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Prince is Pretty But I Don’t Find Him Sexy

“You know you got power, when everyone comes to your concert wearing purple sweaters.” – My friend, V.E.G.

So I was watching TVOne yesterday, and “Purple Rain” came on. I’ve never watched it before, but I know it’s a classic because people still make references to it. While watching, I just realized how pretty Prince is. I mean, I knew before, but he was giving me ALL TYPES of fierce in it.

Throughout the movie, he was wearing ruffled shirts with these elaborate fronts and details. No one rocks ruffles like Prince! NO one. His neck was meant to be draped in fabric. Just pretty for no reason. This brings me to the fact that Prince is the geighest heterosexual sex symbol.

Disclaimer: STOP RIGHT THERE! Yes, you. The one that’s about to type that I’m homophobic. Step away from the keyboard and go find a new spot to SADDOWN! I heart the Gays. So SHARRAP. Don’t go there.

Yes, that is a scarf. At the SuperBowl. Twas raining. He wasn’t bout to mess up his perm!

Prince may be a fan of the Love Pocket but he’s probably played with a Magic Stick or 2 in his life (not that there’s anything wrong with that). I just KNOWED IT! Yeah I said it.

What man can rock Aunt Jemima scarves, fabulous wedged heels, ruffles and women’s pants (self-admitted) and STILL have grown women drop trou? ONLY PRINCE.

What other man can make all these high-pitched moans in his songs and have women squealing? ONLY PRINCE.

I mean, people yell that Ne-Yo is a lover of Peni but he’s still (visually anyway) more masculine than Prince. Although I do wonder what brand of lipgloss they both wear. I need my lips popping like that. TeachMe.

Grown women throw their panties at Prince’s feet. I heard his concerts look like they’re sponsored by Fruit of the Loom, with mounds of undies on stage. And I have to say I don’t understand the huge chexual fascination with him. I’m prolly the only woman who doesn’t wanna do nothing to Prince. I just wanna put him in my pocket and take him places with me. He’d be my own lil Pocket Hetero (or my Fairy GodHetero). Besides, onliest thing I can do with Prince is to go shopping. Prince and I are probably the same size too. He looks like he’s about 120 pounds soaking wet with Timbs on. We’d prolly buy the same shoes and pants. And then I’d get mad cuz he looked better in them than me. HMPH! RUDE!

Besides, even if I did find him to be an object of lust-fection, I couldn’t date Prince. He’s way prettier than me. I’m ‘posed to be the purty one in the ‘lationship. His eyelashes are like paintbrushes so they trump mine. Plus he got these perfectly pouty lips. AND Prince’s Wrap is greater than mine (if I still had one), yours and your Mama’s. This is FACT. His hair STAYS laid. Women try but fail to achieve that coiffure. Whoever does his hair needs some sorta award. It. IS. DOPE. Yeah, we couldn’t BE. My eyes would be too green. I’m shallow like that.

Prince coif

See? He’s pretty. And his coif is greater than mine, yours and your Mama’s. And you see his chesticle hair game is PROPER. He is giving me LIFE with this pic. iLive!

When I see Prince, I’m somewhat reminded of Tinkerbell. He’s so dainty and airy. He’d fly easily. If I could sit down with him once, I’d ask him “Who does ur facials? Can I borrow some lipgloss? Where do you get your pumps from?” THESE are the important queries I must know.

Prince is so purty. *strokes Prince’s hair*

So who’s quit me as a result of this? And is there anyone else who agrees with me? Yes, all 1 of you. Stand up and show yourself.

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  1. amymay117
    August 31, 2009 at 2:23 pm

    Forserious!! I feel the same way 'bout him…. I wanna put him on a shelf in the china hutch and take him out and dust him oncet a week!! He is too pretty and too tiny and all sortsa almost magical!!

  2. Beez
    August 31, 2009 at 2:31 pm

    Luvvie, you are sometimes the bright spot in this journey called life. I can lean on you when I need a laugh, even when I don't want one. 🙂

    Anyway, I don't think I have the prowess to take Prince on in the bedroom. He'd probably wear me out shopping, cause he'd be wanting to try errthing on to see how his arse looks, and I'd be like "let's just get it and take it back!" while crying purple tears. I'd play Wii with him. I can only imagine the Williams grunts he'd give me in a tennis match. We'd probably hoop too- if he can take Chahlie Murphy… anything goes.

    I have a feeling this is gonna rival the "I picture Jesus" conversation of Talladega Nights. In that case, I picture Prince lounges in a tuxedo t-shirt, suggesting "I'm comfortable, but ready to party at any given second."

  3. @NaturallyAlise
    August 31, 2009 at 3:17 pm

    Ain't he gorgeous?!?!?! I don't even agree with relaxers, but I would perm his hair if he asked, and then hook him up on the Motions tip. true story.

  4. Cheekie
    August 31, 2009 at 3:23 pm

    *pause for a moment while I bust into laughter because that soft afro'ed picture of Prince reminds me of Lionel Ritchie*

    Ok, I'm back to having some sense.

    Oh yes, Prince is FIERCE and GORGEOUS. Yes, I'm using the present-tense. That mofo is like a cherub, he's so precious.

    Oh, and that Super Bowl performance was TOO DOPE.

  5. Blackberry Molasses
    August 31, 2009 at 3:34 pm

    I lurve me some Prince. Yep. I said it.
    I fully admit to being one of the screaming, panny thrown bishes at his concerts. you can quit me for that. Hell, iQuit me for that.

    Its not his visuals per se. Cuz I mean, really, his shoe game is almost as proper as mine. No BUENO. But close your eyes and listen to him. Good LAWD. His voice makes toes curl. And I think that's where his appeal comes from. Cuz for real? High heels and boot cut/assless pants? GHEY! (NNTAWWT)

    But I HEARD that he is a MONSTER in the sack. I mean… he had Appolonia. And that belly dancer, Mai Tei. Them girls were GORGEOUS. He HAD to know how to put it down to land them. Beacuse he's almost as pretty as they are/were.

    • carla lewis
      April 21, 2016 at 11:59 pm

      I imagine Prince to be more than 50 shades working up a black sweat. I agree.

  6. Angeleyes
    August 31, 2009 at 4:34 pm

    I agree 34,394,024% with you Luvvie!! He would be a cute pocket hetero. I couldn't shop with him though b/c I'm like 4 times his size (not really) lol

  7. ChiChi
    August 31, 2009 at 4:57 pm

    Yeah, I don't quite understand the chexual fascination, either…LOL

  8. V.E.G.
    August 31, 2009 at 5:11 pm

    Prince could get every which way, up and down. No matter that, at 128 lbs, I prolly outweigh him and, at 5'5", I am prolly taller than him.
    he can get it.

  9. Lite Bread
    August 31, 2009 at 5:37 pm

    Yer Mostest Awesomelynessis,
    Must be a “girl thing”.
    Prince was just weird to me. Always. Didn’t even like the music.

    He also continues to be more proof of the fact that women lie. They talk all about what kind of man they “really” want (usually ‘quality-based’), but then are always choosing the opposite (jerk-but-beautiful).

    Besides, if Pee-Wee Herman Prince were just another skinny-girly-man workin’ at Burger King none of ya all would pay .05 of a second time on him. Fame screws with women’s heads (explaining why some of the most god-awful-ugly athletes get lots of hottie chicks).

    Go figure. Sheeeech, girls!

  10. K to the...
    August 31, 2009 at 5:54 pm

    Jamie Foxx said in one of his stand-up routines that he looked in his eyes and was gay for about 2.2 seconds….he's just that gaw-juss!!!

    Prince might be the gayest hetero…but I'd still GO! LMAO

    Good day!

  11. Faith
    August 31, 2009 at 6:53 pm

    Awl come now Luvie seriously!!!! I thought you and I were semi cool. Prince is the business and I would give him the business in butterfly nano second buttless chaps, ruffle shirt and all.

    Baaaaaabbbby I think it's his man voice that works me into a frenzy. Or it could be that he is so overly homo he's straight. I dont know but he can just get it. *Blushing*

    Anyway this post reminds me a of convo I had with the Little Brother he said something like what would people think he if wore a ruffle shirt and short cut purple jacket. I told him minus halloween it was not appropriate for any straight man. He just laughed and said that's not what you said last night when we were watching Purple Rain. I had to laugh.

    Oh and side note….Prince is beyond gorgeous. I mean the man radiates fierceness and his hair looks better than most heffas on their best days, point blank period.

  12. bogart4017
    August 31, 2009 at 8:28 pm

    Gotta agree with you about his hair.

  13. bogart4017
    August 31, 2009 at 8:29 pm

    …and the music ain't too bad either.

  14. Diva
    September 1, 2009 at 3:58 am

    I know this is probablt my first time commenting, but I had to you're talkinging about my man…well not really cause he's too small for me, but I'd still do him…yep. He's that good. I'm his #1 fan. I remember how I got put onto Prince at the young tender age of 17 before he got all holy & introspective…yeah, he was still humping the piano with the butt out pants at his concert.

    That was the night I fell in love…Besides 90% of his songs are panty droppers. I think I''ma go play "Call My Name" right now, cause he just does something to me in all of his vertically challenged glory

  15. YGB
    September 1, 2009 at 7:34 am

    I've never commented on here before but after this post I jus had to! Now, Prince is FEROCIOUS!!!! I lubbs lubbs lubbs him but I don't think I could go there with him.
    Although, I do understand those women who would – there's just something about his voice that makes me lose all sorts of sense! His falsetto = yummy deliciousness!!!!

  16. @myzdevyneone
    September 1, 2009 at 1:34 pm

    Ah Prince…
    You hit the nail on the head, he is the most gayest heterosexual sex symbol EVER!
    He gives FIERCENESS with ery holla and switch of his hips.
    While I don't find him segzy per se, I def can understand…and I luhs me some Purple Rain! And Darlin Nikki? Shoood….gurl….LOL
    I also heard he's a BEAST in the bedroom…I'm cool on that one. Might throw my back out, his diminutive ass.

  17. Theonly1
    September 1, 2009 at 4:57 pm

    I haven't even read all the comments yet, gone girl…this is GOSPEL!

    People would get made when I said Prince could sing but, he was the hetero version of B. Scott (Striking beauties*side eye*, but I'm jess sayin). Prince is pretty enough to be my BFF but I couldn't never see myself sleeping with such an effemine man. You're right…He does dress like a woman as well, there's no denying that.. His wrap is BEAUTIFUL!

  18. Lite Bread
    September 1, 2009 at 5:00 pm

    Yer Most Excellent High Awesomelynessis,
    SEE!!!! Whatda I say?!
    Look at ya ALL! All these girls talkin’ about Lil’ Pee Wee like he somethin’, lol!

    He’d be better cast as a DL Preacher on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
    And you know that’s true!

    See? Fame, money, music; it all messes with ya all heads, lol.
    This is how some cockroach like Lil’ Wayne gets to be a Sex Symbol.

  19. true2me
    September 1, 2009 at 6:03 pm

    you sure you dont want to BE prince O_o LMAO

  20. Sabrina Hampton
    September 2, 2009 at 3:25 am

    That man is be-A-U-tiful! And his hair in Graffiti Bridge was the most flowing wrap EVER! He also has the ability to make you listen to what he has to say…I mean, Raspberry Beret (about a hooker) and Darling Nikki (Sex fiend) should have offended every women on Earth, but Nooooo….

  21. Luvvie
    September 4, 2009 at 4:18 pm

    HA! He's like a Faberge egg. I just want him on my mantle and to brag to folks about how I got a collectors item. And he IS magical. Which is why he must be my Fairy GodHetero

  22. Luvvie
    September 4, 2009 at 4:19 pm

    "Luvvie, you are sometimes the bright spot in this journey called life. I can lean on you when I need a laugh, even when I don't want one."

    This made me cheese. As if someone gave me a hairhat made of Prince's coif. 😀

    And I am DEAD at you for this "I'm comfortable, but ready to party at any given second."

  23. Luvvie
    September 4, 2009 at 4:20 pm

    And I'd even help him deep condition after the perm and put olive oil in it. Yes… YES!!!

  24. Luvvie
    September 4, 2009 at 4:20 pm

    LMAO @ cherub. Prince does have rosy cheeks, dont he? He could play Baby Jesus in a Christmas play and be hella believable. He's so soothing to look at

  25. Luvvie
    September 4, 2009 at 4:21 pm

    You are right. His voice is segzy. But then I open my eyes and see a Pocket Hetero in front of me. And get it right. Prince is prettier than Appolonia. She WISHES she had his bone structure! shoo…

    • LaWishiCouldaBeatcha
      September 24, 2012 at 9:16 pm

      Not pocket hetero!!!!!!!!! LOLOLOL I’m a million years late reading this post but a laugh is a laugh!!!!!!!!!! ….pocket hetero… *LOL*

  26. Luvvie
    September 4, 2009 at 4:22 pm

    LOL glad u with me!

  27. Luvvie
    September 4, 2009 at 4:23 pm

    I shrug w/ u in confusion and throw my hands up like "sure, if it works for you"

  28. Luvvie
    September 4, 2009 at 4:24 pm

    LOL @ every way. Diagonally, horizontally, vertically, while floating… And yes you are taller than him and for sure outweigh him by at least 10 lbs. This is fact. In my head, anyway

  29. Luvvie
    September 4, 2009 at 4:26 pm

    Besides, if Pee-Wee Herman Prince were just another skinny-girly-man workin’ at Burger King none of ya all would pay .05 of a second time on him.


  30. Luvvie
    September 4, 2009 at 4:27 pm

    LMAO! I remember that. Even men be like "Prince is pretty as hell, aint he?" Because cant nobody deny it. It's up there in lists of "Things that are fact", along with "T-Pain is really a babboon"

    • MsZ
      August 29, 2013 at 3:05 pm

      LMAO at “T-Pain is really a babboon”. Almost made me spit my water out!!…..I know this is hella late, but he could get it.

  31. Luvvie
    September 4, 2009 at 4:28 pm

    hahahaha @ butterfly nano second buttless chaps. You been IN Prince's closet, havent u?

    Yes. Prince slays hoes effortlessly. That man is pretty

  32. Luvvie
    September 4, 2009 at 4:28 pm

    I dig some of Prince's music. Dude is an icon

  33. Luvvie
    September 4, 2009 at 4:32 pm

    Welcome, first time commenter! I hope you aint gon be a stranger henceforth! And I LOVe "Call My Name". That song is DOPENESS

  34. Luvvie
    November 9, 2009 at 6:51 pm

    He IS FEROSH! The man is fiercer than that thang! His falsetto can be HAWTNESS but he still looks like Tinkerbell.

    • Suzanne Six
      June 13, 2014 at 11:58 pm

      HA!! Tinkerbell! He could tinker with my bell any day!! PLZ listen 2 “One Kiss At A Time”, “When Eye Lay My Hands On U” and “Tell Me How U Wanna B Done” If u can find a track called “Breathe”..LZ DO! But u better have fresh batteries! He drips seXXXy! OMG, gotta go. Gittin’ HOT in herr

  35. Luvvie
    November 9, 2009 at 6:53 pm

    LMAO @ diminutive. He is so little. Ow tadow, watch out now. It's the lil one & it's Prince's coif.

  36. Luvvie
    November 9, 2009 at 6:54 pm

    YESSSSS @ hetero B Scott. LOVE IT!!! You so wise!

  37. Shawn.Smith
    January 25, 2010 at 3:03 pm
  38. Shawn.Smith
    January 25, 2010 at 3:03 pm
  39. Shawn.Smith
    January 25, 2010 at 3:03 pm
  40. […] Prince got on the stage looking as pretty as he wants to look. His haircut was SHARP! Bet y’all Rihanna’s newest cut is gon be similar. But bet he still gon be prettier than her. Women everywhere were throwing pantees at him at that moment. Prince could rock Jesus’ lavender sweater or Chris Brown’s burnt sienna apology blouse and he’d have MAD panties thrown at him still. Why? Because Prince is pretty. […]

  41. July 29, 2011 at 2:38 am

    Giiirrrrrrrllll yes yes yes and yes! This post gave me life! Prince is a beautiful man, and small size be damned…I probably have about 80 lbs on him (that sounds really bad doesn’t it) but he could smang my big ass six ways from Sunday! Loooveee him…and your post on him and Sherri Shepherd slayed me…

    • July 29, 2011 at 2:40 am

      Let me edit “I have 80 pounds on him” to add “8 inches of height” for clarity LOL

  42. October 16, 2011 at 7:01 pm

    Girl, back in ’84 (ancient) I was in high school and I saw Purple Rain 22 times when it came out! He purty and I am one who went to his concert back in ’85 with a raincoat on (oh girl, you had to have seen him before the Purple Rain days…that’s another story).

    Saw him in NYC last Winter and I still scream like crazy, that’s my baby. He purty and I would get with him in a heartbeat.

    Prince groupie since 1979 (when I was all of 12yrs old and with NO BUSINESS listening to him) No shame!

  43. October 16, 2011 at 7:17 pm

    HILARIOUS!!! And so true!

  44. Gavee
    October 16, 2011 at 7:23 pm

    I’ve been in love with this man FOREVER!!! I’d leave my entire life for him. I know I’d come back from that journey with blank empty eyes and my entire soul sucked out but, yeah…

    • January 30, 2012 at 7:58 am

      “…I know I’d come back from that journey with blank empty eyes and my entire soul sucked out but, yeah…”


    • Suzanne Six
      June 14, 2014 at 12:00 am

      Oh man!! I love u!! Welcome 2 my WORLD

  45. Kimyotta
    January 15, 2013 at 10:29 pm

    Came across this old post of yours and finally found my last stand with you Luvvie! You can’t dis Prince. Lyrics alone, always emphasizing his reverence for the female entity, it makes him the sexiest purty boy in ruffles you’ll EVER see. And the fact that he prefers women, yet dresses like one just illustrates the spectrum of sexuality and androgyny that’s everywhere now. It wasn’t like that when he was at his most shocking. I’m an eighties girl and I definitely used him to drive my dad crazy. I don’t think I’d do him tho, I’d want to but be afraid. He’s turned out better chicks than me.

  46. […] *Prince is Purty – And his coif is better than yours. This isn’t up for debate. […]

  47. Maisha T G-Dj
    April 21, 2016 at 4:59 pm

    Cosign on what most everyone said earlier. But on this sad, sad day, one paragraph of your post reminds me of another reason Prince could not not only get the panties, but break hearts:
    You say if you could sit down with him, you’d ask him beauty tips and ’bout his shoe game. Those are literally the lyrics to one of his songs (that I Beylieve someone sampled recently) “If I Was Your Girlfriend”.
    “Would U let me dress U / I mean, help U pick out your clothes / Before we go out
    Not that you’re helpless/ But sometimes, sometimes / Those are the things that bein’ in love’s about”
    He wanted to be his lover’s besty as well as her Magic Stick. “Would U run 2 me if somebody hurt U / Even if that somebody was me?”