Random

New York’s Giant Dog Rat. iCan’t.

I was minding my own business like I like to do (-___-) when this abomination dropped into my Tumblr dashboard.

New York Giant Rat Gambian Pouch

Wait... WHAT?!?

A gigantic, white rat was killed after being speared with a pitchfork at the Marcy Houses in the Bedford-Stuyvesant section of Brooklyn.

Jose Rivera, a Housing Authority worker, was clearing a rat hole when three of the mutants popped out, The New York Daily News reports, but he was only able to nab one. It appears to be almost three feet long, including the tail.

*roll around on the floor*

THE DEVIL IS A LAH!!! What the hell?!? That’s a GAHTDAMB RAT?!?

“THAT IS A TODDLER IN A RAT COSTUME LOOKING FOR TRICKA TREAT CANDY. Or somebody took out chuck e. cheese and dumped his body in the Projects.” – Brokey McPoverty

HOW THE HELL IS A RAT THREE FEET LONG?!? This is why I can’t live in New York. That city is fabulous but LAWD. NO MA’AM! If your rats can be taken for a walk on a leash, your city needs an exorcism. New York needs holy water rain. THIS AINT RIGHT!

AND to add to it, they only killed one of the three dog rats because the others ran away. Two BIG ASS PANDA RATS are still running around those projects. AT LEAST TWO!!! jhasfbkwbwkfwnfwnknf #JuanitaBynumHolyGhost

Then I read an article by NY Daily News and they shed light on these mutant rats. By shed light, I mean scared the shit outta me even more about their thuggishness.

Apparently, they’re called Gambian pouched rats, and can grow to be over three feet long and four pounds. I’d ask how they got here for Gambia but I’d like not to seem like a complete dummy.

Oh. AND they’re “fairly common pet rats.”

*SCREECH* Stop the presses!

You mean to tell me that these rodent dogs are actually PETS?!? Someone lonely keeps this in their house and feeds it??? I betchu this person is also a hoarder. And drinks paint. Mofos don’t wanna have hamster pets. Or even cute little puppies. FOLKS WANNA HARBOR RATS!!! Giant ones, at that.

That’s it, New York. Y’all need to talk to your people. Are they bored? This don’t make no sense. And I don’t have time.

And to make matters worse, the giant rats scare the cats of the housing projects. DAMB. So Tom is now scared of giant Jerry. The natural order is ALL messed up. The world is topsy turvy. One of the people who lives at the housing complex where they found this said:

“They’re here day and night. We don’t dodge bullets. We dodge rats.They’re so big, they should charge them rent.”

Well damb. iCan’t. Either way. If I lived in them projects, I’d pack up my dereon duffle and get the hell outta dodge. I ain’t co-habitating with panda rats. Iunno where I’d go but ummm… NAWL.

I’m pretty sure I’d pass clean out if I came across one of these.

What did y’all do when you first saw this pic? What would you do if you saw it in person?

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53 Comments

  1. Dee Collins
    August 26, 2011 at 2:25 pm

    That made me wanna lock my poor lil beagles right up and take that doggie door right off, yes Ma’am..I do not blieve my honeys need to be running around with the likes of dem critters, I can assure you if that was in my back yard they would be foreclosing on my house, because I will be relocating like I’m in the witness protection program

    • Lisa
      August 26, 2011 at 2:28 pm

      Ditto LMAO

    • August 26, 2011 at 2:29 pm

      I’d leave all my property for them. I ain’t bout to compete w/ them mutants!

    • Dianne
      September 4, 2011 at 2:04 am

      I was horrified at when I saw this picture of this poor innocent rat. This rat was one of Gods creatures. ” Not to hurt our humble brethren (the animals) is our first duty to them, but to stop there is not enough. We have a higher mission to be of service to them when they require it” – St Francis of Assisi “The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated.” Mahatma Gandhi. If in the future you catch a rat (any size) call me and I will come get him and keep him as a pet. I’m serious.
      Dianne

      [email protected]

      • Dianne
        September 4, 2011 at 2:18 am

        Sorry my email is [email protected]. I got rid of my old email address [email protected] I wanted to let you know I’m serious about adopting a rat if you find another one.. (any size) I’m moving upstate from NYC. This is such a shame that this beautiful rat was killed. If he is white he was most likely a pet rat that got loose in someones house. He was actually a miracle to grow to that size, not a freak. He was one of Gods creatures. I know he is in heaven now and at peace.

        • GirlBye
          October 30, 2012 at 8:23 pm

          [/img]http://d22zlbw5ff7yk5.cloudfront.net/images/cm-21545-650528a3316409.gif[img]

        • GirlBye
          October 30, 2012 at 8:31 pm

          see what happens when you have too many tabs open at once…this is RATCHET CENTRAL…ain’t nobody got time for that! The rest of us here runnin from them things!

  2. sincerelyalana
    August 26, 2011 at 2:26 pm

    When XD retweeted this damn picture last night, I passed the hell out. DO YOU HEAR ME? I had plans to move to NY within the next year or two, but after that….No ma’am I will NOT. I will keep my ass in Los Angeles where the rats are downtown and you rarely see them. Could you imagine, you open your apartment door, and that big ass dog rat runs into your house? That’s the thing that Martin and Pam were fighting in the Chillingan’s Island episode. I can’t!

    • August 26, 2011 at 2:29 pm

      I would literally lose my shit if I saw a rat this big in person. CHILE!!!

      • sincerelyalana
        August 26, 2011 at 2:35 pm

        I lost it just looking at the computer screen, so seeing it in person? NO MA’AM! When I saw the picture, all I could hear was Pam saying to Martin, “THAT AIN’T NO DAMN PUPPY!”

        • October 30, 2012 at 8:53 pm

          *hollarin*!!!!!

          *swaying with fright* “Luvvie…I think there’s a puppy in our room…”

  3. Blacktrimony
    August 26, 2011 at 2:28 pm

    They need a lion just to catch the rats?? Yeah, I’m going to keep myself in Cali.

    • August 26, 2011 at 2:30 pm

      Lemme find out they gotta go get Simba to handle this. SMH. I’ma stay in Chicago and watch from afar.

      • Dee Collins
        August 26, 2011 at 4:34 pm

        CDHUROFLMAO!!!!You ain’t neva lied

    • Anne in Sydney
      August 26, 2011 at 9:19 pm

      *laughing* *coughing* Laughing* *coughing*…OMGness…This post has had the funniest comments….

  4. August 26, 2011 at 2:31 pm

    and this is why i could never eva eva eva be able to live there either…i mean i do reside in DMV (DC) and we have some nastyshiggady running around but NOTHING that looks like a damb pet! COME ON “we don’t dodge bullets we dodge rats” who in the cotdambnation…nope…never eva eva eva

  5. sincerelyalana
    August 26, 2011 at 2:33 pm

    If I lived in NY now, I’d pack up my bags, quit my job, and move. I can deal with a lot of stuff, but rats ain’t one of them especially big ass WHO YOU FINNA TRY ass rats.

  6. Sierra
    August 26, 2011 at 2:34 pm

    The fact that these folks have grown accustomed to seeing these rats walking around the projects is dreadful..that rat looks like an overgrown white jackrabbit (the animal,,not the sex toy ya freaks!)

    • Sierra
      August 26, 2011 at 2:42 pm

      I wonder if the man who killed that giant rat caught the Juanita Bynum holy ghost afterwards…had him speaking all in tongues like shdfysiodfhhgihsdghds….

  7. August 26, 2011 at 2:34 pm

    I first saw the pic and was like…I think I know this rat..I do know this rat. I’ll be working with these rats in African next year. No lie (link to my announcement happily exclaiming my excitement about working with these ROUSs: http://urban-science.blogspot.com/2011/07/wordless-wednesday-im-luckiest-nerd-in.html)

    Don’t get me wrong they are hella big. But if I came across one, I’d probably try to catch it — for science purposes, of course.

  8. Andressa
    August 26, 2011 at 2:35 pm

    Luvvie, I can’t. If I saw this rat in real life I would faint on site (and then it’d proceed to eat me cuz that’s what got its girth so big in the first place). I mean, what is it these things are feeding on? So now when folks come up missing in the projects charging it to these mutant rats wouldn’t be an outlandish thing to do. I’m going to go count my many blessings now. Not having mutant rats in my city is at the top of that list today. Praise him.

    • August 27, 2011 at 2:20 pm

      They feeding on left over MacDonalds, Burger Kings, Jack In the Box, KFC, Popeye’s Chicken, and cokes, pepsis, 7ups to wash it down.

      You know how we humans get all big on that stuff.

  9. August 26, 2011 at 2:50 pm

    My question is… why does that man have a PITCHFORK in the PROJECTS?!

    I bet you $5 he skinned and grilled the giant Godzilla rat right after this photo was taken… served it with some mashed potatoes and a Colt 45. o_O

    • Akua
      August 26, 2011 at 3:18 pm

      These rats make me itch. Why would anyone actually keep them as pets?!! This is some mess you would see in Ghana. My parents always talk about grasscutters and bushmeat. I know folks raised cane rats for food, but IN THE MARCY PROJECTS? iCan’t.

      • Akua
        August 26, 2011 at 3:24 pm

        Sorry christianSoul, I accidentally posted this twice. These rats have me SHOOK!

  10. August 26, 2011 at 2:53 pm

    WTH??? Master Splinter is supposed to be a FICTIONAL character.

    • August 26, 2011 at 3:29 pm

      LMFAO, ok?!

    • Kenneth
      August 26, 2011 at 5:12 pm

      Yeah, the Ninja Turtles will NOT be pleased about this, not one bit.

  11. Akua
    August 26, 2011 at 3:22 pm

    Just looking at these rats is making me itch. Why would anyone actually keep them as pets?!! This is some mess you would see in Ghana. My parents always talk about grasscutters and bushmeat. I know folks raised cane rats for food in Ghana, but why are these giant beast ratsIN THE MARCY PROJECTS? iCan’t.

  12. August 26, 2011 at 4:02 pm

    This must be the same line of rats Kat Stacks came up in cuz bruh… What do you call a group of rats? A troop? A colony? A flock? But anyway bruh I definitely got light headed and envisioned one of these grown, rusty ass critters rolling up on me and my girl while strolling through NYC and ELIZABETH YA NIGGA IS COMING TO JOIN YA!!

    Bruh I’d pass clean the fugg out and I love animals but rats should not look like a licensed driver with a 401K plan and a mid-life crisis…

    -goes upstairs like Judy Winslow-

    • Leslie
      October 31, 2012 at 12:20 am

      Not Kat Stacks tho!!

      AHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHA

      I am done!!!

  13. August 26, 2011 at 4:07 pm

    Like really God and Mother Nature must be punking us.. Did they take over from Ashton? Why in Sam’s hell is a rat capable of Deeboing a Tabby cat? Man yall been importing creatures from Dr. Moreau’s island..

    -Goes Up Ye Yonder-

  14. Kenneth
    August 26, 2011 at 5:14 pm

    This rat bullies all the other rats (and little kids too) like, “This my chain, PUNK!!!”

  15. Brianna Leigh
    August 26, 2011 at 5:50 pm

    Is it wrong for me to feel bad that it’s dead?
    I’d kick it but I wouldn’t kill it. LOL

    • Anne in Sydney
      August 26, 2011 at 9:23 pm

      a live rat is a breeding rat,..I’d kill it

      • emti
        August 30, 2011 at 9:48 am

        “a live rat is a breeding rat” *DEAD* like that rat

  16. Kishan
    August 26, 2011 at 5:55 pm

    In Neeewww Yoooooorrrrk… Giant rats be what pets are made of… There’s nothing you can dooooo… Now you’re in Neeewww Yoooooorrrrk… These rats be bigger than yo pet cats… Them teef will infect yoooouuu… Let’s hear it for Neeewww Yoooooorrrrk, Neeewww Yoooooorrrrk, Neeewww Yooooooooorrrrk……

    • Scorpiana
      August 27, 2011 at 6:40 pm

      ^THIS! LMAOOOOOO! Jay Z and Alicia are NOT amused! (but I damn sure am)

    • August 29, 2011 at 10:18 am

      This right here murked me fo’ a thousand lifetimes.

      I’m done.

    • emti
      August 30, 2011 at 9:49 am

      BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…oh lord i’m about to get fired

  17. August 26, 2011 at 7:04 pm

    Girl, if you don’t cut it out! That looks like pure, Texas-bred nonsense. You know somebody is smush-frying those things and slappin’ em on a Sammich!

    Holy Hell! Too effin funny!

  18. RoxyWTF
    August 26, 2011 at 8:06 pm

    This picture makes me appreciate the subway rats in Chicago!

  19. ShellBelle
    August 27, 2011 at 2:57 am

    OH MY FUCKIN GAAWWDD!!!!!!! UGGGHHHHHH, I swear fo gawd if I saw that bear rat I would FREAK OWT :-&

  20. August 27, 2011 at 11:56 am

    I saw the picture and screamed. I was at my parents’ so I showed my mom and she yelled “Jesus”!
    Now…I just got back from New York Wednesday and I thank God I didn’t see anything like that. I would still be up there recovering from a heart attack AND watching I don’t sail away with Irene.

  21. August 27, 2011 at 11:58 am

    I saw the picture and screamed. I was at my parents’ so I showed my mom and she yelled “Jesus”!
    Now…I just got back from New York Wednesday and I thank God I didn’t see anything like that. I would still be up there recovering from a heart attack AND watching I don’t sail away with Irene.

    (if this posts multiple times, charge it to my bootleg Samsung phone)

  22. August 27, 2011 at 12:23 pm

    Survival of the fittest. Gone are the days where New Yorkers can catch rats in traps with fake cheese. The rats got sick of that shit and evolved. Hence, RoboRat. Them shits are on acid.

  23. donell
    August 29, 2011 at 9:34 am

    i cant even count high enough to count the number of lifetimes i could have lived without seeing this. #jesusbeablindfold!

    lawd knows i lub me some luvvie but dayum woman! its like when ppl taste or smell sumthing disgusting and whats the first thing they say: here taste / smell this!

    awwwwww hellz nawl!

    dagnabbit luvvie – why you gots to share ALLA tha craziness you come across? i dont know who needs help the morest…you for taking delight in all of this hawteghettomessness and sharing it with the world. or all us luvvies who wait with baited breath (and now covered eyes) for your next edition of wratchery.

  24. […] I hope I don’t see that giant dog rat. Or even miniature rats. I just don’t do well with […]

  25. Trina
    October 30, 2012 at 7:16 pm

    This is the only reason I love living in the Pacific Northwest. The only “weather” we get is rain. We dont have real bugs and pest like the huge roaches and lizards down south or the giant rats of New York. If I see a flying ant I need to get 10 bottles of raid and bomb my house. That aint normal and I refuse to live somewhere where they have pest you can ride. EEEFFFF the Orkin man they need animal control. My aunt caught a snake on her sticky pest trap. A whole snake talking bout she got sticky pads all around the house so the pest can get caught outside before they come in. Shhhhhhiiiiiiiid that is no place I call home they cray.

  26. Ra
    October 30, 2012 at 7:46 pm

    Hell No!!!!!!! ……. this takes me back to 1999…. Senior year of high school. Had just got accepted to NYU. Was all happy. Making plans.. Till I read an article about giant monster rats climbing out of toilets in the dorms…. Yes… rats kept me from my dream school… absolutely. I regret NOTHING. Hell and no.

  27. October 30, 2012 at 8:45 pm

    I.am.screaming-at-your-foolishness!!! ROTFL!!!
    Yes, this monstrosity will cause a person to type in tongues like Juanita Bynum!!

  28. KayMac
    October 30, 2012 at 9:32 pm

    That gorilla rat looks like it would just knock on your door and ask to borrow some sugar….pass you in the hallway and give you the “wassup” head nod….I swear I’d probably run around like a damn fool, if this thang passed me….I can’t eeeemmm deal!!! #JesusBeAFence

  29. […] to home:It spurred some comments, mostly tongue-in-cheek and humorous – after all this is what Luvvie’s stock and […]