About Kim, Kanye and Who Deserves Abuse
To be a woman who is worthy of being abused or harmed, you need to be pious, flawless, perfect. You need to be a saint whose never worn skimpy clothes, cussed or made a mistake. Kim Kardashian is none of those.
Yet and still, she doesn’t deserve the harassment and abuse she’s getting from Kanye publicly. The very rich and very powerful father of her children has dedicated weeks to publicly lambasting her and her new boyfriend, after buying a house across the street from her (to further keep tabs) and then tagging her relentlessly to meltdowns and tantrums. If this is what he’s doing to her PUBLICLY, what’s he doing and saying to her privately? How has he been harassing her that we cannot see? She does not deserve this treatment, and to say she does is to dehumanize her.
We ain’t gotta like Kim (I have been very critical of her over the years) but to say she DESERVES this when this is something that involves the kids, and something that she actually seems to wanna work out in private, is odd. What we are once again telling women is that you had your abuse coming because you weren’t flawless in the past. That’s not okay. A lot of people are saying “this is her karma” or “she deserves this” and I find it cruel.
We act as if women have to EARN the right to be abused. Like you need to be WORTH abuse. Like we need to audition for our dignity and humanity . We tie likeability to being defended when harmed and it’s dangerous. Like we don’t wake up everyday and the breaths in our bodies cause people to violate us. Even our ABUSE is tied to what people consider our worth.
Some people are saying “she knew what she was gon get with Kanye.” You knew what you were gon get with your trifling ex too but you still went there and they still did you wrong and YOU STILL DESERVED EMPATHY too. Why are we acting like WE don’t make terrible decisions in love too? Why do we act like we haven’t discarded someone’s KNOWN history and STILL entangle with them? Come on. Don’t forget your messed up past and act like you’re above it.
We stand on pedestals made of sand often.
One thing we gon do: blame women for the harm that comes to them, and it is NOT okay.
“He hit her in the face.” WELL, DID SHE GET MOUTHY WITH HIM???
“She got raped.” WHAT WAS SHE WEARING?!?
“She’s being abused.” WELL MAYBE SHE SHOULDN’T BE AN ATTENTION WHORE.
We constantly show girls and women that they have to EARN safety and protection. That who we are needs to be unblemished for us to be worth defending. That we cannot expect anyone to help us, if we have not led a life free to sins.
And as people laugh about Kanye’s antics, there are folks in their lives taking notes, knowing that those people are not who they can go to if something like this happened to them. There are friends who are taking notes, to not share that deeply painful experience they went through with you. There are nieces in your life who thought they could come to you in their worst moments and you’d hold them close, without them justifying why they didn’t deserve their abuse.
Kim is wealthy, but her money cannot fully protect even her. She’s still a woman who lives in a world that is not built to protect you from the whims of men who have deemed you as their property. Especially not a man who is equally as rich.
KANYE IS A PROBLEM. He has a HISTORY of this type of harassment against the women who walk away from him. He publicly disrespected Amber Rose too. And he faces ZERO consequences for his out of pocket behavior against the women who say “I’m done.”
We’re being entertained by Kanye’s antics but I feel for the mother who is watching her kids’ father melt down and using her as target practice. And for the woman who sees the whole world celebrating her tormentor.