Coolio and these Struggle Braids Gotta Let Go and Let Bald
Some folks age gracefully and get better with time, like good wine (not the cheap one that comes in boxes even though some of that is delicious but I heard will give you a hell of a hangover). And then there’s Coolio, who went to someone’s event looking like this:
Sir. SIR!!! Why do you have an airplane landing strip of bald and then pigtails of 4 cornrows each sitting on your scalp like dog ears? Coolio is outchea looking like he’s rocking a Halloween costume none of us can figure out.
Who does Coolio’s hair at this point? When he sits in someone’s chair with two afropuffs sitting on each side of his head, who is the hairdresser who willingly turns them into 3.5 braids? Where is he or she and why isn’t their license revoked for contributing to society’s detriment? You can’t be proud of your work as a stylist if this is what you’re doing. The 5 minutes it takes to braid his entire head gotta be torture. I bet whoever it is has guilt, thinking “I’m better than this.” YOU ARE!
And so are you, Coolio!
Then, why is he still holding on to these hair patches? He should just shave them off and rock a baldie. Someone has GOT to tell Old Man Coolio to let these go because he’s out here bogus.
If he ever performs Gangsta’s Paradise again, he needs to switch the lyrics up:
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of bald
I take a look at my scalp and realize there’s nothin’ left
Cause I’ve been braiding and cornrowing for so long,
That even my mama thinks that my mind is gone
Real gangstas know when they start looking like pet rabbits.
But yeah, someone come get Coolio and help him cut off this Struggle Hair of his. Scalp looking drafty and hair looking weak. It’s time, sir. You gotta let go. Outchea looking like a human bull. NAWL! Looking like a walking miracle because that hair is parted like a Red Sea. UNCOOLio.
Which of you is gon tell Coolio to let go and let bald? The two roads that diverged in the woods that Robert Frost was talmbout are sitting on Coolio’s scalp. I don’t have time.
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61 Comments
“As I walk through the valley of the shadow of bald
I take a look at my scalp and realize there’s nothin’ left
Cause I’ve been braiding and cornrowing for so long,
That even my mama thinks that my mind is gone…”
Luvvie…girl…::wall slides::
*picks you up from the floor*
awe, this is actually sad. it really looks as if he’s someone’s grandpa n the grandkids glued their party streamers to his head while he was passed out on the couch..smh..i really count no more than 7 braids on one of those pig tails..smh.
YES!!!!! Hilarious!
Not glued party streamers! I DON DIE!!!
I’m crying here.
*flatlined* at the party streamers.
Luvvie this blessed me for the day. LMAO!
Amen! 😀
Is it me, or doesn’t he look like Mr Ganes from Different World?
This is actually accurate!
All I can say is those drugs must have done something to his sensibilities. He can’t think this is okay.
The person who does his hair must also be the one who does Stevie Wonder’s hair. Revoke!
LMAOOOOO!!! Stevie can’t ever cook.
At least his rubber bands match his shirt?
There’s a silver lining somewhere.
Another silver lining is that with his green shirt and rows of Mardi Gras beads, he could pass for Charlie Brown’s Christmas tree. (Before all the needles fell off.)
Always had a soft spot for that tree.
LAMO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Poor Charlie Brown’s tree!!!!
Maybe he will attempt to pull the braids to the middle for one really ratched-looking ponytail…
His stylist’s artistry is in the rubberband work! That basket weave pattern in the rubberband is the business! 😀
Sir…SIR. Stevie is blind, what’s your excuse? Just…no.
Wait…are those “cuts” in his mustache or is it just that sparse?!?! (I don’t think there’s a good answer to that question)
There really isn’t.
Why are Coolio’s people letting him go out in public like this!!!!!!!! I needz ANSWERS!!!!! Does somebody just not love him enough to tell no?
And I thought Stevie Wonder was bad, but he can’t see. What is Coolio’s excuse? I’ll wait.
I hope they didn’t get paid per braid, that would be a big waste of time! Just…CooliNo!
If I was one of the braid workers assigned to him, I would be angrily snatching all 18 strands of hair because I would not be getting paid that day.
Is it terrible that the first thing I noticed was the fact that his edges (or lack thereof) aren’t really laid?
Yes, it is terrible?
*escorts myself out*
Luvvie, you know if coolio saw this he would be the happiest man in the world!!! Because your the only blog site posting on this IRRELEVANT FOOL!
Does he think he just has a wide-assed part in the middle of his head?
Is that a tattoo on top of his head?
At least Stevie is blind, so he has to have some faith when they tell him his forehead is all the rage. Everyone is standing in the mirror at the same damn time nodding their heads and saying he looks just like he did when Michell Pfeiffer had her original face. I want to punch his people in the back of their throats for this shiggity.
Okay don’t hate me for this, but if he shaved the side-part soul patches, he could look like Idris Elba’s big brother… and that wouldn’t be a bad thing…other than that, this dude got left behind in the rapture and missed out on a gangsta’s hairadise… for shame…
I was think Keith David. The Black actor who everyone can identity, but no one can name.
I’m going to go out on a limb and say Coolio thought this was a hair style. There is no hair anywhere other than these struggle pigtails, rest of his head is just as bald and shiny and he appears to have a scalp tattoo. He thought about this and then called his cousin to come over with the clippers and said,”take off everything but the braids.” Those divots in his ‘stach look cut in, too; they’re too evenly placed to be an accident or natural.
I was invited to a co-workers house for a cookout one year and he had a uncle with a similar problem he was bald like this but he had the stevie wonder braids from the middle back but 3/4 of his hair was gone it was like some strange u-part wig.
Wow, his hair looks like Tim Burton’s “A Nightmare Before Lacefront”.
You win.
This is the very epitome of doing the absolute most with the absolute least.
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Welp at least the shininess of his scalp matches the shininess of his shirt….yeah I tried LOL
My huuuuzband says his head reminds him of Charlie Brown’s Christmas tree. #done
Wow! I can’t believe he walks around looking like that. The rubber bands in his hair looks like those bracelets kids are making these days. Maybe he doesn’t have a hair stylist, just a kid to braid his hair because no one else would! SMH!
Clearly he and Stevie Wonder have the same people.
Jesus be a mirror for them both.
With that tattoo on his head, it looks like a crop circle!
Like that commercial, “This was Coolio. This is Coolio on drugs.” I will never do drugs!
[…] you gotta stand up and claim your kin even in the face of foolery. Like Coolio, who refuses to let go of his struggle braids, despite the fact that his head looks like the red sea […]
I’m just waiting for the Christmas Ornaments to show up on his head…..
Listen.
Why does he look like the top of an analog tv set with the rabbit ears.WHY????
Listen.
Why does he look like the top of an analog tv set with the rabbit ears.WHY????
Why him look like a Papillon dog that’s been over-bred incestiously and found via police bust in a horrible puppy mill?
Get out! Just get your things and go!
Okay, so we just gonna skate past the plastic shirt and that thing that looks like a tarantula sitting on his shoulder? But I’m still trying to breeve from walking miracle.
At first glance I thought the thing on the right side (his left) had “HALP” spelled out, like some kind of sad-hair-mobile.
Also, Pippi Longstocking.
Hmm seems to me like it’s his head, his prerogative. Not to mention that it’s working for him because you wasted your time writing this and I wasted my time reading it! GOOD FOR YOU COOLIO!!!
(I enjoyed the article BTW)
How are you 100 years old and looking like this? Our ancestors are not pleased.
Robert Frost AND Coolio AND a balding version of Gangsta’s Paradise? I want to scoop you up and rock you while your insanity soothes my soul.
Introducing Santa’s new urban reindeer…Ratchet.
Okay but do you wear one wave cap for that or two wave pasties?
Coolio done lost his mind livin in a pigtail paradise..
Stevie Wonder gets a pass but Coolio does not. He looks 74 and is rockin a shiny tablecloth button up. Poor guy.
When he sits in someone’s chair with two afropuffs sitting on each side of his head, who is the hairdresser who willingly turns them into 3.5 braids? *flatline* #iamfinished
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It looks like his 7 year old niece ask him to play beauty shop and someone snapped a picture because of the ridiculousness of it!