About Kim, Kanye and Who Deserves Abuse
To be a woman who is worthy of being abused or harmed, you need to be pious, flawless, perfect. You need to be a saint whose never worn skimpy clothes, cussed or made a mistake. Kim Kardashian is none of those.
Yet and still, she doesn’t deserve the harassment and abuse she’s getting from Kanye publicly. The very rich and very powerful father of her children has dedicated weeks to publicly lambasting her and her new boyfriend, after buying a house across the street from her (to further keep tabs) and then tagging her relentlessly to meltdowns and tantrums. If this is what he’s doing to her PUBLICLY, what’s he doing and saying to her privately? How has he been harassing her that we cannot see? She does not deserve this treatment, and to say she does is to dehumanize her.
We ain’t gotta like Kim (I have been very critical of her over the years) but to say she DESERVES this when this is something that involves the kids, and something that she actually seems to wanna work out in private, is odd. What we are once again telling women is that you had your abuse coming because you weren’t flawless in the past. That’s not okay. A lot of people are saying “this is her karma” or “she deserves this” and I find it cruel.
We act as if women have to EARN the right to be abused. Like you need to be WORTH abuse. Like we need to audition for our dignity and humanity . We tie likeability to being defended when harmed and it’s dangerous. Like we don’t wake up everyday and the breaths in our bodies cause people to violate us. Even our ABUSE is tied to what people consider our worth.
Some people are saying “she knew what she was gon get with Kanye.” You knew what you were gon get with your trifling ex too but you still went there and they still did you wrong and YOU STILL DESERVED EMPATHY too. Why are we acting like WE don’t make terrible decisions in love too? Why do we act like we haven’t discarded someone’s KNOWN history and STILL entangle with them? Come on. Don’t forget your messed up past and act like you’re above it.
We stand on pedestals made of sand often.
One thing we gon do: blame women for the harm that comes to them, and it is NOT okay.
“He hit her in the face.” WELL, DID SHE GET MOUTHY WITH HIM???
“She got raped.” WHAT WAS SHE WEARING?!?
“She’s being abused.” WELL MAYBE SHE SHOULDN’T BE AN ATTENTION WHORE.
We constantly show girls and women that they have to EARN safety and protection. That who we are needs to be unblemished for us to be worth defending. That we cannot expect anyone to help us, if we have not led a life free to sins.
And as people laugh about Kanye’s antics, there are folks in their lives taking notes, knowing that those people are not who they can go to if something like this happened to them. There are friends who are taking notes, to not share that deeply painful experience they went through with you. There are nieces in your life who thought they could come to you in their worst moments and you’d hold them close, without them justifying why they didn’t deserve their abuse.
Kim is wealthy, but her money cannot fully protect even her. She’s still a woman who lives in a world that is not built to protect you from the whims of men who have deemed you as their property. Especially not a man who is equally as rich.
KANYE IS A PROBLEM. He has a HISTORY of this type of harassment against the women who walk away from him. He publicly disrespected Amber Rose too. And he faces ZERO consequences for his out of pocket behavior against the women who say “I’m done.”
We’re being entertained by Kanye’s antics but I feel for the mother who is watching her kids’ father melt down and using her as target practice. And for the woman who sees the whole world celebrating her tormentor.
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56 Comments
Amen. Dude is an abusive, insecure, little boy.
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I find this whole situation insanely disturbing. It troubles me that people are actively ignoring Kim’s desire to leave Kanye and encouraging her to take him back when she has made it very clear that she’s not interested in a reconciliation. Apparently she owes him for helping her reach fashion icon status.
That he is praised in his public harassment, intimidation, humiliation of this woman is equally disturbing.
No means no.
[…] online, including best-selling author, speaker, and digital strategist Luvvie Ajayi called out Ye’s turbulent behavior as […]
[…] online, including best-selling author, speaker, and digital strategist Luvvie Ajayi called out Ye’s turbulent behavior as […]
[…] online, including best-selling author, speaker, and digital strategist Luvvie Ajayi called out Ye’s turbulent behavior as […]
[…] online, including best-selling author, speaker, and digital strategist Luvvie Ajayi called out Ye’s turbulent behavior as […]
[…] online, including best-selling author, speaker, and digital strategist Luvvie Ajayi called out Ye’s turbulent behavior as […]
Thank you for SEEING us. As a career woman who left a marriage to a narcissist, I’ve been subjected to emotional and financial abuse for two years, which only got worse after I started dating someone. I have watched friends excuse or ignore it all, ‘he’s just hurting’, ‘she should never have started dating’, or ‘I don’t want to get involved’. Thank you for recognizing we are human too.
By today I am crying and upset and nothing has changed in my life from two days ago, but one thing: watching another woman get abused like I was. There was a Me Too movement for a reason. We women, and the women we know – our aunties, cousins, friends – have been dismissed, boundaries crossed, been treated so horribly we are afraid of the safety of ourselves and those we love, all because a man defines his love as hurting us. Why wouldn’t I show the text! I’m your number one fan?” that line, that line sent many women in old terror. That is the classic kind of mindfuck abusers use. I don’t care if he’s a musical genius, his songs make me sick now. Kanye, you’ve hurt millions of women this week. And your album is another ode to your mother. Really? And you brutalize another man who has been open about being bipolar himself and suicidal. And you get away with it because, in the end, we women are the bottom of the food chain, and how easy is it to pick on a clearly vulnerable, lovely man like Mr. Davidson. You’ve ruined my week and made me cry. My fault for watching? Ok. Guilty. I could not turn away from the nightmare that so many of us have known. And, THAT is our fault either. You hurt people, West. Millions. And what more can be said? Just another woman saying, “Ouch! Don’t hurt me.” Add me to the chorus of women whose voices aren’t heard anyway. Ps – I have bipolar. I take medication and see my doctor weekly – LIKE MR. DAVIDSON – because it is a serious illness and it hurt the patient and others. So that excuse people give you is bullshit. Coward. Bully. Abuser. But, hey, great songs! Proceed!
Ugh. I’m so sorry some shithead like Kanye is messing up your head. I love everything on this blog, yet I have never commented, because I am white and recognize I don’t really have a right to voice my opinion on most posts (though I do like all of them).
His batshit crazy, abusive behavior has me angry enough to put myself out there. He’s a dangerous human. He may not directly affect that many women, but he is indirectly affecting lots of women by traumatizing them again , because he’s incapable of shutting the fuck up or going to the nearest hospital for help. I don’t like Kim, but I feel for her. She has a lunatic coming after her and people supporting his abuse. Like, fuck that. We are women first. I support all women before any man.
Standing ovation for you from my desk, Carly: “There was a Me Too movement for a reason. We women, and the women we know – our aunties, cousins, friends – have been dismissed, boundaries crossed, been treated so horribly we are afraid of the safety of ourselves and those we love, all because a man defines his love as hurting us.” Brava. #metoo.
Luvvie, thank you for your leadership and compassion, as always. <3
Kanye also deserves some sympathy here as he seems to be publicly crying out for attention as his mental health seems to be very unstable. Don’t forget, even throughout their marriage he had mental health problems. MEN especially shouldn’t hide their feelings they should show and talk about how they are feelings as Hege is doing in the only way he can. Kanye has also been through a lot with the divorce and the situation of not seeing his children- he shouldn’t be ridiculed by the press or made fun of, he clearly needs help professional or from friends, family or good people around him. He’s human too.. be kind!!
So this is a dangerous narrative. It is clear that Kanye has some mental issues…but being kind while he struggles isn’t the go-2 here because he is publically harassing and bullying her. In one breathe, he is begging for her to come home (while being publically involved with other women) and then blasting her and her boyfriend on IG. Kanye can get help, but we cannot/should not give him a pass because he is human. Because he is human, he should held accountable for his actions.
Why does he deserve sympathy but not Kim and his very young children?
This is a frightening true story that many of us woman face! I could literally write the same gross details about the constant nightmare my ex husband put me and our kids through. Only difference is this is being done in the public eye. Kanye is a bipolar narcissist, exactly the same traits as may ex. So he will stop at nothing to get the court of public opinion on his “side” and make Kim into the villain. Who wins? No one, not him, Kim, or the kids. They all lose in this scenario. I’ve lived through it and come out the other side, finally cutting off completely the toxic BS coming from my ex. He doesn’t get to write my narrative anymore! I hope Kim and her family gets through it too.
As the daughter of a narcissistic man, this behavior is so, so, so familiar to me. I’ve seen it repeated in multiple iterations within other aspects of my life.
It is sickening on every level to watch this. Kim doesn’t deserve any of this, at all.
I was just having this conversation with my wife. Kanye’s behavior is unacceptable, and I feel for Kim.
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I hope she has things in place to keep her physically safe. He is not well, and we have all seen this escalate before, only to have a newspaper obit detail all the awful things everyone already knew and did nothing about. She doesn’t deserve this, no one does.
Also, something is up with the comment section and there is spam or a quote gone haywire that keeps showing up. FYI.