TV and Movies

There’s a Snake in the Garden: Scandal Episode 217 Recap

The fact that the last episode of Scandal ended without me rolling on carpet shoulda let me know that Shonda was preparing to slay all our feelings this week. I shoulda been ready, but I wasn’t. Let’s just get right into it.

Charlie’s on the Job – Cyrus meets Charlie, his favorite private investigator and assassin with a folder with Jake’s picture. He wants him to find out what he can on him, and Charlie wonders if this is someone else he suspects James is cheating with. HA!

Name Your Source – President Ghost wants to know who gave Charlie the albatross information. He tells him that currently, the list of the people he can trust is short, and he is on the list. NAWL, Fitz! You can’t trust him either. Bless his little betrayed heart.

David’s House of Chaos – David comes home to see his house has been ransacked and things are everywhere. He hears a noise, ducks for cover and from the bottom of the table, he sees a woman’s feet as she walks out his house.

Ninja David

He just can’t catch a break!

They’ve Been Made – Huck and Quinn are driving around, tailing Director Osbourne and he’s trying to school her on the act of tailing folks. She’s distracted, asking him if he’s found a new family to watch. Then Huck realizes Osbourne’s car is taking a new route. He goes “we’ve been made.” Uh oh. That doesn’t sound ok.

Threats on Pope – Olivia’s at home when there’s a knock at her door. She opens it and finds a pissed off Osbourne. He’s asking why she’s been having him followed for the past week, and all of a sudden, the video feed that Jake is watching shuts off. What voodoo he do? Lawdt, he threatens Liv to leave him alone and she tells him that she knows people with “much higher pay grades” than him and he needs not step to her. WHO HE THINK HE IS? Oh yes. The director of the CIA. Still… DON’T COME GOT POPE!

One Red Cent – The Gladiators walk in the office to find David on their couch. He spent the night there, after finding his apartment in shambles. Poor thing. Then in comes Hollis and his wife, who are there to get their help. He is their newest client. Hollis has been married 5 times, and has 8 children. His youngest, Maybelle, is being held hostage. He plays the Gladiators the video of her crying talmbout her kidnapper (who is apparently her ex-boyfriend Justin) wants $20 million or they won’t see her again.

As his wife panics and Liv looks concerned, Hollis tells them that the video is great acting, and he doesn’t believe her because she’s on drugs and is always trying to bleed him for money. He laughs at the thought of paying a ransom, saying “It’ll be a cold day in hell before I pay one red cent…” WELP. He ain’t here for it.

When Something Mellie This Way Comes – Mellie’s all in Cyrus’ face trying to find out info on President Ghost’s dealings and Cyrus tells her that he doesn’t know because he’s still not in the inner circle, mainly because of her shady behind. He then proceeds to read her like Wikipedia, saying when he let down his guard a little bit, she basically screwed him.

Cyrus Guard down 2 Cyrus Guard Down

And then he ends it with “Like a friend of mine likes to say, It’s handled.” CYRUS BEENE THE GOON, LADIES AND GENTS!

The Ear Apparent – The Gladiators are in the conference room with the Doyles when they open a package and it’s an ear. Maybelle’s ear. AW SNAP! It’s really getting real. Everyone looks shocked, besides Hollis, who is snacking and looking non-plussed. He wants someone to show him some receipts and proof that this is not a trick. David says they should call the cops. Umm… sir. THAT AIN’T HOW THEY ROLL! Huck replies with “If I wanted to see my loved one alive, I wouldn’t call the cops. I’d call us. Every time.” I’m with Huck.

Schedule Change – Mellie goes to the President’s secretary to see his schedule for the weekend. When she’s informed that his schedule is cleared for the weekend since the older kids are coming, she tells her to unclear it. Why’s she putting her nose in this? Lawd.

Karma Cackle – Cyrus calls Olivia and starts running his mouth when she interrupts him to say she doesn’t have time. She’s handling Hollis’ kidnapped daughter’s case. Cy says “Karma!” and cackles. He ain’t right. But it’s ok.


I love he.

Jake’s Crib Invasion – Jake calls Olivia and asks her out to lunch. She says she’d love to but she’s tied up at work. He says “of course” and opens up the door to her apartment, which he knows it currently empty. He looks at some of her papers, with info on the Wendy-Albatross business, takes pics and then he switches the video feed back on. WTF?!?! Jake is all in Liv’s house. Why isn’t Liv’s house better protected than this? I HAZ QUESTIONS!

Snitching is a Habit – Jake goes to see President Ghost and tells him that the mole is CIA Director Osbourne. When he’s questioned about how sure he is, he says his source is the same one that helped them with the hostage situation, and he trusts that it’s reliable info. Your move, Mr. President.

Imperfect Family – As Huckleberry Quinn stakes out the place where they think the kidnapped Maybelle is being held, they see a family. Quinn suggest that the family be Huck’s new one and he says no, because they don’t have a dog and a yard. Oh, he got standards, huh?


Earless Proof Positive – Hollis was skeptic about the whole hostage situation so he asked for proof of Maybelle’s cut off ear. The Gladiators get proof, in the form of the left side of her face, sans ear. And as soon as he sees it, Hollis turns to mush. “PAY’EM! PAY THOSE SUMBITCHES!” Mmhmm, he wasn’t tryna hear nobody before. But he did care.

Liv says they can pay the kidnapper, but only $10 million first. And then the other half when they can guarantee Maybelle’s safety. Hollis wanted to pay it all but she told him she wasn’t there for his advice. McWELPY!

For the Republic – Charlie gives Cyrus a file on Jake, with info he digged up on him. Cy marches right into the Oval Office and starts talmbout Fitz’ time in the Navy in Iran. President Ghost asked if he looked into his past to secure his job but Cyrus says he did it to show that they’ve BOTH done things that can’t be talked about. And they both did it for the love and protection of the “republic.” His was Defiance.  SPEAK, CYRUS! Stop shutting him out, Prez Ghost. Rekindle the bromance!

Fitz tells him to sit down and says that Osbourne’s office is currently being packed up because he’s the mole. Aw snap! I think he just gave Cy inner circle status again. And Mellie’s at the door listening in on the conversation.

Hollis’ Thug is Down – Hollis is almost in tears talking to Quinn about how he “let my baby down.” It’s refreshing seeing him all vulnerable like this.

Hollis Tears Hollis Tears 2

Then his phone rings and it’s Maybelle, saying her kidnapper is demanding the other half of the payment in 20 minutes. She gives them an address and the Gladiators drive there. I was not trusting her ONE BIT with every call she made.

Ennehweighs, Liv, Huck and Quinn show up outside of a warehouse and as tension rises when they wait, Huck asks if he can go in. Liv tells him no, and finally Maybelle runs out, they put her in the car and drive off.

I was not trusting her ONE BIT with every call she made. Crackheads will cut off their big toes for one more hit so for $20 million, shoo…

Pope’s Date Night – Cyrus calls Liv saying he’s coming over with wine and she tells him she’s got a date. She’s in a gorge white cocktail dress and is putting on shoes as she talks. And then she asks “how is he?” and had to be reminded that she’s going on a date so she shouldn’t ask. When Jake shows up, Liv is back in pants and a sweater, not looking like someone who has plans. He  tells her to get ready and she says she isn’t going because she is not over her ex.


Jake tells her to close her eyes. And then gives one of my favorite monologues of the episode:

Whoever I am, I like you. I like you a lot. I like how you say what when you answer the phone, how you always seem to be wearing white, how wine seems to be a food group for you, I like that you know who you are, and that you fix everyone around you. 

The men of Scandal have the BEST monologues. I be ready to throw my nightscarf at the TV when they talk.

When he’s done, he tells her to close her eyes and she does. And then he plays tongue hockey with her. Smoother than 90s R&B. When he finally pulls away, he asks if she’s still thinking about her ex and she shakes her head “no” and he says goodnight. SHE LYING!

Maybelle’s Kidnapper – Liv and the Doyles are with Maybelle at the hospital, with her bandaged head and Hollis shows his soft side, which is cute and creepy at the same time. Back at the Gladiator office, Harrison finds out that Justin, Maybelle’s supposed kidnapper has been in Thai jail for like a week. At the same time, Huck inspects the cut off ear and says that it’s too jagged of a job for it to be done by anyone but the person whose ear it is. That broad kidnapped herself! Either that or Manti Te’o’s girlfriend did it. (-_-)

A lot of us saw that coming because she wasn’t to be trusted from the get go, so we deserved a group high five for that! And Hollis had been right to be so skeptical of her at first. Trifling game recognizes trifling game!

They bring Maybelle to the Gladiator office, and she doesn’t deny it. She turns to Hollis and says “you always find a way to screw me.” LIL TYRANT! YOU CUT OFF YOUR OWN EAR! SHUT YO ASS UP! When children yell “I HATE YOU, MOM!” at 5 years old, this is the adult they can turn into. Liv (who was rocking dark clothes) tells her “You’re not just spoiled and selfish. You’re stupid.” GO IN, THEN!

Stupid Scandal 1 Stupid Scandal 2

Love or Money? – Hollis is disgusted by his daughter and he tells her that she can have the $20 million if she promises to never come back. She has to choose between her family and that money. Maybelle doesn’t hesitate much, choosing the money as her mother starts bawling. To be really real, I’d pick my family over $20 million without hesitation. Family over everything.

Tantrums and Hissy Fits – Albatross Osbourne goes in Cyrus’ office to say he’s been told to leave his position, and accused of being a government mole. He says he’s served the government for decades and he would never do such a thing. Beene the beast tells him “The President has decided that he no longer needs your services. And I serve at the pleasure of the President.” Salute, sir!

Mellie Reads for Life – Mellie walks in the Oval Office and President Ghost starts yelling at her because she told his secretary to unclear his schedule. He’s pissed because he thinks she’s trying to keep their kids away from him, and he knows she isn’t that maternal and he basically lets her have it. And then she turns around and reads him like he’s Microsoft Encarta and it’s 1997. He’s been mean and yelling at the kids and they chose not to come home. She tells him scotch has become his BFF, he’s no longer the Fitz and father they know, and he has become HIS father, who he hated. “You are Big Jerry.” And the look on his face is priceless. Then she hits us with the best line of the night.


“It’s because you found your precious Olivia doesn’t have the secrets of the universe tucked between her magical thighs.”


REAAAADDDDD, MELLIE! Say what you will about that manipulative shrew but she ain’t lie there! Every time I’m on the verge of hating Mellie, she goes and does something like this. I hate that I can’t hate her! By hate, I mean love.

New Family Love – Huck notices that Quinn can’t get in touch with her father and she seems a bit sad about it. He drives her to the front of a house, with a dad and child having dinner, and he tells her about them. She asks him if this is the family, because they aren’t what Huck wants (remember dog and yard)? Huck tells her it’s not for him. AAWWWW Huckleberry Quinn is officially adorbs.

Huckleberry Quinn 1 Huckleberry Quinn 2 Huckleberry Quinn 3 Huckleberry Quinn 4

Get me a family of my own to stalk so I know it’s real!

Osbourne Left for Dead – It’s announced on the news that newly-former Director of the CIA was found dead in his car, from an apparent suicide and Olivia’s mouth drops. They show his body in the car and his brain juice is all over the windows. AW NAW!

The Wrong Mole – Jake is sitting on a park bench with some older dude we shall call Whitley’s Byron Douglass. The guys asks him if he took care of “it” and if they bought that Osbourse was the mole. Jake says yes, and Byron keeps it moving. And the episode ends.

My. jaw. was. on. the. floor. SO JAKE KILLED OSBOURNE?!? AND SET HIM UP TO BE ALBATROSS?!?  *runs around the house* *slides off my couch* *gets up* *wall slides* OMGGGGGGGGGGG!!! I AM UNABLE, LAWD!!! UNABLE TO FIND ANY CANS! I CANNOT! MY ABILITY TO CAN IS AT AN ALL TIME LOW!

Unable to Can gif

CHILE! Just when we all thought the mole was handled, Shonda throws this giant wrench into our plans and slays us all! WHOOOOOO!

I have so many questions. Like who is the Byron dude? And how many people is Jake working for? What is his real motivation?

Who Is The Mole Scandal

Also, what part of your body would you cut off for $20 million? If you had to choose between your family and $20 million, which would you choose?

As always, shoutout to Scandal Moments Tumblr for the show gifs.

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  1. Sasha
    March 29, 2013 at 7:25 am

    Luvvie, you are KILLING me with the can!! I live for your tweets & recaps. You are the bomb dot com!

  2. EJ
    March 29, 2013 at 7:32 am

    I love the title of next weeks episode ‘Molly, You in Danger Girl’ can’t wait!!!

  3. Lisalis
    March 29, 2013 at 7:57 am

    My pressure is still up after last night’s episode. I’m out of shape and now that Scandal’s back on every week, I’ve got to get it together!

    BTW…I saw Judy Smith at Morgan State University’s Women’s History Month lecture and she was PHENOMENALASTIC!!! She was so real. She got down off the stage, got from behind the podium and PREACHED in all of her “Yes, I am the Badness of which you’ve heard” fabulousness.

    Who else has seen her in person?

    • Buks
      April 5, 2013 at 3:40 pm

      Saw her last month in Madison, WI. The Black Law Student’s Assoc on campus brought her to speak and she was the same PHENOMENALASTIC that you speak of!! Even thought it was mad late she stayed to talk to people one-on-one for an extra 30 min afterwards and she was Real! Loved her!! Got a pic with her afterwards.

  4. Dana
    March 29, 2013 at 7:58 am

    Girl…. Get me a family of my own to stalk so I know it’s real!

  5. Ayana
    March 29, 2013 at 8:06 am

    “whitley’s bryon douglass” – I’m done!! AWESOME recap!

  6. MsDrema
    March 29, 2013 at 8:18 am

    Love the recap. Another unfortunate event for Lemony Snicket! This lack of security at Liv’s place troubles me as well. Can I make it another week?

  7. rikyrah
    March 29, 2013 at 8:21 am

    your recaps ROCK

    thank you

    I couldn’t give up my family for 20 million. ..that girl was hardcore…even harder core than Hollis

    • Rachael
      March 29, 2013 at 10:08 am

      With that kind of money and her apparent habit. She won’t live to enjoy the money anyway.

  8. rikyrah
    March 29, 2013 at 8:24 am

    and, WHO is this Byron dude that they can set up THE DIRECTOR OF THE CIA?

  9. Shazza
    March 29, 2013 at 8:38 am

    Great job again, Luvvie! I’m wondering now that Osborn is dead, will Fitz promote Jake? I’m sure the season will end with Fitz finding out about Jake & Olivia.

  10. Erica
    March 29, 2013 at 8:56 am

    Sooo I’d probably cut off a finger for 20 mil ill trade in some of my family but I’m keeping my boys my mom auntie and sister..

  11. OrganizedChaos
    March 29, 2013 at 9:31 am

    I know believe Shonda Rimes doesnt want me to live! she keeps sending me into epileptic shock. Awesome post luvvie loved the Whitley Gibert mention it made me laugh! You ever thought about doing a recap/reaction on youtube I would pay to see your reactions and see you talk about Scandal!

  12. Valerie
    March 29, 2013 at 9:34 am

    Mellie was THE star of the night for me. She read Fitz for all it was worth and then some. I hope it got through because I am beyond tired of seeing this grown man acting like a whiny man child.

    • OrganizedChaos
      March 29, 2013 at 11:32 am

      I agree Valerie snatched all of Fitz’s edges ! And I was wall sliding for my life.

  13. Diva
    March 29, 2013 at 9:35 am

    Luvvie… Scandal snatches the life right outta my body and you recaps give me my life back!
    I was on the edge of my couch praying that Liv & Cy would tell one another who they were referring too so we can get this Jake shenanigans quicker. But naw, you know Shonda ain’t happy til she got all out emotions in a vice grip.
    I loved tweeting with yall last night.

  14. isonprize
    March 29, 2013 at 9:35 am

    Byron Douglass is Joe Morton is “Brother from Another Planet”

    I HAZ QUESTIONS TOO! Why is it so easy to roll all up in Liv’s apartment?? Huck needs to be on that.

    Again I state – Ima need to know something about Harrison. ANYTHING… Where does he live? How did he meet Olivia? Was it before or after she created OPA? How/why did he become a gladiator?

    I need to know.

    • reallynow
      March 29, 2013 at 10:12 am

      Yessss!! When is the Harrison story coming!?! I need to know.

      As always Luvvie you make my morning with your recaps. Thanka ye, Thanka ye!

      • Msoand
        March 29, 2013 at 12:55 pm

        Harris story must going to be a doozie because his back story is the only one that has not been told. I wonder if it has to do with Whitley Byron Douglas…

        • Jerica
          March 29, 2013 at 1:22 pm

          They have similar head shapes, at fist i thought it was Harrison. Maybe its his daddy

        • ladyscellz
          March 29, 2013 at 5:12 pm

          Yessss…..I was like that dirty rotten dawg!!

      • Shazza
        March 29, 2013 at 4:31 pm

        I saw Columbus Short tweeting that his story was coming soon. I can’t wait! I notice that Huck and Harrison are blindly devoted to Olivia, whatever she wants no questions. I know Harrison was in jail but I really want to know what Olivia did (besides get him out) to inspire it.

    • QuitaP
      March 29, 2013 at 11:39 am

      She knew all of them prior to forming OPA. In one of the flashbacks to the Fitz’ campaign, I believe she worked with Abby, Harrison, and Huck to dig up dirt on Fitz’ opponent. She started OPA after leaving the white house.

    • March 29, 2013 at 1:24 pm

      I too want some Harrison backstory. I looked up the characters on Wikipedia last night because my friends and I randomly started talking about that white or Spanish guy who used to work at OPA, like waaay back in season 1 episode 1 (we were laughing cuz I bet that actor *wishes* he never left the hottest show on tv)… but anyway, Wikipedia says that Harrison worked for a guy who got locked up for insider trading, and Harrison was incriminated too. Somehow, Harrison knew Olivia, called her, she got him the best lawyer in town, and then Harrison only got locked up for six months. That is all the backstory we get, apparently. #notenough

      • jes
        March 29, 2013 at 3:19 pm

        Harrison and Liv went to Hillman together…Whitley’s Douglas is here for revenge cuz Dwayne tutored Harrison and he ain’t ever get over being left at the alter…#heyicouldbright

        • Shazza
          March 29, 2013 at 4:32 pm

          LOL! Great job putting that idea together!

        • Diva
          March 29, 2013 at 6:08 pm

          Perfect. Let’s call Shonda!

        • MsDiva
          March 29, 2013 at 6:21 pm

          You are Hilarious!!!!

  15. SayWhat!!
    March 29, 2013 at 9:39 am

    Death by these recaps!! Oh Lawwwd u killed me!

  16. bb
    March 29, 2013 at 9:46 am

    Mellie hurt my feelings with that damn read. My Lawd.

    • bb
      March 29, 2013 at 10:17 am

      Honestly, she read Fitz into recovery. How do you read so hard you cover all 12 steps of AA in 7 minutes!

      • YBL
        March 29, 2013 at 12:42 pm

        Mellie sho nuff did! Did Fitz NOT rethink taking another sip of the yak after she left him for dead?! 7 minutes flat!

  17. Somerset
    March 29, 2013 at 10:11 am

    I love that you remember Joe Morton was Whitley Gilbert’s Byron Douglass back in the day. Re-watching old eps of A Different World I feel lihe Douglass was pre-Obama before Obama came on the scene (Douglass did not have a civil rights Jackson/Sharpton feel about him although he did use some civil rights inflections).

    I agree with isonprize. I want to see more about Harrison, but I think with all his suave coolness and powerful composure once he gets a love interest it’s going to set some stuff up –last night he alluded to liking ladies who like shoes, plural on the women. Harrison seems like he would fall hard if he lets his guard down.

  18. GypsyGyal
    March 29, 2013 at 10:25 am

    For 20 million I would cut my bangs….that is about it!

    • foxxtalltrees
      March 30, 2013 at 11:09 am


    • shoooooo
      April 6, 2013 at 2:38 pm

      I got an extra fat roll, iont want.
      But the rest of of me I shol is usin!

  19. KemaB
    March 29, 2013 at 10:31 am


    This episode was crazy I never believed the daughter she is a crackhead if they would give random fellatio for a fix cutting off an ear is not a surprise. I loooooove Cyrus he has the best one liners and his Karma laugh was priceless. I’m loving Huckleberry Quinn and I agree we need more of Harrison’s story but I know Shonda will have a big shock there.

    When Mellie read Fitz I finally understood what Miss Keri Baby feels when she reads her mentions Fitz needed that we needed that and those are the shining moments she has that reminds us why her character is necessary. Osborne’s death and the Appearance of Senator Byron lawd I can’t wait for next wk.. Great recap

    • March 31, 2013 at 9:14 am

      “When Mellie read Fitz I finally understood what Miss Keri Baby feels when she reads her mentions”

  20. Rachmo
    March 29, 2013 at 11:00 am

    ” And then she turns around and reads him like he’s Microsoft Encarta and it’s 1997.” THIS! I was super pissed at Mellie until she read him like he was Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Seriously, I might be a little #teammellie

    • Nichelle
      March 31, 2013 at 1:53 am

      “Read him like Harry potter and the deathly hallows” _____^___^_____________*flatline*
      I’m glad I have the Lifeproof case on my phone, or I’d be after you! Lol spit out my drink all over my electronics playin around in these comments bahahaaaa!!!

  21. SoloDolo
    March 29, 2013 at 11:05 am

    Shooooo for $20 mil I would cut off my left pinky toe but I wouldn’t trade my family for that. Shoooo Maybelle should have chosen her family cuz when they die the money will be half hers anyway. I live for your recaps girl

  22. […] a breakdown of the plot, check out Luvvie‘s hilar recap here. And leave a comment with any more Olivia Pope fashion requests and I will do my best to find them […]

  23. OrganizedChaos
    March 29, 2013 at 11:35 am

    I lived for Mellie’s read but Oliva’s read on the “poor little rich girl” almost snatched me bald as well.

  24. […] a breakdown of the plot, check out Luvvie‘s hilar recap here. And leave a comment with any more Olivia Pope fashion requests and I will do my best to find them […]

  25. March 29, 2013 at 11:58 am

    I LOVEme some Mellie! She’s bad wether we like her or not…& that was the best line of the night. Jake is confusing me…I thought I liked him. I’d choose my immediate family only, lol!

  26. nichole
    March 29, 2013 at 12:07 pm

    Finally, David was in the inner circle to see how the Gladiators work. And he seemed to be enjoying it too. His former white hat is now a little beige.

    I love how Cyrus lets Mellie think he’s working for her. She really needs some people. And Fitz should know better. It’s Cyrus. The main guy who was helping him run the country. Unfortunately Prez. Ghost is inebriated and he was shot so his brain cells are having issues. And he’s Big Jerry now, so…

    That Jake kiss was, well?! It was the type of kiss where you feel something. But he is no good to the core. Fitz bringing him in to watch Olivia seems to be just what he needed to get in the inner sanctum to mess some stuff up. Lawd

    What does Shonda Rhimes have against us and breathing? She snatches it away at the end of every show.

  27. marge
    March 29, 2013 at 12:13 pm

    For 20 million dollars I’d cut off my fingernail. and family over money – ALWAYS.
    People are so blinded by the green. I’m not going to cut off something of God’s creation for money. NO MA’AM NO SIR!

  28. LadyLarke
    March 29, 2013 at 12:18 pm

    LMAOOOOO That can .gif was everything!!!!
    For the past couple of weeks Shonda hasn’t murked us at the last 3 minutes. That’s why I was totally and completely unprepared for the events that took place at the end of the episode. I was staring at the television after it was over like the answer was gonna magically appear or something.

    I’m with Cy. Karma is a b*tch!!! Hollis needed to be slapped hard in the face, and who better to do it than his own flesh and blood.

    Mellie kept making me sad the entire episode, but when she read Fitz his rights like a cop I had to do my two snaps and a twist lol.

    Huck and Quinn are gonna have sweaty spy sex in the not too distant future. You can quote me on that!

    Why, Jake??? WHY?!

    I would never trade any amount of money over family. Blood over everything.

  29. The Bunni
    March 29, 2013 at 2:00 pm

    I knew Maybelle was lying from the beginning too. What’s an ear for $20 million. With $20 million she could buy ears and switch them up like Mr Potato Head.

    • DRAY
      March 29, 2013 at 3:03 pm

      wall slides @ switching those ears up like mr potato head!

    • March 29, 2013 at 4:32 pm

      Your Mr. Potato Head comment for the win!

      I looked at my husband and said, “The bitch cut off her own ear!” That is a special kind of crazy you hope you never run into.

      A heffa that will cut off her own ear, even for $20 million will not hesitate to cut off stuff on somebody else. But Liv calling her stupid was too funny! I loveded it!

  30. M
    March 29, 2013 at 2:25 pm

    As Vanessa Williams said in the original Soul Food “eff the Family” – for $20 Million I can buy new people.

    Never liked Jake but I’m intrigued with how this will all play out.

    That can .gif gave me life on this weary Good Friday! See you all next week!

  31. Akua
    March 29, 2013 at 2:46 pm

    This recap was everything, as always.

    I cosign with you about Mellie. I can’t stand her, but that read last night. That read was epic and made me throw my shoe across the room. I was here for Mellie last night.

    Can we also talk about how Hollis was hollering “git” at Maybelle? Like she was a dog or a raccoon?

    I need to get back on my cardio game because Scandal is going to have me stroke out one of these days.

    • brendadc
      March 29, 2013 at 7:31 pm

      Yes! When Hollis said “git” I was lmaooo! Also, Mellie had a GREAT scene. This is the first episode in a minute that’s left me speechless. I have so many questions! Shonda, why you playing with my emotions??

  32. saro
    March 29, 2013 at 4:33 pm

    Am I the only one who thinks Hollis won’t actually give his daughter that money? He said, “I’ll transfer that money. TOMORROW.” This is Hollis, I was expecting him to go, “Well, that was a test and SIKE you ain’t getting any money AND you have no family.”

  33. March 29, 2013 at 4:40 pm

    For $20 million I could let go of a pinky toe or two. They both got a tiny corn that ruins the experience of wearing stilettos any way.

    Mellie finally got tired of Fitz’s brooding drunk ass. I wonder if he is going to start to get over himself.

    I love Cyrus. He is a beast for real.

    Huckleberry Quinn is awesome. Quinn got on my nerves at first, but it was too cute last night, getting Huck is own family, then him getting one of her own.

    I got so much life from the tweets and this post already – especially with the can GIFs.

  34. Shannon
    March 29, 2013 at 4:52 pm

    for $20Mill I’d cut my hair (trust me that’s a major sacrifice, since I’ve been natural I take growing hair a little more seriously than growing character). I love my family too much to trade them in (though me and and my dad aren’t talking for free so i wouldn’t mind getting a little cash from it)

  35. Milaxx
    March 29, 2013 at 5:04 pm

    How come Liv can’t keep folks from barging all up in her crib? She the baddest of the bad yet it feels like she had a revolving on her place. Puddin’ Pop came and went whenever he felt like it, Osbourne got in and was all up in her face and Jake in there like a ninja & who knows how he got in and set up his creepy cameras.

  36. Luxurylatte
    March 29, 2013 at 5:10 pm

    The episode was everything. simply. Everything. And I truly think Mellie is behind ALLA IT. Ransacking David’s house, setting dude up, Jake distracting Olivia from the president. I think it’s all Mellie ALLA time and no one will see it until it’s too late. I also think eventually David will also become a gladiator. He’s in teh office too much and knows too much of their inner workings to not eventually become one of them.

  37. Tainette aka PurpleAfroPuffs
    March 29, 2013 at 5:21 pm

    2 things I wanna mention…
    1. Shonda just needs to hire you to do the live tweeting for the show.
    2.That can gif,I’m done.

  38. GoldenLady00
    March 29, 2013 at 5:37 pm

    “reads him like he’s Microsoft Encarta and it’s 1997”

    This is why I can’t quit you Luvvie. You give me back the life that is so easily taken every Thursday at 9 pm CST.

    And that preview for next week? My soul will be in a state of unrest until next Thursday.

  39. Erin
    March 29, 2013 at 5:48 pm

    I didn’t get to re-watch the episode yet, so I totally could’ve missed it, but um….WHO SHUT OFF THE VIDEO FEED???? When Jake broke into her apartment, he had to go to the back of her equipment and reconnect something, didn’t he? It wasn’t like there was a short or anything. So how did it get disconnected?

    That Mellie line….MAN! I don’t like the broad, but that was the BEST line EVER! She told him right. Get up out of your funk, dude. Yeah, we all lied, but guess what? You’re now PRESIDENT Fitz. You’re welcome.

    And finally, Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeey Harrison!

    • JazzT
      April 1, 2013 at 8:21 am

      I believe that was the magical Osbourne. He is..WAS…the Head of the CIA. He knows he needs to be disabling rooms errywhere he goes.

  40. Sunny
    March 29, 2013 at 6:06 pm

    The $20 million reference is pretty close to the T. Boone Pickens family in Texas. The son is asking for that amount to shut down his tell all blog about his family. Nice twist with current events.

    Also, what was Liv pushing on that wall by the bookshelf before the CIA Director came in? Whatever it was seemed to have disabled any type of recording device that he may have come in with, hence Jake’s screen going black.

    The can .gif is a stroke of genius and I live for the foolishness that ensues here!

  41. asetdivine
    March 29, 2013 at 6:09 pm

    This is a great recap!

    Hollis’ daughter is just like him so nothing she did surprised me. He made that little monster. The fact that she cut off her own ear though…I just… 0.0

    Mellie had the best speech last night. It was about time someone read Fitz…Cyrus and Olivia will be telling him off soon when they find out that he was the one that put Jake up to watching/stalking her which put her in danger. Jake seems to be an absolute nut-job. He got beef with Fitz and Olivia is his way of getting back at him. His “close your eyes” speech was real cute, but that comment about how much she likes wine would have been a red flag for me. I loved Huck and Quinn’s interaction last night too. I can’t wait for Harrison’s story to be told and I’m hoping guest star Jasika Nicole is part of it. The only thing I thought when I saw Byron from A Different World was that he was the first Edison (aka faux Bill); he was just as thirsty and unwanted as Edison was. Speaking of Edison…Could he have something to do with all this considering he is the head of the Intelligence Committee and Jake works in the intelligence department also?

    I wanna thank Shonda Rhimes for destroying my entire life space every week.

  42. Aliyah Yasmine
    March 29, 2013 at 6:39 pm

    Am I the only one that thought Mellie’s eye looked creepy alongside the door as she tried to listen in on Cyrus and the President’s convo? I just KNEW somebody was going to make that gif! BTW, love your blog and tweets!

  43. Mirah
    March 29, 2013 at 11:55 pm

    I look forward to this blog almost as much as I look forward to Scandal. I am HOOKED

  44. Pam
    March 31, 2013 at 2:05 am

    I’d have to negotiate that 20 million vs. family thing. I mean, how about i give up half my family and I get 10 million? In addition, if I get to choose which half, I’d happily cut off my middle finger, as I would need it less, lol. Great recap as usual. I have no idea who the mole is. I do love that SR keeps spoilers at a minimum and plays it all so close to the vest. Keeps us all in a frenzy. I know mine is a minority opinion, but I like Jake. Though I think he won’t be around much longer, I was kinda hoping he turned out to be a good guy after all.

  45. March 31, 2013 at 9:33 am

    #1: I am done with that can .gif DONE I tell you!
    #2: Jake scares me. I don’t know if he’s the mole or not but the way he sits around watching Olivia just ain’t right. He was not amused with his feed being cut and ran up in there like a junkie to get his Liv fix!
    #3: I know it’s wrong but with a name like Maybelle in 2013, I’d probably have a problem too. Not a drug and extort my family problem but definitely a chip on my shoulder problem. But Liv read her the way we were ALL thinking. I can’t stand a “Poor Little Rich Girl.” Ugh. And she took the money? More for the other seven. Bye, Junkie!
    #4: Poor David “Lemony Snicket” Rosen. He stays losing. And I love seeing him and Harrison because Harrison looks so annoyed with his presence.
    #5: I hollered when Hollis kept eating his bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit when that ear tumbled onto the table. That’s why he was head of the Undercover League of Goons.
    #6: Mellie snatched ALLLLLLLLLLLLL the life from Prez. Tipsy. Didn’t see that coming but I lived for it.
    #7: I knew Shonda wasn’t going to let us have Cy and Liv find out they’ve got the same problem child yet. That won’t happen until the end of the season. hmph

  46. shadgg02
    March 31, 2013 at 6:23 pm

    i, purposely avoided your blog until I had a chance to see the entire epi (finally got around to DVRing). I had a chance to read everyone’s comments and I am on the same thinking as a lot of you. I can honestly say i hate and love Mellie. while the ratio leans more to the hate side, she moved the needle a little when she read Fitz for all his milk and cookies! and iCackled at Cy’s “karma”!!! I secretly love the tension between him and Mellie.
    but I haz questions!!!!

    1. Are we EVER gonna see the other kids??
    2. Family or money???? let me think about it….
    3. Who Jake talking to??? Whitley’s Byron betta NOT be a part of Harrison’s back story! or this is gonna be some mickey fickey bullshigadity for real!!
    4. WHY come Olivia’s house stay getting raided like a crack house??
    5. LAAWD! Shonda n’em always raising my blood pressure!! What we do to deserve this? Why we being treated like the Flowers in the Attic kids?

    Luvvie……if you don’t get some kinda side hustle with Shonda, the innanets are gonna go buck wild!!!

  47. Absurdist
    March 31, 2013 at 7:48 pm

    Oh, and:
    If Osbourne isn’t the leak, what the eff is going on at that dry cleaner’s place? And how much is Jake paying Molly to chase David Rosen around DC and maintain that Osbourne killed Wendy?

  48. April 1, 2013 at 8:59 am

    I’d cut off my pinky toe for $20 million. I could still rock a peep toe and be fly!

    And this…



  49. April 1, 2013 at 12:22 pm

    I would definitely choose my family. I love them unconditionally and no amount of money is gonna buy me that type of love and happiness. To be really real Luvvie, I ain’t cutting off #noun body part for $20 million dollars. I’d cut a mole, or a callous. I’d cut my fingernails, but an actually body part, I has a need for every part of my body LOL.

  50. JustJoan
    April 1, 2013 at 12:56 pm

    Honeychile I cannot believe you did not recognize Joe Morton as Jake’s bench visitor. Joe Morton as in “Brother From Another Planet?” “Terminator 2?” Henry from “Eureka?” Seriously, this is a famous and fabulous dude and I can only hope he is back for beaucoup episodes.

  51. mz.niecy
    April 1, 2013 at 3:09 pm

    Get me a family of my own to stalk so I know it’s real!

    I was weak when I read this…Cannot wait til next episode…and I would chose my family, I have the greatest mama in the world!!!

  52. JozieGyrl
    April 1, 2013 at 8:19 pm

    Thanks Luvvie for the recap (and the recover) from this episode. Folks pretty much covered it all, so I’ll just say one thing. I was holding my opinion of Jake because Liv just couldn’t get a new love interest so quickly in Shondaland. Too good to be true. Now, Jake just seems crazzzzy/derrranged–like pajamas in the club ADT deluxe package crazy. I agree with a PP, he seems to know a lot about her given that they’ve only been out on that quasi-date. Why didn’t she pick up on that? I dunno. Liv’s gotta be more careful. It’s hard out ‘dere for a girl-child.

  53. TiffWalk
    April 5, 2013 at 3:54 pm

    I sooo love the recap. I’m new to this so can someone PLEASE explain the can to me.

    • shoooooo
      April 6, 2013 at 3:00 pm

      @tiffwalk go back a few days ahe just posted a glossary!

      I could never say it better than she does herself!