Dear NRA, A Stadium of Seats Awaits You

The National Rifle Association (NRA) has been tripping for a good while and they’ve been hitting their dougie all over the collective nerves of people with sense. They’ve more than earned this sternly-worded letter.

Dear NRA,

I’m beginning to believe that you have to be a dizzy dingbat to be an executive. Like there’s a test that folks must take before taking on any responsibility with the organization to ensure that they’re perfectly out of touch with reality and incapable of using logic and reasoning properly. That’s the only explanation for some of your antics. THE ONLIEST.

When the shooting at Newtown, Connecticut happened, you waited a week before making any statements. We all figured out that in that week, you were trying to figure out the perfect thing to say. Chile, we were so wrong. Your vice-president, Wayne LaPierre, stood behind the podium and blew our collective minds by blaming video games and music videos for gun violence. And then dropping the gem “The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.” Yes, because the world is a comic book. And what we all need to do is have more guns. And shoot outs. O____________o

more guns NRA

In fact, the entire press conference read like a Saturday Night Live skit. I was half-expecting them to give Tina Fey props at the end. it was that foolish. I bet their crisis communications team are people who also worked for the Romney campaign. OOP.

Then you asked for a police state at schools. Yes, because what we REALLY need are armed guards at schools. Kids walking to class while soldiers with guns stand in the hallways. That’s exactly the environment we want them to learn in. NOT! NAWL! NO MA’AMS. NO SIRS.

And then y’all release some ad calling President Obama a hypocrite because his children get armed security outside of their schools while normal kids don’t.


Y’all have some gahtdamb nerve. You are questioning why the leader of the free world needs to have his kids protected? You’re questioning why the Secret Service is needed for the First Family. I don’t understand. How does that even make sense? Regular kids get kidnapped and hurt everyday. Why wouldn’t the children of the person who runs the country NEED security? No. Surely even the NRA can’t believe all this rubbish they’re talmbout. SURELY.

But what’s aggravating is how you have the nerve to make it seem like you’re caring for America’s kids by raising these stupid points. When it’s ALL for your interest as gun-toting fools who want them to be on the shelves of the local Walgreens.

AND THEN YOU CALL THE PRESIDENT AN ELITIST HYPOCRITE!!! Has any other president been called elitist for having Secret Service detail that he is OBLIGATED to have? Please look this up. I’ll wait. *Sonic the Hedgehof foot taps*

I just want you to SHUT THE ENTAH HELL UP, NRA! Just SHUT IT UP! Go find a ditch and throw yourselves into it. You out of touch belligerent dummies.

Stupid People gif

Ugh. I wanna fight all your faces. For your complete idiocy. How trite and obnoxious can one group of people be? Spewing tons and tons of boolsheet to get your shallow point across. Just some disrespectful summabishes. Where is Iyanla at to fix the NRA?

Seriously. The NRA makes me tired. And anyone who subscribes to this belief system makes me tired too. I wanna throw tomatoes at all of you. And then offer you a stadium of seats because you need to SADDOWN somewhere.

Yours in side-eye,


P.S. You’re terrible people. The end. We should drop you off in the Land of Abandoned People. They’re always looking for citizens.

So whatcha’ll think of the NRA’s antics?

Edit: I would like to make make the point that not all gun owners are here for the NRA. A lot of folks who legally own guns actually have sense. That is all. Carry on.

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  1. ab
    January 16, 2013 at 12:48 pm

    Words fail me.

  2. January 16, 2013 at 12:59 pm

    I have been giving my TV (which is on MSNBC) the evil side-eye all day. It’s not just the NRA, its ALL of those pro-gun lobbies (certainly that blowhard that was on Andrea Mitchell a few moments ago). Can someone please publicize that there are gun owners (I am one of them) that is not a dingbat? Please? Some of us are sane, and pro-reasonable reforms. Really. I promise.

    • January 16, 2013 at 1:01 pm

      Yes ma’am! I will edit my post right now to say that not all gun owners are this nuts. That point does need to be made.

  3. Nerd Girl
    January 16, 2013 at 1:01 pm

    Everything you said. The end.

    • Rebekah
      January 30, 2013 at 2:50 pm

      *me pushing the like button on this comment and this post*

  4. marge
    January 16, 2013 at 1:06 pm

    I can not EVEN! It’s all about their special interests; the safety and future of our youth – our country – be damned.
    They should be taken out back and shot with their own guns, then thrown in a ditch with said guns, all to be set on fire. (okay, maybe that’s a bit much – but that’s how angry their tom-foolishness makes me).
    Eternal eye-rolls for the NRA.

  5. KemaB
    January 16, 2013 at 1:09 pm

    Luvvie buried me with the Sonic reference the NRA are a bunch of simple minded assholes and just needs to Shut the Front door on their bulls**t forever. Thanks for this post well said

  6. ShoeDiva925
    January 16, 2013 at 1:21 pm

    I totally agreee but you made me laugh at this serious matter with the Sonic the Hedgehog comment. I loved that game on my Sega Genesis.

  7. Tonia
    January 16, 2013 at 1:53 pm

    DITTO….but Sonic the Hedgehog LOL

  8. nichole
    January 16, 2013 at 2:13 pm

    And don’t forget they blamed video games but recently announced their own app which is in essence a video game.

    Makes sense???

  9. Jabari
    January 16, 2013 at 3:51 pm

    Yaaasssss Luvvie!!!!!! You just gave me all I needed with this letter! These NRA fools musta taken a shot of Clorox cause I do not understand.

    Oh and P.S. you know as well as I know that them guns are making up for something else we know they don’t have #sitsbackandfilesnails

    • Scorpiona
      January 17, 2013 at 12:28 am

      @ Jabari: like Luvvie’s gif of the black cat filing its nails? Bwahahahahahaha! As for the NRA (No Real Agenda) folks: seriously, boo boo? Look in the mirror and check yourselves!

  10. Ayana
    January 16, 2013 at 4:24 pm

    *Sonic the Hedgehog foot taps*
    I wanna fight all your faces.
    I wanna throw tomatoes at all of you

    LaPierre is the king of all IDIOTS!

  11. January 16, 2013 at 4:28 pm

    When Andrea Mitchell asked her guest why weren’t the President’s daughters off-limits, he stated that if they had all this protection then all children should have it. o__O REALLY?!?!??! He tried to say Bush’s daughters were not off-limits, and Andrea tried to tell this foolywhang not to compare apples and oranges, but it was not getting through. Besides, all members of the First Family get that protection wherever they go.

    I was stunned at the total lack of common sense this man had, and who thought it was a good idea to put him out there. The NRA is losing their collective shit right about now…

  12. January 16, 2013 at 7:53 pm

    RE: SNL Skit – the British media had captions on the NRA conference explaining that it was not a parody, but a real conference.

  13. sisterdeie
    January 16, 2013 at 11:49 pm

    I love you! Well said. Love, love, love!

  14. Kristof Claes
    January 17, 2013 at 1:25 am

    I suspect the NRA guys are suffering from a severe case of the Dunnig-Kruger effect.

    The Dunning–Kruger effect is a cognitive bias in which unskilled individuals suffer from illusory superiority, mistakenly rating their ability much higher than average. This bias is attributed to a metacognitive inability of the unskilled to recognize their mistakes.


  15. Beth Ann
    January 17, 2013 at 11:20 am

    I have to say that I think this is an attempt by the NRA to garner support from Obama’s racist detractors, of which, there are, unfortunately, many. Thank you for the rant. I agree.
    Nice meeting you this morning. I’m bookmarking you.

  16. Tanisha
    January 17, 2013 at 3:03 pm

    And to make it worse there are people cosigning with the darn NRA. Like…Seriously?! Just ignorant.

  17. Erik
    January 21, 2013 at 2:52 pm

    I don’t want an arguement, i literally just stumbled onto this site while trying to download a .gif, i read the headline, was intrigued.
    now, I live in Texas, (i know, Hurrr Durrr guns 4 everybody, yeehaw) but i do disagree with your article. I was brought up in a home where guns were frequently used, you were taught how to use it, clean it, etc. that’s all well and good, but thats not the strongest Pro Gun argument, because we just end up sounding like “Well, my daddy and my daddy’s daddy had guns.” to the opposing side of the argument.

    All i can say to the writer of this article is: you’ve obviously never been in a home invasion where the only reason you and your family is alive is because of the use of a gun.

    Im still alive today, because a good man with a gun stopped a bad man with a gun.

    • Rebekah
      January 30, 2013 at 2:56 pm

      Dear reader,

      No disrespect to you, we are all glad you lived! However, you fail to see the point of the article. This is about reasonable gun control and reform. (Please read again “reasonable.”) Did the good guy with a gun need an AK 47 with 100 rounds to save you? I don’t think so. I believe in the right to bear arms as well, but that does not mean I think that right is unlimited. There are limits on everything in the world. Guns should certainly NOT be the exception. We are talking about simple reform that could make a difference, like perhaps monitoring who has guns, making sure they are not the mentally ill. etc… These are things that the NRA opposes but 80-90 percent of Americans agree with.

  18. HowlingBanshee
    February 1, 2013 at 2:44 pm

    Why weren’t the NRA “good guys” the main ones signing the Marissa Alexander petition – you know, the one where we’re trying to keep her from having to serve 20 years in prison for firing a warning shot – with her legally owned, licensed gun, – at her estranged husband who had established a pattern of violence and abuse and who had *just* had his hands on her neck talking ’bout he was going to kill her? Where was the NRA then, defending her second amendment rights? No damb where to found, because unfortunately, even though Ms. Alexander is well educated and has surely accomplished some important things in her life, she forgot the most important step to be considered worthy of protection: She forgot to be born white. Or at least, anything but black.