Famous folks

Jermaine Jackson’s New Hairline Has Me Upset

I really feel like Jermaine Jackson is trolling us all, at this point. He GOTTA BE. How can one man be so clueless about how hot of a mess his hair is? Every time we see him, he somehow manages to make himself even more laughable. That is a gift and I thank him for the medicine of laughter. I already talked about how he got something on his scalp and it’s a mystery.

Last week, we saw Jermaine coming out of a store and everyone wondered if he just refuses to make sense on purpose. Look at this.

Jermaine Jackson Hairline Bulge

Bhet why, Jermaine? It’s like the Tin Man decided he wanted to get on Tinder so he stuffed his pants with socks and went to WalMart. He also made sure to debut his new coiffure boundaries, because why not paint your hairline to look like crucifix? Looking like the Ghost of Tacky Present and future.

Y’all gotta get your uncle. Jermajesty’s daddy and this ever-changing oil spill hair is killing me softly. And these leather PAINTS (no, not pants. PAINTS). Did they paint him into it or did he manage to defy physics and put them on? And what is with this bulge? Is he wearing a cup underneath? If so, has he been threatened with kicks to the balls? What is happening here?

Chile… I posted it on the Awesomely Luvvie fan page and my people, being as chill-deficient as they always are, went in.

* “But that circular hairline on the front. Its like he drew a doorway on his head where his brain should go. C’mon Son!!!” – ADC

* “I JUST said the same thing. Like a fancy doorway in a middle eastern hotel or something.” – DS

* “I bet he’s got 4 bottles of Bejin etched onto his scalp in this picture. Can the Jackson’s just go natural??? Please???
And he’s clearly forgotten where his hairline is “post to be”.” – ADC

* “That’s the door to Narnia.” – TH

* “I barely have time to curl my hair and get some mascara and a bit of eyeliner to my water line. How does this one have time to paint on hair and paint on pants?” – EDW

* “It looks like a keystone, maybe it’s his salute to Pennsylvania.” – MM

* “Oh Jermaine you use to be fine. Who ever gave the Jacksons group rates on surgery needs their license revoked immediately. And I want to know when Jermaine decided ramen and shoe polish was appropriate head wear?” – GT

* “What did Joe do those kids???Y’all, go hug your kids right now and tell you accept them as they are! Otherwise you’ll get this, or a man that literally cut his nose to spite his face or whatever Latoya is struggling with.” – JAG

* “The more you stare at the pix the more you want to sing “slide some oil to meeeeeee.” lmaooooooo” – KTL

* “Jermaine: “I’m performing at a casino tonight and need a theme hairstyle. Do you think you can make me look like the Ace of Clubs?”

Jermaine Jackon scalp

Barber ((takes out Sharpie from apron pocket)): “I got you, fam.”‘ – AM

* “But why his face so tight tho. They look like the seats in my Daddy truck.” – TJ

* “Jesus didn’t cuss but you notice he always kept that gangsta cussin disciple around him…I’m channeling him right now when I say “if you don’t get yo ass somewhere and sat down’!! Dayum pants look like he pulled them up OVER a fanny pack…ughh!!!!” – KLS

* “Come on it’s not a sock, that’s where he keeps his hair care products he can’t go around all day without refreshing his do” – LGP

* “His hair and pants are cut from the same cloth #blankstare” – TP

* “his shoes look GREAT. i like the sweater. the shades are bangin. that’s what i’ve got today. christmas approacheth and Santa is taking note…” – KP

* “This is an endorsement for the California Raisins on their way to the laundromat with the Courvoisier bag filled with quarters stuffed in his pants!!!” – MHB

* “Don’t Jermaine’s hair remind u of a cast iron skillet greased with an entire can of Crisco?” – SR

* “Back in the day men knew where to go to purchase *Hammer* pants. Where dafuq do you go to buy tight ass leather pants that are tight all over and they have a built in big dick/gorilla nuts spsce included” – PS

* ‘I don’t know enough about the advances of black hair technology, but are edges supposed to go that far into one’s forehead? He looks like he’s going through a leisurely stroll through “The Capital” in the Hunger Games. The odds are not in his scalp’s favor.’ – JV

* “But why he get his spray on hair lookin like magneto helmet!!!” – RS

Magneto helmet

* “why did he do what he do when he did what he did to himself?” – RI

* “Jermaine – Your fanny pack goes on the outside of your pleather pants….. unsure emoticon #ChyleBye” – JB

* “Why is there just ONE slim centimeter between his hair line and his eyebrow tho?!??? C’mon!!! ” – KB

* “I’m seeing all of his 2300 Jackson Street in those pants ” – AS

* “He use to be so good looking..Now his face is leathery, his hair is shoe polish and the socks I lost in the dryer is in his pants…” – DG

* “But tell the truth , don’t Jermaine ‘s head look like your girl back in the 80’s when she was between salon visits so she slapped some that black gel on and tied a polyester scarf on it?” – MCS

* “Can you imagine the GOOKY MESS that runs down his drain when he takes a shower!!! His plumber is winning and losing at the same DAMB time!!!” – KFJ

* “Those pants gave me a sudden irresistible urge to juggle.” – AL

* “Don’t light a match around him. Between the shoe polish and the formaldehyde, I don’t know…” – GG

* “Can someone call Madame Tussaud’s and tell them one of their wax figures came to life? A line has to be drawn somewhere!!” – LWW

* “my cousin Reneaka just said he look like a hooded nutcracker!!!!!!!!! Bwhahahaha” – LS

* “Anybody missing their edges, Jermaine’s got them.” – YW

* “Master gave Jermaine socks. Jermaine is a free elf!” – KJ

Laughing recess gif

* “What most disturbs me is the fact that he obviously put time and energy into pulling off that outfit. Time none of us can get back.” – KDR

* “His face looks like Claymation.” – BMW

I QUIT. I QUIT ALL OF THEM AND I CANNOT EVEN DEAL. LMAOO! Y’all couldn’t know behavior if it came up to you and introduced itself.

Whew. Jermaine brings out the worst in all of us.

I really need to make Struggle Hair a category on this blog. There is just too much of it around these parts. And Jermaine is the Patron Saint of Struggle Hair. Bless his heart.

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  1. Yetunde
    December 12, 2015 at 2:06 pm

    Well, on certain planets hair-meets-brow is considered to be a sign of manliness and wisdom. That’s why they sent him to earth as ambassador. Your post is a great discompliment to the Exalted One of the Cup whose Ball Runneth Over

    • A. Pendragyn
      December 12, 2015 at 4:05 pm

      “Exalted One of the Cup whose Ball Runneth Over”
      Almost snorted tea out my nose when I read that! LOL!

    • A. Pendragyn
      December 12, 2015 at 4:08 pm

      Dammit, sorry for the double post. Need a delete option!

      • December 12, 2015 at 4:15 pm

        All good. Deleted the double post for ya!

  2. WM
    December 12, 2015 at 2:39 pm

    “I’m performing at a casino tonight and need a theme hairstyle. Do you think you can make me look like the Ace of Clubs?” And then “Anybody missing their edges, Jermaine’s got them.” I’m dead, DEAD!!

  3. Shakira Harris
    December 12, 2015 at 3:49 pm

    Every single comment was pure gold!!! ????????????

  4. jimmy
    December 12, 2015 at 4:36 pm

    Jermaine, I don’t care how big that bulge is, you still ain’t getting invited to any sleepovers. #notonmypillowcase

  5. Witchsistah
    December 12, 2015 at 4:51 pm

    Jermaine out here looking like Utzi.

  6. notconvincedgranny
    December 12, 2015 at 5:17 pm

    That can’t be struggle hair when the struggle was lost and it ain’t even hair. The only real question is: can I get stock in the company that made this blacker-than-black and even sticks to grease whilst lifting yo’ face to outer space compound he’s been using?

  7. Mrz Ross
    December 12, 2015 at 5:43 pm

    Jermaine got that trouser gerbil from the same man that Bishop Eddie Long’s boifraan got his from.

  8. howlingbanshee
    December 12, 2015 at 7:15 pm

    Mister Jackson needs to grab a #2 pencil, a single subject notebook, a calcluator, a protractor, and an eraser, and head on over to this post –
    for some education on:

    -How to Wear Leather
    (Should it be an accessory or an accomplice to circulation-cide)
    -How to Wear a Fanny Pack
    (Innie or outie? This is a tough one)
    -How to Wear Fabulously Coiffed Hair
    (Special feature: The basics of measuring, or determining proper placement of hairline in relation to eyebrow).

    Bless his heart.
    Because this dissertation he put together is indefensible.

  9. Chyra
    December 12, 2015 at 8:32 pm

    He is made out of plasticine. Dude is a synth. He was a rejected scene from Blade Runner. He is an OG Skynet. They took him and replaced him with a robot built on left over Tito parts. They got him on bricks in the back.

    • whilome
      December 14, 2015 at 6:51 am

      DEAD. You crazy!!! I’m howling too loud too early in the morning!

  10. Mnyama Black
    December 13, 2015 at 4:41 pm

    He looks hot as hell…as if he’s just stepped out of a kitchen frying chicken and fish on a summer day.

  11. Mnyama Black
    December 13, 2015 at 4:42 pm

    He’s listening to instructions on how to remove all that s#!t off his head.

  12. Miss Hair
    December 13, 2015 at 7:31 pm

    He need some @hairiette. Lol!

  13. Joyce T
    December 13, 2015 at 8:51 pm

    Why he look like a California raisin doe!?!

  14. Biglilkim
    December 13, 2015 at 9:26 pm
    • howlingbanshee
      December 19, 2015 at 5:36 am

      My life was going just fine until I learned of this video’s existence. And the whole dang channel.
      What have you done.

  15. Purple Dove
    December 13, 2015 at 9:49 pm

    All of comments were funny but this was the one I tapped out on: “Yhy did he do what he do when he did what he did to himself?” – RI

    • Fran
      December 14, 2015 at 3:05 pm

      That comment shut it DOWN

      • MzCafe
        December 14, 2015 at 3:51 pm

        I busted out laughing at that comment too -LOL

    • NiceT
      February 24, 2016 at 4:48 pm

      I was literally cryin off this comment! I was done!

  16. Cassandra
    December 14, 2015 at 6:15 pm

    …ain’t NObody with those many wrinkles in their face got no bulge like that for real!…and somebody is gonna use his hairline in the horse-shoe pitchin’ contest at the family picnic…smdh…

  17. Glendon-Tyler
    December 15, 2015 at 11:07 am

    What in the name of hair dysmorphia?!?!?

  18. Cat Luster
    December 18, 2015 at 12:11 pm

    I literally stopped dead at ‘”..the Door to Narnia.” because I can’t BREATHE!

    One questions: How is he not sweating in that second pic? Like, literally, his face is sweating but his hair has a matte finish. I don’t understand….

    • Shametra L.
      December 20, 2015 at 2:28 am

      That’s because he put on one coat and let it dry, then put on another coat of that real black shoe polish mixed with a little spritz and dusted with powder for the matte finish. Every body don’t know how to get real fancy.

  19. Shametra L.
    December 20, 2015 at 2:25 am

    I didn’t come here to see how symmetric he sponges on two coats of shoe paint, but I did. I didn’t come here to see him sweating cause he has on leather pants and a sock in the leather pants and them sturdy black church shoes, with no socks, but I did.

  20. Tpezzydontplay
    December 23, 2015 at 10:49 pm

    I’ve died at all these comments PLEASE D.N.R

  21. Mary Burrell
    December 27, 2015 at 1:17 am

    Jermaine Jackson is just too tragic. All the comments made me laugh though. Jermajesty and his brothers need to get their daddy. Joe Jackson messed his kids up.

  22. Lora
    December 31, 2015 at 6:39 pm

    Tootie did not risk everything to get backstage to see this. NOT. THIS.

  23. January 14, 2016 at 3:28 pm

    I’m more confused by the bulge in his pants.

  24. Claire
    January 17, 2016 at 12:27 am

    Using his head as an adult coloring book. Take it personal, Jermaine.

  25. January 21, 2016 at 11:02 am

    OMG – this post has me really laughing out loud. You have such a way with words. Talk about vanity on the part of Mr. Jackson, but I’ve been through with him for good when when we all had a chance to go behind the scenes of his world in Wife Swap on Lifetime, and his poor girlfriend. Yikes!

  26. Sugary
    January 29, 2016 at 3:26 pm

    Someone showed me the pics of him in the leathery pants yesterday. I was shocked when I saw them. Had no idea. Ultimately, it just made me miss Michael. Maybe it’s a mid-mid-mid life crisis. 🙂 Sorry to hear about Jermaine’s issues with his wife.