Social Media

If the Social Networks Were in High School

High school is a microcosm of the real world. Folks think when they graduate, the dynamics they had to deal with then end. WRONG! Life is high school on a larger scale. So I thought about what would happen if the social networks where we spend our eLives were high school and this is what I came up with.

* Facebook – It would be the asshole quarterback on the football team who is extremely popular even though he breaks school rules and walks the halls like he owns it. He never gets punished for cutting class, and even though he cheats on exams (and teachers know it), he still passes. He’s got way too much charisma for folks to resist. Voted: Most popular.

* Twitter – This is the school gossip and head cheerleader. She’s very popular too and she dates Facebook on and off. They’re a power couple but both of them are too dramatic so they never stay together for long. She knows everyone’s business and makes it her business to spread it. Her information is not always accurate but folks sure do stop at her locker everyday to find out who/what/when of the school. Voted: Biggest Flirt.

* Tumblr – This is the cool kid who smokes cigarettes behind the gym. He gets along with most people but is always scheming and being sneaky. If you need some answers to a test beforehand, go to him and he’ll pretty much have it. He’s the dude who spikes the punch at the high school dance. Voted: Most Likely to End Up a Felon

* MySpace – This is the 19-year old sophomore. He’s been held behind so much that no one is actually sure when he’ll graduate. He walks the halls and freshmen wonder what class he teaches because he has a full beard. When he first got to school, he was popular. Then he started getting in trouble constantly and failing classes. Everyone just watches him because they’re concerned for him. His father left him (Tom) and he now has to fend for himself. Voted: Well, he isn’t a senior so he isn’t in the yearbook votes.

* LinkedIn – This is the class AND student council president. This kid is all business all the time. She’s the one who already has all her college applications filled out by August. Of her junior year. She’s in Advanced Placement classes and is graduating with honors. She also comes to school sometimes in a slacks and a button up. Voted: Most likely to succeed

* Instagram – This is the Audio/Visual kid. He feels way more important than he is. He helps the teachers operate their projectors and helps to produce the school plays. He’s in the Drama club too and usually wants to play lead. He sucked as Romeo in the fall musical though. Voted: Most Dramatic.

* FourSquare – This kid is everywhere and does everything. He plays 3 sports and is on the executive board of like 5 school clubs. He has medals (badges) in all those sports too. He doesn’t have time to party because of all his extracurricular activities but he’s still pretty popular. Voted: Most likely to become a millionaire by 21 and Most School Spirit.

* BlackPlanet – This is the pregnant chick who walks the halls and everyone judges. Not because she’s pregnant but because she used to sleep with the whole football team after practice. Folks think she just needs a mentor. Others think she’s a lost cause. She’s going to an alternative school next semester. Voted: Most likely to be on Teen Mom

* Google Plus – This is the new kid in school who everyone likes but can’t quite figure out. Facebook is jealous of him and is trying to dress like him now. Folks notice it but wonder why FB is so touched. Voted: Most Charismatic

So yes, I know I got too much time on my hands. What do you think? Do my descriptions makes sense? Am I missing any important networks? Tell a G.

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  1. dimps
    September 30, 2011 at 7:19 am

    Funny as da hell. Wonders where Foamspring would place in class. And Myspace lost its Daddy? Dem child support checks must be beast mode lol

  2. keisha brown
    September 30, 2011 at 8:24 am

    SOOOOO much sense.

    like. a little TOO much sense.

    *facebook likes this.

  3. September 30, 2011 at 8:32 am

    Hollering @ “Black planet” This is madness. LMAO! Folks still on there. You forgot one more: “Grinder”: where the closeted, down-low kid in your Spanish class goes to meet your Biology teacher behind the building to get it on. LMAO!

  4. Erin
    September 30, 2011 at 11:10 am

    Hilarious! Especially Black Planet and Google+. But what was Google+ voted?

  5. lexi
    September 30, 2011 at 2:23 pm

    lmao @ myspace tho, lmao his father TOm left him tho luvvie?!!!lmao

  6. September 30, 2011 at 3:26 pm

    You’re missing LiveJournal! LJ is that one popular kid who seems to fit in with all the groups, yet is set apart and doesn’t try to get any attention. He plays sports AND sings AND he’s in AP classes AND he smokes pot AND has a small group of the snarkiest, smartest music/movie/lit heads as BFFs. He cuts class but the teachers don’t mind because he aces all his tests without studying. You can tell that he’s just biding his time before going off to Colorado College, where he’ll finish his degree just so he can be accepted to the Peace Corps. He makes a ton of money in the next big tech startup and uses it to travel the world surfing.

    That’s LJ. 🙂

    Can you tell I’m a fan . . . and that I was friends with people like this?

    • la mala
      October 1, 2011 at 6:58 pm

      ok, now that’s creepy b/c that summed me up a little too well and i can’t part with my livejournal account. smh.

      • October 4, 2011 at 1:13 pm

        Right. After FB, G+, Twitter all goes away . . . LJ will stand. At least in my heart.

  7. mistee
    September 30, 2011 at 4:13 pm

    you forgot downelink this is the real popular gay boy who sets the trends turns it and of course His bestie is Twitter.

  8. September 30, 2011 at 8:01 pm

    I think Tumblr is more of that lonely weird kid that you only talk to so in case he goes all Columbine on the school he’ll spare your life.

    The lesson here is: Befriend the psychopath, save your life.

  9. September 30, 2011 at 9:48 pm

    Hahahahahaha just what I needed on a Friday nite. This is good!

  10. Kellygirl
    October 2, 2011 at 1:35 am

    I totally hung out with Tumblr in High School. I knew all the best bathrooms to smoke in.

    Livejournal! Yes, as Ashley said, LJ is everywhere and cool with everybody. Dreamwidth would be LJ’s little kid sister, freshman and kinda sorta cool, but needs some growth.

  11. Coquinegra
    October 5, 2011 at 10:46 am

    You *kill* me!

  12. Danielle
    December 12, 2012 at 5:43 pm

    You forgot Hi5!! LOL!