Whose Petty Royalty Aunties Are These, Arguing Til They Passed Out?

According to the South China Morning Post, “Two women in Northwest China fainted from exhaustion after quarreling with each other for eight hours without eating or drinking, according to local media reports.”

And there was picture evidence of it. And I laughed so hard that I almost choked on spit. Look at this:

Look at your aunties. Apparently, it was over some debt. “Bitch better have my money” should have been playing over a loud speaker by them. I wonder how much the money was for. Watch it be like 2 Yen.

If this ain’t the Petty Olympics, I don’t know what is. These women legit spent a full work day without lunch going at it until their bodies put them on time out and shut them down. IN THE STREETS.

This is the best and worst thing ever. They have some serious stamina. 8 hours? They coulda ran 2.5 really quick marathons. They coulda traveled across the world in that time. They coulda done a triathlon. Hell, they coulda learned a new trade.

But nah, Ma’am 1 and Ma’am 2 decided to spend a third of a day going OFF on each other. Wonders shall never cease. I am not that committed to anything. If you owe me coins and I gotta argue with you for 8 hours to get them back, *I* just lost even more money by wasting my own time.

Anywho, I took it to my Awesomely Luvvie FB page and folks had a field day!

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Kathryn: This is like the best petty cage match ever. This is some Mad Max Beyond Petty-dome level petty. Two pettys enter, but ain’t nary a petty leave. They fought to the petty death! Respect, ladies. Respect!

Ty: Now that is some world class pettiness. Ironman-level endurance, no eating, bickering for 8 hours. It was a petty test of wills.

Hadji: The Men’s Gold Medal Marathoner in Rio finished the marathon in 2 hours 8 minutes. The Women’s Gold medalist won in 2 hours 24 minutes. So these 2 heffas coulda watched both marathon winners then ran one themselves AND STILL ARGUED FOR an hour and a half. WOMP.

Amy: These two just threw ALL the marathon rules out the window. Pacing, hydration, and fueling. They’re important, whether you’re running a marathon or engaging in a marathon petty session.

Sylvia: This is some De Havilland/Fontaine level of hatred. Like, no food? They are dedicated to their craft and I am not worthy. 

Alden: The more I think about it, I’m gonna have to disagree. This is bronze medal arguing at best. Nice try China, but once again our diversity would lead us to victory. Jewish, Italian, and black grandmothers are all world-class arguers. Our team would be fierce. 8 hours??? Please. That’s a warm-up argument. My grandmother could start an argument on a Thursday and not take a breath until noon on Sunday. Even if she did pass out (from the sugars) that wouldn’t even slow her down. Old Italian chicks can argue in their sleep. This was an amateur bout. 

Lashae: You Sir are the Chief Petty Officer of the Department of Petty and all future petty decisions must be run by you and approved by your Board of Petty Directors! #Itipmyhattoyou

Kay: The. Sugars. #dead This is accurate AF. My momma would’ve kept this going for AT LEAST 36 hours. Would’ve brought up shit you did that pissed her off back in 96.

Karen: The only difference is that Meemaw and Miss Edna wouldn’t have been caught DEAD in the street in pissy pants and a foaming mouth! #nosir #churchbasement #notoutside LMAO

Clarissa: It ain’t over. These “middle-aged women” going to Round 2 in the hospital! One of them wheeling herself to the other’s room! It’s over money–it ain’t over! This level of petty is so delicious! 

Hadji: Men arguing like this woulda shot each other after about an hour just so they could get a nap in. Heavyweight fights only last 12 rounds, tops. Men ain’t got no stamina for this kinda petty. 8 hours is a whole shift at the job. #WhereMyCheck? #TimeandaHalf 

Ore: So do you call off of work for some shit like this? I need to know the logistics because there are a few people I would be willing to pass out over to prove a point…

Alden: In my family we call this Thanksgiving. There’s turkey as well.

Katherine: This would’ve killed me. Went to work, Chinese ladies arguing. Came home from work, Chinese ladies still arguing. ????????

Mauri: This is a new level of petty. Petty has been elevated to a physical feat. I wanna know where I can start my training.

 

Kee: Now, I’m sure they didn’t pass out at the same time. The last one that passed out is indeed THE PETTIEST OF THEM ALL. 

Mecca: Its official, the world is now exclusively Bottles Only as they are NO CANS left. All gone! 

Chinika: Damn…I thought I was doing good in my pettiness. These chicks made me go back to remedial petty. – CM

Joy: You’d think at some point, someone would’ve gotten fed up and clocked the other one in the mouth to end the conversations. 

Reaux: *Kirk Franklin voice* For those of you who think being petty has gone too far, you ain’t seen nothing yet! 

Carly: Bring a lawn chair, I gots shit tah SAY.

Zakiya: When you can argue that long you know they shop at Petty Shade and Beyond! Clearance 50% off no damns given.

Alexis: In the heat you gotta bring a chair, some depends, and an IV. These ladies should be prepared next time. 

Ore: But the REAL shade is that they put them on the same stretcher. 

Lakeisha: I’m stuck. Who’s the pettiest of them all, the one who argued until exhaustion and really passed out or the one who, upon seeing the black belt petty finishing move, refused to be out maneuvered, and decided to claim a spot on the ground next to her nemesis? Stage 2: Who could produce the most pitiful groans of pain on the way to the hospital?

Keidra: They are the Simone Biles & Katie Ledecky of petty. Wow. 

Eileen: World Record! Category: Trifling – EM

Amy: They passed out. Sure. One went and faked passing out, and the other knew that if she didn’t she’d lose. So she “fainted”. The first thought, I have to do more! Foam/blows bubbles. The other though, how do I top this? Okay, I’ll just shite my drawers. And at one point both opened an eye, saw the other looking… “Pass the fake out again”! 

Atiya: About three hours into this, it became about honor. It had to have been, lol. That kind of stamina don’t come from nowhere…

Sjaan: Fainted? That’s the most peculiar passed out position I’ve ever seen. You know to save face and not feel shame one of them was like ‘this ends now – ahhhh… I’m passing out bit*h ya ain’t got nothin to say. It was an Ankang mic-drop…literally!! Hahaha

Jason: Of course you know one passed out legitimately and the other said “she ain’t beating me” and she dropped too

Loretta: “One was incontinent”. Now THAT is truly being pissed! 

Angelica: Foaming at the mouth and incontinent. Literally spitting AND pissing mad!

Tracy: If you pass out between another woman’s legs, you lost that argument. 

Kia: This is some Lean Six Sigma Black Belt-level pettiness! #salute #pettytothecore

Judy: Words may not break your bones but they sure will break your spirit and knock you off your feet. I need one of them in a debate team. You mean to tell me no one physically touched the other they just argued until they were blue in the face. Now that is reality TV I wanna see! That is called the spirit of self control when you think of it. A fight would have broken out at 15-30 minutes of normal people arguing.

Ambrey – Didn’t their grannies teach them to carry a pack of crackers in case of emergency? Petty ain’t got time for a hypoglycemic event in the middle of a filibuster.

Hadji: I’d have had to pause the argument just to go feed the meter, take a bathroom beak or something… I ain’t petty enough to risk gettin my car towed. Uber don’t take shade points, do they? 

Dianne: 8 hours? Amateurs!!! I could walk into my mom’s house right now and after a kiss we can pick up where we left off in 2008. The trick is to pace yourself. 

Latarsha: I have to applaud their commitment to winning the argument. They are the Simone Biles of verbal fighting. And then to foam at the mouth and shit your pants?#youtherealmvp

Latoya: 8 hours??? They should have submitted W4 forms because they damn sure should have been on the clock!

Marsha: Too funny. After 1-hour of talking non-stop oxygen to the brain decreases. They did this for 8 hours. Anotha level LOL 

Shantel: Did they have petty coaches on the side saying “You got this, now spit and get back in there!” ?

Rebecca: Next event, the Petty Triathlon, consisting of the 26 mile argument, 10 km hair pull and the high horse hurdles.

Cindy: Now I bet it’s a test to see who passed out the longest.

Bobbie: “In stable condition”…. Yeah, ok.

Charlotte: They wasn’t stable to begin with!

SueAnn: Petty Olympics ????????????????????  China wins the Gold!!!! ????????????????????????

Mauri: At least they won something ????

SueAnn: Haaaaaa!!! They are laid OUT like track stars!!!!

Deidre: They have to make special platinum medals for them.

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