I’m Wack on Wheels
I’m one of those folks who’s better on solid ground. I’m a GREAT walker. I can walk with the best of them. I can power walk, strut, skip… all’a that. Just don’t ask me to run or nothing. I’m allergic to that.
It’s when you ask me to do stuff on foreign objects that the problem begins. I’m all sorts, types and kinds of useless on wheels.
Yeah, this was me.
I can’t skate (roller OR blade)
There was this one time when I went to a skate party when I was like 10. It was my first time in skates. I decided I was gonna put them on and go on the rink with everyone else. Yeah… NOT smart. I held the edges for some minutes and then let go thinking I had a hang of it. LAWDDDD I slid to the middle of the rink and promptly feel flat on my ass. one of those banana peel falls from cartoons. To make matters worse, I couldn’t get up because everytime I tried, I slid again. Before I know it, an employee of the rink had pulled me by my collar and dragged me to where my sis was sitting talmbout “Is she yours?” My sis just sighed and said “Yes.” That was the last time I was on skates. My ego was TOO hurt.
They ain't e'en gotta make fun of me like this.
I can’t ride a bike
WHAT?!? I was a TV kid. I wasn’t all outdoorsy. I was a book worm who loved to watch TV. Bikes did not interest me. Then the times I did try to ride a non-tricycle, I busted my *ss. I’d get on a bike and expect the wheels to balance me. I’d hop on from the left and me and the bike would fall to the right. The times I caught the bike from tipping all the way over, I still failed. I was just like, ya know what? Ain’t gon be no Tour de Frances in my future. Although when was little, I had a dream of me and my cousins cruising down the streets in bikes. My subconscious has a sense of humor. It’s ALSO a jerk.
But my BIGGEST fail is that…
I can’t drive
Folks always wondering why I’m forever taking cabs (and getting kicked out for trying to pay with debit cards). Well it ain’t because I like to be accosted by a rude Ethiopian man or lectured by an African elder. It’s because I don’t drive and I’m ALWAYS late somewhere. It’s nothing to me to get on public transportation. But I’m just never on time, so I’m usually left with cabbing it.
It’s not just that I don’t drive. It’s that I CAN’T drive.
Me: Hi, my name is Luvvie. And I can’t drive.
Everyone: Hi Luvvie!
I took Driver’s Ed in high school, just like everyone else and passed the written test. But I never took traffic. I was just like “well whatever. I’m not getting a car so what’s the point?” Then I got to college and I didn’t need a car because it was Smalltown USA. The bus system was TIGHT! And I was the Queen of SafeRides (school system that’ll pick you up from one point and drop you off. I may or may not have even taken this to the club a coupla times. But that ain’t what we talmbout). If none of those were options, one of my friends was usually going my way. I hop in their car, no biggie.
I graduated from college and moved back to Chicago, where public transportation can take you most places. 4 years after my move, here I am. Still without a Driver’s license. I’m so useless. I blame the convenience of the big city for my uselessness. My friends have offered to teach me to drive. They’ve taken me driving in parking lots. I can circle an empty lot like an expert, ya heard me? I even parallel parked between two trashcans in parking lots before. Everytime they offer to let me drive on a real road, I cower like a little biznotch and yell “BUT I’M NOT READYYYY!!!” and proceed to run away.
But I have now decided to get a license. Methinks the time has come for me to *sigh* learn to drive. With this resolve in mind, I’m going to go to driving school. They make me feel safe because the instructor has a brake on their side. So mmhmm. I’ma do it. WATCH OUT WORLD! Luvvie’s gon take on the road!!! I’ll be the chick driving slower than the Grandmother and clutching the steering wheel for dear life.
When I told my girl Renisha, she laughed so hard she almost choked. She’ont know my struggles! So am I the only adult running ’round these parts without a license? I’m pretty sure I’m one of 2 people who can’t ride a bike though. That’s just a mess.
*******
Luvvie Elsewhere Today:
* Shoutout to the Past (LuvvDivine)
* I’d give my appendix for these shoes (MustLuvvShoes)
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61 Comments
you are a good writer. I actually enjoyed that
Thank ya
I didn’t get may license until i was 25, and haven’t driven since 28… womp…
LOL! Glad I ain’t the only late one
I chuckled throughout this whole thing. I sympathize w/ you on the rollerskate/blade thing. Never quiiite got the hang of those boys. I don’t think we’re missing much tho.
& you’re not the only adult who can’t drive. One of my best friends is damn near 40 & can’t drive. Like you, she lives in a thriving metropolis w/ tons of public transit so she never felt the need to learn.
Yup! Big cities spoil us a lot. It’s our crutch. But I’s gon break thru now!
.-= Luvvie´s last blog ..Shoutout to the past =-.
I recently tweeted and stumbled upon your post. Really your post is very informative and I enjoyed your opinions. Do you use twitter or stumbleupon? So I can follow you there. I am hoping you post again soon.
Trust me Luvvie you are not alone! My sister is 32 and does not drive nor does she leave the house. I wish you luck in your driving classes. *jumps for joy that I dont live in Chicago* LOL
LOL @ u being happy you’re not in Chicago. I’mo be that uber careful driver. Getting tickets for driving TOO slow.
I just got that thing almost 5 years ago. It was my 35th birthday promise to myself. How pissed was I that waited all that fricking time. I used to watch people drive and be in awe of their confidence in handling/manuvering a car but not anymore! That’s me now. Just don’t ask me to parallel park. I used a driving school because the man was not the one to teach.
BTW, I love driving so much, I picked up a speeding ticket this month driving from NYC to St. Paul. Why is it such a problem doing 86 in a 65? On the other hand, the trooper was awful polite.
LMAOOOO!! 86 in 65. You a MESS.
.-= Luvvie´s last blog ..Friday Foolishness: The Cuss Out Heard ‘Round the World =-.
Trust me I understand your struggles. I didn’t learn to drive until I was 25 and I got my license just before my 26th birthday. As far as a bike, I can ride one, but I was like 11 before I started riding one though. I couldn’t even teach my daughter how to ride one, her cousin(who is younger by the way) had to teach her 🙁
I am 29 now so I haven’t had it long, but thankfully no accidents(that were my fault anyway 😉
I’m hopeless on the bikes. If I get on one, I’ll have on ALL types of padding otherwise I’ll be so scraped up. No ma’am.
So I can roller skate but I cannot ride a bike or drive and I am 24. You make me feel better about my lack of skills! LOL. Thanks. I do plan to learn how to drive. But I live in the DC area and I feel like public transportation gets the job done.
Lol well you got one up on me w/ the skating. DC folks don’t NEED cars to get around either so I see why you don’t have your license yet.
So I guess rolling on a river is out of the question for you, too, eh? lol
It’s ironic that this is your blogpost today because in the midst of Saturday’s gallivanting (sp?), I was wondering if you knew how to drive. 🙂 Good luck with driving school.
Gurl once I can drive, I’ll be REALLY gallivanting around town then. WATCH AHT NAH!
LMBO!!! I’m so glad you blogged about this. And yes, I laughed so hard I made no sound. But you know I’ll be here to support you girl. I’m glad you’re gonna take the initiative to learn. Just remember to bring your holy water and anointing oil for the instructor. “Ma’am this is for your own good…” LOL! 😀
YESSS!! I shall try to ‘noint her w/ the holy oil before our first driving lesson. Will let ya know how it goes.
“So am I the only adult running ’round these parts without a license?”
You are not. In fact, the very reasons you didn’t get your license is what I used to say. “Um, how I look with a license collecting dust in my Ralph Lauren wallet?” But, now it’s getting super frustrating having to ask folks to take me everywhere. Plus it ain’t cute and I’m finna be 26. Eff and womp my life simultaneously.
My mama’s ex has offered to teach me and he has a CDL so I feel cool with him. He’s cool people’s. So, yeah, my goal is to get mine before the summer is over. I’m a procrastinating bish, but this is a hot mess.
Can’t get with ya on the roller skates and bike though, I know how to work those. Though, your skating story DOES bring back great memories of a 1st grade me at The Rink with ONE skate on while kick-pushing on some Lupe Fiasco ish on the dayum carpet (because they wouldn’t let me skate on the rink with one skate of course). #thosewerethedays
NONDRIVERS UNITE!!! Well, hopefully I leave those ranks soon. Since I don told the world I would. Now i REALLY gotta do it.
You aren’t the only adult who can’t drive. I know, since I’m surrounded by your unlicensed, non-driving brethren every time I get on the freeway.
But honestly, I got my license at the old, old age of 17 (legal age here is 16) but one of my sisters got hers after college graduation, my other sis graduates in a couple weeks and still doesn’t drive.
HA! “nonlicensed brethren”.
Wait a min, hollll UP! You gwine drive nah? **clutches chest, sheds single tear** I’m trying really, really hard and I honestly cannot picture you behind the wheel. Of course, I ain’t get my license til I had Pigs, and I *still* can’t park on the first try, but….awwwww.
Yes indeed, Caddy! I shall be rolling down the highway (not the river). I’s gon show u!
OMG Luvvie, I’m glad you are learning to drive. I didn’t learn how to ride a bike until late in my childhood, maybe 14? I can’t roller anything….
AND I don’t know how to drive either. I have had maybe 3 learner’s permits but I never learned how to drive. My summer goal is to FINALLY get a license though. I plan on going to driving school too, my mother and father tried to teach me but it was stressful and useless.
Yeah my permit expired so I have to go take the written test again. But yayyyy! Someone else is gonna learn to drive at the same time as me. I may blog about my journey to keep yall updated.
Guuuurl, u gon be out there like Mizz Millie on Christmas Day! ‘You can stay aaaaaall daaaaay! I will driiiive myself baaaack’ Bwwahahaha! JK, I’m proud of ya! *hi5*
OMG! I cracked up when I read this!
*dead* LMAOOOO!!! Love ya Ev! only you could find such an appropriate Color Purpo moment.
If this hadn’t been typed, I would’ve been checking the handwriting to make sure it wasn’t mine! LOL Can I skate? Nope. Can I ride a bike? Not so much. I was about 9 the last time I tried and I could go in a straight line, but for the life of me couldn’t turn the corner when I got to the end of the block…
As for driving, I finally learned in my early 20s — only because I was tired of being the only person whipping out my passport at the club! So it was just glorified ID for many years since I didn’t actually have anything to drive. I only started driving regularly about 5 years ago, don’t really venture beyond the familiar, and still don’t drive on the highway. Hell if I don’t know every back route there is. *sigh*
Signed, a fellow “book worm who loved to watch TV”
#Makidada
Don’t worry luvvie…you are not alone. I can’t drive (not won’t drive or don’t drive I CAN’T drive). The last time I rode a bike was the time i crashed my two wheeler with a banana seat for the second time in one week.
But I can cab like a mo’fo
LMAOOO @ u crashing into a 2-wheeler w/ a banana seat. You just made me feel better lol
Are you sure you can walk? I am scared to be in any transportation with you, lol. If you are like me you stumble on air, run into walls, fall out of windows and literally fall up the stairs.
Peace, Love and Chocolate
Tiffany
I’ve been known to trip on a few cracks. I’m just clumsy all around.
The not driving thing works really well for a couple ladies I know. You sound ashamed. You need to own it. Repeat after me: “I don’t drive because it is beneath me. Now, where is my limo?”
You’re my kinda gal, Tara! I like the way you think! lol
LOL no you are not the only who can’t drive.. hell there are people with licenses who can’t drive either… I know a lot of NY’kr’s who don’t know how to drive and or don’t have a license… Good luck Luvvie and please video diary this as I am sure it will be hilarious!
Ah yes. New Yorkers barely own cars so I’m not surprised that a lot of them can’t drive. I’d live there just for that reason. Except no. LOL
I didnt learn how to drive till I was about 23. Not because I didnt want to but because my family never owned a car. So after my friends got tired of driving me around, they taught me and I’ve been going ever since. I still havent conquered driving in Houston and probably never will. That city frightens me something silly! I let my hubby do that 😀
All that to say “you’re not alone, I am here with you…” *In my best MJ voice*
I’m 22 and I just got my learner’s permit renewed last month 🙁 I have a good friend who’s mom is like 45 and she just got her permit too. so we feel ya pain!!
My learner’s permit expired. Last January. This is a problem.
I thought besides my online friend that I couldn’t really know how to drive. I totally regret this so much and felt really stupid. When I was 15 and was so much interested in my drawing/artwork that I had the perfect opportunity to learn to drive. One of my oldest sisters was around 23 at the time and my ma would have cars for my sister to drive them because my ma never drove them because she was just too nervous to. I should have asked my sister but no I was too scared to do so.
Then around 18, I took drivers ed which when I wanted to take it in 10th grade, the class was so full! So anyway, my permit expired and never got it renewed. My sister moved out, me and my ma moved and my oldest brother lived with us which he had a car and he helped me out.
I met my hubby at 23, he took me for drivin when he found out I couldn’t drive so he let me drive a couple of times but still didn’t get my license. I had a car my daddy gave me and drove it one time, but let my oldest sister hold it for transportation. I shouldn’t have never let her do that because now the car was wrecked!
Now here I am 29 1/2 yrs old because I will be 30 at the end of this month, still feel like um trapped in a box, hate depending on people because they ask for gas too much and still can’t really drive. I pray that I don’t be like my ma and I am capable of teachin myself to drive like my oldest sister. Her 2 boys (17 & 19) taught themselves or had friends show them too.
I am in the SW Florida area. I can’t compare myself with the ones up north where they can fully rely on taxis and stuff. yes I have used public transportation when I used to work at a different job, but now I depend on my hubby takin me to work and stuff, but never let me drive his car because he thinks it has too much power in it. I have finally gotten my certificate for completing the D.A.T.A. course online which is good news just like my 18 yr old nephew who also can’t drive, but had the opportunity to because my 18 yr old niece who already got her license and car was teaching him. Me and him plan to get our permits together. After 6 months, if I do well and finally get another car, I will move on up to a real license. I find this whole thing sooo embarrassing. I am sooo thankful I found this blog for someone who is in a situation like me. May God bless and let’s stay encouraged!
Co-sign Divakattgirl.
Plus i know some New Yorks who don’t drive never rode a bike and can’t skate. They swear by the subway. SMH.
NYC subway is O___o. It gives me the heebie jeebies at times. The mean rats scare me. And the rodents do too. LOL
I just came across your blog and this post today, and let me tell you, you have just described my traveling life: Can’t bike, can’t skate, can’t drive worth a damn BUT can walk the hell out of block or twenty and take public transportation like no other (I’m in NY so, yeah, I’m spoiled. Lol.)
I just turned 28 y.o. & I STILL don’t have my license. Matter of fact, I have to renew my learner’s permit. My family and friends keep giving me grief on getting my driver’s license, but when they don’t offer to teach me or at least help pay for my lessons, I give them the stink-eye and “the bird” and keep on procrastinating. Eventually I will achieve their dream, but only to benefit myself.
Kudos to you on getting your license and thank you again for this post. I no longer feel alone anymore.
Shame on me for not welcoming you properly to my blog (2 months later). Sorry bout that. But YAYYY!! So glad you found my blog and commented.
I’m SO glad I have a fellow professional pedestrian and veteran passenger. LOL We can do this! One day. I still haven’t taken those lessons I said I was gonna take. Oops.
[…] movies and they served as the background to my childhood. It’s probably the reason why I can’t ride bikes now. I was always in the house watching movies and whatnot. Yes. That’s exactly it. (O__o). […]
[…] animated movies and they served as the background to my childhood. It’s probably the reason why I can’t ride bikes now. I was always in the house watching movies and whatnot. Yes. That’s exactly it. (O__o). Not […]
I just turned 30 and can’t drive either. My learner permit expired twice already and I keep re-taking the written test every 4-5 years. I’ve driven before, but don’t enjoy it, I hate when people drive behind me (but that can’t be avoided). I feel like I drive too slow. but now we are buying a housee in the suburbs and I’m screwed, no public transportation and I need to learn how to drive…..HELP!!!
YAYYY!!! I have a friend in the lack of driving department. Yeah, I’ma get myself together and learn one of these here days. We can help each other through it.
Yea I definitely can’t skate, ride a bike, or drive! lol. Well I can drive a little, but I’m definitely 24 without a license. I definitely promised myself that this year, I would get one. Oh wells, tis life. I live in Philly and definitely can’t afford a car so I’d definitely say I’m not worried, but I definitely wanna get on that! lol
Welcome to the club!
Wow nice article,i felt as if I am reading my story,I am 16 and just cant drive,driving at small places is fine but when it comes to road I also say “I AM NOT READY FOR IT”.
At once i thought that do i know you,because writing so accurate about my life is really strange.
I know I’m late with this, but I just had to say, NO! You weren’t the only one lol
I didn’t start driving until I was about 24, and it was because the military sent my family to the MIDDLE OF FREAKING NO WHERE. Not a bus in sight and cabs run like buses, making multiple stops, cramming you in with strange people who have strange smells. In order to get a job, I had to start driving. And I still didn’t do that until after I’d been there 8 months and got desperate.
If it hadn’t been for this, drive I would not.
some people are born to drive…others are born to be driven.
I am years late but you are not the only one!! I was born and raised in Brooklyn , NY and driving was not necessary with the train system taking you everywhere. I did not learn to drive until I was 32!!!! No shame in your game.
OK I see this is an old post – but honey don’t worry cause I am going to be 36 and STILL can’t drive. No it doesn’t help that I work like 3 blocks from my house, which is around the corner from the bus stop and across the street from the train station. I am within walking distance of everything. I’m like if you move that building right there you can see my house.
I have also taken the I’m going to learn how to drive pledge – but mainly because I can get free daycare at my aunts house and she lives 2 towns over (translates into take trai then cab to her house or 2 buses – a 2hr trip one way) Its crazy as hell. But I thik we should be fine you and me 🙂
p.s: I can’t ride a bike, I fall over just walking towards one and I sold my skates for $150 seemed like a good investment at the time.
Soooo….did you ever take those lessons? Is there an update post somewhere?