Famous folks

Chris Brown is the Pot Calling the Kettle (Karrueche) THOT

I am impressed by some people’s lack of self-awareness. It’s like mirrors and reflections be mad busy sometimes and it is mind-boggling. Yesterday, Kaopectate (Karrueche) posted a picture on Instagram, of herself in a bathing suit, and her yansh facing the camera.

Her ex (this week), Chris Brown took it upon himself to tell her “don’t let the Thot form from anger.”

chris-brown-karrueche-thotDon’t worry about Kapowzee! Worry about your eyebrows, Christopher! This nuglet and his back-handed compliment that nobody asked for. Talmbout “you are perfect.” Funny that you said that, Chris. Clearly “perfect” ain’t enough because you still went and sowed your non-royal oats elsewhere while you were with her.

Let’s talk about that shit. This man got the nerve to tell her not to be a Thot (which means “that hoe over there.” Yes, I think it’s dumb as hell too). Chris Brown, aren’t you the pot calling the kettle THOT? Didn’t you just discover a baby from a woman who wasn’t your boo? STFU, BREEZY! He is the last person who needs to be giving anyone rules of etiquette and behavior, because he couldn’t even know what act right looks like if it was tatted on his neck (it might be. We should check. He has so many tats now).


Happier times.

Karrueche’s main (and giant) mistake is being in love with a douchenugget. Her perpetual bad decisions revolves around staying with him and she’s taken ride-or-die to levels that makes you realize that the phrase is stupid. I ain’t riding or dying a damb thing. What you will not do is embarrass me publicly all the live long day and expect me to keep coming back.

The way my #SELFOFSTEAM (read my glossary) is set up, I am not gon think I owe you loyalty when your peen is basically a groupon special. Bless Karmachameleon’s heart. She tried. We gon get her a mentor one day, Lawd. But for Chris to tell her to be careful about not coming across as a THOT when he’s the ONLY hoe in that wayward relationship. Chile, bye. His disloyal ass. That’s how you KNOW Chris ain’t about that life. Got a song called “These hoes ain’t loyal” when he’s the MAIN one. Chile. GOOD DAMB DAY, Christopher!

worry bout yourself gif

Poor Karfuffle. Now she’s gonna be on Iyanla (yes really. March 28) and I’ll be forced to watch so I can figure out why she’s the Chairman of the Board of Team Bad Decisions LLC. Beloved, you must stop going back to that asshat. She’s been employed as his full time yo-yo for the last 5 years and what does she have to show for it besides a broken heart and distrust for all light skinned men?

*sigh* I know why she goes back. Behind every Ain’t Shit man is BOMB peen (this is Science. and Maths). Many a womens, has fallen victim to the mesmerization of amazing pipe-laying nuisances. See: Lauryn Hill. And Your cousin. And You. And Us.

We gon pray for her. And hope Iyanla actually helps her.

Prayer five gif

The moral of this story is: Chris Brown gotta STFU and worry about himself. THE LAST PERSON ON EARF who gotta be giving advise on public relations and branding is Christopher Brown.

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  1. Ijeoma
    March 18, 2015 at 2:08 pm

    Listen, that lil brown nugget of foolishness calling himself a moniker similar to that of Jesus shouldn’t be telling anyone anything other hello and goodbye, and even that, you better be sure he’s out of the door before you say ‘see you later’. The nerve!
    I don’t blame him though. If Katapult wasn’t always there for him to go back to, that self-righteous lil ink-spot wouldn’t be here lecturing her about being a thot. How about he zip his mouth and catch a thought in that hollow shell they took his brain out of when he DIDN’T go to community service. How about that?

  2. ZaidahNicole
    March 18, 2015 at 2:14 pm



    … I cannot. I can’t. My ability to can has malfunctioned. I’ve lost all can capability. There are no more cans to give. I am can deficient.

    • SAMDiva
      March 19, 2015 at 11:02 pm

      I’m all the way there with you. CHILE I died

  3. Briana Temple
    March 18, 2015 at 2:22 pm

    Although Chris Brown has demonstrated himself to not be a gentlemen at times, I actually still agree with his comment. Her picture was distasteful. I’m all about taking the high road and that’s classy at all. I’m sick of women accentuating their assets for attention. It’s setting us back. And the fact that he said something should be a MESSAGE to her.Don’t nobody want a woman that has displayed her A$$ on social media. And they if they do, they aint $h!t.

    • JLL
      March 18, 2015 at 2:39 pm

      What “message” is that? HE’S the one who put her booty in underwear on the ‘gram first. HE’S the one who put it out there that they were about that 3some life. HE’S the one who made that trash-ass video about being “in love” with her and Rihanna, and he’s also the one who said he wanted to have them preggo at the same time. His “advice” is nothing more than concern trolling from someone who should be more focused on Pampers than Kokomo’s panties, “high road” my ass.

      Wage inequality, lack of access to basic health services/birth control, lack of affordable child care, and low minimum wage- THOSE things are holding women back. Not a chick looking back at it on IG.

      • Tia J
        March 18, 2015 at 2:53 pm

        THANK YOU! I’m tired of this fake concern trolling over the agency of other women’s bodies. Handle your shit the way YOU want to but don’t be assigning that shit to everybody else. Some of us are perfectly capable of being sexual/sensuous and intellectual at the same time.

        • rhona
          March 20, 2015 at 8:44 am

          I’m clapping for you over here in South Africa…the realist thing I’ve heard in a while.

      • Me Talk Pretty
        March 18, 2015 at 2:55 pm

        **slow claps JLL**

        On point.

      • Harriet Thugman
        March 18, 2015 at 2:57 pm

        YASSS! Thank you JLL!

      • Ewunike
        March 18, 2015 at 3:37 pm

        Thank you JLL! Please educate these yutes (young folks)!

      • Omotola
        March 18, 2015 at 7:12 pm

        Yes yes, was about to type this. He has posted pics of her ass many times on his instagram page so was wondering why d fuss..jus looking for attention I guess..am so disappointed with the guy..very..

      • MoMo
        March 18, 2015 at 9:30 pm

        YESSSSSSSS!!!!!!! Yes all day to this statement.

      • March 25, 2015 at 9:45 pm

        ding ding motha-effin-DING!!!

    • Harriet Thugman
      March 18, 2015 at 2:55 pm

      “And the fact that he said something should be a MESSAGE to her.”

      Wait, what? A “message”? So because he told her to basically don’t be a thot, she should take his advice? Like what he says matters? Because that’s worked out so well for her in the past…

    • imadime
      March 18, 2015 at 4:54 pm

      i hope she is just living her life and moving past the phase of making any of her decisions–instagram photos included–based on how it’s gonna affect whether somebody “want a woman that…”

      girl bye.

    • Cicely
      March 18, 2015 at 6:59 pm

      I totally agree with you. I believe he’s telling her to keep on being the better bigger person. To not stoop to his immature, childish antics.

  4. Kierah
    March 18, 2015 at 2:22 pm

    In his defense, CB would know where misplaced anger can take you – a jail cell, the roadside picking up trash, a courtroom, running down Times Square with a ripped off shirt like Incredible Hulk, or worse upside your girlfriend’s head. Yup, CB should be President of the Do As I Say Not As I Do Club.

  5. Me Talk Pretty
    March 18, 2015 at 2:31 pm

    THANK YOU! For all the peen sharing, open thirsting for his ex (who insulted Kachoo every chance she got), grammatically incorrect middle school level twitter meltdowns aimed in her direction (from Fistopher himself), conjugal visits in the community booty rooms of prisons and random celebrity rehabs, social media abuse and intentional mangling of her name by evverybboddyy (sorry Kukkarachi) etc. that girl had to endure… and now a super secret squirrel surprise kid on top on everything… this dumbass believes he has the room to even THINK about riding the respectability politics train over ANY life choice she makes from here on out?

    And really all this because she committed the grand sin of “taking a picture in a bikini on the beach”. That grown ass woman can do what ever the hell she wants Chris. I would tell you to take a seat but you haven’t even earned the damn chairs back yet. You sit your ass on the floor. Hell, dig a ditch and plop your citrine ass there. And take your meds while you’re down there fool. Jeebus.

    • Flyy
      March 18, 2015 at 2:40 pm

      “I would tell you to take a seat but you haven’t even earned the damn chairs back yet. You sit your ass on the floor.”


    • imadime
      March 18, 2015 at 4:56 pm

      you called him citrine. #imdead

    • March 18, 2015 at 6:17 pm

      Me Talk Pretty because of you…the viewing of my body will be at 8pm at the I’m Sho Nuff Dead Frunal Home. #turnup at Karrotcakes immediately afterwards. #deadashell

      • Moni
        March 20, 2015 at 9:07 am

        I don died laughing at ya’ll. Ya’ll need to stop and let’s lift our sister Karmacastrophe up in prayer for her to not go back to the real THOT.
        I don’t know what entertains me more, Luvvie’s blogs and recaps on shows or the commentary. Thank you, you have made my Friday.

    • Tasha
      March 29, 2015 at 10:27 am

      Did you just say “I would tell you take a seat but you haven’t earned the damn chairs back yet. You sit your ass on the floor.”?? I hate you so much for this entire diatribe lmaoooo #dead

  6. ayana
    March 18, 2015 at 2:33 pm

    Where’s that vid of the little girl saying “worry ’bout yourself!” Christopher should stop talking. Forever. And just sing.

    • Bukky
      March 18, 2015 at 3:03 pm

      My thoughts EXACTLY. Worry bout yo self!!


      Boy bye.

      • TristanAXA
        March 18, 2015 at 5:10 pm

        Look, I am so mad Luvvie didn’t put CHRISTOPHER in capital letters in this post. You know we like consistency with our foolishments.


        I used to be able ‘toucan’ but CHRISTOPHER!

        Luvvie, don’t think we didn’t notice the missing hyperlink to the “Angry Trey Songz Fan Who Went Off On Chris Brown” post. You better better stop this sucking air outta my damb lungs behaviour LUVVIE!!!!

        • Sandy
          March 18, 2015 at 10:37 pm

          ‘Look, I am so mad Luvvie didn’t put CHRISTOPHER in capital letters in this post. You know we like consistency with our foolishments.”

          Oh Lord. This one had me rolling. iCan’t! I saved this to read at home now my husband is looking at me cross-eyed but at least I have my job intact.

    • March 18, 2015 at 3:08 pm

      I just had to include the GIF of that little girl, who I love so much.

  7. Chanel
    March 18, 2015 at 2:35 pm

    “Many a womens, has fallen victim to the mesmerization of amazing pipe-laying nuisances. See: Lauryn Hill. Your cousin. You.”

    Lmao! This is shady and so true!! I had to reflect on some bad decisions I made in my younger days. Will say it was never as bad as what Kawaski has put up with. If the peen is THAT bomb, I never want to know what it’s like.

    • Monnie
      March 18, 2015 at 5:25 pm

      Once I lifted myself off the floor where I was slain by this peep into my past, I had to look for someone else’s post, someone who knew the truth. Poor Kickingkans, I think she suffers the fate of a lot of pretty girls; after wooing them, the peens explode before delivering the promise the bigheads made about their capabilities. Along comes the “amazing pipe-laying nuisance”, and her pretty little mind is blown. Literally. He might only be a 7 outta 10, but if she has only known 3’s, well… Bad decisions. Somebody introduce Kansascuzzin to a real live 10 and the PLN is outta there fo’ evah!

      • Persephone
        March 18, 2015 at 9:58 pm

        Noooooooo! I can’t with you! Because of you I damn near got fired for crying to the blue corn moon!

  8. 4evahazeleyez
    March 18, 2015 at 2:35 pm

    *Le sigh* Chris needs to worry about his baby and child support and leave kettle corn alone!

  9. TB
    March 18, 2015 at 2:40 pm

    “Behind every Ain’t Shit man is BOMB peen. Many a womens, has fallen victim to the mesmerization of amazing pipe-laying nuisances”

    Chile…truer words have never been spoken.

  10. vanitaapplebum
    March 18, 2015 at 2:54 pm

    Welp. I can’t stop crying with laughter over here. Luvvie, you gone git me fired. My co-workers are looking like they wanna call the funny farm folk.

  11. Kenyatta
    March 18, 2015 at 3:00 pm

    According to some news feeds she actually threw Iyanla and Oprahs whole crew out her house! I guess the questions were getting to real for Kapt’n Krunch.

  12. alexis
    March 18, 2015 at 3:08 pm

    she has a common case of “Good Meat Syndrome” of which there seems to be no cure.

  13. Tracey
    March 18, 2015 at 3:10 pm

    BOMB peen, is what I call…Dickmatized, and Dicktamization… WILL Keep You In A holding pattern…po’ chile. Pray her strength.

  14. March 18, 2015 at 3:14 pm

    Karreuche will be on Iyanla’s Fix My Life on March 28th!

  15. Shar
    March 18, 2015 at 3:16 pm

    I pretty much side eye any chick who supports, agrees with, and likes Chris Brown. He has so much growing up to do; unfortunately he does not seem to realize this or care.

  16. whatchusay
    March 18, 2015 at 3:16 pm

    Luvvie, please stop, I cant be carrying on at work like this LOL!

  17. Carriecnh12
    March 18, 2015 at 3:29 pm

    Christoper needs to take his in correct grammar and confusing syntax self into a corner or better yet the alart for some prayer, he is the last one to try casting shady stones, the last time he did that was at the GMAmerica studios, and look how that tuned out.

    And as for the magic peen, clearly with those mins of gratification, do not lead to or should be worth all the drama, heartache, confusion and shame that follows, look at Mary Jane and David, Liv and Ditz, two prime examples of the negative side effects of being dickmatised. Karuche needs to buy a new car and let Jesus take the wheel and drive as far away from Fich as possible.

  18. Emily Harris
    March 18, 2015 at 3:58 pm

    To borrow a line from his own hypocritical ass song- “that’s that nerve”! He’s just worried about ol’ Kartwheel wearing his Thot crown better. How do you have a song about unloyal hoes out at the same time as a song about “main chicks” and you’ont see a problem with YOU but judge po’ lil’ Kabuki (who I’m not going to say isn’t a Thot, she might be, or she might not be- I’on know her personally is all I’m sayin)? I hope they both get herpes. Her for being dumb enough to go with him and him for being him.

  19. Drea823
    March 18, 2015 at 4:46 pm

    You better say that Lovette! Breezy needs to take a coliseum of seats and never utter a single word to Kikukela ever again! I hope she stays gone this time.

  20. notconvincedgranny
    March 18, 2015 at 5:11 pm

    Karreoops does not need to give a Christofuck. And the baby is almost a year old, so Karrymybags had to know about her already; it wasn’t until it became public knowledge thanks to Chrismess finally doing the Come to Jesus thing with his. own. daughter. And is the three year old his? I hope Karriemyjock is finally done.

    • jimmy
      March 19, 2015 at 11:35 am

      What the hell! With every name I cried a little more. Too funny.

      You know that useless shit stain feels Koughdrop doesn’t exist outside of him. So since they are through how dare she still continue on without constantly pining over him.

  21. AminaEvans
    March 18, 2015 at 5:34 pm

    Has Christopher not realized that HE is That Hoe Over There? Because any and every chick with swangin’ booty meat can get it. He and a BarcaLounger need to reminisce on good times…

  22. Shakira Harris
    March 18, 2015 at 6:18 pm

    Whyyyy do I read these posts at work?! This was just an overabundance of fantastic and TROOF! (Yes, I said “troof”. It’s much deeper than truth)

  23. KJohnson
    March 18, 2015 at 7:35 pm

    This is Science and Maths….
    Preach Luvvie!!

  24. March 18, 2015 at 9:10 pm

    Neither Fistopher or Karrouche or however you spell it seem to have much sense at all, so I want both of them to find a rock to hide under and disappear for a while. And Iyanla ain’t gonna do ish but talk circles around that girl, but I am here for the foolery on 3/28!!!!

  25. t
    March 19, 2015 at 12:00 am

    whats kind of annoying is he beat rihanna to a pulp. and he can value another woman and wouldnt dare to that to her. that kind of irks me

  26. March 19, 2015 at 12:42 am

    This is Sili’s spirit typing. She is ‘posed to be at a conference but apparently, she couldn’t stay away from your site long enough to continue to breaf! Stawp! I’m reading! No I’m not! I’m reading! No I’m not! Now I’m on the floor.

    In case you’re wondering what kilt her, this was it “Behind every Ain’t Shit man is BOMB peen (this is Science. and Maths)”. This is why we can’t have nice things, Luvvie! Like alive people at conferences!

    Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go inquire about whether or not they serve spirit folk at the buffet.

  27. CM
    March 19, 2015 at 2:28 am

    Not Karmachameleon though __________________________ #iDie

  28. Camill
    March 19, 2015 at 9:20 am

    …not a Groupon special?! I’m so done!!! Actually it’s on Living Social!

  29. Nitha
    March 19, 2015 at 10:10 am

    If ya’ll don’t quit renaming that girl

  30. Tracy
    March 19, 2015 at 1:10 pm

    I used to be such a fan of this kid but no more. I’m tired of his meltdowns, blackouts’ and other random ridiculousness. He had such talent and promise. I even rocked with him AFTER the 2009 incident but no more. I’m. DONE.

  31. catlustrous
    March 19, 2015 at 2:15 pm

    I really gotta stop reading your blog on my lunch break lol. *wipes Dr. Pepper off the computer screen*

  32. March 19, 2015 at 3:05 pm

    hey. I love how you write. new fan over here. Wow wow. Thats all i can say. wohooooo. KAREUCHE KARROT

  33. SAMDiva
    March 19, 2015 at 11:06 pm

    This post gave me life then took it back! LAWD! If y’all rename that girl one more time! Between Luvvie’s post and these comments I am can deficient.