Devante from Jodeci and This Stingy Struggle Ponytail He’s Rocking
Chile, ain’t it terrible when people fall from grace? 90s kids (aka those who were teenagers then) LOVED us some Jodeci. We wore those black combat boots they always did and called them Jodeci boots too. And we’ve all seen K-Ci and Jojo “OOOOHHH YEAH” their way into our hearts. Devante Swing was the one who everyone thought was FAHN because he was light-skinned with light eyes (bless our simple ass programmed hearts). Those be the ones that grow up terribly too.
The group reunited on the Soul Train Awards and this picture below happened. Now I cannot stop roasting because Devante Swing walked out the house rocking the world’s GRINCHEST MOST STINGY struggle ponytail. If you’re wondering where this ponytail is, it’s the little black cottonball on the side of his head. Can we discuss?
How much gel had to go into gathering that tiny amount of hair into the most STRUGGLEST of ponytails? You know he took water, slicked it back, brushed it, put on is durag and yanked his neck back so he could make this happen.
This negro almost defied the laws of physics to get this ponytail to happen. I’m almost impressed. I bet his scalp is SKRESSED. Mine is from just looking at him.
Devante is Executive Editor of Team Bad Decisions magazine. Between the face tattoo and this paintbrush ass ponytail, I wouldn’t trust him if he told me north was up. This is not even a ponytail. It is a giant lint ball. Grown ass man rocking a blueberry blow pop on his scalp. Now I’m mad.
I just wanna tap that ponytail and say “testing 1, 2, 3.” Homeboy looking like Will Ferrell’s hat in “Elf.” I can’t deal. I just wanna dip Devante to the side into some acetone so his struggle tail can help me remove this gel nailpolish. I bet you could listen to pandora if you get close enough to Devante. That’s an ear bud on his head.
This is what his hair tried to tell him but he wasn’t having it.
Ponytail looking like a black licorice jawbreaker that don’t nobody want so you throw it at that kid you don’t like at recess. Devante looking like Cher’s favorite pen from Clueless.
Ol’ “404 error: ponytail not found” face. Yall gotta talk to your cousins sometimes and tell them not to do the things they do. Because: foolishment.
I posted it on my FB profile and my friends went IN. Below is their epic foolishment.
“We use to call those tweedle ponytails. I.can’t. Like why…. I mean it would be cute if he was a 1 year old baby girl… He did all of that and sat under the dryer. To set it.” – GT
“That is a gotdamn xmas bow and he needa quit playin!!” – KNQ
“He has one bantu knot on the side of his head. One…” – DML
“I was just writing to say that I’m concerned by the foot callous he has on his face. I got a great pedicurist that file that shit right off.” – CPW
“He’s one kiddie perm away from having Naomi Campbell’s struggletresses. Leave the Just for Me alone, buddy.” – TH
“OK, I’ve heard of Afro Puffs, but that’s more of an Afro Pffft.” – AG
“Every freakin day and every freakin night, I need to loose my hair cuz it’s so freakin tight!!!!!” – DML
“I wonder if it took the rest of Jodeci to help him get that stangy ass ponytail….and I’m sure it took half a bottle of Pro Style hair gel to get them edges right….” – KM
“When he takes his ponytail loose it’s going to stay in that same position. I can just see him in the mirror combing the gel out” – CW
“Devante’s Ponytail 01/92-12/99 LOL” – DC
“*sigh* That sad shit nugget on the side of his head. Also, they all have coke mouth. Every. Single. One.” – MS
“Ain’t even enough for the ponytail to hold a “Work in Progress” sign.” – ENB
“Po’ lil tink tink. He gave it the old college try though. Anyone who can take three wisps of hair and make that into a ponytail needs a slow clap and a medal. I celebrate his ingenuity.” – KW
“It is not a ponytail. It is a cry for help.” – VM
“I need to know what scarf he used to set this onytail. His edge control is on point. He probably rocked the scarf on thd ride to the venue.” – EA
“and then there is THAT moment when Jo-jo is suddenly the hottest one in the group (blank ass stare) wait what happened.” – PE
“It looks like those old school pom Pom socks you wore as a Rec league cheerleader” – TMR
“The people of Whoville came in upon his head.” – SC
“WHY does Davante Swing have a pony that does not. 0_0? WHY does it lean..? WHY a side pony my dude? Who are your friends? Who approved this? Does Devante have people? What is on his face? This is the saddest side pony I’ve ever seent!” – BNM
“Anybody else suddenly in the mood for a bowl of Cocoa Puffs?” – YG
“I just realized that they have on matching outfits. aaaw plus the ponyfail. They’re dressed like the walmart garanimals kid collection.” – SC
“An upswept chignon. God said NO.” – MM
“If he think too hard that rubber band GONNA snap and put somebody eye out!” – KSH
My girl Tarana Burke of SheSlays.com went in so hard I had to send her to bed.
‘He looks like he steals now or laters from the corner store. He looks like the girl nobody wants to turn during double dutch “cuz she double handed!” He looks like he has vaseline in an old altoids can in his purse. Whoever did his hair had to yell to the back… “Brang me the brown gel and the hard brush!!” He looks like he got warrants for vagrancy floating around. That’s his “court date” hair. Devante looks like the girl who followed Mr. Clark in Lean on Me. “Mr. Clark I’m keeping my baby! I’m gon’ be somebody!!”‘
Have you ever snorted and coughed at the same time? Because *I* did when I read this. WHEW! I’m so done. Like Devante’s struggle puff is trying to be.
Update: I had to come back to add some of the comments from my FB fan page. Because: REAL. GAHTDAMB. TEARS.
“The Bible says God knows the number of hairs on our head, but we can all count the number of hairs in Devante’s little gearshift knob.” – EZ
“Dear Heavenly Father, please place your hair growing hands upon this man head. He had a ponyknob. It look like that first pony you have when you Big Chop. He has a struggle bun. He look like a toddler that look grown in the face. We will never move forward as a nation as long as Devante is wearing this ponyknob. Lord, please convince Devante that he is 345 years old and he should leave the 27 piece ponyknob in the firey furnace of hell. In Baby Jesus whole name, first, middle, and last…….say it with me people…….AMEN!!!!” – KD
Bury me a G. I’m done.
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89 Comments
Jesus be the strength of that brown gel and rat tooth comb!
“Grown ass man rocking a blueberry blow pop on his scalp. Now I’m mad.”
Talitha cumi.
I cannot rise to this occasion by myself. *expired* Fix it, Jesus.
Luuvie, why do you do this to me? his edges and eyebrows are SNATCHED tho! his ponytail holder is bigger than the ponytail! I have so many questions
just… no
I was following this last night and laughed until my stomach hurt. Tarana went IN, but I finally gave up at ‘afro pfft.’ I laughed until no sound came out, not even a wheeze. Your friends have NO CHILL Luvvie.
I am at work struggling not to lose it.
I AM AT WORK!!!!!! IN A CLINIC!!!! D.Y.I.N.G. behind a closed door!!!
FatherGawd hep’ me! That box of Just for Me and Afro pfft is about to make me pee on myself!!!
I too am at work and I have wretched for the whole box of tissues because I am crying, laughing, snorting and I am so unable!! Luvvie WHEW!!!
Yep, like everybody else…I am SUPPOSED to be working. If I get fired, I will blame you, Luvvie.
i’ve laughed so hard pee and tears came out at the same time. Luvvie, your people are cruel!!
Omg! You too?!?! I promise you I’ve never laughed this hard in my life!!!! They went in on his azz. TRUE STORY ????????????????????????????????
I got quoted twice in a blog post. I shall go to my eternal home in glory.
Luvvie,
You are always funny. Always. So when I say this is the funniest mess you have ever written, it’s saying A LOT. Kudos to you.
And would i be wrong to say that it looks like it’s a mushroom growing out the side of his head? Maybe he’s into horticulture now?
I just might lose my job trying to hold in my laughter. This is some foolishness! His Big Momma did his hair.
He has an apple core on the side of his head.
Gurl, all Imma say is a lot of Pink Lotion and Brown Gel lost those lives that day….. #PourOneOutForTheHomies
My side hurts from laughing at this foolishness but Tarana made me say Thank You Jesus! for black people and our shared experience. She has lived my life and knows my people. I have brown gel, a ‘don’t make me beat you’ brush and hot water on tap for my phony-pony to this day. Now since they closed my corner store, I need to go the grocery store for some Cheese Pop Corn to go with my Hot Sauce, Red Pop and Sour Pickle.
When i firsr saw this pic i had to do a double take. Thought that black ball was part of the background.
He finally realized the face tat is all wrong and was just trying to distract from his face. He put in his work though!!!!
Why Devante’s pony tail have me thinking about that little girl from Snoop & Dr. Dre’s Nutting But A G Thang video? IJS
We all remember her and we all felt the struggle ….it was so real
real women in videos before they blew up….struggle tails and beauty store jewelry and all.
Not the girl Chasing Mr Clark from Lean on me! I quit alla y’all. Got me needing throat thingys from screaming!
Mama I made it! A quote in a Luvvie post! *George Jefferson struts*
Bless you, Luvvie. I was all set to cry today but this has me crying for a good reason. Thank you!
Luvvie… I’m dismayed at the fact that we are still referring to this as a PONYTAIL! We know not eem one pony gave his or her tail up for dis here foolery!
THIS, my friends, is what I call…. a PUNYtail! It has not mustered up the strength and size it needs to become a ponytail! Looks like the crack pipe blew up in his face. Between this tiny puff ball on his head and that scaly looking tattoo on his face, I’m almost ashamed to admit that I ever thought this man was FAHN! I am unable to CAN with this look… Completely CAN DEFICIENT!
Did u say u were can deficient???… But for real though I couldn’t even find the ponytail..I looked for a full FIVE MINUTES BEFORE I FINALLY SAW IT..#KILTMEDEADBUHBYE
Is it me or does his face tattoo have a shadow??? #WhatSoceryIsTHIS Im not even gonna speak on the “ponytail” cuz that sh*t doesnt exist
SIX POUNDS 3 OUNCE BABY JESUS DID NOT DIE FOR THIS TO HAPPEN!!!!
His brush must have been a steamroller that had been dipped in Jermajesty’s back up tub of gel. Out here with that tar colored golf ball of ponytail I hope he never succeeds in anything after this.
I am, right at this moment, sitting in lab, finishing some work, and just gave myself a headache because I am trying (and almost failing) to not bust out with a guffaw.
ALL YA’LL NEED HELP!!!
not as much as his “afro pfft”…….
*my professor just yelled at me for laughing* LOL
Made my day…Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffft.
I cannot stop laughing…
Hmm I guess I could manage to sport a more convincing Thestral-tail on my shoulder. Not on my head, for I am bald and bold about it… and yet I BAWLED at this dead spider-cum-guardian-of-his-wtf-tat.
I was thinking my little pony tat? The glasses are blocking my view.
Forgeth that side ponytail, why is Davin pulling a Weekend at Bernies. His face is so plastic and fake, he literally looks like dead man walking!!! I printed a before and after photo of Jodeci and hung it on my sons wall with a sign that says, “This is you brain on drugs…Any questions?”
Love it!!! May a picture speak a thousand words!! 🙂
I am in tears at the ponyknob prayer!!!! I can’t breathe!
Ooohh sweet baby Jesus, please give me some air cuz my family cannot say I died laughing at the struggleliest of ponytails! LMBO!
i need Jesus to be a fence around that nubbin.
Note to self: stop reading these posts at work. No one in these comments is in possession of any chill! I’m a librarian gahtdammit and I’m squatting underneath the reference desk snorting and gasping for air!
OAN: I do think we should hold a fune for the death of his fine. I’ll bring Mac and cheese.
Yaaaaasssss! They don’t understand the librarian struggle! How are we supposed to maintain our librarian thug, index finger at the ready for epic ‘shhhhhh’-ing when needed, if we’re sitting at the desk, turning purple from holding back all kinds of ig’nant guffaws & cackles?! I done die!
Lmfaoooo!!!!
Luvvie your girl just kilt me with her foolishness! Please tell my family that I didn’t go peacefully, but I had a big shit-eating grin on my face. The girl in lean on me was what finished me off!
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?
That is the saddest little bronytail I’ve ever seen.
Y’all puuullllease stop it. II’m laugjin, crimeand farting cause y’all going off.
He look like Dirty Lynn the neighborhood ashy face girl who sucked her thumb til we were 20 and always wanted some of your grub!
He looks like a chick that just got in a fight and had her phony pony snatched off!
Luvvie I have laughed before at your foolishness and comments but, LAWD and BABY JESUS have furnished my mansion I am so dead. Not the Jermainesty sharpie, and the ponytail prayer. Face palm induced coma. Lets not forget the Scalely face tattoo got this negro lookin like the son of the damned. Please let me know what to bring for the funical and where to send flowers.
Tell me why I was crying silent tears at my desk at work trying not to be found out. I lost it all at “Devante looking like Cher’s favorite pen from Clueless.” Like that visual for real had me cackling out loud. Smh. #MendItMoses
See …. This is why I had to stop messing with you and the family at work!
Now I’m in my kitchen posed to be making the man pork chops and yall have tears and snot sliding down my face! I can’t with DeVante – I can’t with yall! We gots to do better as a people.
I can’t stop laughing I honestly just pee alil the comments are hilarious and I had to do a flu nba me take on that corn puff he has on his head. Whyyy Devante whyyy
Devante looking like Cher’s favorite pen from Clueless.
Dangit! This line right here just made me laugh so hard I woke my baby up. I have died 1,000 times off this post.
SN: Who dat is next to JoJo? I know it’s not Mr. Dalvin looking like JoJo’s more cracked out baby cousin. Say it ain’t so!
Its why 90s kids can’t have nice things like r&b supergroups and oldies but goodies…so damn sad…truly this….
#hortonhearsawhohadmedead
#looklikehebeenwalkininthewoodsandgotaburrcaughtonhishead
afro pfftt…..im too done!!
SHUT UP LUVVIE!!!!!! I can’t stand you. Blueberry blow pop?!?!?! Ahhhhhh!!!!!!!
Lawd help Devante find his way back home because he is lost.
Luvvie, you really need to start posting these at night. Too many of us are in danger of getting fired. Unless you have room in your house to put us all up, that is. “I just wanna dip Devante to the side into some acetone so his struggle tail can help me remove this gel nailpolish.” had me rolling this morning. I had to come back and read it again.
Now that’s a visual that will linger all day!! For one a those gimme somethin to smile about moments… Luvvie, you’ve made tomorrow far more bearable.
Maaaan, I needed an oxygen mask when I read this tomfoolery right here… “Devante looks like the girl who followed Mr. Clark in Lean on Me. “Mr. Clark I’m keeping my baby! I’m gon’ be somebody!!”‘
*starts swingin’ in a circle like Tre in Boyz N Da Hood*
For real though, when I saw the pix from the rehearsal a couple of days ago, I thought Mr. Swing was rocking a lil side bun. I was pissed then too. But I’m really pissed now that I see it’s a “baby girl’s 1st Christmas” ponytail. SMH
P.S. I wonder if he used ORS Edge Control ’round his hairline.
I didn’t mean to add an “s” at the end of “members” in my screen name up there ^. SMH@me
Cocaine.
[…] — November 12, 2014 9 […]
It’s been so long since Jodeci could sneak up on relevance I’m pretty certain that if Devante let that pony poof down we would find his snatched-up genitalia and his face would be on his kneecaps.
DAMN, DAMN, DAMN! https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gtJlcwLoD9I&autoplay=1 y’all need stop taking bout that DUST BUNNY on Devanté’s head.
Somebody’s actual pony saw this picture, turned around and looked at his ass and said, “That does NOT look like any ponytail I ever wore!”
well i rather see men looking like men than to see them rocking skinny jeans and skin tight leggings like all the rappers at the BET hip hop awards this year!!!
Dear sir,
We humbly request that you quit playing! I know the just shall live by Faith , but this here phony tail is a lie and the truth isn’t in it! Anyone here know whether Coke gives delusions of grandeur? Because that could explain why old dude thought he was rocking a passable pony! I’m confused, but mainly I’m glad because out of his mess I found this piece by Luvvie to laugh at!
Whats the big deal..with his hair…this nigga is a leader not a follower like most of us.. check his resume and if any one can tell me they have a better resume then please feel free to comment as much as you like. P
Thanks Emerson! It’s so sad how the majority of these BLOGS and people that follow them are cyber bullies and continuously put people down. This really bothered me because I see it so much. This is not cool and I pray God would speak to your hearts and know that it hurts others by being so mean. These guys are talented hands down and I bet if you really had a chance to meet and be friends with half of the people you talk about, you probably wouldn’t do it. Just think before you tear down. Praying for your healing! In the words of Minister Louis Farrakhan:
It is hard for any teacher in the Black community to produce true brotherhood among us. We all say we’ve got to come together. That’s the right talk, however it will never become a reality, brothers and sisters, if in our actions we are not treating each other right.
If our actions, one toward the other, is duplicitous, scheming, devious, with hidden motives and hidden agendas, playing with good words but underneath doing evil and dirty deeds, then we can’t produce love with this kind of disingenuous action. You can’t produce love on the basis of lies, deceit, treachery, and trickery. You can’t produce love in a society with murder, robbery, lying, and slander at the root of it.
It’s always that one who lives ruining and crashing the party… That would be you. No one is questioning this man’s credibility or talent. You’re being very “YOUNG & THE RESTLESS” right now. Please exercise some cool for the sake of everybody else on here. THANKS, MANAGEMENT.
It breaks my heart to know, someone has carpal tunnel from the struffle. The only tail needs to have several seats
OMG…ahem…wipe eyes, puts on glasses….side-note, my 13 year old just told me I need help from all the cackling I’m doing…I am unable to can!!!! I am on the floor LMAO! I’m done!
This all day, every day. TEARS.
That knot upon Devante’s scalp is tighter than security at Olivia Pope’s apartment…
Looking like he got a cabinet door atop his head. Wonder what treasures he keeps in there. Clearly, dignity ain’t one of ’em.
Long-time lurker commenting for the first time to tell you that iDied @ “404 error: ponytail not found” XD
I’m sending you the funeral bill.
I was ok reading all of the posts. Then you had to throw in Tarana Burke of SheSlays.com. Stopped.
I think Luvvie broke the inter webs, inter weaves, and internets with this one. LMBO.
Blaine Edwards and Antoine Merryweather from ILC called from the ’80s. They want to know why.
I just learned the Hard Way not to read Luvvie’s column while eating lunch. Just choked on a piece of biscuit the size of the my little ponytail on Devonte’s head!
Y’all stop hatin on my big cousin. All you females know damn well if he holla, you standing right their like a thrust trap. Jodeci for life
Chile byeeeee. Apparently you beat the rest of us to the “thrust trap” considering you’re on here cosigning and claiming to be a “relative.” Exit stage left. Everybody else is on here having fun. Go kill yo self
I am done…I mean it. I was laughing when I read “afro pffft”, I was laughing-crying when I read “PUNYTAIL” in the comments. I’m just about dehydrated from tearing up looking at the puny poof, then going back to the comments. Glad that I can laugh like this at my part-time
Who said he wanted a REAL side ponytail? Devantae has ALWAYS been a different, but no one has to condemn him for it! Geez! It’s not my style, but it’s what HE LIKES, so it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks! If everyone were the same, then the world would be a very boring place. I had no idea so many people could be so cruel, judgmental, and hateful. The man only came on a show after years of being away, only to be criticized. Devantae is a very talented musician, so I was glad just to see him in a positive spotlight, doing something that he enjoyed. Lastly, “all cute light skinned people,” DO NOT grow up getting into trouble. Ignorance at its finest.
Omg!!!! What in the hell is wrong with some of you on here talking this so seriously?!?!? This is all in fun. My GOD! You’re seriously crying over this?!?!?????????????????????
LMHO. I was in tears. I’m done…Toooo Funny
D Swing should have swung a little harder. Just say “HELL NAW”! Lookin like a male version of Stacey Dash in drag!
I just big chopped my hair for the third time and I had to revisit this. I wonder how hard I will have to work to achieve this stingytail. With all the effort it took, you have to give him a little hooray (a tiny one as big as his ponytail) for completing the job.
Struggle pony looking like a half-blown dandelion. -_-
Oooooh Baby Jesus I can’t! She said half blown dandelion! ???????????????????????????????????? I ain’t gon make it! ????????????????????????????????????????????????????
He looks like a woman????
Y’all got me so dead on here. All yall to pursue a career in comedy. My daughter thinks I don’t finally lost it, laughing hysterically, knocking shit over, peed myself….. YES I DID and everybody on here is to blame! Rotflmfaooooooo????????????