Because Prince Would Want Us To Be Petty Right Now
Prince wasn’t just one of the greatest musicians of our lifetime. He was also a Shade Savant. The Side-Eye Slayer. He was clearly full of jokes and he also didn’t have time for bullshit. This is why so many Prince memes and GIFs exist. He didn’t throw shade. NAH. He orchestrated eclipses with one cutting look, or a sunglasses shift.
He was just so much more than the musical genius. He was King Petty Pendergrass. This was the man who kicked Kim Kardashian off a stage once for not dancing. YES. HE IS LEGEND.
This fallen soldier was no ordinary one. His death is shocking, to say the least, because we just didn’t think Prince was even of this world so we didn’t think he could leave this world and we surely ain’t think it’d be this soon.
I wrote my piece yesterday Prince is Gone and I Don’t Understand, in the spirit of that shock. It’s the day after and I’m still like DAFUQ????
We can’t just get on with our days like nothing happened. The Purple One died, y’all. HE GONE. How am I supposed to carry on like usual? Give us a couple of bereavement days where we will act out.
And know that your email is not important to me. People talmbout “Did you get my email?” DO YOU KNOW PRINCE JUST DIED??? FUQUE YO EMAIL. Do people not understand???
Chile, I went on my Awesomely Luvvie FB page and told folks and they dropped their stories of checking folks who wanted them to function properly.
Danielle: was your email about Prince? Were there any songs or videos or photo montages of Prince in it? then nope I didn’t get it!
Ausia: My daughter sure wanted me to take her to get her hair done… I’m like girl Prince just died he can never get his hair done again!!!***! Go sat down!!! She better wear that Fro that’s why we went natural in the first place.
Abayea: Prince wore a fro, she can too
Ausia: yessssssss and we have plenty of coconut oil… She’ll be ok… I’m going slather a little extra in his honor. His hair was never dry…
Dyanne: I just walked into the grocery store and stared blankly at the aisle signs. A checker asked “Ma’am, can I help you?” I said “Can you bring back Prince? If not, I’ll thank you kindly to leave me be, please.”
Wilma: YASS! I am about to lose a friend texting me about some booolshit. If I haven’t responded in an hour, that means I don’t have time for your pettiness today. PRINCE DIED, BITCH.
Tira: Let’s say it in several languages so ERRYBODY CAN UNDERSTAND. Spanish – puta yo email, gabron! Chinese – 很抱歉地通知您…email no send today. Negronese – I’M BOUT FOUR FIVE SECONDS FROM WILIN! #OkBye
Jenni: 95% of my FB feed has been Prince stuff, and I’m so deep in mourning, I find myself getting MAD when I see the other 5%. Like, HOW CAN YOU BE SHARING PICTURES OF YOUR GOD DAMNED BABY WHEN PRINCE IS DEAD. PHUCK YOUR BABY.
Roxanna: Everything came to a complete stop when that news broke. Someone approached me to ask a question, I said, “Stop. Prince is dead. You cannot expect me to talk right now.
Chinyere: Lawd… Take Jermaine 5 times for that greasy ass corduroy toupee and for naming his son Jer’Majesty… Just give us back The Emperor of Shade… His Proud Purple Wearing Pimpness Prince back.
Nina: My daughter wanted me to pickup my granddaughter from school. I said girl, Prince died, I’ve lost all functions.
Charna: First The Obamas have to leave the White House soon, people keep voting for Donald Trump, then Phife Dawg, the wrestler Chyna now PRINCE…
Natasha: Unless the email is cancelling classes/work for tomorrow in honor of our Purple Prince, them emails can go have several damn seats
Shawna: My husband just came up to me with some ol rumor of how he died shit. I put my hand over his mouth, gave him my mommy stare, and used my mommy voice- YOU WILL NOT SPEAK SUCH IGNORANT FOOLISHNESS IN THIS HOUSE. YO ASS CAN LEAVE! This shit is not a fucking game!
Aishia: My husband called me at work and asked what we should get our mom’s for Mother’s Day. My response: “Do you know Prince just died?”
Mi’Kael: Fuq yo phone calls, Fuq yo customer service issues, etc. Prince died, and this ain’t a National holiday yet?!?!
Robin: Dinner? Who the hell can think about cooking you dinner?!? Do you understand Prince DIED??
Chinyere: I’m just hurt… If Lil Wayne ol Gremlin ass can stand exposure to sunlight, why did the Lawd take Prince with the flu?! It aint right…#JustifyThisJehovah
Elma: I just can’t. Not one bit of work got done today. Phuck yo emails! Prince died! That’s it. The only words I want to hear is “Sorry for your loss.”
Dorothy: You are my people. I have been sad all damn day. I had to go the grocery store and was mad at everyone acting like life is normal. I just wanted to scream “Bitch WHY are you smiling!!! PRINCE IS DEEEEAAAD!!!” I had to bring my angry sad ass home. LOL!
Pam: Oh, oh, oh…I just opened up a new tab and Google automatically popped up as my browser homepage. It’s purple. That’s it, I give up, I don’t even want to go back to bed I want to go and crawl UNDER the bed.
Loreisha: Laughed a coworker clean out of the office today, talmbout “What are y’all wearing for Earth Day tomorrow?” Yo mama an Earth Day. I’m wearing purple tomorrow for Prince.
Keysha: I was at work when a customer told me and I swear I wanted to run right up outta there ,but I remembered I’m not in Prince’s will.
Sherita: At work, I was so distraught and dark and twisty inside I had a slice of cake and some queso. Bitch, my heart needed carbs.
Carla: Yoooo I got two business calls just as I was in the midst of a wall slide. I was like “do you not know we’re in the midst of an international crisis?”
Clarissa: My coworker came in my room to tell me Prince died. After hollering and falling back into my chair, I cut on my radio and danced and sang to “When Doves Cry.” I gave my students laptops, told them to be seen and not heard, cut out all the lights, and watched the coverage on CNN. My students (2 classes) let me grieve and for that, extra credit shall be given!
Heather: I have a friend who lives in MN. I’m tempted to make him a rum cake and bring it to him. I live in FL.
Rhea: Who cares about Kelly Ripa and Michael Strahan??? PRINCE IS DEAD.
Charmony: Give Andrew his $20 back and Let us keep Prince.
Ebony: I want to email our superintendent and ask her to suspend standardized testing until next week so we can process and mourn.
Nzingah: I told my manager I was going home early. He completely understood.
Kimberly: I saw couples boo loving. What are y’all doing holding hands?! Prince just died!!
Rebekah: This day is a lie. Try again tomorrow.
Liz: my friend went to lunch, heard the news, went back to work and hollered PRINCE IS DEAD SO DONT EXPECT SHIT and that’s gonna be my motto for awhile
Michelle: I called my supervisor and told her I couldn’t come back to work because Prince died. She said, Prince? I said, Prince! Prince, Prince! He’s gone! He dun died left us and I ain’t gon’ make it back today. She didn’t know he died and was shocked too. She told me I didn’t have to come back. I went back anyway and didn’t do a thing. I need to save my bereavement day for the funeral. I’ll be in front of the tv just like I did for Michael and Whitney.
Rochelle: My daughter was telling me about her day and in my head I was like “DON’T YOU KNOW PRINCE DIED?! SHADDUP AND LET ME MOURN.” #StellarParenting
And THIS gem, from another Facebook page had me HOLLERING like a fool:
I’m so glad we have each other in this time of need. Because there are some people who are trying to throw hateration in our grief-stricken dancerie. Some assholes are taking to social media, ridiculing folks for mourning someone they’ve never met. They’re the ones I talked about in stage 4 of the Stages of Social Media Grief of Celebrity Deaths.
If I wanted to be petty, I’d say “Don’t be mad we’re mourning Prince. Be mad that your death won’t stop the world from spinning like his did.” BUT I’M NOT GON BE THAT PETTY. ????
Anywho, shoutout to LuvvNation. My community is my favorite part of the internet. Being able to be thoughtful AND hilarious about grim things is a gift.