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The Land of Abandoned People Needs Citizens. Here are My Nominations

For years, me and my friends have been relegating people who’ve hurt us, made us angry or are just terrible human beings to an imaginary place called the Land of Abandoned People. There, you are subjected to watching the movie Gigli over and over again. When you tire of that, you will have to listen to Shakira reciting Shakespeare for days at a time.

The only food available will be Papa John’s sammiches with kale and the only condiment they can use is green ketchup. It’s basically hell without the fire and brimstone. And it’s for people we can’t technically throw in jail because although they are complete buffoons, it is their constitutional right to be such. They are legally in their right to say hateful things. But it is also our right to call them complete idiots.

So I’m wondering if we can create a commune on the moon called the Land of Abandoned People and start sending some of our most obnoxious and terrible members of society there. Is Kickstarter busy? What can we do to make it happen? What petition do we need to create?

I want to nominate certain people to pilot the program and become the first citizens.

Land of Abandoned People

They are:

* Members of the Tea Party – for being ass backwards, womb-occupying, immature, childish but powerful decision-makers who will create the policy that will send us all to hell in a handbasket. They are the definition of THE WORST and I want them all to go away. Even other Republicans aren’t trying to claim them for leaning so far to the right that they need MJ’s “Smooth Criminal” shoes to stand upright.

Stupid quote: “If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has a way of shutting the whole thing down.” – Todd Akin

Donald_Trump_Hair* Donald Trump – First of all, for assaulting our eyes for years with that squirrel tail he props on his head and calls hair. How can someone be so rich yet lack access to proper weavologists? But in a way, his hair is kinda poetic because this dusty degenerate’s coif is a physical manifestation of his shitty thoughts and politics. Donald Trump is the boil on the ass of the republic because he spews hateful, racist, misogynistic things constantly (through Twitter) and I just don’t wish him nice things. The Donald gotta go away, bro.

Stupid quote: “I have a great relationship with the blacks.”  – Donald Trump

This Black begs to differ.

don-lemonDon Lemon – There’s something about names that start with “Don” huh? I am convinced that Don Lemon is a walking government conspiracy, brought here to shame Black people and created for the sole purpose of making us want to kick him repeatedly in the back of the knees. He is the high fructose corn syrup of journalism. He’s totally bad for everyone but he’s in everything. Don has been placed into the racial draft but we can’t seem to get anyone to pick up his contract.

Stupid quote: *to a Muslim Human Rights attorney* “Do you support ISIS?” – Don Lemon

AnnCoulterAnn Coulter – This lady makes me wanna kick every trashcan I encounter. Her face should be in the dictionary next to “Terrible.” Ann Coulter is a caricature of herself and the fact that she has a platform to spew her bullshit is why we cannot prosper. She’s the voice of the ignorant yet loud, the stupid yet confident, the daft yet dominant. She’s racist, homophobic, and just a piss poor excuse for a person.

Stupid quote: “My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times building.” – Ann Coulter

* Sarah Palin – Because this woman was thisclose to being our Vice-President. And she’s dumber than a box of toenail clippings. Since that bid didn’t work, she’s been on TV and around the country, out-foolishing herself for the last 5 years. Her and that Bump-It she rocks in her hair.

Stupid quote: “I don’t know if I should Buenos Aires or Bonjour, or… this is such a melting pot. This is so beautiful. I love this diversity. Yeah. There were a whole bunch of guys named Tony in the photo line, I know that.” – Sarah Palin

Sarah Palin

I welcome them as the first citizens of the Land of Abandoned People! Their LAP passports will be available for pickup immediately.

I think I’ll make this a weekly thing and throw 5 more people into the Land of Abandoned People. Who do you nominate for this new republic? Drop a comment!

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  1. Shani
    January 9, 2015 at 2:52 pm

    Yes please. And I’d like to nominate Bill O’REILLY. .. simply because he is a waste of space

  2. Nicole
    January 9, 2015 at 2:53 pm

    Everyone who works at Fox news, because…yes.

    • ametia
      January 9, 2015 at 7:05 pm

      AMEN ‘Fuck outta here FAUX NOISE!

  3. January 9, 2015 at 3:04 pm

    Could I please nominate Charles “slavery ain’t so bad” Barkley?

    • Nina
      January 9, 2015 at 3:20 pm

      I second that nomination!

    • Charles
      January 10, 2015 at 8:07 am

      Wouldn’t that be Charles “as I told my White friends…” Barkley?

      And I third, fourth, and fifth that nomination.

    • ametia
      January 10, 2015 at 4:17 pm


      and can we please add Donald”don’tbringnoblackfolkstoclippersgames”Sterling

  4. Maya
    January 9, 2015 at 3:12 pm

    Stacey Dash…please bish…..just go.

    • a416Bajan
      January 9, 2015 at 3:44 pm

      Yes!! to Stacey Dash- puppet for Fox

    • Ally
      January 9, 2015 at 5:26 pm

      Yes! Miss Clueless must go

      • Chele
        January 14, 2015 at 12:18 pm

        Lord pleas yes add her. Saw her in the airport a coupl of years ago and had to stand next to her for a long ass tram ride to our gate. Her face was greasies than Jermain’s and her weave was super parched. She was with a gay stylist buddy type white guy. He must not have been a true friend. Because dude should have told fixed both those unfortunate situations. Normally I don’t give a damn, but she is stupid and wrong as two left shoes… I nominate her to be a citizen of the new land

  5. Emma Akpan
    January 9, 2015 at 3:12 pm

    Stacey Dash

  6. Linda
    January 9, 2015 at 3:13 pm

    Tommy Sotomayor
    Dinesh D’souza
    And all those who felt LBJ wasn’t glorified enough in the movie Selma….yes, Joseph califano, I am looking at you bro….

    • ametia
      January 9, 2015 at 7:20 pm

      Michele-bug-eyed-lying eyes-brainfartBachmann

  7. January 9, 2015 at 3:15 pm

    Bill “You have to be careful about drinking around me” Cosby – for real.

    • Missy
      January 9, 2015 at 9:00 pm

      Don’t foget Camille,”who is the victim”?

  8. Willie
    January 9, 2015 at 3:18 pm

    I’m going to leave my quiet spot in Lurkdom to nominate a few.

    Here we go:

    Igloo Australia, Keyshia Cole, all VH1 reality TV stars, NYPD, and anyone who has justified and/or rationalized the killing of unarmed people and harassment or rape of any person.

    I’m sure I’m leaving out a few prime candidates but I’ll chill for now.

    • Nurse Gerri
      January 9, 2015 at 4:19 pm

      And don’t forget the head of the NYPD union, Mr. Lynch (how appropriate is that name). He needs in the first group that goes!

  9. JazzT
    January 9, 2015 at 3:20 pm

    * Rush Limbaugh (you have a plethora of quotes to choose from)
    * Ben Carson – (“Obamacare is the worst thing that has happened to this nation since slavery…”)
    * And ESPECIALLY – TED NUGENT (“What is a feminist anyway? A fat pig who doesn’t get it often.”

    • Reesha
      January 9, 2015 at 3:56 pm

      Yes. Yes! YES!

    • Maya
      January 9, 2015 at 8:16 pm

      Especially Ben Carson…dude plagiarized parts of his recent book. Please ride your high horse off to LoAP.

  10. Kierah
    January 9, 2015 at 3:22 pm

    Imma have to drop John McCain off because he’s the one who dragged Palin from the Alaskan outback and into the limelight.

  11. Shae
    January 9, 2015 at 3:25 pm

    Can we please add these actresses that they keep trying to make happen: Jennifer Anniston, shailene woodley, Amanda seyfried, Olivia Munn. They are gassing these women and they just aren’t talented to me.

    • Milaxx
      January 9, 2015 at 6:28 pm

      I’d say we place the untalented somewhere else. They may be basic but they are as vile as Trump, Coulter and the rest of these folks.

    • Milaxx
      January 9, 2015 at 6:29 pm

      *aren’t* as vile.

      • Nicole
        January 9, 2015 at 9:59 pm


  12. Shar
    January 9, 2015 at 3:35 pm

    Please add Dr. Ben Carson, he is the eye sore of the black community and Fox News’ new alter boy these days and wants to run for president in 2016 as a Repugnitan…..I just refuse to can with him and I admired him so much after seeing his story but now…..all my cans are like Elsa and Anna (Frozen), kicked over by the Duke of Weselton! Just booooo! We can rename the land of abandoned people to the New York Times’ new country of Kyrzbekistan. Twitter is so cruel but I love it!

  13. Solo Dolo
    January 9, 2015 at 3:40 pm

    Ben Carson and who ever is going to be his “running mate”
    Rush Limbaugh
    Charles Barkley (Can we not claim him as being black?…we have to oooo ok)
    Mitch McConnell & John “Cry Baby, I can’t get my tan to act right” Boehner
    Stacy Dash
    Mona Scott-Young
    The Entire Cast of any Love & Hip Hop
    I kinda wanna throw Al Sharpton on the island just because he talks so damn slow

  14. Serenity
    January 9, 2015 at 3:46 pm

    when is the rapture again???

    • Nicole
      January 9, 2015 at 10:01 pm


  15. Tami
    January 9, 2015 at 3:49 pm

    I can’t believe we have reached comment #13 and noooo one has said Kim Kardashian and her entire clan. And for heaven sakes make sure her puppet Jonathan doeasnt get left behind. Baby North and the other two can stay and be put up for adoption.

  16. KDS
    January 9, 2015 at 3:53 pm

    Mona Scott
    Every Real (fake) Housewife on t.v
    Al Sharpton
    Jesse Jackson
    Eddie Long

    That’s all for now……………………………..

    • ametia
      January 9, 2015 at 7:11 pm


      And….. drumroll….


      Traviswellsfargoscammin'”crabs in a barrel”Smiley

  17. Matthew
    January 9, 2015 at 3:57 pm

    No. Not the moon. Poor ol’ moon never did anything to deserve them.
    I believe the pile of floating garbage in the ocean would make a perfect habitat.

    • Susan
      January 9, 2015 at 5:25 pm

      OMG, it should totally be Kyrzbekistan on a floating island of garbage. They can have their own flag, national anthem, national bird (duh – the dodo), allat.

  18. mzmiamiheat
    January 9, 2015 at 4:04 pm

    Wendy Williams For that Aaliyah tragedy
    Jerry Springer for his show and Baggage

    • January 9, 2015 at 7:16 pm

      Chuckieitsnotmyjobtoaksfortruth “Toad” Todd & take MTP with ya!

      David Gregory’s already in L.A.P. LOL

      Chris Hayes

      Take all the FAKE hipsters. Git goin’

  19. Cole
    January 9, 2015 at 4:05 pm

    Clarence Thomas and Rush Limbaugh. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200. Two seats for Rush!

    • ametia
      January 9, 2015 at 7:28 pm

      HOLLA! and Unca Clarence’s wife Virginny- Git, and don’t ever come back.

      Ann “Poltergiest” Coulter

  20. NikkiOh
    January 9, 2015 at 4:19 pm

    Please make this weekly! *cackling hideously*

  21. Marcia
    January 9, 2015 at 4:29 pm

    Justin Bieber because Justin Bieber

  22. January 9, 2015 at 5:02 pm

    That Princeton mom lady who runs around talmbout how women should only go to college to get a man and how rape is all a woman’s fault and so on and so on.

  23. January 9, 2015 at 5:04 pm

    Igglo Azalea

    • January 9, 2015 at 5:05 pm

      Or Igloo. Iggy. However you spell her damn name.

      • Lola
        January 15, 2015 at 3:30 pm

        I think it’s spelled Itchy Areola.

  24. Linc
    January 9, 2015 at 5:11 pm

    Um. Snooki can go, right? And I second Don Lemon. My wife is to the point when I say “Damn, Don Lemon”, she just tells me to stop talking. She says she can’t stand to hear his words anymore.

    I’d also enjoy sending David Duke. But not before he gives out that list of politicians who have asked him for favors. 🙂

  25. Kaci
    January 9, 2015 at 5:27 pm

    Welp all the people I would nominate are already listed above

  26. Stephanie
    January 9, 2015 at 5:38 pm

    I know that they’ve already been mentioned but I want to reiterate……..The Kardashians, yes ALL of them.

  27. buttercup
    January 9, 2015 at 6:18 pm

    Ray Rice. He needs to go.

    • ametia
      January 9, 2015 at 7:24 pm

      Agreed! and the elevator he rode in on to deliver that beatdown.

  28. Ruth D
    January 9, 2015 at 6:43 pm

    Wendy Williams for not really liking nobody black,especially black men. We can see thru u gurl and your KEEE! KEEE! All Barbie Doll Knees to the north.

  29. January 9, 2015 at 6:55 pm

    I’m going all caps with these degenerates, ’cause, well they might actually end up in L.A.P. LOL








    more to come!









    • Denise
      January 9, 2015 at 9:42 pm

      And don’t forget RICK “OOPS” PERRY!!!

      • ametia
        January 10, 2015 at 9:58 am

        Duly noted. add BIBI NUTTHIN’-YAHOO & the rest of the anti-Palestinian fruitcakes.

  30. ametia
    January 9, 2015 at 7:01 pm

    Wheel-o-Fortune Folks
    Vanilla White
    Pat Somejerk

    Jerkraldo Rivera
    Rick “homophobe-anti-abortion-hate “blah”people Santorum

    Ayn Rand -loving-rug-head wearing Paul

    Paul “granny-killer-Ryan

  31. K'Lia
    January 9, 2015 at 7:11 pm

    Can we throw in Justin Beiber for the simple fact that he’s a little shit?

  32. Patricia
    January 9, 2015 at 7:13 pm

    LOL. I have an imaginary passenger list on the rocket trip to Mars and these folks are on there.

  33. David Neves
    January 9, 2015 at 7:14 pm

    Dick “Boogey Man” Cheney
    Michele “the Beast” Bachmann
    Ted “Poopy Pants” Nugent
    Roger “Alpo” Ailes
    Frank “Creepy” Luntz
    Allen “Bucket Head” West
    Sarah “the Fabulous Moolah” Palin
    George “Wienie” Bush
    Andrew “Brainfart” Breitbart (may he burn in hell forever and ever)
    Newt “Little Chucky” Gingrich
    Rick “Brother Orchid” Santorum
    Megyn “White Christmas” Kelly
    Eric “Boobs On the Ground” Bolling
    Bill “Loofah Boy” O’Reilly
    Steve “Douchebag” Doocey
    Ann “the Iron Nazi” Coulter
    Sen Rafael “Fidelito” Cruz Jr
    Rafael “El Culón” Cruz
    Gov Rick “The Armed Dildo” Perry
    Gov Chris “Bullwinkle” Christie

  34. David Neves
    January 9, 2015 at 7:29 pm

    Sen Mitch “Stinky” McConnell
    Sue “Chicken Brains” Lowden
    Joni “Pig Dick” Ernst
    Christine “the Witch” O’Donnell
    Sen “Rand “Pauli Girl” Paul (the Girlie Man)
    (In)justice Antonin “Mussolini” Scalia
    (In)justice Clarence “Uncle Ben’s Perverted Rice” Thomas
    Sean “Cement Head” Hannity
    Condoleeza “What Comes out of a Chinaman’s Ass” Rice
    Mayor Rudy “Mrs Putin” Guiliani
    Brain “Braindead” Kilmeade

    Have I forgotten anybody?

    • Denise
      January 9, 2015 at 9:45 pm

      Glenn “Crazya$$” Beck
      Alex “Liar” Jones

    • Nicole
      January 9, 2015 at 10:05 pm

      You win!!!!

    • cedegrl
      January 12, 2015 at 1:21 am

      Sean Hannity for sure!!

  35. Lisa
    January 9, 2015 at 8:06 pm

    I nominate Pat Lynch – NYPD Union president

  36. shanette
    January 9, 2015 at 9:00 pm

    Lets not forget Raven Simone… She gets to live in the colorless section

    • cedegrl
      January 12, 2015 at 1:16 am

      Lololol!! Yes!

  37. Cami
    January 9, 2015 at 9:27 pm

    Everyone on everybody’s list, plus Paula Deen. There are more, but this is a great start for populating LAP.

  38. MzParker
    January 9, 2015 at 10:04 pm

    I would like to nominate Take-Your-Spirit Airlines as exclusive contract to shuttle them from earth to LAP

    • Deb
      January 10, 2015 at 2:00 pm

      AaaaHaaaaa! For real!

  39. Lyte
    January 9, 2015 at 10:54 pm

    2nd nomination for The Notorious Chris “I don’t give a fuck” Christie. And Rick Santorum

    Sean Hannity

    Kanye West, his wife & the whole clan.

    The soul of J. Edgar Hoover (just saw Selma )

    Eric Cantor – just so he can’t come back.

    The Tea Party

    All of Reality Tv…

    Roger Goodell

    Steve “I make speeches to the Klan” Scalise..

    • Akilah
      January 27, 2015 at 2:59 pm

      The soul of J. Edgar Hoover (just saw Selma )

      I giggled so hard at this!!!

  40. Eliza
    January 9, 2015 at 11:42 pm

    I submit known Fearmonger, Snake-oil Sales Man and General of the Whackadoodles Alex Jones.

  41. Absurdist
    January 10, 2015 at 1:27 am

    “… childish but powerful decision-makers who will create the policy that will send us all to hell in a handbasket.”

    I wouldn’t say powerful; that’s giving them too much credit. “Childish and loud” is the turn of phrase I’d go with. Even with backing from Palin and Beck, Gohmert couldn’t manage but two votes apart from his own in the House Speaker race. The Tea People IN CONGRESS couldn’t even be bothered with his trifling ass.

  42. Diana
    January 10, 2015 at 1:58 am

    I’d like to add Westboro Baptist Church to the list. Send theme ALL there and force them to watch this like “To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar”, “The Birdcage” and “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” on repeat.

    • Diana
      January 10, 2015 at 1:59 am


      • Diana
        January 10, 2015 at 2:02 am

        Seriously? *things like. (I will do better next time, my bad).

    • Kawanis
      January 12, 2015 at 8:32 am

      I second this with everything in my being. The Westboro Baptist Church … They are the most hateful, despicable human beings alive and they should be the president of the LAP organization.

      • Chele
        January 14, 2015 at 5:11 pm

        The whole church and make them watch the shows. Bwaaaaahaaaaa. Just like on coven when sabourey made that racist ghost lady watch alla the Roots movies

  43. January 10, 2015 at 7:22 am

    Fox news’ Supreme Court reporter Shannon Bream for this nugget about the the Charlie Hebdo murders. She was worried about whether suspect terrorists could be identified if their skin colour was unknown:

    “If we know they were speaking unaccented French and they had ski masks on, do we even know what colour they were or what the tone of their skin was?

    “I mean, what if they didn’t look like typical bad guys, as we define them when we think about terror groups?”

    One way ticket please!

  44. Laura
    January 10, 2015 at 8:01 am

    Gloria Allred…for all the obvious reasons.

    • ametia
      January 10, 2015 at 9:56 am

      Yassss! and her daughter Lisa Bloom- Both VICTIM-CHASERS

      Go directly to LoAP STAT!

  45. ametia
    January 10, 2015 at 9:53 am

    George-toupe-Will! Git goin’

  46. Truthfighter
    January 10, 2015 at 9:55 am

    Bill O’reily, Rush Limbaugh, Wendy Williams, and Larry Elder must go!

  47. rah
    January 10, 2015 at 11:26 am

    Steve Harvey

    • ametia
      January 10, 2015 at 4:06 pm

      You’re inside my head, rah! LOL

      Ain’t nobody got time to “THINK LIKE STEVE HARVEY. Bye boy!

  48. January 10, 2015 at 11:47 am

    Chey B. Book his arse a one-way ticket, seated right next to the lav. #ijot

  49. Sane Jane
    January 10, 2015 at 2:20 pm

    Y’all know Ann Coulter is just mad at the world cause she looks like Lurch from Addams Family in a blonde wig.

  50. Sane Jane
    January 10, 2015 at 2:24 pm

    I nominate Dennis Rodman for sheer jack-assery.

    • January 10, 2015 at 4:12 pm

      BWA HA HA HA Word!

      Imma add this heifer:

      Cokie”thatobama’sfromthatforeignlandofhawaii” Roberts

  51. fauyn78
    January 10, 2015 at 2:27 pm

    Young Berg…..

  52. notconvincedgranny
    January 10, 2015 at 4:18 pm

    Got to agree with Steve Harvey and Wendy Williams. If they mate, the result will be Tyrese Gibson.

    As long as it isn’t the LAP of luxury, it’s all good.

    • Lola
      January 15, 2015 at 3:37 pm

      Damn. LOL

  53. January 10, 2015 at 10:10 pm

    Has anyone mentioned the Duck Dynasty clan?
    And Kate from John & Kate Plus 8, for clinging to the stripper pole of fame long after they done stopped playing her song.

    • ametia
      January 12, 2015 at 9:06 am

      All of them!

  54. Gina J
    January 11, 2015 at 11:14 am

    Jonathan Gentry, Allen West, and Charles Barkley.

  55. Lou
    January 12, 2015 at 10:39 am

    Send Bill O’Reilly and Sean Hannity to LoAP to watch endless hours of MSNBC and full audio reads of Huffington Post.

    While you’re at it, send Ben Carson, Allen West and Clarence Thomas to the “deep south” of LoAP (then they’ll see how their “friends” really feel about them).

  56. January 13, 2015 at 8:04 am

    Everyone who respond All Lives Matter when they see / hear Black Lives Matter. All of them gotta go. Tired of explaining.

  57. Egyirba
    January 14, 2015 at 1:21 pm

    Elizabeth Hasselbeck…for just being ignorant (and very annoying).

  58. Lola
    January 15, 2015 at 3:48 pm

    George “IstalkedandkilledTrayvonMartinincoldblood” Zimmerman

    Darren “ImurderedMichaelBrowninfrontoferrbodyandwalked” Wilson

    Ferguson Police Department…alluvem

    Timothy “Imurder12yearoldlittleBlackboys’ Loehmann


    The American “justice” system

  59. Robyn Liverpool
    January 16, 2015 at 12:36 am

    I would add Mia Love.

  60. Ayanna
    January 16, 2015 at 12:44 am

    Lets not forget Pharrell “New Black” Williams. He’s a sucka and a disappointment. And his music is that bulls*#!.

  61. Miss Tish
    January 16, 2015 at 9:06 am

    Lindsey Lohan, before she kills someone drunk driving (add to this ALL THE JUDGES who keep giving her “community service”)

    Rudolph Gulianni, because he’s the grandfather of the NYPD nonsense you’re seeing today

    People walking around work their drawers showing

    Folks who won’t let the doo-rag go

  62. […] is of Indian descent, and he is perpetually saying the worst things. He really must get his Land of Abandoned People passport soon. But this official portrait is doing the Matrix backbend to avoid pointing out the obvious: HE […]

  63. karla
    September 29, 2015 at 11:22 am

    Stacy Dash….what a disappointment………..

  64. Tammara
    March 14, 2016 at 11:51 am

    My list would be too long and the LAP would have an overpopulation problem.

  65. Tammara
    March 14, 2016 at 11:54 am

    Justice Antonin Scalia. Yes, I know he’s dead but he can be the first occupant in the LAP’s cemetery. I’d also like to Nominate Rush Limbaugh

  66. Lolly
    July 19, 2016 at 3:30 pm

    And so…I think it goes without saying (which is why I’m typing it, lol), that we must now add AWL of the fools at the republican convention to the list of folks in LAP.

    That includes the Orange Overlord Hitler, Jr., his plagiarizing foreign wife (will he build a wall around her, too?), satan guiliani and all four of the token Black-in-Skin-Only Uncle Ruckus wanna-be folks they trotted out as if to say, “Here’s our collective Black Friend.”

    All that was missing was Stephen from Django. But I guess he was still mourning Monsieur Candy’s death.