Serena Williams’ Ass is My Patronus
Serena Williams’ ass is my
spirit animal patronus (changed because the term “spirit animal appropriates Native American culture). I have said it once and I will say it again. Seriously. As one who wasn’t blessed with a lot of junk in her trunk, I do have ass envy. Remember the post I dedicated to Erykah Badu’s Badonk? Yes. I ALREADY HAD ASS ENVY! Then I saw this pic of Serena at the ESPYs.
Sweet Alabaster 5 lb 7 oz Brown Baby Jesus in that manger. GOOD GAWD!!! Serena Williams is smuggling 2 watermelons in that dress. Are 2 Verne Troyers just chilling on her backside? What is REALLY good? Talk about highly blessed and FAVORED!
Her ass needs to be incorporated as an LLC. THAT is it’s own legal entity. I betchu it has its own theme music and a band assigned to croon to it upon demand. You could sit a gallon of Simply Orange on her booty. Serena Williams’ booty needs to be commemorated on a limited edition stamp. I ain’t lying. Homegirl is STACKED.
Ok, I’ve been watching too much BET. Either way…
I AM NOT MAD! Well, I sorta am. WHY COME I AIN’T GET THIS ASS??? Oh. Well, because if I had this dunk, I’d walk around with nothing but body paint on, a smirk and a stank attitude. I’d be so disrespectful. I’d have NO friends. I’d be AWFUL. And I’d tell folks to refer to me as Ma’am ASSALOT, Duchess of Donk.
The Lawd be knowing. HE IS ALL KNOWING!!!
For a straight woman, I can be so mannish sometimes. SMH. Forgive me for objectifying Serena Williams in this way but am I the only one like :-O. Say I’m not so I can feel better bout being so mannish. lol
Am I alone in this? I am? Aight then. (-___-)