Is Melania Trump Getting Federally-Funded Side Peen?
Lemme tell you something. I haven’t started the new season of House of Cards yet because I honestly feel like we’re living in it. Double dose of it might be TEW MUCH. This Trump administration is like Primetime Fuckshit. On the bad part, everything is crumbling and the world is …
The NATO G7 Summit Group Texts We Won’t Get To See
In how many countries and at how many occasions can the Fanta Fascist thoroughly embarrass himself and therefore us American citizens? Because, so far this week we have at least 4. The NATO G7 Summit began yesterday and the idiot with our nuclear codes showed up and showed out in …
The Pope Meeting The Trumps is All Of Us
This international tour that Cantaloupe Caillou is on will not stop providing moments of memes. It will not stop reminding us that we (well, yall. I know who I voted for) have elected Sunburned Stalin to represent us all on the global stage and it is the biggest mistake ever …
Melania Trump is Still Wack But Her Hand Holding Block Game is Strong
In these times, we must find joy in the most unlikely places. Because half the time I’m just praying for the beast with no neck that the book of Revelations promised us to come down and end the misery of Donald Trump the Shitstain of Life running this place. In …
Rompers for Men: I’m Here For Thigh Meats Season!
The talk about rompers for men has taken over social media. It started when some Chicago folks launched a Kickstarter for something called the RompHim, which is basically mid-thigh rompers for men. It’s just in time to kick off the summer. Well, that Kickstarter has raised over $219,000 in 4 …
So I Met FLOTUS Michelle Obama and Her Hug Felt Like World Peace
During the Obama Administration *thinks back fondly as she weeps bitterly* I went to the White House about 6 or 7 times. In fact, in their last year in office, I was there 4 times and spoke 3 times. I even swag-surfed on the WH lawn during SXSL. Yet and still, I never …
Dear Bethune-Cookman 2017 Grads, Thank You For Telling Betsy Devos “Nah”
Everything is stupid and nothing makes sense. Betsy Devos was the commencement speaker at Bethune-Cookman University today. Bethune-Cookman, a Historically-Black College/University, chose the Education Secretary none of us wanted, Betsy “What are public schools?” DeVos, to send their graduates off. In return, the students met her with boos, jeers and backs …
Because Those Who Voted for Trumpcare Deserve Petty Prayers
Last week, the hapless hoodlums who make up the House Republicans voted to pass the American Healthcare Act (AHCA) aka Trumpcare. If you have a pre-existing condition, insurance companies are not required to cover you, and if they cover you, they can charge you thousands of dollars for simple treatments. …
Count Diddy Won at the 2017 Met Gala
The Met Gala is the annual meeting of people who Anna Wintour can still stand. It is an assemblage of the most ferocious people in music, media, movies and more. It is a place that we all act like we wouldn’t like to be invited but we’re lying and we too …
Serena Williams is All Of Us. If We Got Superpowers.
You know what I don’t have time for? Serena Williams and her perpetual showing that some of us are just mere mortals while she’s a citizen of Mount Olympus. Actually, lemme quit lying. I GOT ALL THE TIME FOR IT. That woman is extraordinary. Sheesh. Yesterday, we found out that …