The Land of Abandoned People Needs Citizens. Here are My Nominations
For years, me and my friends have been relegating people who’ve hurt us, made us angry or are just terrible human beings to an imaginary place called the Land of Abandoned People. There, you are subjected to watching the movie Gigli over and over again. When you tire of that, you will have to listen to Shakira reciting Shakespeare for days at a time.
The only food available will be Papa John’s sammiches with kale and the only condiment they can use is green ketchup. It’s basically hell without the fire and brimstone. And it’s for people we can’t technically throw in jail because although they are complete buffoons, it is their constitutional right to be such. They are legally in their right to say hateful things. But it is also our right to call them complete idiots.
So I’m wondering if we can create a commune on the moon called the Land of Abandoned People and start sending some of our most obnoxious and terrible members of society there. Is Kickstarter busy? What can we do to make it happen? What Change.org petition do we need to create?
I want to nominate certain people to pilot the program and become the first citizens.
They are:
* Members of the Tea Party – for being ass backwards, womb-occupying, immature, childish but powerful decision-makers who will create the policy that will send us all to hell in a handbasket. They are the definition of THE WORST and I want them all to go away. Even other Republicans aren’t trying to claim them for leaning so far to the right that they need MJ’s “Smooth Criminal” shoes to stand upright.
Stupid quote: “If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has a way of shutting the whole thing down.” – Todd Akin
* Donald Trump – First of all, for assaulting our eyes for years with that squirrel tail he props on his head and calls hair. How can someone be so rich yet lack access to proper weavologists? But in a way, his hair is kinda poetic because this dusty degenerate’s coif is a physical manifestation of his shitty thoughts and politics. Donald Trump is the boil on the ass of the republic because he spews hateful, racist, misogynistic things constantly (through Twitter) and I just don’t wish him nice things. The Donald gotta go away, bro.
Stupid quote: “I have a great relationship with the blacks.” – Donald Trump
This Black begs to differ.
* Don Lemon – There’s something about names that start with “Don” huh? I am convinced that Don Lemon is a walking government conspiracy, brought here to shame Black people and created for the sole purpose of making us want to kick him repeatedly in the back of the knees. He is the high fructose corn syrup of journalism. He’s totally bad for everyone but he’s in everything. Don has been placed into the racial draft but we can’t seem to get anyone to pick up his contract.
Stupid quote: *to a Muslim Human Rights attorney* “Do you support ISIS?” – Don Lemon
* Ann Coulter – This lady makes me wanna kick every trashcan I encounter. Her face should be in the dictionary next to “Terrible.” Ann Coulter is a caricature of herself and the fact that she has a platform to spew her bullshit is why we cannot prosper. She’s the voice of the ignorant yet loud, the stupid yet confident, the daft yet dominant. She’s racist, homophobic, and just a piss poor excuse for a person.
Stupid quote: “My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times building.” – Ann Coulter
* Sarah Palin – Because this woman was thisclose to being our Vice-President. And she’s dumber than a box of toenail clippings. Since that bid didn’t work, she’s been on TV and around the country, out-foolishing herself for the last 5 years. Her and that Bump-It she rocks in her hair.
Stupid quote: “I don’t know if I should Buenos Aires or Bonjour, or… this is such a melting pot. This is so beautiful. I love this diversity. Yeah. There were a whole bunch of guys named Tony in the photo line, I know that.” – Sarah Palin
I welcome them as the first citizens of the Land of Abandoned People! Their LAP passports will be available for pickup immediately.
I think I’ll make this a weekly thing and throw 5 more people into the Land of Abandoned People. Who do you nominate for this new republic? Drop a comment!
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108 Comments
Yes please. And I’d like to nominate Bill O’REILLY. .. simply because he is a waste of space
Everyone who works at Fox news, because…yes.
AMEN ‘Fuck outta here FAUX NOISE!
Could I please nominate Charles “slavery ain’t so bad” Barkley?
I second that nomination!
Wouldn’t that be Charles “as I told my White friends…” Barkley?
And I third, fourth, and fifth that nomination.
Amen!
and can we please add Donald”don’tbringnoblackfolkstoclippersgames”Sterling
Stacey Dash…please bish…..just go.
Yes!! to Stacey Dash- puppet for Fox
Yes! Miss Clueless must go
Lord pleas yes add her. Saw her in the airport a coupl of years ago and had to stand next to her for a long ass tram ride to our gate. Her face was greasies than Jermain’s and her weave was super parched. She was with a gay stylist buddy type white guy. He must not have been a true friend. Because dude should have told fixed both those unfortunate situations. Normally I don’t give a damn, but she is stupid and wrong as two left shoes…..so I nominate her to be a citizen of the new land
Stacey Dash
Tommy Sotomayor
Dinesh D’souza
And all those who felt LBJ wasn’t glorified enough in the movie Selma….yes, Joseph califano, I am looking at you bro….
Michele-bug-eyed-lying eyes-brainfartBachmann
Bill “You have to be careful about drinking around me” Cosby – for real.
Don’t foget Camille,”who is the victim”?
I’m going to leave my quiet spot in Lurkdom to nominate a few.
Here we go:
Igloo Australia, Keyshia Cole, all VH1 reality TV stars, NYPD, and anyone who has justified and/or rationalized the killing of unarmed people and harassment or rape of any person.
I’m sure I’m leaving out a few prime candidates but I’ll chill for now.
And don’t forget the head of the NYPD union, Mr. Lynch (how appropriate is that name). He needs in the first group that goes!
* Rush Limbaugh (you have a plethora of quotes to choose from)
* Ben Carson – (“Obamacare is the worst thing that has happened to this nation since slavery…”)
* And ESPECIALLY – TED NUGENT (“What is a feminist anyway? A fat pig who doesn’t get it often.”
Yes. Yes! YES!
Especially Ben Carson…dude plagiarized parts of his recent book. Please ride your high horse off to LoAP.
Imma have to drop John McCain off because he’s the one who dragged Palin from the Alaskan outback and into the limelight.
Can we please add these actresses that they keep trying to make happen: Jennifer Anniston, shailene woodley, Amanda seyfried, Olivia Munn. They are gassing these women and they just aren’t talented to me.
I’d say we place the untalented somewhere else. They may be basic but they are as vile as Trump, Coulter and the rest of these folks.
*aren’t* as vile.
Agreed!
Please add Dr. Ben Carson, he is the eye sore of the black community and Fox News’ new alter boy these days and wants to run for president in 2016 as a Repugnitan…..I just refuse to can with him and I admired him so much after seeing his story but now…..all my cans are like Elsa and Anna (Frozen), kicked over by the Duke of Weselton! Just booooo! We can rename the land of abandoned people to the New York Times’ new country of Kyrzbekistan. Twitter is so cruel but I love it!
http://www.adweek.com/adfreak/new-york-times-accidentally-invented-new-country-and-internets-love-162226
Ben Carson and who ever is going to be his “running mate”
Rush Limbaugh
Charles Barkley (Can we not claim him as being black?…we have to oooo ok)
Mitch McConnell & John “Cry Baby, I can’t get my tan to act right” Boehner
Stacy Dash
Mona Scott-Young
The Entire Cast of any Love & Hip Hop
I kinda wanna throw Al Sharpton on the island just because he talks so damn slow
Yes! to Mitch McConnel and his trying to place credit for the low gas prices and increase in employment on the “expectation of a Republican Senate”.
http://www.politicususa.com/2015/01/07/mitch-mcconnell-credit-11-million-jobs-president-obama-created.html
“I kinda wanna throw Al Sharpton on the island just because he talks so damn slow”
^^^ I bust out laughing at this one LOLOLOLOLOL!
when is the rapture again???
Bwahhhhhhhh
I can’t believe we have reached comment #13 and noooo one has said Kim Kardashian and her entire clan. And for heaven sakes make sure her puppet Jonathan doeasnt get left behind. Baby North and the other two can stay and be put up for adoption.
Mona Scott
Every Real (fake) Housewife on t.v
Al Sharpton
Jesse Jackson
Eddie Long
That’s all for now……………………………..
Amen!
And….. drumroll….
Corny-horny-ivorytowerwheremyblackpowerpick-West
Traviswellsfargoscammin'”crabs in a barrel”Smiley
No. Not the moon. Poor ol’ moon never did anything to deserve them.
I believe the pile of floating garbage in the ocean would make a perfect habitat.
OMG, it should totally be Kyrzbekistan on a floating island of garbage. They can have their own flag, national anthem, national bird (duh – the dodo), allat.
Wendy Williams For that Aaliyah tragedy
Jerry Springer for his show and Baggage
Chuckieitsnotmyjobtoaksfortruth “Toad” Todd & take MTP with ya!
David Gregory’s already in L.A.P. LOL
Chris Hayes
Take all the FAKE hipsters. Git goin’
Clarence Thomas and Rush Limbaugh. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200. Two seats for Rush!
HOLLA! and Unca Clarence’s wife Virginny- Git, and don’t ever come back.
Ann “Poltergiest” Coulter
Please make this weekly! *cackling hideously*
Justin Bieber because Justin Bieber
That Princeton mom lady who runs around talmbout how women should only go to college to get a man and how rape is all a woman’s fault and so on and so on.
Igglo Azalea
Or Igloo. Iggy. However you spell her damn name.
I think it’s spelled Itchy Areola.
Um. Snooki can go, right? And I second Don Lemon. My wife is to the point when I say “Damn, Don Lemon”, she just tells me to stop talking. She says she can’t stand to hear his words anymore.
I’d also enjoy sending David Duke. But not before he gives out that list of politicians who have asked him for favors. 🙂
Welp all the people I would nominate are already listed above
I know that they’ve already been mentioned but I want to reiterate……..The Kardashians, yes ALL of them.
Ray Rice. He needs to go.
Agreed! and the elevator he rode in on to deliver that beatdown.
Wendy Williams for not really liking nobody black,especially black men. We can see thru u gurl and your KEEE! KEEE! All Barbie Doll Knees to the north.
I’m going all caps with these degenerates, ’cause, well they might actually end up in L.A.P. LOL
MITT “47%-LOSER” ROMNEY
CHRIS “SPITTLE-FACED” MATTHEWS
KATHLEEN “SELF-HATING” PARKER
MAUREEN “MOANINGFOR PBOLOVE” DOWD
CHARLES “SOUR” KRAUTHAMMER
“MURDERING” JOE SCARBOUROUGH
NICOLE “IDIDN’TVOTEIN2008″ WALLACE
more to come!
MIKA ‘MYBRAINCELLSGONE” BREZINSKI
MARK “THE PRESIDENT IS A DICK” HALPERIN- SUCK ON THIS, MARKIE
MIA “SHE GONE LEARN” LOVE
MITCH “MCTURTLE” MCCONNELL
TED CRUZ THE FUCK ON OUTTA HERE TO THE “LAP”
MARCO “PARCHED THROAT” RUBIO
RICK “THE SLICK” SCOTT
JOE “THE DINO” MANCHIN
And don’t forget RICK “OOPS” PERRY!!!
Duly noted. add BIBI NUTTHIN’-YAHOO & the rest of the anti-Palestinian fruitcakes.
Wheel-o-Fortune Folks
Vanilla White
Pat Somejerk
****************
Jerkraldo Rivera
****************
Rick “homophobe-anti-abortion-hate “blah”people Santorum
Ayn Rand -loving-rug-head wearing Paul
Paul “granny-killer-Ryan
Can we throw in Justin Beiber for the simple fact that he’s a little shit?
LOL. I have an imaginary passenger list on the rocket trip to Mars and these folks are on there.
Dick “Boogey Man” Cheney
Michele “the Beast” Bachmann
Ted “Poopy Pants” Nugent
Roger “Alpo” Ailes
Frank “Creepy” Luntz
Allen “Bucket Head” West
Sarah “the Fabulous Moolah” Palin
George “Wienie” Bush
Andrew “Brainfart” Breitbart (may he burn in hell forever and ever)
Newt “Little Chucky” Gingrich
Rick “Brother Orchid” Santorum
Megyn “White Christmas” Kelly
Eric “Boobs On the Ground” Bolling
Bill “Loofah Boy” O’Reilly
Steve “Douchebag” Doocey
Ann “the Iron Nazi” Coulter
Sen Rafael “Fidelito” Cruz Jr
Rafael “El Culón” Cruz
Gov Rick “The Armed Dildo” Perry
Gov Chris “Bullwinkle” Christie
Sen Mitch “Stinky” McConnell
Sue “Chicken Brains” Lowden
Joni “Pig Dick” Ernst
Christine “the Witch” O’Donnell
Sen “Rand “Pauli Girl” Paul (the Girlie Man)
(In)justice Antonin “Mussolini” Scalia
(In)justice Clarence “Uncle Ben’s Perverted Rice” Thomas
Sean “Cement Head” Hannity
Condoleeza “What Comes out of a Chinaman’s Ass” Rice
Mayor Rudy “Mrs Putin” Guiliani
Brain “Braindead” Kilmeade
Have I forgotten anybody?
Glenn “Crazya$$” Beck
Alex “Liar” Jones
You win!!!!
Sean Hannity for sure!!
I nominate Pat Lynch – NYPD Union president
Lets not forget Raven Simone… She gets to live in the colorless section
Lololol!! Yes!
Everyone on everybody’s list, plus Paula Deen. There are more, but this is a great start for populating LAP.
I would like to nominate Take-Your-Spirit Airlines as exclusive contract to shuttle them from earth to LAP
AaaaHaaaaa! For real!
2nd nomination for The Notorious Chris “I don’t give a fuck” Christie. And Rick Santorum
Sean Hannity
Kanye West, his wife & the whole clan.
The soul of J. Edgar Hoover (just saw Selma )
Eric Cantor – just so he can’t come back.
The Tea Party
All of Reality Tv…
Roger Goodell
Steve “I make speeches to the Klan” Scalise..
The soul of J. Edgar Hoover (just saw Selma )
I giggled so hard at this!!!
I submit known Fearmonger, Snake-oil Sales Man and General of the Whackadoodles Alex Jones.
“… childish but powerful decision-makers who will create the policy that will send us all to hell in a handbasket.”
I wouldn’t say powerful; that’s giving them too much credit. “Childish and loud” is the turn of phrase I’d go with. Even with backing from Palin and Beck, Gohmert couldn’t manage but two votes apart from his own in the House Speaker race. The Tea People IN CONGRESS couldn’t even be bothered with his trifling ass.
I’d like to add Westboro Baptist Church to the list. Send theme ALL there and force them to watch this like “To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar”, “The Birdcage” and “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” on repeat.
*them
Seriously? *things like. (I will do better next time, my bad).
I second this with everything in my being. The Westboro Baptist Church … They are the most hateful, despicable human beings alive and they should be the president of the LAP organization.
YASSSSSSSSSS
The whole church and make them watch the shows. Bwaaaaahaaaaa. Just like on coven when sabourey made that racist ghost lady watch alla the Roots movies
Fox news’ Supreme Court reporter Shannon Bream for this nugget about the the Charlie Hebdo murders. She was worried about whether suspect terrorists could be identified if their skin colour was unknown:
“If we know they were speaking unaccented French and they had ski masks on, do we even know what colour they were or what the tone of their skin was?
“I mean, what if they didn’t look like typical bad guys, as we define them when we think about terror groups?”
One way ticket please!
Gloria Allred…for all the obvious reasons.
Yassss! and her daughter Lisa Bloom- Both VICTIM-CHASERS
Go directly to LoAP STAT!
George-toupe-Will! Git goin’
Bill O’reily, Rush Limbaugh, Wendy Williams, and Larry Elder must go!
Steve Harvey
You’re inside my head, rah! LOL
Ain’t nobody got time to “THINK LIKE STEVE HARVEY. Bye boy!
Chey B. Book his arse a one-way ticket, seated right next to the lav. #ijot
Y’all know Ann Coulter is just mad at the world cause she looks like Lurch from Addams Family in a blonde wig.
I nominate Dennis Rodman for sheer jack-assery.
BWA HA HA HA Word!
Imma add this heifer:
Cokie”thatobama’sfromthatforeignlandofhawaii” Roberts
Young Berg…..
Got to agree with Steve Harvey and Wendy Williams. If they mate, the result will be Tyrese Gibson.
As long as it isn’t the LAP of luxury, it’s all good.
Damn. LOL
Has anyone mentioned the Duck Dynasty clan?
And Kate from John & Kate Plus 8, for clinging to the stripper pole of fame long after they done stopped playing her song.
All of them!
Jonathan Gentry, Allen West, and Charles Barkley.
Send Bill O’Reilly and Sean Hannity to LoAP to watch endless hours of MSNBC and full audio reads of Huffington Post.
While you’re at it, send Ben Carson, Allen West and Clarence Thomas to the “deep south” of LoAP (then they’ll see how their “friends” really feel about them).
Everyone who respond All Lives Matter when they see / hear Black Lives Matter. All of them gotta go. Tired of explaining.
Elizabeth Hasselbeck…for just being ignorant (and very annoying).
George “IstalkedandkilledTrayvonMartinincoldblood” Zimmerman
Darren “ImurderedMichaelBrowninfrontoferrbodyandwalked” Wilson
Ferguson Police Department…alluvem
Timothy “Imurder12yearoldlittleBlackboys’ Loehmann
NYPD…allovem
The American “justice” system
I would add Mia Love.
Lets not forget Pharrell “New Black” Williams. He’s a sucka and a disappointment. And his music is that bulls*#!.
Lindsey Lohan, before she kills someone drunk driving (add to this ALL THE JUDGES who keep giving her “community service”)
Rudolph Gulianni, because he’s the grandfather of the NYPD nonsense you’re seeing today
People walking around work their drawers showing
Folks who won’t let the doo-rag go
[…] is of Indian descent, and he is perpetually saying the worst things. He really must get his Land of Abandoned People passport soon. But this official portrait is doing the Matrix backbend to avoid pointing out the obvious: HE […]
Stacy Dash….what a disappointment………..
My list would be too long and the LAP would have an overpopulation problem.
Justice Antonin Scalia. Yes, I know he’s dead but he can be the first occupant in the LAP’s cemetery. I’d also like to Nominate Rush Limbaugh
And so…I think it goes without saying (which is why I’m typing it, lol), that we must now add AWL of the fools at the republican convention to the list of folks in LAP.
That includes the Orange Overlord Hitler, Jr., his plagiarizing foreign wife (will he build a wall around her, too?), satan guiliani and all four of the token Black-in-Skin-Only Uncle Ruckus wanna-be folks they trotted out as if to say, “Here’s our collective Black Friend.”
All that was missing was Stephen from Django. But I guess he was still mourning Monsieur Candy’s death.