Jesus is King and Kanye’s a Fool
Kanye West has become Christianity’s town crier and just released an album (and IMAX movie) called Jesus is King to make it official. Months ago, he started doing Sunday Services, and people were gagging in glee because they were so touched that this man was loudly proclaiming his love for …
God is Probably Sick of All these “Thoughts and Prayers”
*another mass shooting happens in the United States* People: We are sending up prayers for the victims. God: …. Archangel St. Michael: Hey God. People are on the mainline. God: *files nails* Oh yeah? I’m busy. St. Mike: You… don’t seem that busy. God: *booming voice* I SAID I AM …
Because Those Who Voted for Trumpcare Deserve Petty Prayers
Last week, the hapless hoodlums who make up the House Republicans voted to pass the American Healthcare Act (AHCA) aka Trumpcare. If you have a pre-existing condition, insurance companies are not required to cover you, and if they cover you, they can charge you thousands of dollars for simple treatments. …
Kirk Franklin: The Christian Goon We Need
People are gon get their asses popped in the name of Cheeto Satan. After the UNCONSCIONABLE and UNJUSTIFIABLE Muslim Ban that Tangerine Voldemort ordered, folks found themselves feelin froggy. Christians who actually want to be Christ-like renounced it loudly, and that included Kirk Franklin, gospel singer and pocket preacher. He …
Dear Joel Osteen, Is Being a Sellout Shepherd Your Ministry?
It’s been a long while since I’ve written a sternly-worded letter. Clearly, I am overdue. I have been spurred to write one because of an interview that popular pastor, Joel Osteen, gave on the radio in October 2015 (5 months ago), where he basically placed a stamp of approval on Donald Trump, …
Petty Prayers You Might Need One Day
There are times when people make you so mad that you just want to wish bad things on them. But not really bad things like cancer because that would be evil and your name is not Voldemort. I’m talking about the petty things that will grind their gears and annoy …
Some People Shouldn’t Be Allowed to Say the Grace When It’s Time to Eat
One of the things that those of us who are Christian hold dear as a tradition is the pre-meal prayer. We want to make sure that we ask God to bless what we are about to consume, so that it can be well and all that good stuff. BUT… some people use …
Because You Need 75 New Ways To Say “Fix It, Jesus”
Phaedra Parks of Real Housewives of Atlanta blessed us all with her concern during one of the RHOA reunion shows. Kenya Moore the Terrible and Porsha Williams the Simple were arguing when Anointed Attorney Parks shook her head and said “Fix It, Jesus,” winning the show and giving us a …
Dear Fellow Christians, About This Christ Crutch We Use to Justify Foolery…
I just feel like I need to talk to my faith-similar folks for a second. Dear Christians, I’m a life-long Christian and I was raised by a village of protectors and guardians who included my Grandmother, a lover of the Lord (with all her heart and soul). She taught me that being …
Westboro Baptist Better Have a Gahtdamb Seat!
Westboro Baptist is a boil on all of our collective asses. They’re to Christians what those Jim Crow cartoons from the 1920s are to Disney. We try to dust them under our shoe and act like we don’t know them. But like the roaches they are, they stay coming back. …