Prince is Pretty But I Don’t Find Him Sexy
“You know you got power, when everyone comes to your concert wearing purple sweaters.” – My friend, V.E.G.
So I was watching TVOne yesterday, and “Purple Rain” came on. I’ve never watched it before, but I know it’s a classic because people still make references to it. While watching, I just realized how pretty Prince is. I mean, I knew before, but he was giving me ALL TYPES of fierce in it.
Throughout the movie, he was wearing ruffled shirts with these elaborate fronts and details. No one rocks ruffles like Prince! NO one. His neck was meant to be draped in fabric. Just pretty for no reason. This brings me to the fact that Prince is the geighest heterosexual sex symbol.
Disclaimer: STOP RIGHT THERE! Yes, you. The one that’s about to type that I’m homophobic. Step away from the keyboard and go find a new spot to SADDOWN! I heart the Gays. So SHARRAP. Don’t go there.
Prince may be a fan of the Love Pocket but he’s probably played with a Magic Stick or 2 in his life (not that there’s anything wrong with that). I just KNOWED IT! Yeah I said it.
What man can rock Aunt Jemima scarves, fabulous wedged heels, ruffles and women’s pants (self-admitted) and STILL have grown women drop trou? ONLY PRINCE.
What other man can make all these high-pitched moans in his songs and have women squealing? ONLY PRINCE.
I mean, people yell that Ne-Yo is a lover of Peni but he’s still (visually anyway) more masculine than Prince. Although I do wonder what brand of lipgloss they both wear. I need my lips popping like that. TeachMe.
Grown women throw their panties at Prince’s feet. I heard his concerts look like they’re sponsored by Fruit of the Loom, with mounds of undies on stage. And I have to say I don’t understand the huge chexual fascination with him. I’m prolly the only woman who doesn’t wanna do nothing to Prince. I just wanna put him in my pocket and take him places with me. He’d be my own lil Pocket Hetero (or my Fairy GodHetero). Besides, onliest thing I can do with Prince is to go shopping. Prince and I are probably the same size too. He looks like he’s about 120 pounds soaking wet with Timbs on. We’d prolly buy the same shoes and pants. And then I’d get mad cuz he looked better in them than me. HMPH! RUDE!
Besides, even if I did find him to be an object of lust-fection, I couldn’t date Prince. He’s way prettier than me. I’m ‘posed to be the purty one in the ‘lationship. His eyelashes are like paintbrushes so they trump mine. Plus he got these perfectly pouty lips. AND Prince’s Wrap is greater than mine (if I still had one), yours and your Mama’s. This is FACT. His hair STAYS laid. Women try but fail to achieve that coiffure. Whoever does his hair needs some sorta award. It. IS. DOPE. Yeah, we couldn’t BE. My eyes would be too green. I’m shallow like that.
When I see Prince, I’m somewhat reminded of Tinkerbell. He’s so dainty and airy. He’d fly easily. If I could sit down with him once, I’d ask him “Who does ur facials? Can I borrow some lipgloss? Where do you get your pumps from?” THESE are the important queries I must know.
Prince is so purty. *strokes Prince’s hair*
So who’s quit me as a result of this? And is there anyone else who agrees with me? Yes, all 1 of you. Stand up and show yourself.