My Prayers for You on World Jollof Rice Day!
Two years ago, I had a party to celebrate my blog’s Golden birthday. I had a food bar and a dessert bar with cupcakes and banana pudding. And I had 2 trays of jollof rice, cooked by my Mom, the Jollof Slayer. My party started at 7pm. At 7:45pm, I saw an empty tray of jollof and asked my party planner to bring out the 2nd tray. She said “That WAS the second tray.” See my life. The jollof finished in 45 minutes. Everything else was still plentiful.
On that day, I turned many of my American friends into believers of the church of Jollof, especially my mom’s. Some of them will drop by my crib acting like they came to say hi when they know they came to raid my fridge for my mom’s jollof. I AM ON TO THEM.
Today is a day of honor around the world. Why? Because it is World Jollof Rice Day. Why is this day not one that we make sure we celebrate everywhere by guaranteeing that we eat at least one bowl of jollof no matter where we are? Why is today a work day? Honestly, none of us should have to do any work today to pay proper respects.
Some of you might be wondering “what is jollof rice?” THE GREATEST THING JESUS INVENTED. Or a tomato-based rice that we love in West Africa. It is our mac and cheese. It is necessary at every special event and everyone has their own version. Jollof is an important part of our cuisine in Nigeria, and lack of it at parties is blasphemous.
We usually eat it with plantains and some type of meat. BUT I am not against eating it by itself. Why not?
Jollof is a party in your mouth that no one else is invited to. It is rice grains dipped in essence of deliciousness and the hopes and dreams of the ancestors. Jollof rice is a gift and I am obsessed.
The most hateful tweet I’ve ever gotten was when someone was in my mentions talmbout “jollof rice is bootleg chinese food.” Thunder go fire them! I think I reported them as spam because that is hate speech and I will not stand for it.
Other countries have jollof too. It originated in Senegal but Nigerians perfected it and everyone can thank us for it. Original does not mean best. We will accept your gratitude in the form of sacks of long grain rice so we can make more. The Ghanaians. See. Lemme not start an ECOWAS war. They try with their counterfeit jollof but it’s not their fault that it doesn’t curl all the way over. Ghana jollof will not measure up. YEAH I SAID IT. FIGHT ME.
They try sha. This jollof wars they wanna engage in with us. It’s not fair that they just want to lose. It’s ok.
Note: LMAOOOO! See me starting something.
Anyway, on today’s special occasion, I wanted to drop some prayers for you. Because in the name of the God of Jollof, prosperity is yours. Say amen after every line.
May your jollof always taste like party jollof with the extra flavorful bottom pot.
May you never run out of maggi cubes on the day you plan on cooking your jollof.
May your aunty’s prayer of grace before the meal never go so long that the jollof gets cold before you can eat it.
May the caterer who you’ve hired specifically to cook just the jollof bring the cooler to your party on time, so your guests won’t feel insulted for having to wait. Man cannot sustain on plantains alone.
May your jollof not be soggy, because the person who cooked it put too much oil so now there’s all this oil at the bottom of the pot and it ruins everything.
May your jollof always be the PAHFECT orange color. Yellow jollof will not be our portion in Jesus’ mighty name.
May your enemies never encounter good jollof. Let all the jollof they taste lack all potential for yumminess, Father. Why? Because they forgot to put onions in it.
May you always be in the presence of Naija jollof, for it is the only jollof that matters. AMEN AMEN AMEN!
— Okayafrica (@okayafrica) August 22, 2016
HOOMYGAWD. That looks amazing. Lemme go get my life and chop jollof. Don’t jealous me.