The Girl Who Was Bamboozled: An Epic Tale of Stupidity
So you know how you hear a story that’s just so outrageous you think it couldn’t possibly be true? Wells, one of my friends told me this story and I had to make her SWEAR that she wasn’t lying. She’s a churchgoing woman so she did and I believe her. I need you to read this story so your mouth can drop on the floor like mine did. So here it is, as told by her.
A friend of my husband has a sister who, by popular opinion, is not that attractive (inside or out). 5 years ago, she went to church with a friend and the friend calls her later and tells her that her half-brother saw her at church and is attracted to her, wants to holla. But the kicker is, he’s going back to China tomorrow. The sister gives her friend the go ahead to pass on her info, and they start talking over email. Since the dude obviously saw her, but she didn’t see him, she asks her friend (who is supposedly this dude’s half sister, and he is supposedly half-Chinese, half-Black) for a picture. The friend produces a cut out of a Polo ad with this Blasian model dude and says that’s him. So now, this guy who is attracted to this unattractive girl is a gorgeous Blasian model.
That’s not the crazy part. There’s someone for everyone, right?
They communicate over the years through email ONLY, and the few times she’s talked to him ear-to-ear has been on her friend’s (his “sister’s”) cell phone. He sends her flowers and gifts and handwritten letters from China, and through these letters has told her he is a multimillionaire from the computer technology he works on in China. And the modeling was just for fun and he donated his Polo money to the less fortunate.
Oh, it gets better.
So, after an entire year of this–STILL, never seeing him in person, never iChat/oovoo/google hangout/facebook–NADA but emails, letters, and random gifts, he asks her to marry him. She says yes. By now, he is virtually part of the family anyway. Her daughter calls him “dad.” (The daughter was 15 when they first started “dating”) O__o But he’s so busy with his computer technology work and maintaining his millions, he never finds the time to fly to NYC to like, have dinner or anything. For FOUR YEARS.
Then, one magical day, he says he’s coming to America to finally meet up with her and her family and they are going straight to the courthouse to get married. Oh happy day! Her 5-year relationship is about to be solidified in matrimony.
Here’s where I literally called my husband a liar, because this shit is so ridiculous–yes, even compared to the above–that I could not FATHOM it.
Apparently, when he didn’t show up, her friend/his sister bring her 3 handwritten letters–one for her, one for her daughter, and one for her mother–each on legal pad paper filled from front to back. The Blasian fiancee was apparently in a major car accident. He was in a church van with 5 other people on their way to an ORPHANAGE to help feed the children, the van was struck by a drunk driver, killed the 5 other passengers instantly, and the van was hanging off of a bridge. During this time, he apparently had the time to HANDWRITE three letters, address them, stamp them, and put them in his briefcase before the van tipped into the river. His and the 5 other missionary workers’ bodies were never found, but this briefcase–this amazing, waterproof, indestructible briefcase–was found and apparently, the letters were sent to the sister, who then, with a heavy heart, came to tell her friend the sad news.
There were tears.
My husband’s friend says she is quite aware now that this was all bullshit–especially after trying to find out about this dude on the internet, yet couldn’t find a DAMN thing. Apparently no model computer genius missionary millionaire who died in a van accident on a bridge in China exists on these here interwebs. But she can’t bring herself to tell her sister that, because it would destroy her. She is “grieving” her loss like she’s a widow now. I was like O________________________________________O. You have GOT to be kidding me.
First, that “friend” is NOT her sister’s friend. To carry on a ruse like this for FIVE FUCKING YEARS?!?! Either she secretly hates her or she’s secretly in love with her. Either way, there is NO EXCUSE for this. The amount of trouble and money spent on this LIE…I’m flabbergasted.
Secondly–how DESPERATE are you that you believe a magazine cut out is a dude that wanted to holla at you, yet you have NEVER confirmed this in real life?! And he is conveniently across the WORLD? Son. SON?!?! This is like those Craigslist apartment scams, but worse, because she got robbed emotionally. Apparently all she ever sent him was a bracelet, and he had it on the day he “died” so he put it in the letter so that she would always remember him. (Therefore, no money was really “lost” from her…)
Thirdly, I am scared that people this dense exist. And walk the same streets I do. I am scared that people this conniving exist. I am scared for her daughter, who was also bought into this tomfoolery, and will probably have fucked up relationships because of it.
I hope somebody gets a laugh out of this because I literally got up and fought the air after he finished telling me this shyt, doubled over in laughter.
WHO. DOES. THIS?!?!?!?!?
The end. I’m going to bed now.
Luvvie’s addition: *DEAD AND GONE* iCan’t. I just… NAWL. No. No one is this dumb. But… people are. And… iCANNOT. I’ma just let y’all have the floor cuz…
Luvvie’s edit: Nope, I’ve never watched or heard of MTV’s Catfish and I might need to check it out but then again, I might not. I’d spend every episode facepalming about how folks can be so dumb. SMH