Nigeria’s First Lady (Patience Jonathan), Her Broken English and These Struggle Tears

I haven’t blogged about the Nigerian girls who were kidnapped but I’ve been keeping track of the story and posting my thoughts on my Facebook profile. I might write about it. Not sure. We shall see. But I haz many thoughts.

Anywho, Nigeria’s leaders have been super slow on reacting to this crisis (super ugh). Last week, Patience Jonathan (the president’s wife) was on tape speaking to some of those whose children were taken and what ensued is foolery.


See my country’s first lady outchea butchering English like some goat meat. I understand that broken English is what she’s probably more comfortable with but even when she attempted regular Anglais, she failed so bad. And this ain’t even because she has an accent. Nope. This is the speech of a woman who is the anti-articulate.

She is a legend in her lack of correct grammar. So much so that if you google her name, you’ll see things like Top Ten Grammatical Blunders Made By Patience Jonathan. Patience be outchea like Ralph Wiggum.

fail-english unpossible gif

“PRINCEPA. Na only you waka come?” LMAOOOOOO!!! That had me rolling first. I just facepalmed. And we musnt forget “And all this bloods that they’re sharing.” WUT? O_o

“CHEI. CHEI. There is God O! DIERRIS GOD O!!!” How did she go from talking to all of a sudden wailing? Madame, abeg what is this drama? How did you get here? Can you return? What’s that gotta do with the price of tea in China?

She didn’t address n’an issue on the table. She just used her struggle tears to deflect and ain’t nobody got tahm for her and we don’t believe her. She needs more people.

Honestly, this is hilarious and sad at the same damb time. This woman is the First Lady and she’s basically a complete joke. Naija, see our lives in these streets. Come collect Auntie Patience, bro. Just disgraceful. She’s such a classless wonder.

P.S. I need a shirt that says “Only you waka come?” and “Dierris God o!” My countrymen, make it happen so I can sport it this summer.

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  1. May 12, 2014 at 10:27 am

    I am just going to be perfectly honest here and say…I didn’t understand a wackaFLOCKIN” word this woman said other than her screaming and crying………….

    God help.

    • May 12, 2014 at 10:47 am


    • dmcmillian72
      May 12, 2014 at 12:00 pm

      Giiiirl… *sigh* I thought it must have been me!!! Lol!

  2. May 12, 2014 at 10:32 am

    I kinda thought I was the only one scratching my head. I thought that maybe an undiagnosed disability to understand her dialect had kicked in. I was struggling. Shoot this blog post has made some sense out of what First Lady Patience said because I watched the tape twice and still couldn’t get it.

  3. Simone
    May 12, 2014 at 10:44 am

    You know how you’re watching TV with the Captions On, and sometimes they can’t e’em catch what is being said and allahsudden it starts reading *inaudible*? Yah…That’s what my ears did.

    • nichelle
      May 12, 2014 at 11:55 am

      *DEAD* but this is it. exactly. LOL!

  4. KC
    May 12, 2014 at 11:56 am

    “Princepa. Na only you waka come?” Please for the love of all there is, someone please tell me what she was trying to say!? See, I can breakdown American “Ebonics” but Nigerian “Ebonics” is outta my league! Btw I hade to fight with autocorrect to get that quote typed….

    • Amanda
      May 12, 2014 at 2:46 pm

      Loosely translated… She was asking the principal (I’m assuming) if he/she was the only one who came to the press conference.

  5. Robirdie23
    May 12, 2014 at 1:07 pm

    Wow, this video had me like Fix It Jesus! FIX IT NOW!! I had no idea what she is saying and I understand my Nigerian pastor just fine and his accent is thick as hell. Probably shouldn’t say hell and pastor in the same sentence but whatevs. This was all kinds of wrong, lol.

  6. May 12, 2014 at 1:40 pm

    My country’s past Prime Minister’s wife said “breakfasses” instead of “breakfasts” at a school opening. The poor lady will never life that down.

  7. T
    May 12, 2014 at 6:40 pm

    Ma’am PLEASE!
    I am Nigerian by marriage (HA!) and this right here is an a flat out mess! Auntie Patience needs to have a sip of cool, clear water and stop trying to get nominated for an Emmy or whatever the Nigerian equivalent is.
    This situation is absolutely heartbreaking, but by the 3rd “Dierris God O” I started feeling like I was watching an overly dramatic Nigerian movie at the braid shop. Thought Ramsey Nouah was gonna pop out at any second. #ugh

    • Morgan
      May 13, 2014 at 2:44 am

      Not at the braid shop! *Flatlined*__________________

  8. ayana
    May 12, 2014 at 8:52 pm

    I barely made it to the end of this post because of that meme “that’s unpossible” i laughed so hard tears flowed…reminds me of that youtubw clip when dude falls in the treadmill and his slippers go flyin’. Ok im done. I need to calm down and wipe my eyes…

  9. Zai
    May 13, 2014 at 5:56 am

    I am Nigerian, raised in the USA. It is a shame. Nigerians speaks wonderful, perfect English…when we want to. If we are not working hard trying to sounds like the American thugs we see in the movies, we are making up our own ridiculousness.

    My older sister came over here from Nigeria for the first time when she was 18 talking like Sharkeisha. And this is a girl who has had a private boarding school education her entire life. Needless to say, we got into many grammatically correct/incorrect arguments.

  10. mizzpicklezz
    May 13, 2014 at 10:04 am

    why is this?? this is so sad and strange. But did you catch the news anchors face at the end..that was

  11. RJ
    May 13, 2014 at 9:24 pm


    What did I just watch? Can I unwatch it?

  12. Alwina
    May 13, 2014 at 10:05 pm

    I didn’t watch the video yet, but I can just imagine what was being said based on your commentary! Thank you for making my night!

  13. Sophia
    May 15, 2014 at 11:13 am

    Luvvie, I love u and forgive u but really? The only blog about the kidnapped girls is to make fun of aunty Pat? English no be ein papa’s language o! No follow oyibo dey trash ur backyard.

    That said, there is already a tee abt the “teareds shedded.” Lol

  14. Bump21
    May 15, 2014 at 1:16 pm

    Fa’real fa’real, I thought I had a stroke. You said she was spakin da Kang’s Anglish but I heard nones of it. Not nare a comprehensible wurd! You could have said she was talking an ancient Nigerian language and I would have believed it. Come to think of it . . . are you sure she didn’t just catch the Holy Ghost? HEY HEY, IShouldABoughtAHonda!!! {Kanye shrug} Jus sayin.