Famous folks

Serena Williams is All Of Us. If We Got Superpowers.

You know what I don’t have time for? Serena Williams and her perpetual showing that some of us are just mere mortals while she’s a citizen of Mount Olympus. Actually, lemme quit lying. I GOT ALL THE TIME FOR IT. That woman is extraordinary. Sheesh.

Yesterday, we found out that she’s 20 weeks pregnant when she posted this picture on SnapChat.

The heir to the Serena throne is coming, to join Beyoncé’s twins as the reasons we can have hope for the future. That kid is gonna come out the womb being able to kick all our asses. Anywho, Serena’s last grand slam win was the Australian Open, which was in January. According to The Maths, this tells us that she was like 8 weeks along at that point. Let’s clarify that. Serena Williams won the Australian Open while she was 2 months pregnant.

Meanwhile, I got a cramp in my right leg once and refused to leave the house for the day. So basically: same.

I don’t even understand. I was gonna go to the gym this one time but since I only had 4 hours of sleep the night before, I opted out since I was too drained. But Serena is outchea growing a life and giving life on the tennis court at the same damb time. EVERYBODY AIN’T ABLE. I love her!

I took to Facebook and my people had me HOLLERING with their shenanigans.

Dee: Cmon now Luvvie. The fetus already tougher than you.

Luvvie: Fact.

Kina: At 8 weeks of pregnancy, your body is creating your placenta. It is the peak of the nausea and fatigue symptoms of the first trimester. It is completely awful. During those days, all I wanted to eat was cheesy, deep fried yellow things and I had to guzzle a ginger ale at precisely 5 p.m. just because my day at work had been too much. Serena Williams was creating a whole entire placenta ALL THE WHILE creating sports history. She is everything.

Sharice: At 8 weeks I barely had energy to lift my head up off the pillow to throw up into the can next to my bed. Serena can kiss my grits.

Michelle: She is Everything!! I was fortunate to have never had morning sickness, but I would have taken that any day over the OVERWHELMING fatigue!! Comatose!! No energy, zero!! For her to kick ass like that while pregnant makes her a straight Goddess!!

Emily: I remember thinking I might have to lay down on the floor at work in my first trimester because I was too tired to stand next to the copy machine to wait for it to finish. Serena is superhuman.

India: My pinky toe got snagged on the iron cord. I wore a bedroom shoe on that foot for a week and wanted a handicap sticker. Sooooo…. basically same.

Chanelle: My leg hit the corner of the bed frame. My soul left my body and my life was changed forever. Ijs

Deidre: The corner of the bed is listed among the most dangerous predators list.

Lisa: I have a friend who ran a marathon while pregnant. I told her somedays when I was pregnant, it was too much work to put on pants.

Raja: I got bit by a mosquito and it made my arm itch and I needed three Benedryls and a nap. So basically: same

Dionne: I had hyperemesis gravidarum, which is a fancy term for ‘all damn day & night throwing up guts’ for my first trimester. I swore my baby was trying to kill me (still is). So hands up to Serena & all women who can actually function while pregnant! Y’all make me sick.

Merica: And she announced her pregnancy on Maria Sharapova’s birthday, she stay losing ha!

Imani:  I burned my eyeball with a curling iron and had to go to homecoming with an eye patch. So basically: same.

Tarah:  Being 8 weeks pregnant is sitting on your sofa at 7:30 pm happily munching popcorn. At 7:32 a bear comes from nowhere and wrestles you down. You try to resist saying “It’s Scandal night. Liv. Fitzzzzzzz…” You wake up to popcorn on the floor and the 11 o’clock news. Not saying this happened to me or anything. Except it did.

Paula: Um…excuse me, Luvvie, but when I was 8 weeks pregnant, I sat on the couch sobbing into a vat of Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food and Edy’s Lime Popsicles, demanding that my husband simultaneously massage and kiss my feet. So, how is Ms. Serena any cooler than that?

Bridgette: When I was pregnant, I walked around the block. And halfway around, I had to call my husband to come pick me up or send 911. So… I tried.

CJ: Meanwhile, I struggle to breathe after running up a flight of stairs. I mean, I got asthma though so… #excuses

Ayani: I went into labor while shopping at Carson pirie Scott in Chicago. Water all over the floor in their bathroom but I shole took my purchases to checkout before my ride came to take me to hospital. So the same!

Maria: Incredible! I was so tired the first trimester, I could have fallen asleep on a sidewalk in the middle of NYC! I did fall asleep at work once during that time. My co-workers shielded me!

Donna: But, in the first trimester, I slept so much I thought surely I was dying. Play tennis…hell I couldn’t play woke! I had evening sickness…

Stacey: I stubbed my pinkie toe on the bed, limped for 3 days and begged my husband to call Dr. Kevorkian, the suicide doc, to come help me get on the Highway to Heaven. So, basically: same.

Sharice: Unless that baby comes out swinging a racquet at 160mph, I’ll not be impressed #hating

Michelle: 8 weeks is not a particularly spirited time. I remember just laying on the couch every day after work trying to figure out how I was going to cook dinner, wash dishes, go upstairs, take a shower and go to bed from the couch. All from the couch. I would fall asleep every day on the couch waiting for my husband to get home. And this woman was out here winning tennis tournaments. I am in awe.

Bekah: I took a red eye home from LA in my first trimester, and shared the plane with a little league team. So basically, the same thing.

Valarie: Serena you swung a tennis racket while pregged, I swung a rack of ribs to my mouth…same thing…

Timmi: At 8 weeks, it was a real struggle to keep my food in my stomach or my eyes open during daylight hours. Bouncing around on a tennis court wouldn’t have crossed my mind. Serena Williams has my utmost respect

Madeline:  I fell off the bike in my soul cycle class. I got up and limped away. My feelings were hurt …. Soooo basically: same

Carly: I had a 9 pound baby on my bedroom floor. Give birth at center court and we can talk, SW

Amanda: I got a charley horse in the middle of the night and was this close to screaming bloody murder. Limped all day after I woke up still sore. Serena is a queen.

Mahalia: I THOUGHT about exercising last week, and needed an epidural immediately. So basically: same.

Adrianne: I took two days off just for my one hour appointment with my Ob/gyn, so basically: same.

Lisa: I ate a bad taco for breakfast, but still went to work for half a day yesterday before calling it quits. So, basically…the same. #warriorwomen

Mauri: I once called out because I sneezed so hard I peed a little. So basically: same.

Brandise:  I’m out of breath reading this while hitting snooze on my cell phone, and sitting in bed, so same.

Keisha: Right now I have cramps. Imma call 911 or press this life alert button for someone to bring me water. SAME.

RC: Skips gym for a week b/c I bit my nail too closely to the skin and “my finger was hurting” #AlsoSame

Tracey: I got cramps right now. Highly contemplating calling off of work. #facts

Robert: I ripped a cuticle once and cried for 20 minutes. Not sure I should’ve admitted that, but it’s the truth.

Sili: Yassss! I feel a #SameasSerena thread in the future. Serena won the open while pregnant. I won a scratch off while on my period. #SameasSerena

Moji: As in! I get a paper cut and I swear I’m paralyzed. The woman is just a show off somebody.

Gloria: I’m a runner and refuse to run in the rain. She was 8 weeks pregnant? #beastmode!

Erica: I’m still hobbling and having hard times on an ankle I sprained over 8 weeks ago.

Camille: Did no one tell her about morning sickness? Or did morning sickness realize it was no match for Serena? When I was pregnant I couldn’t be more than a yard from a bathroom.

Addye: Me at 8 weeks pregnant: vomiting and begging God to just let me die there next to the toilet with my face on the cool floor. Serena is the GOAT.

Marisol: I bailed out early on a 5K Heart Walk (emphasis on WALK) when 2 months pregnant b/c A) I was hungry and 2) I didn’t wanna. So, also, basically: same.

Amanda: I’m 6 months pregnant now. When I was 2 months pregnant I ate cake and wished I had one of those sticks you could use to grab things so I could just stay in bed all day forever.

Lea: Couldn’t use my right hand because of a painful hang nail on my middle finger. Affected my whole quality of life. So basically: same

Amy: Oh lord. I was so tired in my first trimester I would take extra long bathroom breaks at work just so I could close my eyes in the bathroom stall. I felt like crying the whole ever loving day because I was being poisoned by hormones. Crushing fatigue. Serena is a goddess.

Sue: I need to sit down after bringing the groceries in the house.

Elisa: A curl on my forehead hit me in the eyeball and I had to write a FB post about it to get lots of sympathy. Also, pretty much same.

Aaronica: I’m homeschooling 2 other children while pregnant. #SameAsSerena?

Erika: Being able to tolerate ANY other children while pregnant: GOAT status

Tanya: I drove on the freeway with an eyelash in my eye. #SameAsSerena

Rachel: I did so much sleeping in my first trimester, and didn’t want to eat anything but soup, Cheerios and cupcakes. ALL HAIL SERENA.

Drea: I feel as if on some level she goes out of her way to really show us mere humans that we really don’t measure up to her goddess.

Arnebya: I walked to the bank today. It’s 80 degrees. I’m in a full shirt and blazer, but I couldn’t take the blazer off because my skirt can’t zip up all the way. I was soaked when I got back so I sat in the bathroom stall and came out of my top pieces. I sat that way for a full 12 minutes, the first 8 of which I refused to cry.

We are warrior women! HEAR US PURR. After we nap.

All hail Goddess Serena!

Have you bought my debut book I’M JUDGING YOU: The Do-Better Manual. Haven’t ordered it yet? Now’s your chance. You’ll love it. Amazon. Barnes & Nobles. iBooks. Audible (I narrated the audiobook myself). Kobo. Books-A-Million.

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  1. Kim
    April 20, 2017 at 2:00 pm

    Stacy!!!!! I hollered!! ????????????

  2. Kristin St. John
    April 20, 2017 at 2:24 pm

    That last comment from your FB followers — I just laughed out loud in my office. Gurl, I understand!

  3. Nichole
    April 20, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    First, we need the following shirts:
    -So basically: same
    -Couldn’t play woke

    It seems based on everyone else’s deals with morning sickness, for Serena morning sickness is like her opponents…can’t win.

  4. April 20, 2017 at 7:13 pm

    This is quite hilarious. Serena is taking notes from Queen B

  5. April 21, 2017 at 12:20 am

    congratulations may God grant you and your beau a healthy happy baby, not upset your partner is not a brother, but others are upset. I can be truthful with myself saying we love who we love people should be judged by content of character not color of skin. However I hope you get a prenup agreement before marriage to protect you and your child , because these days marriages don’t last long. Be honest with yourself don’t marry just cause you are pregnant if you don’t truly love this man protect your heart. To a lot of people you are Serena warrior princess you can do this by yourself don’t compound an error in judgement conception is a beautiful gift from God..

  6. April 21, 2017 at 12:31 am

    Serena very proud of all you’ve accomplished in your career you have dated quite a few people although I will admit I was hoping you and common would reunite. I realize that’s not going to happen but why did you two break up was it infidelity on his part? The two of you had the ability to be one of the most influential couples of our time .where is the love?

  7. Lovealways
    April 21, 2017 at 8:36 am

    I love and so proud of her. I so appreciate this strong role models of beautiful strong talented hardworking black women in a world that is brutally against our celebration. Thank you so much Serena for just being you. I am a littke worried though. I am very worried when i see a seed of a colonialist couple with one of our own. I always hv to give a side eye. Serena i hope u trust this man because i dont. You are more than 20times richer than him and I wonder if he really loves u. You know how they like their shapeless thin blondes with no color or form. Pls make sure you sign a prenup. Donot like this guy deceive u. Cut off this engagement or sign a prenup if u must carry on. Their women hv been using dumb blck guys for years… Pls open ur eyes n dont let their men use u.

  8. Liv
    April 21, 2017 at 12:00 pm

    I gave birth to twins (30 years ago) and am trying to take off the baby weight, so same.

  9. Mary Burrell
    April 23, 2017 at 7:54 pm

    Happy for Serena