Old White Folks Rapping For Jesus

You know? The internet is truly the Den of Iniquity. When I was sent the link of the video below, the moment I pressed play, I realized I shoulda just walked away. Because. For reasons. Just watch.

*faints* Iunno if this is real or not but West Dubuque 2nd Church of Christ is fool of ratchet ass geriatrics.

Gramps got up there spitting his bars talmbout “All the other MCs I wish them well but if you’re living in sin you’ll burn in hell.” SIR. You just gon go straight to wishing folks go to the pits of Beezlebub’s VIP section with no chill? Lawd, old people.

AND THEN… Mary Sue just popped up outta nowhere like one of those wack it games at Chuck E. Cheese’s to tell us how Jesus Christ is her “nigga.” And then proceeded to tell people to kiss her ass if they don’t believe in the niggadom of Christ. I am unable to handle any of these people.

COME GET GRANNY! “I don’t blaspheme, I don’t brag, I don’t cuss, and my pants don’t sag.” What does sagging pants have to do with the price of tea in China, Mary??? TELL ME!

“Jesus Christ is my nigga.
Nigga’s light shine through ya? (Or did they say “Let his light shine through ya”)
Let his love pop a cap in your butt and say “HALLELUYAH!”
He’s an honest peace-loving nigga like me.”

Chile, I am unable. I know we’ve been asking y’all to recognize that Jesus wasn’t blond hair blue-eyed but y’all don relegated my God to a nigga, doe? I mean… LAWDDD!!!

After watching this, I asked Jesus to take the wheel and He said “Nawl, my child. I’m on foot this week. My license got suspended.” CHILE! Holy Pedestrian Jesus in them Air Christ sandals, save us all.

Also, remember when the NAACP tried to bury the word “Nigga” and no one listened? Well, this video coulda helped their cause.

Previous post

The 2013 Grammy Awards Were Decent. Or Maybe Twitter Tricked Me

Next post

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Scandal?!? Episode 214 Recap


  1. Tishy
    February 12, 2013 at 7:18 am

    I’ll NEVER forgive you for this, Luvvie! I hayte you, Jody!!!

  2. February 12, 2013 at 7:52 am

    luvvie! why must you murk me at work! good thing i come in 2 hours before everyone else. smh

  3. February 12, 2013 at 7:55 am

    iQuit you for this Luvvie. No, seriously. My world was a quiet blissful place, and I was ignorant to the niggadom of my LAWD & SAVYUH! Why did you put this here!?!? WHY I SAY!?!?
    You owe my mama an apology for killing her onlyest chile.

  4. Big Tone
    February 12, 2013 at 7:57 am

    I bet before the video shoot they poured out a lil communion wine on the curb for their dead geriatric homies .

  5. KeshaB623
    February 12, 2013 at 8:14 am

    I. Am. Speechless…
    I sat there watching this train wreck with my hand over my mouth.
    Can you ask yourself, “WTH???” while watching a Christian rap about how Jesus is my nigga?
    What kind of fool ratchetness is this?
    I’mma need to go sat down somewhere.

    And the sad sad sad thang about allofdis is they were oh so serious!
    AND who was the old man in the back with the smoke machine and the glitter??? LOL!!!

    • Niamh lewis
      February 14, 2013 at 4:05 pm

      That gramps was outa his mind!!!!!!!!!!

  6. Ash
    February 12, 2013 at 8:48 am

    After watching this, I asked Jesus to take the wheel and He said “Nawl, my child. I’m on foot this week. My license got suspended.”

    The video had me tickled but this made me howl. You know you are going to hell, right?

    • Talicia Marie
      February 12, 2013 at 10:56 am

      I died! Please bury me inside the liquor store.

  7. Bethany
    February 12, 2013 at 9:00 am

    I can’t breathe…

  8. February 12, 2013 at 9:04 am

    I am at a lost for words. I really need Father MC and Sistah Ke-lo-lo to go have serveral seats. But my real question is how many youth did that recruit with this “rap song”?

  9. Pepp
    February 12, 2013 at 9:22 am

    Luvvie how dare you!? I can’t be starting my day at work with this retirement home ratchetness!

  10. Jabari
    February 12, 2013 at 9:23 am

    Luvvie, just so you know I am legit goin’ to hell for watching this blaspheme. #iQuit you for this ratchet foolishness #nawI’mlyin’

  11. RoxyWTF
    February 12, 2013 at 9:31 am

    Not Notorious B.I.G. but BIG!

    Then the old man in the back doing the Charleston and such? Nawl.

    *throws rocks*

    • Randomly Jazzy
      February 18, 2013 at 3:44 pm

      “Then the old man in the back doing the Charleston and such? Nawl.”
      HIM…For the life of me I was trying to pay attention to the geriatric Sonny and Cher, and I see this fool with headphones and a fire extinguisher getting shot in the ass.

  12. janelfelice
    February 12, 2013 at 9:54 am

    Ima get fired messing with you!

  13. janelfelice
    February 12, 2013 at 9:57 am

    Let His love pop a cop in your butt and say Hallelujah!!!! I’m done. I quit you and all that you represent!!!

  14. milaxx
    February 12, 2013 at 10:36 am


    iCAN NOT.

  15. RollercoasterRJ
    February 12, 2013 at 11:51 am

    I went to the site.

    The church closed in 2004.

    Jesus is real, children, and he shall not bless your fuckery!

    • KayMac
      February 12, 2013 at 12:09 pm

      YES LAAWWDD!!!! This mess shall not prevail!!! God don’t play! lol

  16. Cris
    February 12, 2013 at 11:54 am

    Well he said he rapped better than big………….I don’t know big what but’er’uh………

  17. KayMac
    February 12, 2013 at 12:07 pm

    Maaaane, Luvvie…..I’ont have nan word for this tomfoolery…NOT NONE!!!! Let me run the the Alter real quick and pray for this mess. I’m pretty sure Jesus is up in Heaven, throwing stuff all over the place bcuz he’s

    Oh yea.. Notorious BIG=/= Notorious B.I.G.

  18. shadgg02
    February 12, 2013 at 12:11 pm

    you gon’ get me fires today!!!!!!! this KILT my heart, animal spirit and soul: “I asked Jesus to take the wheel and He said “Nawl, my child. I’m on foot this week. My license got suspended.” CHILE! Holy Pedestrian Jesus in them Air Christ sandals, save us all.”

  19. peechi_keen
    February 12, 2013 at 5:11 pm

    luvvie, luvvie, luvvie……i … i just… so damn unable to even attempt to can right now. bout’ to cause people @ work to get fired because of this mess right chea’.

    lmfao ***dead***.

  20. February 12, 2013 at 6:35 pm

    1. He introduces his wife as a fly MC. But then she tooted her butt to the camera, and I lost it…

    2. WEEERRRDDD UPP! Hit me!

    3. The old man in the background doubling as the DJ and smoke machine operator was just so…random, but funny as hell!!!

    4. The fact they used the word nigga as easily as they use the word Jesus, even calling Jesus “That nigga…”, after this, I had to shut it down. I was crying!!!

    Luvvie, you stay trying to kill folks. You will be responsible for seeing to it that there are professional mourners at my funegro who will lip sync this while praise dancers perform an interpretation.

  21. That Dude
    February 12, 2013 at 7:41 pm

    iRefuse to believe this was not done as a joke. Somebody is punking us, cuz…NAWL.

  22. Jessica
    February 12, 2013 at 7:53 pm


  23. MsZ
    February 12, 2013 at 8:38 pm

    So……at the end of the video, the fog machine man looked like the robot guy from Chappelle’s Show: Where do people find these things?! LOL!!!

  24. ChunkyDlyte
    February 12, 2013 at 10:00 pm

    So, I’m about to die, u killed me!! I imagine that this is the kind of “outreach” that Mitt Romney REALLY wanted to do because he actually thinks that this stuff works! Yes, all black people love when old white people rap and combine that with our love for Jesus…..and maybe work in a reference to fried chicken lol Who at that church thought this was a good idea? They didnt have not a one black face that would’ve been like HELL NO!!

  25. Cyn
    February 12, 2013 at 11:11 pm


  26. February 12, 2013 at 11:17 pm

    *deletes AweLuv from favorites* *sets laptop on fire*

    • Tiesha
      February 13, 2013 at 9:49 pm


  27. February 12, 2013 at 11:20 pm

    so y’all mean to tell me jesus ain’t y’all’s nigga, right? ok then…he’s mine..y’all play if u want to..i am a FRIEND of God, yessir. but yes, this was foolishness.

  28. February 12, 2013 at 11:28 pm


  29. February 13, 2013 at 4:48 am

    See ya’ll see foolishness dis nigga right here sees OPP-ER-TUNE-IT-TEE! They say when life bring you lemons make lemonade, well when life brings you crackers….ITS TIME TO GET THAT CHEDDAHHH. I’mma take this message maybe get me some dancers from the congregation (ya noe some hotties is up in that piece) and we gonna go on tour baby!!!

    THE W.D.C.O.C!!!!


  30. Dee
    February 13, 2013 at 11:28 am

    Shoo…forget the pastor and his wife. Homie in the background with the acid washed high waisted jeans, smoke machine and stellar dance moves gave my life meaning today. Yes Lawd!

  31. Usually in Poor Taste
    February 13, 2013 at 2:46 pm

    Where’s the cameo from Weezy? The asthmatic with the oxygen tank, not Lil Wayne.

  32. natasha
    February 13, 2013 at 4:42 pm

    I died at Jesus saying nawl…and Air Christ! Dammit all to hell!

  33. dmaclee
    February 13, 2013 at 8:42 pm

    All of my can is gone and now I’m dealing with shan’ts. This is too much…

  34. February 13, 2013 at 10:42 pm

    Sweet, creamy Jesus. I blame the blacks and their hippity hop.

  35. Rachael
    February 14, 2013 at 2:45 pm

    They were talking about this last night on the radio station, I didn’t click it then, and I won’t watch it now. I already know its foolishness, I don’t need to give them more hits on their foolishness.