5 Things That Stay The Same in Your Life Because of Marriage Equality

Yesterday, the Illinois House of Representatives passed the bill that will allow same-sex couples to get married. My state is the 15th to be about that “freedom to marry” life and I fist-pumped. Love, and the ability to be pissed when you wake up to the same person’s cobweb breath everyday, should be for everyone.


Marriage Equality Illinois

Naturally, I saw comments from people who were quite butthurt about this, as if the quality of their lives were being affected. I wonder why some of you are so mad. I don’t understand. Us heteros aren’t quite rocking out this marriage thing so why are we so stingy about it? Let someone else have a turn at being great/meh/shitty at legal monogamy. Many use religion as their basis for being anti-marriage equality but I’m Christian and MY God is love.

So I’m here to present to you the things that will stay the same in your life now that same-sex marriage is becoming legal across the country.

1. Everything

Everything about your life RIGHT NOW will remain unaffected by gay people being able to wed.

2. The totality

Seriously. Nothing changes. Everything stays the same but change is constant. However, it’s not because Bill and Todd became husband and husband.

3. The entirety

Truly. And you know what else?

Pause for effect gif

4. All the things.

For real.

5. The aggregation of the sum of the components of your entire life.


There is ONE thing that will change. For those of us with friends and family who are attracted to or got that agape love for someone of the same gender as them, we get to go to their awesome parties. Parties that you’re not invited to (-_-). So sit your scowling ass at home where you get to protect your heterosexuality. That way, you won’t catch THE GEIGH nor miss out on whatever blessing you think you get for being closed-minded and not supporting love.

I promise your light bill won’t go up now that Adam and Steve can hit their married swerve and Eve and Lillian can say “I do.”

The line at the DMV for marriage licenses might be slightly longer now but you have your iPhone to keep you company as you wait. Play “Candy Crush” or something.

In case you’re still confused, fellow straights, here’s two really cheap charts for you.

Marriage Equality chartMarriage Equality chart 2See? You’re ok. It’s gon be alright. Go take a nap and put some Tussin on it.

With that being said, please don’t bring craziness in my comments section because like a comedian on stage, I have the mic. I will win. Also, I will ban IP addresses with the quickness. If you disagree with me, do so respectfully. Don’t be all Westboro Baptist on my blog, bros.

Now, to my friends. Please know that I am partial to destination weddings. I already have 2 for 2014 so keep them coming. Thank you and that is all.

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  1. November 6, 2013 at 11:12 am

    *slow clap*

  2. November 6, 2013 at 11:13 am

    Amen to it all. Now I need to find a gay wedding to attend and get my party on cause you know it will be FAB!

  3. Nique
    November 6, 2013 at 11:15 am

    Amen! I’ve never understood why people care so much about 2 adults getting married. One of the best couples I know is a lesbian couple. They had a wedding ceremony in Wisconsin but had to go to Minnesota to get legally married. Hoping one day Wisconsin will get their stuff together.

  4. Victoria
    November 6, 2013 at 11:17 am

    Man I love you! 😀 Those of us in the community love our straight friends, and we appreciate your support.

  5. November 6, 2013 at 11:18 am

    All the yes.

  6. Lisa S
    November 6, 2013 at 11:22 am

    Couldn’t have said it better….

    Bible Thumpers…Take Several Seats Rat Na!!!!

  7. Me Talk Pretty
    November 6, 2013 at 11:34 am

    I’m saying. Folks need to go talk to their brethren in Massachusetts. They’ve been throwing same sex shindigs for a while now and no one has even a smidgen of a fukks to give. Well, now you have to buy a coupla more crockpots at Macys come wedding season but you know. Life been moved on in Red Sox Nation.

    I swear secretly people are all scurred their spawn will come home wanting their own fancy ghey marriage because they saw it on TV or something. LOL Yeah, that’s not how that works. If that was in your future, it would have come up anyway bruh. SMH.

    • Ambar P.
      November 6, 2013 at 6:53 pm

      YES! I have NEVER understood how people think you can catch being gay. Like it is a damn disease or virus. I hate when I hear people saying “I don’t mind them being gay but I don’t agree with kids being around that.” Why? Are they smoking crack, having sex in public or abusing said children? If your kid is gay they are going to be whether they have seen a gay couple together or not or are surrounded by straight people. That argument is whack.

  8. anc73
    November 6, 2013 at 11:46 am

    Luv, luv, luv dis!

  9. shadgg02
    November 6, 2013 at 12:13 pm

    Sadly, I predict Texas will be one of the states that will hold out until the bitter end….
    I giggled at the “cobweb breath” and the charts. Luvvie, you couldn’t have made it any easier to explain. I’m not sure WHAT people are opposing. All I see is two people, who love each other, and want to be recognized as a legit couple.

    • Kim
      November 6, 2013 at 12:36 pm

      I don’t know. North Carolina might run neck and neck with Texas on not allowing same sex marriage. About 2 years ago we voted to put marriage is only between and man and a woman in our state constitution. I didn’t vote for it, but I know family members who did.

      • TealSurvivor
        November 12, 2013 at 10:49 am

        I agree with Kim about NC. I certainly didn’t vote for that foolishness to go into the constitution (I definitely LOVE my “geighs” lol), but I know many people who did, including family members (my parents included) and they called it “voting with the Bible” and that anyone who voted against it was “voting against God’s word” *insert eye roll here*. I go to church and love and revere God like the next person,but to be be SO engrossed in the bedroom practices of 2 consenting adults to the point of changing the constitution?!?! Sure, there are some relationships in life that I may give the side-eye to b/c they don’t appeal to ME personally (or other varying reasons), but I don’t go protesting them with signs and trying to find scripture to damn them to hell for it, because it has NOTHING…NONE OF THE THINGS to do with who I’m sleeping with or how my bills get paid!!

        I also agree with the person who said that people act like kids can catch “the geigh” from being around it- I’ve heard people make those types of ridiculous statements…that type of ignorance just grates my nipples…

  10. Bethany
    November 6, 2013 at 12:14 pm

    THANK you, amen, and YES! Love it!

  11. Lenore
    November 6, 2013 at 12:42 pm

    Say No.
    The Koran says Man and multiple women. What’s your point? Lot of religions say lots of stuff.
    Um Hetero people have been at the forefront FOREVER and Gay people still exist. I’m sorry your logic is flawed.
    Well I don’t agree with Leggings as pants but I deal with that “Failure of fashion” just fine. You will be fine.

    *end scene*

    • Ra
      November 6, 2013 at 12:50 pm


    • November 6, 2013 at 1:25 pm


    • Dante
      November 6, 2013 at 2:05 pm

      Slayed at this comment!! That whole Leggings things genius!

    • Jabari
      November 7, 2013 at 9:33 am

      You! This! I’m here for it!

  12. November 6, 2013 at 1:18 pm

    The charts really made this important information truly accessible to all.

  13. Vroshell
    November 6, 2013 at 1:40 pm

    Im ready to attend a same sex wedding! It will be all shades of FAB! But sadly I live in Texas so Jesus will come back and leave again before this good ‘ole boy state will allow that.

  14. TPesq
    November 6, 2013 at 1:44 pm

    KML…I absolutely love you. Them charts tho…#flatline. This is why you are my internet bff.

  15. Dante
    November 6, 2013 at 2:18 pm

    Go in and let have Luvvie

    “But the Bible says Adam And Eve”

    Yea it also says a lot of other things you choose to look over

  16. Sticky-n-Sweet
    November 6, 2013 at 3:26 pm

    I wish the Bible said “Mind your own damn business”. Like, on the first, third, 300th, and last page. So people would at least think about doing it. Only soul you can save is your own so, again, mind your own damn business.

    • Vee Woo
      November 6, 2013 at 5:18 pm

      It does say that…actually it was something about a speck in your brothers eye when you have a log in yours but “Mind yours” was the gist of the topic.

    • Rugbygrrrl
      November 7, 2013 at 5:24 am

      It does, actually: 1 Thessalonians 4:11


  17. November 6, 2013 at 7:24 pm

    AMEN! This post should be mandatory reading. Hopefully Indiana can take some inspiration from our good neighbors to the west and join the 21st century, but I’m not holding my breath :/

  18. Jeri Becton
    November 7, 2013 at 9:00 am


  19. Jabari
    November 7, 2013 at 9:39 am

    Luvvie you are love and I am here for you!

    I never understood why folks thought being around gays means you can catch the #geigh. I’m living proof that that’s crap. My parents kept me on a strict diet of church, fire and brimstone and tried to stop any form of homo behavior in me but I still ended up liking peen….*Kanye shrug*

    • November 7, 2013 at 1:13 pm

      DID I CACKLE?!?! I DID! I’m so here for you, Jabari! Your comments STAY cracking me up!

    • Dante
      November 8, 2013 at 1:12 pm

      Awesome comment.
      Church Fire and Brimstone!!

  20. Calvin
    November 7, 2013 at 6:20 pm

    “Gay marriage means gay divorce! Mo money, mo money, mo money!”

    Divorce lawyers’ thoughts, as they rub their paws together with glee.

  21. Oaktown Brown
    November 8, 2013 at 8:04 am

    omgoodness – someone recommended i check out your blog and THIS is the first thing i read – perhaps the best awesomest retort for marriage equality maybe ever! and about the parties: don’t estimate the power of a good fete. my mother totally started to get wih the program when she came to me and my hubby’s wedding celebration and saw the rainbow of people – heteros too! – celebrating our love! was totally a game-changer (she even went down the soul train line)!

  22. NSB3
    November 12, 2013 at 2:04 pm

    Apparently, cities like NY are seeing significant revenues from gay marriage. I also remember seeing something about the economy in MA improving because of it as well.

    And the people said?….

    • Sha
      November 17, 2013 at 8:10 pm

      Right on bro

  23. ZMom
    November 13, 2013 at 3:23 pm

    Well, I guess Illinois will be the 16th state. Hawaii’s governor just signed, and we are the 15th. 🙂

  24. Sha
    November 17, 2013 at 8:09 pm

    I love this. You summed it up brilliantly. LOVE is what makes the world go round.