Faith

Because You Need 75 New Ways To Say “Fix It, Jesus”

— June 23, 2014
15 87

Phaedra Parks of Real Housewives of Atlanta blessed us all with her concern during one of the RHOA reunion shows. Kenya Moore the Terrible and Porsha Williams the Simple were arguing when Anointed Attorney Parks shook her head and said “Fix It, Jesus,” winning the show and giving us a new term to overuse. Bless her.

Fix It Jesus gif

But sometimes, “Fix It, Jesus” is not enough. At all. I posted this as my Facebook status: #PutItTogetherChrist #SolveItVishnu #DuctTapeItHovah #RepairItSavior. In response, my peoples added their own and the thread went to hell in handbasket and I cackled and wept from laughing so hard. It was a braingasm because it ended up in an alliteration fest, full of wit and full of win. You know how I adore alliteration and all its awesomeness. We even touched on Greek Mythology. SQUEEE!!!

I’ve compiled the list into a master below, but shoutout to the people who contributed their foolishness: Kellee (who kicked it off), Denitria, Jamyla, Veronica, Sandra, Jay Dee, Kalyn, Kirtina, TC, Tiffany, Andrew, Nia, AG, Rob, Eureka, Natasha, Kenneth, Kathryn, Inas, GaNeane, Rebecca, Katoiya, Raushannah. Whew. Yall are hilarious and I wish I could quit you but we go together and I’m committed to making our relationship work. We might also need to do a joint prayer for forgiveness tonight.

Jesus knows our heart.

Anywho, below are 75+ new ways for you to say “Fix It, Jesus.” You’re welcome!

#PutItTogetherChrist. #SolveItVishnu. #DuctTapeItHovah. #RepairItSavior. #MeldItMoses. #GlueItGod. #GorillaTapeItAllah. #BindItBuddha. #CureItChrist. #MopItSaintMichael. #CementItChrist. #PlasterItPeter. #SuperGlueItSavior. #JoinItJohnTheBaptist. #FastenItFather. #SolderItSimonPeter. #SecureItSonofMan. #LaminateItLambOfGod. #HealItHolyGhost. #OverhaulItOmnipotentOne. #AppendItAlphaandOmega. #EraseItEmmanuel. #ImproveItImmaculate. #LoosenItLordofLords. #OverhaulItOrisha. #KorrectItKrishna. #ReleaseItRedeemer. #BustItUpBrightAndMorningStar. #Spackleitsaints. #MakeItWorkMessiah. #PacifyItPrinceofPeace. #YouHandleItYahweh. #KeepItTogetherKingofKings. #LinkItLionOfJudah. #EpoxyItEmmanuel. #AssembleItAllah. #DecodeItDisciples. #GetterDoneGanesh. #GuildItGanesh. #MendItMessiah. #MergeItMary. #SwifferItSavior. #VerifyItVishnu. #SettleitGoodShepherd. #JuggleItJehovah. #PlungeItPrinceOfPeace. #UpgradeItElegba. #IronItOutImam. #RetchAroundandMakeitRightRabbi. #StapleItSunRa. #MakeItWorkMamiWata. #SettleItShongo. #KnitItKrishna. #StitchItOshun. #InkItIsis. #HemItHovah. #DetangleitDalaiLama. #HandleItHera. #BobbyPinItBuddha. #AppendItAphrodite. #MultiplyItMinerva. #ZipItZeus. #PieceItBackPoseidon. #AlleviateItAllah.  #LobsterClaspItLambOfGod. #FastenItFairestOfTenThousandToMySoul. #JuxtaposeItJehovahJirah. #MakeItRightMarysBaby. #MakeitVanishVishnu.#ElucidateItElohim. #JerryRigItJosephsStepson. #UnfoldItUnchangingChanger. #PaperClipItPrinceOfPeace. #GetItRightGilgamesh. #LockItLakshmi. #HemItHaileSelassie. #EvenItOutEros. #RehabItHera. #EvaluateItVenus. #YankItYahweh. #GrappleWithItGoldenCalf. #LiquidateItLawd. #PeeOnMyJellyfishStingPoseidon.  #HemItHolylamb. #SlayItSavior. #MasterItMercifulOne. #ActivateItAthena. #QuickenItQuetzalcoatl. #RebukeItRa. #HandleItHorus.

And if you need a handy chart to pin, print out and whatnot, it’s below.

When "Fix It Jesus" isn't enough

Which of these is your favorite?

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87 Comments

  1. Amber
    June 23, 2014 at 12:57 am

    This thread was everything!!!!! I’m supposed to be writing but took a well earned SM break and laughed my life away reading these! #LaminateitLambofGod ftw! I’ll ask for forgiveness before I go to sleep tonight! LOL

    • Torkwase Robinson
      June 23, 2014 at 1:06 am

      I feel ashamed I read through each and EVERY comment on that FB page!! Best believe I’m printing out my copy, laminating it and posting it on my wall!!

  2. Torkwase Robinson
    June 23, 2014 at 1:04 am

    I was all in reading all (AND I DO MEAN ALL) of those comments on FB LMMFAO, all the while my babies frightened because I just wouldn’t and couldn’t stop laughing!! They kept asking me if I was laughing or crying!! I wasn’t sure at some points because I was laughing so hard I started crying.I felt as if I my eyes were burning and I had just mentally booked a first class ticked to hell, without the salted peanuts!!! Just wanted to say THANK YOU. you don’t know me personally, and I still dont know how I found your page on FB, but it given me all the lyfe in the world. I can be having the shittiest day, and all I need to do is go to any one of your pages and read something, anything, and I’M GOOD!!!

  3. M. Wins
    June 23, 2014 at 1:07 am

    #PeeOnMyJellyfishStingPoseidon?? I quit.

    • Leslie the geek
      June 23, 2014 at 6:54 am

      I just started wailing. I want to use that in my book.

    • Rashawna
      June 23, 2014 at 12:26 pm

      lmaooooo…I forgot how to breathe just now.

  4. Carly
    June 23, 2014 at 1:11 am

    #JerryRigItJosephsStepson Lmao whyyyy?!?!
    All my juice is now on my screen. This FB post had me rolling and it seems I had missed some. This made my life. #SwifferItSavior ha!!

  5. Addie
    June 23, 2014 at 1:19 am

    how loooooong did it take you to come up with all of these?!? LOL #HemItHova!

  6. Renon
    June 23, 2014 at 1:27 am

    MergeItMary…I’M DONE! LOL

  7. Emmanuel
    June 23, 2014 at 1:28 am

    #GuardaloGuadalupe

    • LegalEase
      June 23, 2014 at 5:17 am

      See…. you are my bestfran. You and whoever said
      #JerryRigItJosephsStepSon

  8. GaNeane
    June 23, 2014 at 1:32 am

    YASS we go together like ama lama lama ka dinga da dinga dong!! Now, I shall sit back and wait for the #HelpItHolyRollers to complain!

    • Margaret
      June 23, 2014 at 6:19 am

      IQuitYou? Lol

    • KC
      June 23, 2014 at 12:47 pm

      I don’t even know you and I can’t stand you! HOLLERIN!

  9. Dafra
    June 23, 2014 at 1:44 am

    I just hate how Luvvie enables us all to be fools.
    That said, #gorillatapeitAllah and #SwifferitSavior? I quit.

  10. erika williams
    June 23, 2014 at 4:00 am

    #SwifferItSavior. Really???!!! #done

  11. Lynn
    June 23, 2014 at 5:35 am

    #RetchAroundAndMakeItRightRabbi? I quit. I can’t. I’m done…..naw, not really. Why can’t I quit you?!

    • Tatiana
      June 23, 2014 at 6:39 am

      This one! I. Am. In. Tears.

    • Kenya
      June 23, 2014 at 8:15 am

      This right here……took me right on out…..

    • MyNameIsWhitney
      June 23, 2014 at 9:27 am

      This one is where I laid my burdens down.

    • Mesha
      June 23, 2014 at 12:00 pm

      That’s the one that darn near got me fired #ihollered

  12. China
    June 23, 2014 at 6:59 am

    #lobsterclampitlambofgod got me spitting out my eggs this morning!! LMAO

  13. tammy
    June 23, 2014 at 7:01 am

    #DetangleitDalaiLama and #AppendItAphrodite…dead and done!

  14. Candace
    June 23, 2014 at 7:02 am

    #bobbipinitbuddha and #retcharoundandmakeitrightrabbi are my absolute favorites!!!!

  15. Precious
    June 23, 2014 at 7:22 am

    I don’t know why but #paperclipitprinceofpeace has me dying!!!

  16. Kamaria Laffrey
    June 23, 2014 at 7:23 am

    #PeeOnMyJellyfishStingPoseidon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #dead I LOVE ALL OF DIS!! Repost!!

  17. Tameko P
    June 23, 2014 at 8:10 am

    #GetterdoneGanesh…. *flatlined*

  18. Nicole
    June 23, 2014 at 8:16 am

    Luvvie, please get some like buttons so I can go give appreciation to your commenters. They are as FUNNY as your posts!

  19. J'Unique
    June 23, 2014 at 8:59 am

    USOSILLY

  20. Bkbeauty
    June 23, 2014 at 8:59 am

    #JerryRigItJosephsStepson and #RetchAroundandMakeitRightRabbi , got me hollaring………I’m so unable right now!! I luvvvvvv you for this, lmao

  21. Dawn
    June 23, 2014 at 10:12 am

    Don’t think I didn’t print off the list and hang it outside of my cublicle for ERRYBODY at my job to see. I’m an IT professional, and sometimes FIX IT JESUS just does not do it for these folks here. I thank you, and your commentors, for this wonderful piece of lovliness.

  22. Chaveevah Ferguson
    June 23, 2014 at 10:33 am

    see, I was ’bout to throw one in for the Rasta dem: Jerry rig it, Jah Jah! Y’all have made my day

  23. Nicole
    June 23, 2014 at 10:35 am

    Best. thread. ever!

  24. heha
    June 23, 2014 at 11:31 am

    i reached the MamiWater one and fell all the way out!!!!

  25. tcope67
    June 23, 2014 at 11:39 am

    “Quicken it, Queztcoatl” wins the innanets! *logs off and orders Life Alert ’cause I done fell and can’t get up . . .

  26. Prettydarkskinnedgirl
    June 23, 2014 at 11:45 am

    I need just a little mo Jesus after reading this post! I have adopted #SwifferItSavior & won’t be told no different!

  27. Mimi
    June 23, 2014 at 11:57 am

    Luvvie, I am sending you all my medical and after care therapy bills…kmsl. The further I read, the harder I laughed. I will gladly use these when at work. Thanks for the laugh.

  28. pup
    June 23, 2014 at 11:57 am

    I had to stop half way through. I can’t breathe, can’t see through my tears. FOLK ARE STEWPID!!!!! BWAHAHAHA!!!!!

  29. Laurie
    June 23, 2014 at 12:03 pm

    All I can think now is SolderitSonofGod and I think after all of this I need to go to confession.

  30. mizzpicklezz
    June 23, 2014 at 12:07 pm

    This was absolutely hilarious!!

  31. Felicia
    June 23, 2014 at 12:07 pm

    I wanna throw my shoe at every last contributor to this list – BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

  32. Tracy
    June 23, 2014 at 12:12 pm

    I should have KNOWN better than to check this blog on my lunch. Literally. Dying!

  33. carsonn_97
    June 23, 2014 at 12:20 pm

    DONE!!! I am done!!! #JerryRigitJosephsStepson has sent me to the after life where I must make amends for laughing at this! HolditTogetherHolySpirit!

  34. KPneedsanap
    June 23, 2014 at 12:22 pm

    the doors of the church are now open. I’m done.

  35. LolahDee
    June 23, 2014 at 12:28 pm

    I quit you luvvie!my tears through laughter got my son worried. Yup I am printing a copy!

  36. JMFields
    June 23, 2014 at 12:29 pm

    Luvvie…I wanna quit you but we’ve been going together for too long. Instead I’m going to take a walk around my building and pray that I don’t get fired for laughing/screaming/howling/cackling at this foolishness!

    #FineTuneItFather
    #WorkItOutWordMadeFlesh
    #ClarifyItComforter
    #LineItUpLionOfJudah

  37. JaLonda Woodyard
    June 23, 2014 at 12:49 pm

    Y’all have no behavior! I have taken “MakeitrightMarysBaby” and made it mine!

  38. Ebony Sharee
    June 23, 2014 at 1:13 pm

    YOU SHOULD TOTALLY MAKE A T-SHIRT LINE OUT OF THESE, THEN DONATE THE PROCEEDS TO YOUR ORGANIZATION! LOVE IT

    #liquidateitlawd …my favourite! Lol

  39. La Hinton
    June 23, 2014 at 1:27 pm

    Yes Laws I need ALL OF THESE!!!!!

    • La Hinton
      June 23, 2014 at 1:27 pm

      *Lawd

  40. Nikki
    June 23, 2014 at 1:47 pm

    I can’t read all these comments but LAWWWWWWWWWWWD!
    #BustItUpBrightAndMorningStar
    #RetchAroundandMakeitRightRabbi
    #MakeItWorkMamiWata

    #allthewaydead

    …and whoever wrote #grapplewithitgoldencalf is going to Hell and I along with him/her for laughing!

  41. LadyLarke
    June 23, 2014 at 2:02 pm

    I lost my ticket to Heaven with #LinkItLionofJudah and #LiquidateitLawd.

  42. Tracey
    June 23, 2014 at 5:33 pm

    I hate y’all so bad…pacify it prince of peace.

  43. mochazina
    June 23, 2014 at 6:32 pm

    #MuteItMohammed

    • pup
      June 23, 2014 at 8:29 pm

      Do you know what?! Slayed, just slayed!!
      #VindicatemeVishnu

  44. Criscilla241
    June 23, 2014 at 9:34 pm

    #StitchItOshun gives me PURPOSE!!!!

  45. Stephanie1908
    June 23, 2014 at 10:13 pm

    Absolutely fabulous….yall did that!! #StandingOvation

  46. Maje
    June 24, 2014 at 9:26 am

    TweakItTrinity

  47. JaiDiva
    June 24, 2014 at 9:44 am

    I was still laughing at this when I went to bed last night, especially #PeeonmyjellyfishstingPoseidon.
    #helpitHera
    #moveitMercury
    #alleviatethepainAphrodite

  48. MsSassy LaRue
    June 24, 2014 at 1:37 pm

    #BustItUpBrightandMorningStar and #SwifferItSAvious are my JOINTS!

    I have a herniated EV-RAY-THANG messin round witchall FOOHS!

    I’d like to add #DysonItODevineOne

    • MsSassy LaRue
      June 24, 2014 at 1:39 pm

      Correction:

      #SwifferItSaviour

  49. Tania
    June 24, 2014 at 3:37 pm

    Ok…so I never comment, but this post right here just made the water I was drinking fly right out ma nose from laughing. Yah gave me life. #PieceItBackTogetherJehovah (my addition). *Dead* LOL!!!! (I lost it at #BobbyPinItBuddha)

  50. Trinaouttalurkdum
    June 24, 2014 at 4:49 pm

    Ok so when something breaks in my home and I need to replace it,.. My prayer is that HE #CopitCopilot.

  51. Ki Hughes
    June 24, 2014 at 9:26 pm

    WorkitWordofGod

  52. SimpleComplexity
    June 25, 2014 at 11:32 am

    #RetchAroundAndMakeItRightRabbi…I.Am.In.TEARS!!!! No behavior AT ALL!!!

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  54. Itsben1
    June 27, 2014 at 2:25 pm

    My soul says yes to every last one of these, lmao!!! Imma add, #TapeItTutankhamun

  55. Matador1015
    June 27, 2014 at 7:22 pm

    #ResolveItRoseOfSharon

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  57. Ashley Michelle
    October 21, 2014 at 4:01 pm

    Now…. #paperclipitprinceofpeace
    DONE. I’m out for the day. LOL!

  58. Amy
    November 23, 2014 at 11:18 pm

    I cant. I howled! Are humans supposed to howl? Swifferitsavior. I’m done…

  59. cherlyn
    November 24, 2014 at 9:44 pm

    Please keep it going then make a 365 day calendar of “Fix it Jesus and other World Deities” Ill buy copies right now!

    • sncd
      December 17, 2014 at 10:49 pm

      Or at least an advent calendar- please!!!

  60. Shani Young
    December 17, 2014 at 10:00 pm

    Why am I all behind and just now seeing this post!!!???? Oh my. I always wondered where fix it Jesus came from. This post has given me my life back today

  61. s. badiyah austin
    December 18, 2014 at 1:23 pm

    i’ve never commented on this site…until now.
    depression is a fickle space.

    so grateful for the needed humor.

    #PeeOnMyJellyfishStingPoseidon

  62. Motown Mama
    December 27, 2014 at 7:18 pm

    Luvvie, I would read your blog just for these alone! Don’t forget #NeutralizeItNebuchadnezzer…from your permed eyelashes post! I literally was howling when I read that one, and whenever I think about it, I’m laughing again!

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  66. Sandra
    March 13, 2015 at 2:03 pm

    #EpoxyItEmmanuel – I am toooooo through! LOLOLOLOL!!!!!

  67. Rahimah Lateef
    March 13, 2015 at 2:59 pm

    I am so late. However I am crying. Retcharoundandmakeitrightrabbi and peeonmyjellyfishstingposeidon are my favorites. Thank you
    This was because of that greedy nervy creflo dollar.. Was his name really Michael Smith? I must print these.

  68. Yvette
    April 8, 2015 at 2:48 pm

    Thank you ever so much for this! I’m sitting at work reading these and laughing out loud, spilling water on myself! #Done

  69. James
    April 8, 2015 at 9:12 pm

    I still get my entire life from this post. #MakeItWorkMessiah #HandleItHorus

  70. Jennifer
    April 9, 2015 at 1:20 am

    Eventhough I’m late to the game…
    #DecidirloDiosMio #JalarlesJesusCristo
    #HandleItHades
    #AmeliorateItAphrodite

  71. MegaOldSchool
    April 13, 2015 at 6:56 pm

    Dont let me go to Hades, King David son of Jesse for fooling with these folks!!

  72. EJ
    April 21, 2015 at 1:17 pm

    PeeonmyjellyfishstingPoseidon!!

    Grapple with it golden calf !!!
    Paaaahahahahahaaaaaa!!

    Real tears!

    True foolishment!! Looooooool!

  73. Gail
    February 12, 2016 at 11:51 am

    #RetchAroundandMakeitRightRabbi

    how did I miss this post?
    i need a nap and a breathing treatment