at the public library or at the Apple store (w/Miss Charlette) updating her Facebook status. That would be weird.
People are cutting UP in my comments today. I love it! lol
I’m mad u ain’t eem touch the post where she promotes her MySpace page….on July 30th….
Girl, bye! What kinda mess is that?!
Luvvie,
The Book of Face though?
I.
Can’t.
And I’on eem much appreciate her typing in all ‘nem caps. Who made her captain of the caps lock button? She needs to be relieved of her duties because these things cannot happen while she is slain in the spirit.
Tell Juanita to have a seat!
i don’t even know you and i don’t like you for this. lmfao!!!!
>_<
****goes back in lurk mode****
DON’T LEAVE ME, PEACHES!!! *holds on to your ankles*
I LOVE IT – I am in tears – this is A MESS!
Gurl. LOL
Typing in tongues is just TOO deep for me. She wins the Jesus’ Favorite award.
LOL @ Jesus’ Favorite award. You sure He ain’t giving her a holy side-eye?
I don’t know where I have been that I’m just seeing your blog, but I am here for you! You sista are hilarious!!
LOL at’You sure He ain’t giving her a holy side-eye?’I.Quit.You Luvbug….
You cain’t quit me. I just won’t let you. *sits on your lawn*
This is when the “anointing” goes terribly wrong. The Bible says in the last days their shall be false prophets. It also says that the Lord God is not to be mocked. She needs to go back behind the veil and have a one on one with Jesus. I am not judging but it is time out for playing church and leading lost souls into a church of confusion. IJS
As you come thoo and sanctify this blog. I BELIEVE!!!
This is when the “anointing” goes terribly wrong. The Bible says in the last days there shall be false prophets. It also says that the Lord God is not to be mocked. She needs to go back behind the veil and have a one on one with Jesus. I am not judging but it is time out for playing church and leading lost souls into a church of confusion. IJS
I am new here and bout died here already…lol. But leave Juanita alone, she was just finger shouting with her fingers running up and down on the keyboard. But I was reading her posts and my phone vibrated and scared the eBooBoo out of me!
But I was thinking, it’s about time the Holy Spirit caught up with technology and got a Facebook page like everyone else… And though we can’t read tongues, I am sure that there is a spiritual spell checker out there somewhere that only the spiritually mature people like Juanita can download.
This whole comment was just ratchet as heck! Corey, you may be new here but I like you already, LOL. Come on, lemme take yo coat. Stay awhile. You want some juice or something?
I’m just saying. I like to welcome my new guests properly.
Luvvie, you are KILLING me with this post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I ain’t e’em DO nuffin, Antonio! lol 0:-) See my halo?
Let the Wall say ‘Amen’!
I was raised to believe that when someone speaks in tongues, there must be an interpretation of said tongues. Is there an app for that?
Exactly! This is not biblical. It isn’t even cute.
*flatlined….. I laughed so hard, I had to post this as a link on my FB page. Too funny to keep to myself. I’m crying and praying over here, cause this is hilarious. You have outdone yourself today Luvvie.
Ok so as I child me and my cousins nem used to have a hard time believing in “chuch” that some of the shouting was real ok. But good goobly goop the keyboard could not have caught the holy spirit lmaooooo and based on the likes they fall for antythang. When I wanted to look up this story I knew where to come to LMAO. iCant with the Beat up from the feet up lol. I must share this lololol
I woke up my baby hollerin at this!
Girl… YOUS A FOOL FAH REAL! I had show my husband this foolishness! We both DIED!
I’ve been lurking for a couple of weeks now. I’ll be comment as much as possible…
*eyes burning from laughing*
[…] Awesomely Luvvie: Please get Juanita Bynum of Facebook […]
LAWDHAMMERCY GEEZUS!!!!
“This holy negress actually typed “BFBXFC BVRVBVBBRX” and was ok placing this on Facebook. Honestly, I’d like to think that the Holy Ghost can spell. Iunno what that’s ‘posed to be but ummm… when I type something similar, it’s cuz I’m cackling too hard for life.
Does she fall out after she presses “enter” on these? Do people have to come pick her up off the floor to place her back on her computer chair? How does this work?”
This the first time that I have commented on your blogs, but I couldn’t hold it in this time. Ms. Bynum WAS a FB friend but after this mess, I had to delete her bcs she was playing toooooo hard with my Jesus. I am giving myself cramps ova hear laughing at you. I have to share this with folks bcs this is some ol’ crazy ish. I was in class when I first read this and was laughing so hard and couldn’t stop that my instructor asked me to leave and every time I read it, it gets funnier and funnier.
Keep doing you, Boo. You got it!!
I am near tears on this right here. If she don’t have a seat with all that mess! And those folks liking that status? No!!!
I too was just lurking until I read “the Book of Face”!
That is made this tale twice as funny.
LOL. This is one of the funniest things I’ve read in a long time.
[…] couple of weeks ago, when I talked bout how someone needs to come get Juanita Bynum and her keyboard Holy Ghost stomping, one of my commenters (named Jazz) asked if I had heard of the gospel pole dancer. I had not, so I […]
I love yo u juanita bynum you go girl you are bad
let god use you always
[…] FOHREJFJEWRFKRFRFLR *Juanita Bynum Holy Ghost* […]
Hi All,
Some of you have even written vulgar language on this page yet you criticise the woman of God for writting what was in her spirit and you think that makes you better…..plz! Go get the word of God and grow spiritually before you can understand spiritual matters,, for now you are atsuch a low level to comprehend. God blees you all as you grow in your walk with him. for now please leave Juanita Bynum alone.
[…] the last vestiges of prosperity gospel, and most recently, Juanita Bynum’s downright embarrassing Facebook tongues, I have to ask of our belief: “where’s the fruit?” “Who do you think you are? Ha ha ha, […]
[…] BOARD MICHELLE OBAMA, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!! GET ON YOUR DAMB FEET!!! Chile I almost caught the Juanita Bynum holy ghost! hfehfoiefjpfjewpofkofkqwffnioejf […]
Funny read, but regardless, touch not the anointed one of God……..REGARDLESS!
No need to bring a curse upon yourself.
#justsaying
this is some crazy isht!!!!! So funny…. how you type out your tongues????? thats just cray!!!!!!!
No ma’am!
This is the kind of foolishness I did to amuse myself in those Christian chat rooms back when my parents first got that dial-up AOL. #thoushaltnotjudgeme. Those chat rooms rarely had any real Christian talk in them anyway. It was mostly atheist trolls. So I hopped on the trollercoaster right along with ’em and wijhdnavnioawdkop GLORAYed whenever someone would be stoopid enough to actually try to feed the Word to the trolls. #pearlsbeforeswine #Biblewordsnotmine
My people perich for luck of knowledge…
This is a public prayer for the entire church body with, the beginning only, emphasizing the main church of Mr. Tim’s. In this way one can read the prayer and join in agreement making it a group prayer for the Entire Church body.
What “bugs” me most is not the ignorant talk about speaking in tongues as only speaking in an understandable language; but, all the talk about what is Biblical or not. Which just puts God in a box. The specifics of Christ’s healing people is not written, just that He would. Nothing in the Old Testament about Him putting His fingers in someone’s ears, or anointing someone’s eyes with spittle. Unfortunately, this is how we treat God which is to choose who and where and how He is supposed to operate. This is why the Church is in the state that it is in.
You also don’t usually, to my knowledge, get interpretation in a prayer. That is usually just God praying for what you know not.
He said touch not His anointed ones….typing in tongues kinda takes you out of the running for that.
This is exactly the kind of material I want to be reading on a Friday afternoon…..except that that my jaw muscles now hurt!!
Having to laugh that much would cause pain…
I’m too through. Get the white sheet y’all. I’m going in.
……flat lined on ePhews…… where is my inhaler?
Shouldn’t these be accompanied by pics of her rolling on the floor or kicking chairs over? Lol she is doing entirely too much
Weird that typing in tongues looks exactly like my high school typing exercises. God is a mystery.
Y’ALL ARE GOING TO MAKE ME HAVE TO DISMANTLE THE INTERNET WITH THIS BAMBOOZLEMENT!!! I WORK AT A LAW OFFICE AND CANNOT BE LAUGHING THIS HARD W/TEARS ROLLING DOWN MY FACE BEHIND THIS FOOL-O-CITY RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and ms juanita must know the real secret, she’s typing in tongues but the Lord apparently understands that too…. 🙂
WHERE ARE THE VOWELS!!!!
This is my first time on your page and a friend shared this and I have been laughing for hours. I can not just get myself together after this. Man oh man this is the best thing that I think I have ever seen on the internet and I have seen some things on the net. This has so blessed me. I will be coming back to your blog because this was just HEYYYY.. JSEOIRJASDF LJFEJR JOAMDF (caught a shout real quick)
So slayed (in the spirit). Sanctified shade to the max from Luvvie, that blessed, holy child of the Most High. BUT Juanita, get your mind in order, ma’am. No one can and no one will with these outbursts that are in violation of at least 3 or 4 New Testament books…
This post is HILARIOUS!!!! I agree though, Auntie is trippin’. Maybe she was typing with her eyes closed and speaking this prayer out loud and speaking in tongues and the holy spirit was guiding her fingers. No? Okay. I tried. But seriously, I’m not limiting God. A Facebook prayer though? How about, you get on your knees and really get in prayer mode if it’s that deep. Have you read about the pharisees? I pray that Mrs Bynum isn’t like them.
BritneyDearest.blogspot.com
I am laughing so hard! I have no idea how I’ve not known about this blog for so long, but I have to follow you. I’m at work…totally lost it at “Honestly, I like to think the Holy Ghost can spell.” HAHAHAHA
And to the people talking about typing “SLNFKJWHFIHGI” is speaking in tongues, it’s not. It’s jibberish. Speaking in tongues is speaking in a foreign language to which the Apostles said should only be done when there was someone there to interpret. (Acts 10:45-47; 1 Corinthians 12:9-11; 1 Corinthians 14:38-40…verse 40 says it should be done in a fitting and orderly way.)
English speakers speak in tongue to the ears of non-English speakers. If she was typing “Ich liebe mein Gott” or “Lodare il signore” then yes. “SLNFKJWHFIHGI” isn’t even Pig Latin.
Thank you for the torrential laughter!!
I can see her falling out after she hits enter. One of the social media mammy’s start fanning her and the eDecon tries to wrestle the mouse from her clinched fist.
You done kilt me with this! Geezus!
“Lemme find out I missed the passage in the Bible where the Holy Ghost Facebooked. Must be in the lost book of SocialMediastes” <– I think I just peed a little cackling!! *tears* ROFL!!!!
welp, I’m not coming back. From death or to this blog. I’ve soiled myself and I blame you. You are chill deficient and I don’t appreciate it. Now I’m going to wipe these tears….and change my pants.
I wonder if Facebook will make a I REBUKE THIS TOMFOOLERY button… #wonthedoit #juanitafingersfinnagetloose #comeonnow #epews #igiggled
Gurl, did you really say “holy negress?” Yes, you did, and I flatlined! Just wondering how she phonetically says those alphabets! I’m trying to envision her hitting the keys as she speaking in tongues (obviously her eyes are closed) and that spell check didn’t say WTH!!! She needs to be in Facebook jail for along time with that tomfoolery!
YOU MIGHT WANT TO STAY OUTTA SOMETHING YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND…THAT’S ALL BACK AWAY, TURN THE PAGE, MOVE ALONG.
TALKING IN TONGUES IN HER POOTIE TANG VOICE…https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwvjdTyOHmI
TALKING IN TONGUES IN HER POOTIE TANG VOICE…https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwvjdTyOHmI
Find a corner fast! ajksdlkafa; ;afh;asdhcff;adfh;fc ! Runs through office
I don’t know who wrote that article, but I’m #dead over here!!!! The Holy Ghost can spell, and “the Holy Negress” Too much, too much! Wooo! I needed a good laugh today.
My soul just left my body!!! I’m so tickled!!! ????????????????????????????????????????????
I can barely type this because tears are flowing faster than a river. My stomach aches because I am having spastic rounds of laughter. Oh my, oh my, oh my!!!! Why!!!! Why do people play with God and the Holy Spirit – she knows that blasphemy!!!
She’s having better luck than I am. Every time I try to talk to God, the same thing happens…”This is Jesus…I can’t come to the phone right now but if you leave your name and number, I’l get back to you before the Rapture. Praise the Me..”