Topics That Need To Go Away: Black Women and Failing Relationships

Black women, relationships and singlehood. This topic has been EVERYWHERE (TV, newspapers, blogs). But I’ve just about had it up to HERE with it.

We get it. Black women are lonely and downtrodden and don’t ever have men. We’re too independent. We’re golddiggers who depend on men too much. We spend ALL our days lamenting that we can’t find good Black men. We suffocate Black men with our love. We don’t like to cook. We cook too much and get fat. We’re too sullen and downtrodden all the time. We party too much and have our priorities messed up. We’re baby mamas. We’re childless at 30 and losing because our eggs are drying up. We think too little of our bodies. We think too highly of our degrees.


Uncle Sam Shut UP

This topic has been talked TO DEATH. I stopped giving TWO dambs because it’s not like anyone is giving any new viewpoints on the topic. So I am here to request that everyone MOVE ON and get a new topic. LAWDT! I CANNOT read one more article about this.

The topic of Black women failing in relationships is not just a dead horse. NAW SON! That horse was shot at point blank range, execution style. Then it was dragged through the town during a parade, where a float ran over it. THEN they cut off it’s tail and made a nice weave out of it. That weave is now sold at Obama’s Beauty Supply Store.

Beat Dead Horse gif

Am I the only one sick of this? Can we talk about something else? No? Aight then. (-__-)

P.S. I forgot to put the obligatory “No Shade.”

P.P.S. No this blog post is not about you personally. STo the folks who will take offense to this because they are just SO SURE this was written about them, it’s not.

P.P.P.S. Dang. Now I KNOW someone’s gon be all “Yeah. She’s DEFINITELY talmbout me.” I can’t win. I’ma just be QWAT (quiet in Luvvie lingo).

Previous post

Whose Dumb Idea Is This? Kohl's Failed!

Next post

Vote for Jimmy McMillan Cuz the Rent is Too Damn High!


  1. October 20, 2010 at 1:44 am

    [In my best Aunt Bunny voice] Gurrrrrl please. You’re all up in my head. I should charge you rent.

    Of course I’m all anti-everything when it comes to the “BlackWomenAreGonnaDieOfLonelinessOhLawdHammercyJesus” – platform. I have spent the last 7 years trying to present the contrary. I damn near went BROKE trying to intensify the message that WE DO get married! I’ve jumped up and down and literally screamed, “LOOKA HERE! EVERY BLACK WOMAN AINT SAD AND PITIFUL AND SINGLE”.

    I’ve learned one thing from my fight. Happy, married, educated black women are bad for business. Period. I’ve stopped yelling from the mountain tops my message …..well….because….no matter how loudly I scream….aint nobody tryna hear all that.

    Bottom line is, positivity doesn’t work when it comes to coloreds. It aint popular and aint ever gonna be. Folk are mad at my President for inviting MediaTakeOut.com to the White House when the reality of the matter is, the bullcrap is where it’s at. Gossipy, butt slapping, ghetto-ish, Kat Stacks-esque content will ALWAYS win over anything Black & positive anyday.

    So brace yo’self my sista. I’m sure the innanets are just getting started.

    • October 20, 2010 at 11:42 am

      “Happy, married, educated black women are bad for business.” <<THIS!!!!!

      Yes, what do they say about the devil & the greatest trick he ever pulled? Yeah…it's kinda like that. In fact, I stopped telling people how happily married I am.

      • rena
        July 9, 2012 at 10:58 pm

        You can not let those who are jealous take your glory.

        happy to hear you are doing good.

    • October 22, 2010 at 2:44 am

      It’s unfortunate it has to be that way and if it’s any consolation – congratulations you happily, married educated black woman. I pray that there are many more of you out there.

  2. October 20, 2010 at 10:13 am

    and the let church say amen. Oh yeah that’s right we spend too much time and can’t get a man because we’re sleeping around. Yeah miss me with all these you black women are weaving and stay broke but buy my 34.99 dollar book theories. I’m sick and tired of this. Find a new topic

    If I wanted to hear ain’t sh*t things I can rent the Greatest of Lil Duval VHS (if like unicorns it actually exist). Kudos to this post, Luvvie.

    • October 22, 2010 at 2:42 am


  3. Capricorn
    October 20, 2010 at 10:27 am

    This, Luvvie, is why I heart you.

    I stopped listening to any of that isht (calling it what it is). I’m a single mom (dad was very involved until his death 2 years ago), college grad, non cooking, working Black woman. I am happily engaged to a employed, Master’s degree holding, owning his own home, never been in jail, Black man, aka a Unicorn (according to some). Does this make me an anomaly?

    I am SHOWING my daughter that there are good Black men out there and functional, Black relationships do exist.

    *Waving to chocolatebrides, hey I’m nikki1920*

  4. October 20, 2010 at 2:19 pm

    Thank you!!!


    • October 20, 2010 at 2:21 pm

      P.S. I’m stealing that pic. Thanks.

  5. Lite Bread
    October 20, 2010 at 2:38 pm

    “Chocolate Bride and “Capricorn”? You may end up sounding like Chante Moore in “Chante’s Got a Man” (and you don’t) to the growing numbers of highly qualified, desirable, beautiful A/A women who know the odds aren’t in their favor on the “Unicorn” thing.

    Very tough subject. Very painful, in fact. With only tougher possible solutions.
    But nobody wants that ugly subject.

    So … Ms. Awesomelynessis Luvvie, I’ma gonna Obey, “Do the Right Thing” and

    Shut the Fuck Up.

    • October 20, 2010 at 7:11 pm

      Nah….Never saw it that way. I’ve always tried to come across like, “If you SEE it you can BE it” or more simply put, “don’t believe the hype”.

      • Capricorn
        October 25, 2010 at 11:17 am

        If I believed everything in print, I’d have jumped off a bridge a long time ago. I don’t buy into the negative stereotypes, sorry.

    • October 22, 2010 at 2:53 am

      I’m with Ms. Luvvie on this one. I am totally anti-mainstream media images and messages. Have you ever wondered why the negative emphasis is on black people? That’s for us to feed into the nonsense and do and believe what “they” tell us to.

      After viewing a YouTube clip about single black women, I found a story by an Essence writer who shared the following statistics: “Because 51% of American women are living without a husband, i.e: they are single. This is the first time in American history that more women are single than married. Fifty-one percent of Latina woman are unmarried, so are 45% of non-Hispanic White women, and 41% of Asian women.”

      Does this leave you wondering why mainstream media put so much emphasis on the status of black women? Heck, have you ever wondered why they flood the airwaves with negativity about black people in general? It’s a brainwashing tactic and it’s obviously working.

  6. SweetTee
    October 20, 2010 at 5:13 pm

    *stepping on soapbox (I’m short so I will need a ladder to get on)*

    “The most disrespected, neglected and unprotected person in America is the black woman.”- Malcolm X

    Over 40 years later and this quote still rings true.

    As my grandmamma would say, tell the truth and you same the devil. It would be one thing if, generally speaking, all of the discussion, books and blogs benefitted black women, but instead, we have become fodder for other people to profit off from (looking real hard at you Steve Harvey and Jimi Izreal).

    What I “LOVE” (extra snark and shade intended) about this entire discussion is that it assumes that all black women are unhappy with being single and the people who feel the need to bring this to the forefront of this discussion are not sociologists, phsycologists are even BLACK WOMEN!

    I love Oprah for all of her accomplishments, however, she earned a GRADE FAIL when she invited Steve Harvey to talk about his book. Since when is a comedian an authority on black women and relationships, especially a three time married adulterer?

    If Oprah had invited Larry the Cable Guy or Dane Cook to offer social commentary on why white women can’t find Mr Right it would not have gone unchecked by certain white viewers of her show and she would have boycotted until she issued a live televised apology.

    However, the greatest crime in all of this foolishness is that when you look at how is views and consumes this, IT’S. US!

    When we take the profitability out of making us society’s “zoo animals” for all other people to gawk and mock at, then we will see a demise in all of this foolishness.

    *Stepping off soap box and staging right*

    • October 21, 2010 at 2:29 pm

      *tambourine shake*

      As a single (and I’m single till I’m married, BF or not) black woman, I’m just looking at this mess as comedy. I mean CLEARLY, a black male comedian thats been married 3 times and has NEVAH been a black woman telling me how to get and keep a man is HILARITY. Why would I take Steve Harvey seriously? Purely for entertainment.
      And, just like when I get tired of a TV show, I changed the channel on this topic a LONG time ago…

  7. Roxy
    October 21, 2010 at 3:25 pm

    As a young single Black woman, I find it even MORE tragic that our worst enemies are us.

    My personal belief: if we as women held each other up in a positive light, we would receive less attacks from the outside.

    What has to be done for us to stick together and do better?

    • October 22, 2010 at 3:01 am

      Two things that can be done to stick together and do better is go back to segregation and ban TV and radio.

      When black people were segregated, we only had each other. There were bad things that happened, but I’m sure when we stood together for what we believed in, we came off stronger. And with the economic and political power we possess right now, we are a powerful force. But the bad thing, we don’t know how much power we really hold. Sorry, I digressed.

      As long as we don’t own media, we can’t control it. As for the music that is made, it is made by blacks and controlled by Jews according to Jay Z. So, no control there either.

      So, those are the two things I think need to be done for us to stick together. Even then, there will need to be strong spiritual forces behind the people in this movement because we have been so brainwashed that a mind change will take years.

  8. bogart4017
    November 8, 2010 at 4:29 pm

    I’m co-signing everything Sweettea said!!!

  9. ken
    March 27, 2011 at 2:27 pm

    I love my black women because your powerful,resourceful,smart,and many more great things…the problem is there is a very small amount of black women who fall in the category of negative conversation and every other black women has to stand in the shadow of it. black men are always criticized in many circles too by everyone including “sistas” and what I realized is that some of the things that they were saying are a little true …NOT ALL OF IT!!!!! I AM JUST SAYING I HAD TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE THINGS I KNEW I WAS DOING AND TRY TO FIX THEM NO MATTER IF WAS JUST ONE THING OR SEVERAL. I believe that if we start to look at our imperfection and try to fix them for the benefit of ourselves and not the negative circle where most of this mess comes from. We will be stronger and our children will become even greater. I AM NOT SAYING TO BE PERFECT THATS IMMPOSSIBLE LETS ALL TRY TO BE BETTER HUMAN BEINGS AND FORGET THE HATERS!!!