Parents Are About to Put Their Little Broke Best Friends Out! – CoronaQuarantine Chronicles

These are some interesting times, ain’t they? COVID-19 has our whole underskirt showing out here. This Coronavirus got us hemmed up in the worst of ways, and now we’re having to social distance to try to get it under control. Not having to go to work sounds fun but for parents, it means spending 24/7 with their kids aka their little broke best friends.

Children are a blessing, but they are also life’s ways of telling us that sex has consequences and repercussions. Those little somebodies are a handful, and now that schools are out, parents have nowhere to drop them to.

Monday was the first day of kids having to stay home from school when they expect to be there and I wanted to check in on folks to see how they’re hanging in there with these little no-bill paying moochers they birthed.

Let’s just say that wine bottles were emptied and after all this has cleared up, I think we can all agree that teachers need to be made instant millionaires. Teachers are the underrated rockstars of the world and they need to be paid a gajillion dollars and people should bow at their feet.

Below is how parents said their day went. This was just day 1, y’all. LMAO!

*pics of kids used with parental permission

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Trebor: He got big mad because I’m too old and tired to keep pushing him around in a doggone basket all day. I teach 11th grade. I wanna go back to work. ????

Jennifer H:  This is the face of utter resignation “goddamn you are terrible and yet my demands are so reasonable so here we both are”

Kimmie: his face tho!! He tired of it on day one too!! ????????

Miriam: girl he is JUDGING YOU! ????

Lori B: I put a do not disturb sign on my office door while I was on a work videoconference call. One of my Broke best friends WENT OUTSIDE and knocked on my office window to get my attention. It’s looking grim…

Nikki C: ???????????? why my kid busts through the door like the Kool Aid man every time he needs me. He’s 17. I’ve worked from home for 8 years. ????????

Cametra: I thought it was just me! This 15 year old is gonna catch some hands soon! ???????????????????????? He scared the living daylights out of me running in here like there’s an emergency.

Brittany B: I should go buy more wine tomorrow……. thanks for the heads up.

Tricia:  I don’t have kiddos, but at about 4:30 p.m. today, I was talking on the phone to my sister-in-law laughing about the fun/quirky stuff her kiddos have been doing during the last few days. While I’m absentmindedly looking out my back porch window, I see the neighbor kid two houses over. NO LIE. He’s bouncing around his backyard just randomly taking huge whacks at everything in front of him (the trees, the garage, their shed, the wire fence, etc.) WITH A HUGE ADULT-SIZED AXE.  ????????????Parents: I don’t know how you are doing it, but if this is any indication, may the force seriously be with you in the coming weeks. #AvoidAxePlayWhenPossibleMaybeTho

Rachael:  Really thought that was gonna end with “… life sized BRANCH.” And now…. I realize my children are docile well behaved perfect angels. Gonna appreciate them more. Cause at least they aren’t wielding an axe.

Rosanna:  my two girls the other evening when I went to call them inside were both on opposite ends of a bowed up piece of plywood trying to catapult each other into ‘space.’ The kids are not gonna be alright lol.

Kella:  Told my oldest, little broke best friend that she ain’t living here for free because she had the nerve to ask me why she was doing so many chores!! Chilllllleeeeeeeee

Stephanie: You want to know how it is going?! My post from earlier today.

Kai: My husband is working from home, too. I want to social distance from my family, too. The introvert in me wasn’t built for this.

Deadra: Kids are grown but Dude (my husband) has to go in to work. He said this evening, “I should just start coughing so I can be home with you. We could get the grandkids too and make it a staycation. Me: No, No, No, No, No, No…

Gabrielle: girl. I have zero kids but my husband is wfh and I cannot stand him anymore

Michelle: my husband asked me where did I get the nickname Shelly. After 18 years of marriage, you just decided to ask me this question!

Trephene: I’m on a teleconference, talking loud enough for hubs to know. What did he do!?!?! Waltz over to the dishwasher and proceed to ask me loudly if the dishes are clean. First of all, “I. Am. On. The. Phone. And second, even the blind can tell if the dishes are clean. GTFO!

Thea: I love you sister friend. My husband came home today and announced that he too will be “working from home” I died a little inside today.

Ashley A:  same. I work from home full-time, pandemic or not. So, I’m pretty set in my daily routine and schedule. But, now my husband is here working, and our two kids are doing remote schooling for at least two weeks. I didn’t buy enough liquor to prepare for this.

Kai:  SAME! He is still talking to me! I love him, but dayum. He may get quiet time with the kids.

Ola: I kept leaving to “go buy water” ???? I need my space!

Niya: I start WFH today, 1 kid left at home, the others are adults. After 14 years he’s saying this will make us “Closer”…I hate it here!!!

Laura: This whole thread is the best. I work from home regularly and now the kids are with me for week 2 – last week was spring break. Today he said “I could work from home some this week” and I truly coughed up my cocktail. No no no more people in my house!

Tenee: Girl, my husband and I only have been married for 3yrs, but when our job told us that we can WFH I started making drs appts, making grocery store runs, picking up the baby from daycare…again etc. I can’t. ????????????

Angela J:  I was on a conference call and my 16 year old girl burped loud enough to wake the dead! “Get thee behind me Satan!”

Kathleen B:  I feel you. My husband came home early yesterday and I demanded to know why he was there. That went over well.

Shakila:  omg this is day 1 and I’m already ready to go risk it all and go outside. ????

Sara R: I’m at home with my husband and 2 kids. I always thought I was an extrovert, but I don’t think that word has meaning anymore.

Erin: The 2YO gave herself full tattoo sleeves while I dealt with the 7YO’s behavior meltdown. And we are actually on official spring break this week – school at home doesn’t even start until next week.  I have enough toilet paper. I do not have enough tequila. Or sanity.

Autumn: After 15 minutes of fighting I made them time out hug for a few minutes! Oh they were not happy with me! Mom for the win! ????????????  Also I’m pretty sure he was trying to choke her out????????

Colleen: My colleague asked if I was rolling my eyes at my boss during a zoom meeting with our team. I said, no, that I was just looking up at the ceiling and thinking my kids who were a floor above me were gonna tear the house down as they ran back and forth keeping things from each other and fighting. And they are 8, 11, 13, and 15. Sweet. Moses!

Alisea B: So.much.gaming Haven’t seen my 19 year old for 2 days he “self quarantined” in front of his XBOX and computer in his room. I left food on the counter last night. It was gone in the morning….I’ve been too busy working to pay the youngest much mind (I did remember to feed him) but he watched a lot of episodes Pokemon and played his Switch. I promised we would play mario cart tomorrow (just have to put it on my calendar so no one schedules me for a meeting)

Michelle M:   almost forgot to feed my 7yr old. He sat there and watched me make a plate and sit down to eat before I saw his sad face! Oops!

Angie D: My 8-year-old had a 30 minute meltdown, crying and telling me I don’t love him or want him to be happy because I wouldn’t let him watch The Walking Dead. So things could be better ????

Anne L: It’s day four for me in Spain. My laptop got decorated today when I went to refill my tiny broke friend’s milk.

Monique B: My husband and I are moving the furniture in our bedroom so we can create a No Smol People Zone. We’ll come out to feed the gremlins and otherwise see them when it’s time to put them back on the school bus. ????????????????

Aleece: remember no food or water at night..or beware

Monique S: We are extended for no school until April 13 – thought I was going to faint! About 10 meltdowns and 92 snacks. Just put liquor in my hot cocoa.

Rhiannon: When M.I.S.T.E.R. came home, I feigned exhaustion just so I could shake these kids off. I forced my eyes closed any time he asked a question. He ain’t hip to the game yet.

Porsche W: Hell we’ve been to the pediatrician twice and the ER already!! One has an upper respiratory infection and the other broke his damn toe!!! Oh and I have to work from home. ???? I need normal life to return immediately!!

Nikki C: I had 3 arguments with my 17 year old who was “tired of being inside all day” “tired of being in his room” “had things to go do” “people his age not even getting sick” “he left his jacket at work and needs to go get it”….it’s day 1. He’s going to have to quarantine with a new family. He’s the cheap low price of free99…I will send him with his own rations and PayPal you a monthly stipend.

Dawn K: Hubby let them explore in the attic today when he got off work… The ATTIC. Bonus though, they found our wedding album from 14 years ago ????

Shelia P: I was on a video conference call when my child came flying in yelling “Mommy I gotta go poop. Can you come help me!!” Yeah that’s how our day went

Lindsey V: Both my husband and I are working from home. We have an 8yo son AND MY PARENTS in our home. I love my parents. But I gotta announce every time I’m on a call so I don’t have 2 seniors bickering in the background over how the coffee was made. ????

Melissa Sharon: Well, I didn’t know it but my teenagers informed me that the whole coronavirus is my fault, and I’m ruining their social lives. So, you could say it’s going well.

Rovonne: Thanks to Dat Rona, the youngest has started doing chores early.

Heather H: I have 4 teens. I’m definitely in on the whole conspiracy to ruin their lives. Even the little kids next door think I’m mean, because I won’t let my big kids come over to play. Uh, no, tiny booger pickers. We will not be sharing your air for quite some time, thankyouverymuch.

Karen C: My kids have eaten a weeks worth of food in 3 days. If you see me buying flats of food I am not doomsday prepping, I am just trying to keep these four beasts alive.

Britta: Going on seven weeks here with my broke best friends (yes I’m in Hong Kong). All I can say is best of luck to all of you. Deep breaths. We’ve done it. You can too.

Brooke M: Let’s just say it’s more obvious than ever that I am 100% lacking the stay at home mom gene. ????

Terri M: We are on day 2 and my 13 year old is learning the choreography for Disney+ musicals (starting with High School Musical) and has adopted a budget British accent. All in all we’re hanging in there.

Zipporah: I am not ok! 3 timeouts, meltdowns and threatening all before 1:00 today ????????????????????????????????

Nikki W: Grrl, I asked my husband what day it was because they blurred together and felt like forever o’clock.
Ma’am, he said, “Me and our son have only been on self-quarantine since Friday (3 days ago).”
Oh Buddha. This is the longest quarantine ever.
I told them both, “I can’t miss you if you don’t go away.”
Don’t get me wrong. I love them, but I am a happy introvert.

Sherice D: The 17 yr old tall sucka wasn’t home last night so I was able to eat a full meal alone. He’s back now and has gone through an entire loaf of bread, half pack of deli meat & a half dozen eggs.

Shantavia: We. Are. Not. Okay. I was a teacher for 10 years and have been a stay at home momma for 6. This homeschooling shit is for the birds. Luvvie, come get these kids!

Katie B: My associates (4 and 5) were actually very very good. My business partner, however, almost got murdered for starting to cook when I was trying to clean up after the associates and I made bath bombs. Business partner makes a very tasty steak, so the chairwoman of the board decided he could live another day. ????

Heather F: We already had the talk. They are to keep using their “at school stomachs” and “one glass a day.” Whoever invented snacks…I hope you’re in some 10th circle of hell.

Melanie N: Mine are feral so they stayed outside all damn day! I drank wine, knitted and took a nap. Maybe next week they will do some schoolwork! ????????‍♀️????????‍♀️

Andrea W: I announced today that every time they piss me off, I’m sending them to the bathroom to scrub some grout. Y’all, I’m gonna have a bathroom that sparkles and shines like a tv commercial by the end of this misery.

Lisa B: Why must my child eat every thirty minutes? No wonder all the stores are empty of groceries. It’s these damn kids!

LaShanda A: They “Can I have a snack”ing us to death ‼‼

Tamarsha: I’m bout to give my grown ass broke best friend (my 20 year old son) a dam number page , sight word sheet and a coloring book if he don’t stay TF outta my snacks!????

Norma S:  that’s me. I hope my high school junior doesn’t need much assistance with his e-learning. I might could help him learn new curse words when he tells me that’s not how math works anymore.

Zuri: He coughed without covering his mouth so I told him “I don’t know you like that” and put him outside.

Nicole G: Why was today 47 hours long.

Lauren R: I have resorted to bribing my toddler during work calls. She’s gonna have the most unicorn erasers and stickers ever by the end of this…

Kim S: The youngest spends all day using ungodly amounts of toilet paper like it can’t be used to pay someone’s ransom about now. She’s about to get served ration coupons

Andrea S: She got tired of me and her father with our “plans”

Jamie Lacy: Chillleeee I cried real tears in the check out line at Target yesterday morning when I was told and reminded that you cant buy wine before 12PM in Texas(It was 8:30 AM)!!

Richana: A box of cereal that was bought yesterday was in the trash today. ????????

Naama Haviv: Omg. I’m at home with my husband and a tween who, based on her wild as fuck mood swings, is just seconds away from her first period, and FOUR dogs, one of whom refuses to go poop outside if it’s raining (and it has done nothing but rain for the last week). I. CANNOT. DO. THIS. SOBER.

Ari:  I told my son if he doesn’t wash his hands well he’ll end up in quarantine and no one would visit him. Now he’s washing like a surgeon and running my damn water bill up!

Katie P: Check on your introverted friends who have extroverted kids. WE ARE NOT OKAY.

Marci: ???????????? just finished playing uno and old maid with a 5 and 7 year old. I want to die.

Ruth: A pre-k4 music teacher married to a high school principal here with 2 middle schoolers. You can’t scare us.

Amy S: On the plus side, if I die (due to illness or sheer exhaustion), my family will save on burial costs because I am already entombed in stickers.

Chanel: My son decided to build a robot using random cardboard boxes. He used gorilla glue and wood glue to hold it together and there’s now glue all over the table, chairs and floor ???????? fun times

Christine: Five year old almost burned down the house yesterday. It can only go up from here.

Sarah S: I didn’t know they were so loud. Why didn’t the teachers tell me they’re so loud??

Monica W: I very quickly created a curriculum for “life skills” for my 15 y.o.  Outdoor yard work (PE) and indoor spring cleaning (chem, history, eng).  Plus today he cut up and seasoned a big pack of chicken to eat off of for his next few meals (math).  I ain’t doing jack but point and click. Some of y’all doing too much. ????  These home ec classes are tied to his food. Do the work, then eat.  Ain’t nothing in this life free.  Next he will sort these receipts for my taxes. ????????  Thanks ‘Rona!!

SG Cephas: Lil Megaphone (my loud 5 month old son) might gotta get out and take the bottomless pit aka his 13 yr old sister with him. He screamed and laughed and wanted to be right next to me. Then would cry when I sat him right next to me. She ate about 62.5 times. Put ONE bowl in the sink, and finally EYE forgot to take out meat for dinner so we had waffles lol

Nick: Working remote and don’t know how I am going to homeschool after Day 1 Antics by my crew of 5. I did expect my middle sons to be the heathens for the day but it was my nearly 3yr old daughter. Jesus really needs to take the wheel w/ her.

Julie A: I guess it could be worse?

Neena: I’m actually looking forward to my prenatal appointments this week to have blood drawn and to get an awful shot. I’m LOOKING FORWARD to “me time” away from my darling little broke friends to let a nurse poke and prod me this week…so I can safely bring another broke friend into the world. And I’m not allowed to drink wine through this quarantine. God help me.

Raluca: Everyday comes a point when this, this is how I’m doing ????

Nat:  Ended last week with feedback that we’d be out of school here in Trinidad for a week… it’s been extended to April 20th now…
Last night while having dinner…my three-nager asked me “what’s for lunch tomorrow?!”  TF?! ???? The 5year old is hell-bent on murdering us with Boobah????
The 11 yo watched Contagion, Pandemic and Outbreak, sneezed once, and is convinced she’s on her way to Zion’s gates ????
The 40+ yo fluctuates between bemoaning the closure of all watering holes…and slipping into random periods of hibernation.
If anyone sees Jesus…tell him I’m over here, and I’m NOT ok????

Michelle A: My 7 year old lost her mind when she saw her school packet is literally an entire school day. She’s not amused ????

Tea Tea: I work in a school and I am ready to go back to work.

Diana H: No. I don’t want to be a WFH mom that’s actually working and have to be my little broke best friend’s teacher too. Somebody come get these kids ????

Amanda S: They are in bed and now I’m drunk. That answers that.

Kofo:  Spring break eased into “Stay home” break for us in Houston.. this little person doesn’t mind staying home.
Day 1: we are all on first name basis now ????????‍♀️. School is out till 04/13 in our area, so this is gonna be fun! ????????????

Aldrena: No. And now we have to homeschool too. Dis tew much!

Jessica:  My 7yo told me I should throw myself out of a window. What did I do? Suggest he watch PBS.

Rosalyn: I teach 7th grade. I have no children. I ate snacks, scrolled all my social media and watched Criminal Minds all day. Life is gooooood ????

Erin: The 2YO gave herself full tattoo sleeves while I dealt with the 7YO’s behavior meltdown. And we are actually on official spring break this week – school at home doesn’t even start until next week. I have enough toilet paper. I do not have enough tequila. Or sanity.

Tobi: as the mother of a 7th grader, thank you for your service. You’re doing the Lord’s work.

So yeah, it’s going well. Let’s pray for parents everywhere.