10 Things That Happened After Nigeria Won the African Cup

Nigeria just defeated Burkina Faso to win the African Soccer something big and awesome championship match tournament. Or the African Cup of Nations. But I like my description better. Anywho, Nigerians everywhere are currently losing their minds in glee.

1. Your Facebook newsfeeds exploded with celebrating Nigerians.

The moment the game ended, all the Nigerians on Facebook updated their statuses. Seriously. It all happened at once. I didn’t even watch the game and I knew as soon as it happened.

2. Someone’s mama snatched off her wrappa and rolled around on the ground talmbout WE TANK GOD O!

You know it and I know it too. Nigerians are a dramatic people and celebrations (and mourning) isn’t complete until someone’s mama strips to her underskirt in jubilance or sadness.

3. NEPA took light.

I’m pretty sure as soon as the game was over, someone found themselves in complete darkness in Nigeria as their light was turned off. Because NEPA is a haterbish and not about that life. This is a shameful fact. Ko ni da fun NEPA!

4. Someone somewhere hit their Brother Franklin.

Well, more like multiple people. I’m sure there are thousands, if not millions who are currently jigging for Jesus right this moment.

WERK, BROTHER FRANKLIN!

5. People are looking for green-white-green alphets to rock with pride.

If you’re like me, what matters here is that I have an excuse to rock green and white tomorrow. I can break out them green jeans I own and pair them with my white blazer and some white chucks. But I also have a green longsleeve. I could rock with some white jeans and my green and white chucks. So I too can look like a walking Nigerian flag.

6. People are customizing Bible verses and praising the Lord. Like:

“Our Super Eagles who art in South Africa. Victory be thy name, thy trophy come. The cup be brought to us, as it is in 1994. Give us this cup oh Keshi and forgive those who killed Victor Moses’ parents, as we forgave our leaders who have milked us dry, and lead us not not into extra time, but deliver us in 90 minutes. For thine is the trophy, the title and Jonathan’s largese after u win today. Did I hear you say Amen?” – Segun Gele

Because Nigerians love Jesus. And we’re clever.

And you know someone is doing a super loud PRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIISSSSSSEEEEEEE THEEEE LOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRDDDDDDDDDDD!!!! HAAALLLEEEELLLUUUYAAAAHHH!!!

Chile, I love us.

7. Nigerians declared tomorrow as a national holiday.

I really hope people aren’t expecting Nigerians to be at work tomorrow. And if we do show up, expect us around lunch time. Our soccer team won the championship??? SHIDDD! That’s major. Tonight, we must celebrate and tomorrow too. NATIONAL HOLIDAY FOR EVERYONE!

8. Folks are popping bottles of Guinness, Heineken and Bailey’s Irish Cream.

Immediately after the win, folks reached for their bottles of Guinness (stout) and Heineken to take a swig! And dhat better way to celebrate victory than to open that bottle of Bailey’s Irish Cream you’ve been saving for a special occasion? Abeg, pour me a cup joh! Toasting to the Super Eagles and the fact that it’s Sunday.

9. Bandwagon fans like me celebrate.

Yes. EVERYONE is taking this time to hoot and holler, including bandwagon fans like me. I barely even knew the game was coming on and I had to look up the name of the competition. I don’t watch soccer so… fight me. Either way. Sharrap and lemme celebrate in peace.

10. People are updating their websites.

Like I just did.

Congrats to the Nigerian Super Eagles! And to my fellow Nigerians. Y’all know we never need an excuse to party but whenever we get one, we take FULL advantage. What else did I miss?

P.S. UP NAIJA!!!