Confessions of a Former Hooper
As I’ve mentioned before, I used to sit on the bench, chew on ice for 1.5 hrs, clean off my gymshoes, rock a cute uniform be a hooper. I played basketball in elementary school, and was on my high school team for 2 years until I quit from inactivity. I mean, all my potential talent *side-eye* was being wasted while I made an ass groove on the bench. And my Coach (RIP Mr. Penny) barely knew my name and just called me “Crazy Girl” because he thought I was funny. Hmph. (-__-)
But I digress. I won’t even talk about how when I did enter a game, I always scored. My solid 2.3 ppg average was from 1.8 minutes of playing. Beat THAT! But no, I ain’t bitter. O_O
My action shot
There were MANY lowlights, including:
- The many finger jams I got. No one should jam their fingers this often and play so little. Like the time I jammed two fingers on my left hand and it was wintertime. I couldn’t bend my fingers so gloves were impossible. Twas terrible.
- The time I stole the ball from an opponent (YAYYY me!!!), drove down to the other side to our basket, was going up for a layup when the world’s most painful charley horse got my calf. I crumpled to the floor while the ball flew over my head into the land of airball. WOMP!
- The time I lost my Jumpman shoes. Chewing ice during that game wasn’t so fun when my kicks weren’t dope. 🙁
The few highlights of my ill-fated and short career were:
- The Christmas tourney we played where we lost horribly, but anytime I went in the game (yes, all 2 times), I hit 3-pointers.
- When somehow, I found myself under the basket, guarding someone who was 5’9 (I’m 5’4). Well, since I was guarding her, she figured she didn’t need to jump. Her not jumping while I did led to me blocking her shot. It. Was. AWESOME!
- The fact that as little as I played, my picture always ended up in the yearbook for an action shot. Guess I had mastered the art of posing while shooting. Shoot, I had to be a master at SOMETHING.
- While on the Freshie team (we were nicknamed the Baby Dolphins), I was a starter (*sigh* the good times). There was a game when we almost beat Marshall’s Girls’ team. Almost doesn’t count my ass! In this case, not getting blown out by them was an accomplishment. We only lost by like 5 points.
Then there was that one time when:
I was on the bench with my fellow riders having an in-depth conversation about
physics,how bad we were losing,why ice was so delicious,how cold itwas in that gym, though everyone else was hotthe game, the coach called me up to play. I, of course, didn’t hear him. When word finally traveled to the end of the bench that he HAD called me, I ran up, forgetting that my warm up jersey was still over my actual jersey. Well this was brought to my attention as I ran up and I took it off really quickly. While taking it off, I ended up elbowing my coach in the chin. WOMP. *shakes head* F my life.
I wasn’t a saint though (like Dorothy Mantooth). We used to have to sprint 36 lengths of the court before practice. I’d come in 10 minutes late on purpose and join in on sprint #25 like I was there the whole time. Or during conditioning season, we had to run from my school, to the Sears Tower. I’d pretty much jog the way there and then power walk back.
Other times, I never even made it to Sears Tower. Just halfway and would see people coming back and head back. I may even stop and get a sammich. I was turrble. This work ethic (or lack thereof) probably had a lot to do with my bench-riding (that and the fact that there were people who were better players than me and actually put forth effort. But semantics).
It was a self-fulfilling prophecy though. When I first joined the team, I bust my behind and got few props for it. So I reduced my effort by 50% and got the SAME results so… yeah. Statistics told me I was right. *nods*
Off the organized court, I LOVED playing basketball. When the season ended, me and my friends (and fellow bench riders) would go to the park behind the school and hoop there. We loved basketball so much that we played in the rain, in like 50 degree weather. Trying to bend your wrist to get your form right is hard when your fingers are frozen and you can’t see the basket. We did it though.
All my passion left my body when I stepped into team practice though. Maybe I coulda been somebody had I actually, you know, tried. And by somebody, I mean… yeah, naw. I coulda tried but a career in basketball was not in my future. 1. I wasn’t THAT good. b. My skills were average at best. III. I wasn’t that good.
There was the time in college that I formed an intramural co-ed basketball team. We called ourselves the Black Panthers. We lost in the 2nd round of the playoffs because the boys were being ball hogs. hmph. Yeah Kris, I’m looking at you! lol That was over 4 years ago, and it was the last time I’ve touched a basketball.
I miss basketball though (a lot). Like I wish someone could push me on a court today and say “hoop”. I still own a pair of Nike basketball shoes that are FRESH and have only been worn twice. In case of hooping emergency, I’ll break them out the box.
Could I still walk the length of the court dribbling the ball between my legs? Probably not.
Could I still hit a 3 from the top of the key? If it touches the rim, I’d consider it a victory.
Could I run the length of the court? Without wheezing? Doubtful. But I do miss it.
These are my confessions.*Cue Usher*
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19 Comments
I am making it my mission to sh*t on this entry for the entire day. Shame on you for putting Kami’s adorabo face at the end of this sham of a post! Your lifespace is full of lies and deceit.
Kindred, how much o I hate thee. Let me count the ways…
Why must you piss on my basketball career??? Shoot! I have proof. I was in the yearbook BOF YEARS! Dont make me pull em out and prove it. And while there, I could scan the picture of ur Bowl cut. You do NOT want me to go there.
Bye hater!
Hey Luvvie,
It sounds remarkablly like my daughter’s recent experience. She rode the bench alot of the season. I was not happy about that cause she was a Freshman and they were getting blown out, sometimes by 20. But the Coach wanted her to show passion. She wanted her to be aggressive. She said that she wasn’t letting her off the bench until she proved she wanted it. Strangly I don’t think my daughter will appreciate all the lessons until it’s over.
Be Sure to stop by. Happy Birthday Kami!
You’re niece is adorable!
I totally understand the Marshall Girls’ thing. Though, we generally only played them once every 2 years because I’m from the ‘burbs, staying within 10 points of them was like an accomplishment.
Lol, this is hilarious though. I miss basketball a lot as well. I tore my acl senior year in HS during our regionals and turned down hoopin’ at other colleges due to academic scholarship to U of I.
Ya’ll were intense running to the Sears Tower. I wasn’t down for running around the track to condition, but I was just a snooty captain (i won’t front).
Yeah, I got NUTHIN on the basketball reminiscing. I was a volleyball, soccer and lacrosse girl (can u say SUBURBAN H.S.??)
But…
Happy Birthday to Kutie Kami!
Yeah… be on alert for baby stealers now that u have made her adorable visage public. Ur sister will have you to blame.
Time to check in and hate…you were in the yearbook, you say? Well judging from that grainy, low quality pic you included in this post, that could be any wiry, frail teen with a slicky ricky that happened to attend our High School. Shoot, that may not even be from the right decade.
Awesomely Luvvie – well, you still prettier than Candace Parker.
“My solid 2.3 ppg average was from 1.8 minutes of playing…” LMAO
This cracks me up thinking about you being on the Baby Dolphins. Did we ever put you in the garbage can as a freshie? I think now is your time…let me call Kidd!
Mista Jaycee – Yeah tell your daughter been there, done that. If she REALLY wants it, she’ll have to work for it. I guess I just didnt want it bad enuff. I will stop by on ur blog
Verb – LOL @ snooty captain. Ouch to the ACL tear. Did you have to get surgery, or were you one of those rare cases that didnt require the knife?
BBMo – 3 sports? wowwww. Didnt kno u were a Jockette back in ur day. And hehe I got her permission to show off Kami to the world
Kindred – Hi again hater! Ihatechu. That is all
Daniel – LOL thanks! I can at least get credit for not rocking the 2 inch baby hurr like Candace Parker insists on doing
K – I dont remember if I was trashcanned or not. You know I’s senile. lol
Um…I don’t think you can refer to your basketball “playing” as a “career.” MJ – career. Swopes – career. Luvvie – mmmmm…
I must say, though, that the part where you described how you wouldn’t go all the way to the Sears Tower was just triflingly hilarious.
LOL. You’re better than me. I was never quite coordinated enough to hoop. I played tennis in HS though. My school played against lily white teams 75% of the time, so it was like Bring It On minus the spirit fingers at almost every match we had.
Dorothy Mantooth? LMAO! I always love a good Anchorman reference.
Your niece is TOO adorable! Hope she enjoys her day. 🙂
6 Hour Under The Knife Procedure
tears, so many tears…
I thought my life was over and that I’d be on crutches for prom. Luckily I was all good by then (wasn’t even walking with a limp), because if I couldn’t wear heels to prom I wasn’t going.
That my friend would have been a near death experience.
As a fellow Dolphin/bench warmer/slacker, I feel your pain…
Take solace that your name is on the roster and that if applied correctly, you’da been in the league.
That’s what I tell myself on a daily basis…
when I remember to…
on alternating motivated days…
OK, never.
Awesomely Luvvie,
You ain’t got nothin’ on me girl!
I dang near PROVED “White Men Can’t Jump”! They were about ready to take John Stockton outta the NBA because of me.
I was SO bad that, like, ALL the Girls were picked before me in gym class, when you had to pair off in teams to play hoops. “Bench Warmer” hell! You had it easy! They done near sent me off to Home Economics class to get me outta the way.
P.S. I’ll play “hoops” wit ya any day!
Libra – Et tu? Did the hate in Kindred’s heart leak through and reaach you? *sad face*
Jeannette – Y’all were serving folks huh?? And yesss any reason to make a reference to Anchorman makes me cheese
Verb – 6 hours??? Hot diggity dang! Were they attaching a new leg or sumfin? Sorry!
Smartie – Yeah, the only league my name had a chance of being in was the League of IGs. And I’m at the top there
Lite Bread – LMAO @ your entire comment. You almost got kicked out the gym into the kitchen for ur lack of skills, huh? Hot mess!
Yay for bball! Let’s play at the bbq lol.
This post made me laugh SO hard!!! I thought I was the only one who played basketball and wasn’t good. Lol. In 8th grade, I was the TEAM CAPTAIN (popularity will get you everywhere in life). Because I was the captain, I was automatically a starter…but I’m pretty sure I set a record for how fast a player can be yanked out of the game by the coach. I was fly on the sidelines with acrylic nails and my hair in pincurls, weave ponytails and french rolls. Hahaa THEN In 10th grade, I joined the HS basketball team. I could run fast but I was too scared to shoot in a game. Didn’t matter though cause after the game, I changed into my cheerleading captain outfit and cheered for the boys Varsity team, no kidding! Okay, I know I just straight reminisced in your comment box, but I couldn’t resist!!! Loved this blog 🙂
Alissa
Aww Luvvie, I absolutely loved this post. Brought back so many memories. suga used to play basketball too. And yes, I'm short like you, but I was actually pretty good. I was the starting point guard for me school team, and I also played, during the off season, for the Boy & Girls Club and my church's basketball team. I was the type of tomboy who always walked around with a basketball and proclaimed I would be the 1st woman in the NBA.
All of that…until I discovered boys and wanted to be cute and prissy and decided to take up Dance instead of concentrating on athleticism. I coulda been somebody, man!!!
There are courts near my house and I'm tempted to go over and shoot a few hoops, but I'm scared that the ball will probably never reach the rim and I'll break an ankle trying to do a lay up. Oh how the mighty have fallen lol
you've inspired me. i'm gonna do a blog post about hooping.