Dropkick Him, Jesus, Through the Goalposts of Life

I’ve been changed, for the day I listened to this song, I KNOWED there was a GAWD! My homie, Crownie (McIGface), who is so foolish he needs a Sense Bailout, and I were on GChat and I sent him this video. This video had me in a severe bout of the CackleFits, which didn’t stop for most of the day. Twas turrble and awesome at the same time.

And you’ve all seen me say something was “dropkicked through the goalposts of life.” Well, here’s what started it. Just listen to this and read me and Crownie’s chat. We were out our minds.

Luvvie: *dead* “Drop Kick me Jesus through the Goalposts of life”
Crownie: ;lkdsjflgsmfvlaeskrmealskvesr (Crownie’s hysterical laughter)
___________________________________________________________ (Crownie flatlines)
Luvvie: I request that people wear white usher gloves to my funegro. I aint gon make it!
Crownie: Laaaaawddd he is SERIOUS in his plea!
Luvvie: iQuit people and country music
Crownie: *shouts*. iQuit YOU for sending me thisssss. ooooh I cant! I’m in my apartment SCREAMING. drop kick me jesus through the goal posts of LIFE! yesss lawwdddd
Luvvie: i just KEELED again!
Crownie: LAWD I saved it to my favorites.
Luvvie: OMG I’m CRYING still! I’m soooo thru with homo sapiens. THROUGH! Do you hear me??
Crownie: I just grew 3 new abs. God works in mysterious ways. Where’s my inhaler?????
Luvvie: You best find it before Jesus drop kicks you in the lungs
Luvvie: hahahahaha
Crownie: two quits in one day….you are gone from me now….be blessed…
Luvvie: Nooooooooooooooo
Crownie: lmao.
Luvvie: *holds on to crownie’s ankles* You can’t leave me! You can’t LEAVE ME!!! do you hear me???? You aint goin NOWHERE!
Luvvie: bwahaha aw man Jesus just drop kicked my ability to act right. Why is this song stuck in my head??
Crownie: LMAO I thought I was the only one. I just texted my mama “drop kick me jesussssss”. She said … WHAT IN THE NAME OF GOD?!?!
Luvvie: hahahahahahaha yessss

5 hours later

Luvvie: Thru the goalposts of life
Crownie: Yes lawd. Not to the left. Nor the right. RIGHT THROUGH THE MIDDLE, JESUS. direct me lawwwdddd
Luvvie: But thru them yellow bars of the world!
Crownie: YESSSSSS! *shouts off good square toed church shoes*. stacy adams
Luvvie: Hahahahhahahahahahahaha *throws down church fedora and stilettos*
Crownie: lijaskjlfkadsjkkjnjugvgv I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT AND WILL NOT
Luvvie: Hahahaha
Crownie: I believe it’s just best if I quit you now before you say something that bursts my laughbox.

Luvvie: Hahahaha you done quit me thrice 2day. Thrice!

Crownie: omg omg omg omg omg you HAVE TO GET ON YOUR COMPUTER. ASAP ASAP
Luvvie: Lol oh nooo. Whatcha find?
Crownie: OOOOOOOOOH lawwdddd. I found somebody performing it. Jeeeeeeeesus it’s a lil ole country family!
Luvvie: Hahahahahahaha Oh nooooo
Crownie: oohwhee Jesus wept. lmao he sayssss “I got the will if YOU GOT THE TOOEEEE”. yess laawddd. My Jesus is a PUNTER. praise GAWD’T!
Luvvie: Bwahahahahaahah Not a punter!
Crownie: When Jesus kicks me I want the LAWD to say.. “IT’S GOOOOOOOOOOODDD!!!”
Luvvie: iQuit u. PLEASE GO!
Crownie: THIS IS IKE AND TINA….we got 5455645 days between here and a good nights right. you tryna leave me anna mae?!
Luvvie: Yes I am! talmbout “My Jesus is a punter.”

*watches 2nd drop kick me Rendition featuring White Church Choir* *dies again*

Crownie: a;lksjdlkfldkjsw
Luvvie: In honor of the superbowl??
Crownie: I died … rose 3 seconds later only to DIE again. I want black and gold balloons at my funegro.
Luvvie: I would like my epitaph to say “She came. She tried to live a good life, but promptly died after she was drop kicked by Jesus after watchin this video.”
Luvvie: omg this day has been AWESOME. jus b/c of drop kick me Jesus

Moral of this story: My GChat is AWESOME!

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  1. September 1, 2010 at 8:12 am

    I cannot with you… *DEAD* at
    Crownie: YESSSSSS! *shouts off good square toed church shoes*. stacy adams
    Luvvie: Hahahahhahahahahahahaha *throws down church fedora and stilettos*

    Ratchedness of the day smh and with that I am off of here … my soul has been corrupted!

    • September 29, 2010 at 1:40 am

      I ain’t e’em DO nothing doe!

  2. Mo
    September 1, 2010 at 8:15 am

    here lies mo \__________/
    after having the foolish nerve to watch that vid & read luvvie & crownie’s gchat!!!!

    • September 29, 2010 at 1:41 am

      I gave a very nice eulogy at your funegro.

  3. September 1, 2010 at 9:14 am

    Luvvie, get the hell off my work’s LAN with this post!!! I’m at work dying!!!

    • September 1, 2010 at 9:16 am

      OMG…did they start playing catch with a Nerf football!?!?!? *DNR*

    • September 29, 2010 at 1:40 am

      LMAO!!! *taps on your work’s LAN*

  4. Mel~
    September 1, 2010 at 9:48 am

    They put Jesus on the special teams, though? He couldn’t be QB? Offensive line – shoot defensive line? Free safety? *sucks teeth*

    They relegated Jesus to – maybe – 1 full minute a game. My Jesus is a full 4 quarters – 60 minute Jesus thankyouverymuch! lmao

    Luvvie, you don’t know no good for this one.

    • September 29, 2010 at 1:40 am

      “My Jesus is a full 4 quarters – 60 minute Jesus thankyouverymuch”

      YES LAWD!!! My Jesus is Offense, Defense, Special Teams and Coach. Praise him!

    • KayMac
      March 8, 2016 at 2:26 pm



  5. krocka
    September 1, 2010 at 10:01 am

    dear luvvie,

    why are you such a fool? as a result, i am neglected while krocka rolls around on the floor.

    the work that krocka SHOULD be doing

    • September 29, 2010 at 1:39 am

      I think it’s because I fell asleep the day the Lawd was giving out sense. Yes. That must be it. #BlameItOnItis

    September 1, 2010 at 10:06 am

    I am too through with this post LMAO
    if you want another cackle check out this Holy Commentating video I shared with Crownie last week…we both died

  7. missthg
    September 1, 2010 at 11:57 am

    Lawd have mercy….that first line of the song just sent me waaay over the edge. you have a “special” place in my heart for this one!

    • September 29, 2010 at 1:38 am

      Me and you, us never part then. 😀

  8. September 1, 2010 at 12:52 pm

    Just pure foolishness. Where has this song been all my life? It’s now my 2nd favorite song behind the Bed Intruder song.

    • September 29, 2010 at 1:38 am

      YESSS!!! The Bed Intruder song is my ringtone.

  9. bogart4017
    September 1, 2010 at 12:57 pm

    Aaaah yes—the music i grew up listening to. I never will forget Bobby Bare.

    • September 29, 2010 at 1:36 am

      You grew up to this?!? Did your parents cackle everytime it played? DO TELL!

  10. Kelly
    September 1, 2010 at 3:45 pm

    My soul and good sense have been *murked*. OH My GAWD!! They pulled out a Nerf–like people needed a visual!! LOL That plus the fact that they couldn’t stay rocking on the right beat and the cheerleaders/airway safety people in the back…Luvvie, I have DIEEEED! Upon being raised again, I started clicking through youtube’s related videos–I died again. Way too many people asking Jesus to drop kick them!!

    When I need a laugh or an ab workout I’m coming back to this page!

    • September 29, 2010 at 1:36 am

      LMAO!!! Gurl “Dropkick Me Jesus” had me in STITCHES for the first 24 hrs after I listened to it. It was that much of a mess. But yes, come on back. I’m sure there’ll be more foolery for you.

  11. September 1, 2010 at 5:12 pm

    I.Am.In.Tears! Thank you, thank you, thank you. This was THEE perfect way to end my work day.

    • September 1, 2010 at 11:10 pm

      *takes a bow* U is WELCOME!

  12. Kay
    September 1, 2010 at 9:59 pm

    I can’t, I won’t and I refuse you on this holy day!! I’m so done with yo ignant tail right now…..Should never gave you high speed internet!!! lol

    • September 1, 2010 at 11:10 pm

      LMAO!!! The day they gave me the innawebs was the day I lost sense.

  13. September 2, 2010 at 12:13 pm

    Jesus wept…

    when he heard that this song had been dedicated to him. My Jesus is a HEALER, not a KICKER! Halleluyer!

    Luvvie I am convinced that you are a shepherd for the devil for causing my asthma to ack up this way with this ratchedness!


    • September 6, 2010 at 12:54 am

      Girl, Jesus is somewhere like “You want me to dropkick you????” Chile…

      And iRebuke the Devil! I’m an angel of the Lord. Who just happens to find a lot of ratchetness.

  14. Micah
    November 17, 2012 at 3:19 am

    Even though I’m like really late, I feel like Willard aka Mitt Romney sings this to his children. With Ann on the tambourine and Paul Ryan on Harmonies.

  15. […] makes me sad. As a Christian, Mike Huckabee is doing theeeeee absolute most right now and I want to dropkick him through the goal posts of life. I, too, was confused about Trans issues and transgender people, but I’m learning more now. I […]

  16. Tosha P
    March 8, 2016 at 10:36 am

    Yes I’m late but I gotta question, WHY DOES THIS EXIST. WHY’S IT HERE IKE?????

  17. Sylvia Braden
    March 8, 2016 at 11:55 am

    Luvvie…plz make certain that my repast has good potato salad????????????????????

  18. nichole
    March 8, 2016 at 12:57 pm

    I’m sharing this with our worship team. They can play in on Easter and instead of those chapeaus in pinks, purples and yellows, we will just wear cowboy hats.

  19. Eliza Bennett
    March 10, 2016 at 10:53 am

    Why is someone’s dead mamaw in the offensive line?! He BEDNOT be calling my mamaw fat!

  20. March 18, 2016 at 3:29 am

    I had heard of this title–and it doesn’t sound much different than the variety of tunes played on all the episodes of Hee-Haw that ever were. My dad and I still watch it together.

    Having said that, though….y’all’s exchange tickles me. I’m glad y’all got your abs workouts from it.