Ride Sally Ride. Run Olivia Run: Scandal Episode 311 Recap
After 10 weeks, Scandal has returned to us. How did I #CopeWithoutPope? I kept myself busy with other things and other shows but I missed my Gladiators dearly. To refresh your memory on what happened when we left off, check out my recap of Scandal episode 310.
Running Mellie – News drops that VP Sally will be running for President on the Independent ticket and the Grant administration is thrown for a tizzy. Mellie runs through the White House in them click clacks to go see Cyrus, livid dinnamug! They try to figure out what to do next and they’re told that President Ghost is reviewing poll numbers with his campaign manager. The door to the Oval Office swings open and Mellie sees Olivia and Fitz making out like teenagers under the bleachers. DAMBIT! This is NOT the time for tongue hockey, fools! Nawl.
Sally is Running – Sally prepares to make a live statement about candidacy as Olivia briefs the White House communications team on how to spin it. “Selfish quitter. Loose cannon. Endangering national security and troops.” The VP drops another bomb when she announces that she will not be resigning her position. WELL DAMB! She’s telling her boss “I want your job but I’ma keep mine as I gun for it.” She snatched the rug from under them and then tried to cuddle them with it. WHOOOO! Sally is no joke.
How does Fitz deal with all this? He grows his glass of spirits against the wall of his office, because he is a child (Daddy Pope did say it. “YOU. ARE. A. BOY.”). This is why you can’t have nice things, like the respect of his peers. Olivia comes in and tells him to get his tighty whities out of a bunch when he says he knows who he wants to be his VP, Governor Nichols of California, his old deputy. The White House needs another WASP as much as Cyrus needs more shadiness. He ain’t tryna hear it, doe and he shuts down his inner circle’s objections.
Ambiguously Spying Duo – James is with David Rosen, listening to the tape of VP Sally calling Cyrus when she killed her husband. LAWDDD. Even though the tape is inadmissible, David wants to pursue the case but Beene’s boo tells him he is on his own. He’s tryna keep his new job at THE HOUSE. As James leaves, Lemony Snicket (David) gets a call from Harrison, who wants him to help look into Adnan Salif. Oooo and Brolivia Pope got extra facial hair. Hey boo.
Command – Jake from State Farm is for real Command now (ugh) and he’s meeting with Charlie the Sugar Assassin. He brings up Quinn and Charlie tells him that the former Baby Huck will never be B613. They don’t want her either. (-_-)
The Gladiators meet Governor Nichols and he’s a never-married playboy without skeletons in his closet. I still don’t trust him, doe, and neither does Liv. She tells Cyrus and he breaks the news to her that her father is no longer Command. She goes to a playground and finds Daddy Goon sitting on a bench looking like someone stole his lunch money. She knew he’d be there because that’s where he used to take her when she younger.
Run, Olivia – The quote “Uncommon valor was a common virtue” is inscribed on the foot of a sculpture of soldiers. She says it reminds her of him because he let her hate her all these years when her mama was the more terrible person.
“You’re skipping around in a field full of bombs and mistaking them for daisies… What happened was the man who DEFILED you also DEFILED the organization that I gave my soul to build… President Fitzgerald Thomas Grant III has made an enemy of the WORST kind because I know ALL his secrets. I know where every body is buried. And the best weapon I can use against him calls me Dad.”
And he ends with a not-so-empty threat of “START GRIEVING NOW, OLIVIA!” Rowan told Olivia to get casket sharp for Fitz’s homegoing because he might don’t make it. ALL THE WELPS!!!
My eyebrow hairs fell out after THAT read because he snatched Fitz’s wig through Olivia so hard that he needed more follicles to pluck and mine sacrificed themselves. Rowan/Eli Pope is my FAVORITE for these life-changing READS he perpetually gives!
Publius Text – A member of the press at the White House starts getting texts from a mystery person who calls him/herself “Publius.” The person is asks about why there wasn’t an autopsy on Daniel Douglas.
Mistress Tea – Elsewhere, Abby is about to appear on TV opposite of Leo, the VP’s campaign manager to discuss her candidacy while being 2nd in command. When the cameras roll, Leo names Olivia Pope as the President’s mistress, kicking over the cup of tea they thought they had already mopped up earlier. Abby starts stuttering like Yosemite Sam because like Sway, she ain’t got the answers.
Autopsy Ask – Back at the WH, James is fielding questions from press about the SCANDAL when Liv barges into Cyrus’ office demanding dirt on Sally. When the journo who got the text asks why the VP’s hubby’s autopsy hasn’t been released to the public, Liv’s interest is piqued. Maybe THAT’S her dirt. TROUBO!
Devils in West Wing – Sally Langston is troubled about this new interest into Daniel’s autopsy and Leo shrugs it off because her approval points are up. She talks about how the devil is behind the murder. Meanwhile, the devil is somewhere like “BYE FELICIA!” Chile… Leo strolls into Cy’s office, who says he has to problems letting folks know how much of a “Pro-life, homophobic, raging bitch” she is. Leo reminds him that he moved a corpse, so checkmate! OOP.
Quarlie Questions – Charlie and Quinn (Quarlie) are in home depot or something picking up tools (like power drills and blowtorches) and she’s wondering if she gon be rocking a B613 uniform soon. He lies to her and says he just needs to warm Jake up. NAWL! She ain’t got no chance. Charlie’s phone rings and it’s Cyrus, interested in getting him for some more work. Nothing about this will be good.
Quinn ends up tricking some little boy walking out of school into a car with her and Charlie. Uh oh! Who’s child is she kidnapping?? Also, the fact that Quinn and Charlie are really a THING now makes me gag. Do not want. Return to sender.
Coroner’s Bad Day – James asks Cyrus why there wasn’t an autopsy on Daniel Douglas and of course, he ain’t get no answers. Back at OPA, Olivia tells Abby and Huck to find anything they can on Daniel’s death. The two show up at the coroner’s doorstep to ask questions about the report she wrote. The woman tells them she’s “confident he died of cardiac arrest.” She tells them Daniel was a big drinker so he smashed his head on the toilet and his brain bled. Huck knows she’s lying immediately but we see that Charlie and Quinn have the little boy hemmed up in the next room. That’s who they kidnapped. As the Gladiators leave, Quinn look after them longingly. Gahtdamb
Tom Benedict Arnold.
Match.com with Mellie – At the WH, Mellie “We need to focus on the bigger picture by getting your husband to at least APPEAR to prefer you.” Cyrus reminds her that bringing Liv in as campaign manager was her idea so she better fix this mistress mess. Her fix? To take Liv to lunch in a popular restaurant and kiki it up because why would you be girlfriends with someone who’s giving your husband Love Pocket privileges? Smart, Mel.
She hands her a list of single men to date, in a “GIRL THERE ARE OTHERS! STAHP FACKING MY MAN!” She’s like a walking talking Match.com. I ain’t mad at it.
Spooked – Harrison is at the OPA office looking all pitiful when David calls him and says whoever Adnan Salif is has some powerful friends. When Abby gets back, she sees him rummaging through her cabinets. He’s looking for her gun because he’s spooked about whoever Adnan is.
Resigning Gut – Olivia asks Governor Nichols why he has never been married and he says he loves his work but she ain’t buying it. He finally says “I had my chance and I lost it. I let it go so I moved on.” Oh? Liv heads to the White House and when she walks into the Oval Office, she tells President Ghost’s secretary to leave the door open. He says close it and they go back and forth until the confuse the poor girl. It was Liv’s way of saying she came for business, not hanky panky.
She tells him that the polls like Nichols but her gut does not. And she wants to resign because the news cycle has her name everywhere. She then tells him about her lunch with Mellie and the ask that she gets a boyfriend so the public will no longer think she’s boning the President for sport. Fitz is upset about it.
They are BOTH ijots. You are married. And you are dating the first lady’s husband and you wanna pout like a fool. GOOD DAY TO BOTH OF YOUSE! “You are NOT resigning. I won’t win without you.” At least Fitz knows that. And just like that, she ain’t resigning. Chile… Oh, and because President Ghost really is goofy, he tells her that Jake being Command protects him. Just when I thought he was getting smarter. WRONG!
Hot for Adnan – Harrison (and that gingham, JESUS) is at the office still, holding night vigil because he Is scared hears a door creak. He grabs his gun and goes by the door when a woman in a bad ass red trench shows up. She calmly tells him to put the gun down and he says “Adnan.” ADNAN IS A WOMAN?!? AND WHERE DID SHE GET THAT COAT?? I’m asking. For myself. Iunno what they said after that because they just started making out and before I knew it, the Gooning Gladiator in Gingham was shirtless. OWWW! Getting in on while on top of a desk.
RED HOT. Like that trench. Again. CAN I HAZ??
Dropping Balls – Leo is sitting in Cyrus’ office and Mr. Beene does NOT like that at all. “I’m talking about your balls. Have they even dropped yet? Will you miss them when they’re gone?” CYRUS IS LIFE! Leo is concerned about Vanessa Chandler, the press lady who’s been getting the leaks. As the two chat, David and James are listening in. James is finally ready to take his boo DOWN and he tells Rosen “My husband is a monster… He thinks he doesn’t have a weakness. But he does: me. I will sleep beside him for as long as it takes to take this monster down.” He is Publius. DUN DUN DUNNNN!
Patriot Passion – Jake is at Liv’s door. I see her building security is still on strike. (-_-). WHAT DO YOU WANT, SIR?!? He’s talmbout he can run B613 better than Rowan. YOU WISH, ROOKIE! GET YOUR LIFE! He thinks he’ll be some good soldier. Liv: “I think it eats at you until you are not you anymore.” I feel the same way about kale. Jake feels like he’s serving the republic by taking this post and Liv asks him how much he wants to serve. We find out because she’s doing PDA with him. Guess his new role is “fake” boyfriend. I ain’t gon lie, doe. I’d totally tongue hockey Scott Foley for the republic. I’m a patriot like that.
President Ghost got the nerve to ask Olivia what she’s thinking bout her new “boo” and I wanna tell him to shut his ass up. He ain’t got the right. Mellie introduces the POTUS to the campaign crowd and he joins her onstage.
Elsewhere, Leo and Rowan meet for the first time. Pandora’s box just opened and I’m nervous just thinking about what’s coming from this.
12 Years a-Lust – Remember me not trusting Governor Nichols? Mmhmmmm. Wells we flashback to like an hour earlier after him and Ghostie greet, and he’s standing alone with Mellie, he says he’s been waiting for 12 years for that moment. “Being on the ticket?” “Being near you again.”
AWWW SHIT! Mellie is his lost love?!? *faints*
The episode ends with Nichols taking the stage, Mellie in the middle and Fitz on her side. She takes the hands of both men and lifts it up in the air. “Mellie in the Middle” just made me hehehehe. Lemme find out that FLOTUS is gon get her pipes cleaned, since Fitz ain’t been giving her none. Get yours, Mels!
Chile, BOOM! It’s about time she got broke off something proper. Even Harrison’s been getting some lately so… yeah.
That episode didn’t make my heart palpitate. I’m disappointed. I’m so used to my blood pressure elevating in 10 minute cycles that an episode without any twists that slapped me in the face properly feels slow. I’m a masochist and I know it. I guess Shonda and team are ramping up to madness next week. We didn’t see Mama Pope and you KNOW she’s coming.
And let’s talk about Olitz. Iunno whether it’s because Kerry is with child now but they’ve lost their magic to me. Now I’m just annoyed by them. I say this until the next time Fitz says some uber sweet line and I’m swooning (because I’m wishy washy) but this episode, I just rolled my eyes. Also related: I see why Olivia’s daddy keeps reading her for filth. Her main lover was the man who freed her mama and then fired him from the job he’s held for decades. And now her fake lover is the man who took her daddy’s job. SHE IS THE WORST DAUGHTER EVER!
I look forward to Rowan’s next read of LIFE.
Anyway, I love the coats and tricks they’re using to cover up Preggy Kerry. They got Kerry crossing her arms and rocking giant bags to hide the #pregnet. The Claire Huxtable way. And I must say that she looks DAMB GOOD right now. Baby baking agrees with her. LOVE IT!
It’s good to be back, Gladiators. This episode. DISCUSS!
GIFs from ScandalMoments Tumblr.